Mormon/LDS and Divorce

[Maria1212]

I have a question for current or previous Mormons/LDS members. I have a long-time friend who is Mormon and was raised Mormon from birth. He married a convert to LDS and she divorced him.

I have heard of some Mormons remarrying and I know they have a different understanding of marriage than Catholics do. I know when practicing Mormons are married in the LDS Church they are “sealed in the temple.” But I have also heard of some Mormons getting divorced and remarried. Is this permitted in the LDS Church? Or is there a process where in some cases a married couple gets “unsealed” and then later the individual is free to marry again?

I just wondered what the process is. Hopefully my friend will reconcile with his wife. But it sounds like she is not interested in reconciling.

Please keep my friend in your prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[TikiTokiguy]

I have heard of some Mormons remarrying and I know they have a different understanding of marriage than Catholics do.
Maria1212

Different understanding? LOL. That’s putting it mildly. My two years in the church have reveled the LDS, who appear to value marriage so much, really cheapen marriage with all their divorces and jumping into marriage again, all for the sake of Smith, polygamy, and Celestial baby making. It’s sad really.

 

[tundramom]

Getting divorced isn’t a problem, and you can still maintain your temple recommend, but in order to get married to another in the temple you have to get a temple divorce. Otherwise you are still “sealed” to your ex-spouse.

That’s my understanding unless things have changed since I left.

Steph

 

[PaulDupre]

My sister married the LDS missionary who baptised me. He cheated on her constantly, all the while holding high-profile church callings. When she finally reported it to their bishop, he blamed her, telling her that if she would just be more faithful and submissive he would be a better husband. Finally, after more years of cheating, their grown son went to the stake president and demanded that something be done. Her husband was, at long last, excommunicated. My sister then civilly divorced and then temple-divorced him.

A few years later, my sister married again in the temple to another LDS man who was himself temple-divorced, though he and his ex-wife were both still in good standing with the LDS church. I frankly don’t understand that. This second eternal husband sadly passed away several months ago.

A different idea of marriage? Yes, definitely.

 

[TikiTokiguy]

My sister married the LDS missionary who baptised me. He cheated on her constantly, all the while holding high-profile church callings. When she finally reported it to their bishop, he blamed her, telling her that if she would just be more faithful and submissive he would be a better husband.

I read a pro-LDS site and see stories like this from time to time - wife is the one done wrong and goes to the Bishop - he blames her and says - Make friends with the woman your husband had an affair with. Uh, ok.

I’m not saying non-LDS people do those crazy things but at least they don’t walk around pretending to be so righteous about marriage.

 

[stormy99]

And remember if the husband remarries and there is no temple divorce he is still sealed to wife #1…so in the Celestial Kingdom he will have two wives…

It’s a little harder for the woman to get a temple divorce…just lately has it been made easier…before they were issued only if the woman was going to marry a temple rec holder soon in the temple…otherwise it was not going to happen.

You really have to look at all the angles when talking about Mormon temple marriages for Time and All Eternity and temple divorces…

According to their doctrine…I am still married to my EX MO husband and he can claim me when we die by calling my name…he was since remarried temple…so now there are two wives…I believe I can not respond…but then he has told me point blank that he will have us sealed after I die…no choice there…

On the other hand…I am Catholic now and since I was baptized a Presbyterian our wedding was considered valid by the Catholic Church…made it a little ackward since I remarried a Catholic…I went through RCIA and just today received the offical paperwork that declares my first marriage to my ex…not valid at the very beginning…this now frees my Catholic husband and I to have our marriage covalidated in the Catholic Church.

Of course my ex cooperated if he hadn’t it would of taken much longer and would of been a bitter contestment…but he isn’t overly enthusaistic about it…

He is a great person but his Mormon beliefs were too much for me…I couldn’t do it…I tried but I couldn’t and I divorced him civally…

All the process in the Catholic Church for invalidating a marriage is a purely religious matter and has nothing to do with the civil or legal marriage.

