Mortal or venial sin?

[Veronica97]

I recently signed up to donate $20.00 a month to a charity that feeds the poor. I knew my husband would not be pleased, yet I did it anyway. In the same vein, I offered my sister $35.00 to help feed her cats (one time donation–not monthly) while she tries to find a second job. She was going to have to find new homes for them, but I know that is nearly impossible to do–nobody ever wants to take a cat and the shelters/rescues are all full. Well, I started feeling guilty and I told my husband what I had done. Yes, he was unhappy. He is the sole wage earner, and while we are comfortable (and currently have surplus after meeting our monthly obligations), he is at a different place in his spiritual walk and feels we should limit our giving to where it is now and not increase. I want to give more b/c I feel if we are able to help others easily and do not, we will be held accountable. At the same time, I now realize I need to be obedient to my husband’s wishes as head of the household (and in our case sole wage earner). So we had a good discussion (and a good cry) and I have agreed not to do this again and we also agreed on an acceptable (to him) amount of giving. I am wondering if this is mortal sin or venial sin? I want to bring it to my regular Confession, but I am wondering if it can wait another week and a half or should I go tomorrow? I know I did not “lie” outright, but I did lie by sin of omission. And I disrespected my husband’s wishes.

 

[Ad_Infinitum]

As long as what you did was morally justifiable, then you are not culpable.

 

[robwar]

I recently signed up to donate $20.00 a month to a charity that feeds the poor. I knew my husband would not be pleased, yet I did it anyway. In the same vein, I offered my sister $35.00 to help feed her cats (one time donation–not monthly) while she tries to find a second job. She was going to have to find new homes for them, but I know that is nearly impossible to do–nobody ever wants to take a cat and the shelters/rescues are all full. Well, I started feeling guilty and I told my husband what I had done. Yes, he was unhappy. He is the sole wage earner, and while we are comfortable (and currently have surplus after meeting our monthly obligations), he is at a different place in his spiritual walk and feels we should limit our giving to where it is now and not increase. I want to give more b/c I feel if we are able to help others easily and do not, we will be held accountable. At the same time, I now realize I need to be obedient to my husband’s wishes as head of the household (and in our case sole wage earner). So we had a good discussion (and a good cry) and I have agreed not to do this again and we also agreed on an acceptable (to him) amount of giving. I am wondering if this is mortal sin or venial sin? I want to bring it to my regular Confession, but I am wondering if it can wait another week and a half or should I go tomorrow? I know I did not “lie” outright, but I did lie by sin of omission. And I disrespected my husband’s wishes.

I am not sure could classify these things as sin but poor judgement on your part if you are going behind his back or against the wishes of your husband and his concerns. It is not a matter of lying of being disrespectful but you both need to work together on what you can and will give. Going behind his back to give to causes you think are noble damages his trust in you. Your sisters cats are not as important as working with your husband.

 

[Edmundus1581]

As the previous poster said, these are possibly just errors of judgement rather than intentional sins.

I’ll also mention other principles, regarding mortal and venial sins, to apply here.

There are some sins which are always (objectively) mortal by their nature, and there are others where the gravity depends on the degree of harm done, and, potentially, who it is done to. Disrespect, theft and lying all fall into the the second category (sorry to use such blunt terms - I am only listing the “kind” of potential sin here). It seems to me that your actions fall at the lower end of the degree of harm in each of these areas. As you have rightly sensed, to disrespect one’s spouse is, in general, more serious than disrespecting someone else, however it doesn’t make a venial sin mortal. So, definitely not mortal sins, and you can wait for your regular confession.

Not forgetting, also, that a sin which is objectively mortal requires full knowledge and consent to have mortal guilt.

 

[Edmundus1581]

As the previous poster said, these are possibly just errors of judgement, rather than intentional sins.

I’ll also mention the general principles, wrt “mortal” and “venial” sins, to apply here.

There are some sins which are always mortal by their nature, and there are others where the gravity depends on the degree of harm done, and, potentially, who it is done to. Disprespect, dishonesty, theft and lying all fall into the the second category (sorry to use such blunt terms - I am only listing the “kind” of potential sin here). It seems to me that your actions fall at the lower end of the degree of harm in each of these areas. As you have rightly sensed, to disrespect one’s spouse is, in general, more serious than disrespecting someone else, however it doesn’t make a venial sin mortal. So, definitely not mortal sins, and you can wait for your regular confession.

 

[robwar]

I think I also sense in your post that you feel you both were not on the same spiritual level.
I’ll pray that you can work together better. You seem sensitive to others needs which is good. Maybe your husband’s caution can be more a a guide for you so you don’t over do it.

 

[Edmundus1581]

I think I also sense in your post that you feel you both were not on the same spiritual level.
I’ll pray that you can work together better. You seem sensitive to others needs which is good. Maybe your husband’s caution can be more a a guide for you so you don’t over do it.

Good point. I also recall, possibly, that the OP, Veronica97, joined the Church quite recently. No? If so, then you might have come from a Protestant background where you’ve heard statements like “little white lies are as bad as murder”. This doesn’t apply in the Catholic theology. Little white lies are not as bad as murder, nor are they as bad a big black lies.

 

[Veronica97]

*Good point. I also recall, possibly, that the OP, Veronica97, joined the Church quite recently. No? If so, then you might have come from a Protestant background where you’ve heard statements like “little white lies are as bad as murder”. This doesn’t apply in the Catholic theology. Little white lies are not as bad as murder, nor are they as bad a big black lies.
*

You are correct in a way, yes. Although I was baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church 15 years ago, I had a conversion of sorts about a year ago. I did come from a Protestant background, and I carried it with me for a long time, often ignoring Catholic teachings and doing things “my way”. I hadn’t been to confession in 7 or 8 years and was “blinded” by sin. After going to Confession, it was like a “light” turned on and I started devouring all I could about the Catholic faith, praying the Rosary, and reading Scripture. So I have done a 180 turn this past year-- going from a lax, “No worries, I’m ‘saved’” conscience to a scrupulous conscience. I take sin very seriously now, to the point where I can’t always see the difference between mortal and venial sin. I am trying to trust more in the Lord and to use my rational mind but it’s hard sometimes. My husband is a cradle Catholic and sometimes sees my “gung ho” nature as being “fanatical”. We both have growing to do–just in different ways. But then I guess that’s all of us, isn’t it?

 

[Edmundus1581]

You are correct in a way, yes. Although I was baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church 15 years ago, I had a conversion of sorts about a year ago. I did come from a Protestant background, and I carried it with me for a long time, often ignoring Catholic teachings and doing things “my way”. I hadn’t been to confession in 7 or 8 years and was “blinded” by sin. After going to Confession, it was like a “light” turned on and I started devouring all I could about the Catholic faith, praying the Rosary, and reading Scripture. So I have done a 180 turn this past year-- going from a lax, “No worries, I’m ‘saved’” conscience to a scrupulous conscience. I take sin very seriously now, to the point where I can’t always see the difference between mortal and venial sin. I am trying to trust more in the Lord and to use my rational mind but it’s hard sometimes. My husband is a cradle Catholic and sometimes sees my “gung ho” nature as being “fanatical”. We both have growing to do–just in different ways. But then I guess that’s all of us, isn’t it?

That’s a wonderful story, Veronica! I’m so glad you found your way home, and have thrown yourself back into the Catholic faith. I know what you mean about a lax “No worries, I’m saved” conscience. Just keep following your confessor’s advice, and asking questions here as you have been doing, and you will make rapid progress. The advice about confession here in CAF is usually very good.