Mortal Sin and Annulment

[MrBones57594]

I have been married to my husband, who is a non-catholic, for 34 years. This is the third marriage for each of us. We are going through the annulment process. Mine have been annulled and my husband’s second marriage has been annulled, we are working on his first marriage.
2 problems:

1. In my previous parish, our parish priest gave my a dispensation concerning my not be able to receive Holy Communion, which is very stressful for me. I was very excited by this dispensation knowing I could receive the Lord. Now, I’m in a new parish and dioceses. When I spoke to my current parish priest concerning the completion of my husband’s anullment he told me through the eyes of the Church, I was living in adultery because the Church sees my husband still married to his first wife. I know adultery is a serious matter. I cannot accept my parish priest’s statement that whenever I have relations with my husband I am committing a mortal sin. (Definition of a mortal sin: 1. An act of grave matter that is…
2. Committed with full knowledge and…
3. Deliberate consent .)
   I do not feel I am living in mortal sin because of the love between my husband and I.
   Help Please. In my heart I am very married to my husband. Our previous parish priest has blessed our marriage.(Not the same priest as I received the dispensation from.)

Problem 2: In filling out the current questionnaire, my husband found out that he had not been baptized as he previous had thought. His mother has no record of it.
Now what?

 

[angel12]

Problem 1 – your priest is telling you the view of the Church. Perhaps you could ask him to contact the priest at your previous parish to find out his thinking when he gave you that dispensation. That sounds quite unusual, but I’m not a canon lawyer.

Problem 2 – you need to take this to the person handling the annulment. They’re the ones who have the information, and can know or find out whether/how this affects the annulment.

 

[Gorgias]

In my previous parish, our parish priest gave my a dispensation concerning my not be able to receive Holy Communion, which is very stressful for me. I was very excited by this dispensation knowing I could receive the Lord.

Did that dispensation also carry with it the requirement that you two “live as brother and sister”? (It should have.)

[My new parish priest] told me through the eyes of the Church, I was living in adultery because the Church sees my husband still married to his first wife.

Well, objectively speaking, that’s true. However, if you’re not having marital relations with him, then you’re not actively committing the sin of adultery. (That would be the rationale behind your previous priest’s dispensation for you, one hopes.)

• I cannot accept my parish priest’s statement that whenever I have relations with my husband I am committing a mortal sin. (Definition of a mortal sin: 1. An act of grave matter that is…
• Committed with full knowledge and…
• Deliberate consent .)
  I do not feel I am living in mortal sin because of the love between my husband and I.

Do you know that having sexual relations with someone who is validly married to another is what the definition of ‘adultery’ is? (That would be the ‘full knowledge’ part.)

Do you freely and willingly have sexual relations with him anyway? (That would be the ‘deliberate consent’ part.)

Whether you love someone isn’t the determining factor in whether you’re committing a sin.

Our previous parish priest has blessed our marriage.

Did he know about your previous marriages?

In my heart I am very married to my husband.

That’s what makes situations like yours so very, very difficult to bear. No one is saying that you’re not a good person, or that you don’t have good intent. What’s being said is only that the way you went about things makes your current marriage invalid in the eyes of the Church. But, you’re working on correcting that, and it’s awesome that you are! However, while you’re working through it, the Church asks that you do not commit the sin of adultery.

That’s a pretty tall order to ask for. But, it’s what’s right, isn’t it?

Problem 2: In filling out the current questionnaire, my husband found out that he had not been baptized as he previous had thought. His mother has no record of it.

Does his mother remember the baptism and simply not have any record of it? Or are you telling us that your husband and your mom now think he’s not baptized whatsoever?

 

[thistle]

I do not feel I am living in mortal sin because of the love between my husband and I.
Help Please. In my heart I am very married to my husband. Our previous parish priest has blessed our marriage.(Not the same priest as I received the dispensation from.)

If you are having sexual relations then you are living in sin until annulments take place. It is indeed adultery.
I am in a similar situation but not as many “marriages”. My wife’s first husband is dead. I am divorced and have no grounds for annulment and I am not prepared to make up something.
My wife and I live a life of continence. We had to choose between God and living in sin. We chose God.

 

[TheLittleLady]

The “dispensation” you speak of is called the “internal forum”. It allows a couple who in an irregular marriage to receive the Sacraments as long as they live as brother and sister.

I do not feel I am living in mortal sin because of the love between my husband and I.
Help Please. In my heart I am very married to my husband.

Our feelings and our hearts can mislead us. This is why Christ gave us the Church.

I would imagine that at the time of the four other marriages the heart felt married, only later to have those feelings change.

Has your Tribunal provided you with an Advocate who can help you through the process?

 

[mrsdizzyd]

Just based on the limited information you have provided here, it appears your previous priest did you a great disservice by dispensing you (unless he made it clear you had to live as brother and sister and you agreed to that). I’m so very sorry. I know this must be difficult for you.

Regarding your husband’s baptism… You’ll have to relay that information to the tribunal. Do you have someone representing you who you can ask?

 

[MrBones57594]

Our parish priest is.
Thanks for the information.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

The “dispensation” you speak of is called the “internal forum”. It allows a couple who in an irregular marriage to receive the Sacraments as long as they live as brother and sister.

I thought the “internal forum” referred to couples who, in what they perceive as good conscience, conclude that their marriage or marriages were null and void, but cannot or do not receive a formal Church annulment.

The “internal forum” is not accepted by the Church as a legitimate way to solve problems of divorce and subsequent remarriage.

 

[Asinner]

I’m genuinely confused by the OP, and a little clarification might help others help you. You correctly identified the three conditions for a mortal sin. Which of those three do you suppose “because I love him” alleviates?

 

[Tis_Bearself]

As others have said, you are indeed committing a sin when you break the Church marriage laws to have sex with a guy to whom you are not validly married in the eyes of the Church.

It does not matter how much you love this guy or what the situation is. You’re still committing sin.

You’re supposed to be foregoing sex until you get all these annulments straightened out and are properly married in the Church to each other.

 

[MrBones57594]

Thanks to everyone for your responses. It is really an eye-opener. I am very grateful for your support. I was excited about being able to receive the Eucharist, I didn’t think the whole thing through.
You have given me a lot to think about and pray about.
May God bless you each one of you.
Jeanie

 

[Dovekin]

If your husband was never baptized, that greatly simplifies the annulment process.

How your pastor handles the baptism of your husband is another issue. A well catechized unbaptized person should not have to go through very much, but some catechesis might be needed.

Hopefully this will be handled quickly, and God will bless the union you cherish with your husband.