Mormon beliefs on this are much different…it certainly pays to find out first…

stormy

 

[dianaiad]

I have a question for current or previous Mormons/LDS members. I have a long-time friend who is Mormon and was raised Mormon from birth. He married a convert to LDS and she divorced him.

I have heard of some Mormons remarrying and I know they have a different understanding of marriage than Catholics do. I know when practicing Mormons are married in the LDS Church they are “sealed in the temple.” But I have also heard of some Mormons getting divorced and remarried. Is this permitted in the LDS Church? Or is there a process where in some cases a married couple gets “unsealed” and then later the individual is free to marry again?

I just wondered what the process is. Hopefully my friend will reconcile with his wife. But it sounds like she is not interested in reconciling.

Please keep my friend in your prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

Maria, I see that you have had answers from several people…all of whom are giving you information through a particularly angry, bitter and very biased viewpoint. (shrug)

Here’s the situation from a TBM ('true believing Mormon) point of view.

Mormons do get divorced…and we can remarry after divorce.

We believe in two types of marriage, actually. Both are very much 'marriage." One is the traditional ‘until death do you part.’ sort. The other is the sort we have in the Temples…it is 'for 'time and all eternity." This type is often called a ‘sealing,’ as in being ‘sealed’ for eternity as man and wife.

My husband and I were married in the Los Angeles Temple.

When a couple divorces, then, there must be two. The first is the one that disolves the purely temporal marriage…the one that is marriage by law. Couples who only obtain this sort may marry again, but only ‘for time,’ or 'untill death parts you."

Once divorced, if a Mormon wants to marry in the Temple “for eternity,” to someone else, then the ‘sealing’ to the previous spouse must also be canceled. Most of the time both things are done at roughly the same time, but if not then, certainly before someone wants to marry again.

According to this,a 1993 study in Demography magazine shows that “Mormons marrying within their church are least likely of all Americans to become divorced.” That is, 13% of these marriages end after five years of marriage, as opposed to 20% of divorces among Catholics who marry one another. However, when Mormons marry outside their faith, the divorce rate goes up to 40%, according to the same study.

The overall divorce rate for Mormons, then, is about 24%.
Among American Catholics, the divorce rate is about 21%.

Fundamentalist Christians come it at 34%.

Divorce is very seldom the best solution. I can’t say that it never is, though, not after what my sister went through.

 

[ParkerD]

I have a question for current or previous Mormons/LDS members. I have a long-time friend who is Mormon and was raised Mormon from birth. He married a convert to LDS and she divorced him.

I have heard of some Mormons remarrying and I know they have a different understanding of marriage than Catholics do. I know when practicing Mormons are married in the LDS Church they are “sealed in the temple.” But I have also heard of some Mormons getting divorced and remarried. Is this permitted in the LDS Church? Or is there a process where in some cases a married couple gets “unsealed” and then later the individual is free to marry again?

I just wondered what the process is. Hopefully my friend will reconcile with his wife. But it sounds like she is not interested in reconciling.

Please keep my friend in your prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

Maria1212,
I hope I can answer your question in a way that it won’t be “over your head”, so to speak, since sometimes LDS youth don’t really understand what it means to be “sealed” in the temple. Those are intended to be lifetime covenants; the intent is that the two people stay worthy during their lives, become sanctified by the Spirit and become “one” in unity in their marriage so that at a point many years down the road from the day of their marriage, the “Holy Spirit of Promise” (the Holy Ghost acting in a special role) confirms in heaven that the marriage really is “sealed in heaven.”

Until that “sealing in heaven” happens, the couple will not be “married in heaven”. Their children will have a “sealing” bond to their ancestors who were righteous in their own marriages, but the couple themselves would simply not be married in heaven.

LDS couples are encouraged to try and work out differences and not divorce, but if one chooses not to work things out and wants a divorce, then they can marry again after a period of time after their divorce, and if both become worthy of temple marriages later then conceivably two people who were incompatible in their marriage but who both become temple worthy as a divorced person, can go through an approval process to be married to a different person in the temple (or if they remarry each other, which does sometimes happen, then their original sealing in the temple still “counts” if they remained members of the LDS church)–and they would then go back into that life-long commitment adventure to gain the promise that their marriage on this earth is “confirmed” by the Holy Spirit of Promise as an eternal marriage in heaven.

Thanks for trying to understand your friend’s situation. That shows a kind and thoughtful heart.

 

[PaulDupre]

According to their doctrine…I am still married to my EX MO husband and he can claim me when we die by calling my name…he was since remarried temple…so now there are two wives…I believe I can not respond…but then he has told me point blank that he will have us sealed after I die…no choice there…

stormy

Interesting that there is no mention of any of this “husband calling his wife forth from the grave” in the biblical descriptions of the resurrection. You’d think that if “celestial marriage” is the new and everlasting covenant as Joseph Smith taught in D&C 132, it would be mentioned somewhere in the bible. But it is not. Do the Mormons ever wonder why that is? When I was LDS I wondered about it.

51Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— 52in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 53For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. 54When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”[g]
55"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?"[h]
-1 Cor 15:51-55

I don’t see the part where the man resurrects his wives. Maybe I missed it.

 

[TikiTokiguy]

According to their doctrine…I am still married to my EX MO husband and he can claim me when we die by calling my name…he was since remarried temple…so now there are two wives…I believe I can not respond…but then he has told me point blank that he will have us sealed after I die…no choice there…

stormy

That’s is bad and not right. I believe in separation of church and state but I think what they are doing crosses a line and the Federal government should step in and make them unseal you if you desire.

 

[dianaiad]

And remember if the husband remarries and there is no temple divorce he is still sealed to wife #1…so in the Celestial Kingdom he will have two wives…

It’s a little harder for the woman to get a temple divorce…just lately has it been made easier…before they were issued only if the woman was going to marry a temple rec holder soon in the temple…otherwise it was not going to happen.

You really have to look at all the angles when talking about Mormon temple marriages for Time and All Eternity and temple divorces…

According to their doctrine…I am still married to my EX MO husband and he can claim me when we die by calling my name…he was since remarried temple…so now there are two wives…I believe I can not respond…but then he has told me point blank that he will have us sealed after I die…no choice there…

Wait. HE is an ex Mormon? I don’t get it. Unless of course “EX MO” means something else.

As far as what he intends to do or not do ‘after you die,’ that is absolutely useless. The whole thing is entirely up to you. He cannot force anything on you that you don’t want. YOu can get a sealing cancelation if you want one.

On the other hand…I am Catholic now and since I was baptized a Presbyterian our wedding was considered valid by the Catholic Church…made it a little ackward since I remarried a Catholic…I went through RCIA and just today received the offical paperwork that declares my first marriage to my ex…not valid at the very beginning…this now frees my Catholic husband and I to have our marriage covalidated in the Catholic Church.

Of course my ex cooperated if he hadn’t it would of taken much longer and would of been a bitter contestment…but he isn’t overly enthusaistic about it…

No kidding?

Well, I can understand that. Catholics don’t have divorce, per se…they simply declare that your first marriage was never a marriage in the first place. Which, frankly, seems a little…disengenuous in the first place.

He is a great person but his Mormon beliefs were too much for me…I couldn’t do it…I tried but I couldn’t and I divorced him civally…

All the process in the Catholic Church for invalidating a marriage is a purely religious matter and has nothing to do with the civil or legal marriage.

Mormon beliefs on this are much different…it certainly pays to find out first…

stormy

A sealing cancelation is strictly religious and has nothing to do with the civil marriage, either, stormy.

If your understanding of LDS beliefs in general matches your understanding of Temple marriage/sealing, then I’m not surprised that they were 'too much."

You should be very aware that your ex-husband has absolutely no say over your Temple marriage to him. There is no way, for instance, that he is going to be able to have you ‘sealed’ to him after you die…and even if someday down the road somebody goofed and this was done, it would mean absolutely nothing, since you don’t want anything to do with it.

Ah, well.

 

[dianaiad]

That’s is bad and not right. I believe in separation of church and state but I think what they are doing crosses a line and the Federal government should step in and make them unseal you if you desire.

I agree, this IS bad. It’s also not right…

And it’s also not accurate. I’ll be willing to predict, however, that you will much prefer to believe that it’s true, because you want to. Never mind something called…you know, FACT.

 

[RebeccaJ]

I have a question for current or previous Mormons/LDS members. I have a long-time friend who is Mormon and was raised Mormon from birth. He married a convert to LDS and she divorced him.

I have heard of some Mormons remarrying and I know they have a different understanding of marriage than Catholics do. I know when practicing Mormons are married in the LDS Church they are “sealed in the temple.” But I have also heard of some Mormons getting divorced and remarried. Is this permitted in the LDS Church? Or is there a process where in some cases a married couple gets “unsealed” and then later the individual is free to marry again?

I just wondered what the process is. Hopefully my friend will reconcile with his wife. But it sounds like she is not interested in reconciling.

Please keep my friend in your prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

It is much easier to divorce as a Mormon, than a Catholic. But, as ParkerD pointed out, couples are encouraged to work their differences out.

The divorce itself won’t cause any problems with him getting remarried or sealed. He might have to jump through some hoops, but I’ve never heard of a Mormon being denied remarriage/sealing based on having a divorce.

My prayers are there for your friend.

 

[ParkerD]

That’s is bad and not right. I believe in separation of church and state but I think what they are doing crosses a line and the Federal government should step in and make them unseal you if you desire.

TikiTokiguy,
Your post shows you don’t understand (nor does the ex-husband of Stormy) that a couple is not “sealed” if the Holy Spirit of Promise didn’t confirm in heaven that their marriage was “sealed in heaven”–so it is all a moot point about “unsealing” a couple of the kind of case you two have written about. There was never a “sealing” to be “unsealed,” in the eternal scheme of things. It was always contingent on being faithful to covenants, being righteous, gaining unity in the marriage, being supportive of one another. Just because people don’t understand the doctrine and go off on silly tangents, doesn’t mean the doctrine isn’t there: the Holy Spirit if Promise validates the sealing of a marriage in the temple, many years later than the sealing itself–half a lifetime later, or more–but only if the couple has been faithful to their marriage covenant and their other LDS covenant-making and covenant-keeping.

 

[TikiTokiguy]

I agree, this IS bad. It’s also not right…

And it’s also not accurate. I’ll be willing to predict, however, that you will much prefer to believe that it’s true, because you want to. Never mind something called…you know, FACT.

I would like to know the FACT because I would like to think this is not true. Inform me please.

 

[RebeccaJ]

TikiTokiguy,
Your post shows you don’t understand (nor does the ex-husband of Stormy) that a couple is not “sealed” if the Holy Spirit of Promise didn’t confirm in heaven that their marriage was “sealed in heaven”–so it is all a moot point about “unsealing” a couple of the kind of case you two have written about. There was never a “sealing” to be “unsealed,” in the eternal scheme of things. It was always contingent on being faithful to covenants, being righteous, gaining unity in the marriage, being supportive of one another.

I don’t see how this is different than an annulment in the Catholic church.

 

[TikiTokiguy]

TikiTokiguy,
Your post shows you don’t understand (nor does the ex-husband of Stormy) that a couple is not “sealed” if the Holy Spirit of Promise didn’t confirm in heaven that their marriage was “sealed in heaven”–so it is all a moot point about “unsealing” a couple of the kind of case you two have written about. There was never a “sealing” to be “unsealed,” in the eternal scheme of things. It was always contingent on being faithful to covenants, being righteous, gaining unity in the marriage, being supportive of one another. Just because people don’t understand the doctrine and go off on silly tangents, doesn’t mean the doctrine isn’t there: the Holy Spirit if Promise validates the sealing of a marriage in the temple, many years later than the sealing itself–half a lifetime later, or more–but only if the couple has been faithful to their marriage covenant and their other LDS covenant-making and covenant-keeping.

If I recall the conversation I had with one of my close LDS female friends, she said she was still sealed to one of her many ex-husbands and was trying to soften him up to try to get him to unseal her so she could be sealed to her next LDS husband. If I recall correctly, I think she even asked me to try to talk to him on the phone and soften him up some. Never did. But from what I understand, her ex-husband does not have to say “yes” to unsealing with her.

 

[ParkerD]

If I recall the conversation I had with one of my close LDS female friends, she said she was still sealed to one of her many ex-husbands and was trying to soften him up to try to get him to unseal her so she could be sealed to her next LDS husband. If I recall correctly, I think she even asked me to try to talk to him on the phone and soften him up some. Never did. But from what I understand, her ex-husband does not have to say “yes” to unsealing with her.

TikiTokiguy,
Your last sentence here is correct. What she would have to go through is having a “sealing cancellation” like Dianaiad noted, and that is an application and documentation process that goes from the Stake President to the Office of the First Presidency for the cancellation to take place and for a new sealing to be sanctioned. (The President of the LDS church holds those “keys”, which is why it is done in that way.)

The ex-husband would not be involved in the decision; in point of fact, they are already “unsealed” as far as the eternal ramifications, like I had already noted, since they were not faithful to having been supportive of each other within their marriage and thus their marriage was never “sealed” by the Holy Spirit of Promise. Their temple sealing in such a case was only a valid civil marriage–not a valid eternal marriage, by their own choices to invalidate its eternal aspect through not being supportive of each other and faithful to their covenants (eternal promises by them to God).

Your LDS friend could talk to her stake president about this, and hopefully set her mind at ease although she would come to realize that there is an application process involved on her part, and some patience required as that all takes place.

 

[zerinus]

I have a question for current or previous Mormons/LDS members. I have a long-time friend who is Mormon and was raised Mormon from birth. He married a convert to LDS and she divorced him.

I have heard of some Mormons remarrying and I know they have a different understanding of marriage than Catholics do. I know when practicing Mormons are married in the LDS Church they are “sealed in the temple.” But I have also heard of some Mormons getting divorced and remarried. Is this permitted in the LDS Church? Or is there a process where in some cases a married couple gets “unsealed” and then later the individual is free to marry again?

I just wondered what the process is. Hopefully my friend will reconcile with his wife. But it sounds like she is not interested in reconciling.

Please keep my friend in your prayers.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

The short answer is that Mormons can be married either by a civil marriage, which ends in death; or married in a Mormons temple for eternity, which doesn’t end in death. If they are married by a civil marriage, then they can also get a civil divorce, like everybody else can, without the involvement of the Church. If they are sealed in a Mormon temple for eternity, then the procedure is a bit more complicated than that. The only way to undo a sealed marriage is to file a special request to the First Presidency of the Church, and it will be decided at their discretion. In practice, however, things can get a bit more complicated still because a Mormon temple marriage necessarily also has a civil aspect associated with it; but I would be making it unnecessarily complicated to go into that detail.

 

[stormy99]

I cannot get the sealing canceled unless he agrees…point blank…while I’m alive it’s a moot point, I am Catholic…when I die it will also for me be a non factor, I am Catholic, I live by the teachings of the RC so I know where I will then…

It’s absolutely insane that they can baptize you after you are dead and you can’t say no…and seal you to people when you can’t say no…but that’s the work done in the Temple when it’s not used for marrying people. Talking about that along with sealing…it makes no sense to me but perhaps someone can explain it.

But it seems if he can get our marriage sealing canceled then so should I be able to with no problems…but that isn’t the case.

In no way do run down the Mormon religion…if it works for them fine…it just doesn’t work when you don’t get the information you need before you convert…

My RCIA gave me ALL the info on the Catholic Church, the good, the bad, and the ugly…and any question was answered immediately…the way it should be so you truly know if this is the way you want to be with God…

Even my own Mormon husband didn’t tell me what he should of…

This is one reason other religions look at Mormons with a quizzical eye.

stormy