Mortal Sin Question-please help!

[Konohage]

Hello,

I am new here. My name is Kate, I am 19 years old, and I have a question that has plagued me for months now, and I can’t seem to find a straight answer.

I have suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and general anxiety problems for about 5 years now, and in the past 2 years the anxiety has increased to the point of making every day a challenge.

My OCD manifests through scrupulosity and skin-picking. Now, here is why I am distressed:

I have had a bad habit of picking at my skin for the past 5 years, since I was 15 years old to 19 (I’ll be 20 in March). It used to be nothing more than something that bothered me, and that irritated my parents, kind of like biting your fingernails.

However, in the past few years, it has escalated to something serious. Every day I’m tempted to pick at my arms, legs, face, and whatever else I can get at. When I do pick, I pick till I bleed and scar, and you can see scars on my cheeks and on my arms. I usually pick for around 30 minutes to an hour, if not more. I lose track of time.

Basically, this is a sin because my parents have asked me over and over again to stop doing it, but I don’t stop. It’s not that I can’t stop, I just don’t. When I’m picking, it sometimes feels like I can’t stop, but I know that I can. I just give in because it relieves stress. And then afterward, I of course feel horrible, because I disobeyed my parents, knowingly and deliberately. And I could have stopped, but I just didn’t, I chose not to.

I’ve been seeing a counselor about my skin picking for about almost a year now, and she believes that I have what is called Dermatillomania, a form of obsessive compulsive disorder. I have a lot of struggles and issues with anxiety in general, and she believes that the skin picking is a compulsion, rather than a sin. She wants me on medication. I don’t like calling it OCD, because I feel like that is an excuse. I can stop, and I have stopped before, even when it was very difficult. But I usually end up just giving in, until I’m satisfied.

My question: would this be considered a mortal sin? If so, I feel like I am doomed. Even tonight, after picking, I felt so ashamed and so horrified, like God was going to cast me into hell. This problem has created a huge weight on my shoulders, and it feels like nothing, not even confessing this sin (which I have confessed it) will deliver me from this distress. I pick almost every day. The more stressed I am, the more I pick, and the more I pick, the more stressed I get.

 

[JRKH]

Peace be to you. Again I say Peace to you my sister in Christ. You are not in mortal sin.

You suffer from a mental, emotional and spiritual disorder. You recognize your problems and are seeking treatment. Do not let the evil one delude you into thinking that God does not see and understand your struggles.

The best thing you can do to set your mind at ease is to develop a good relationship with a priest/confessor. He can perhaps help you work through some of your issues. It is obvious that you have many deep seated issues to deal with and the best way to do this is by prayer and the council of a good priest and/or spiritual advisor.

Peace be to you

James

 

[CircleS7en]

Hey just wanted to say I know what you are going through. I feel the same way sometimes. I have severe clinical depression and general anxiety disorder, and Ive been a cutter for around 5 years now.

I know what you mean about being able to control it but then just giving in anyways. It’s strange for me. I know I’ll feel bad after I do it but I do it anyways. It’s almost like i can control it but i choose to give in, however, It feels like i don’t really have a choice! That doesn’t make much sense, but perhaps you understand.

I have prayed and prayed for help, and honestly my relationship with God fluctuates greatly because of it im not going to lie. But i believe He will forgive me for what I do. God loves me, and He knows I’m in pain. I just don’t understand why He lets me go on with it for so long. I mean honestly, any lesson I’m going to learn from being a cutter I learned like 4 and a half years ago haha. But, at the same time, I can’t give up hope.

I struggle with it a lot though, even my internet username is CircleS7en, referencing the 7th circle from Dante’s Hell. And I really don’t wanna go there.

I don’t think its a mortal sin though. For it to be a mortal sin the fact that it is a sin has to be known and one must do it despite that fact. And I know its a sin when I am in my standard state of mind, but when that happens, It’s not really me anymore, you know? I don’t really have control. I dunno its hard to explain, But I just trust that God will forgive.

Sorry this was a really disorganized post. I’m pretty tired. Insomnia, a gift from my anxiety disorder haha.

I will pray for you and I hope you can work through it!

 

[JRKH]

CircleS7en and Konohage,

Peace to you Both.

I think that most of us can relate for we all develop bad/sinful habits of one from or another. Habits that we just don’t seem to be able to break. We know we need to break it but then we do it again anyway. It is indeed horrible.

One thing that we all need to recognize is that the vast majority of us must overcome these things in stages. Very few will have a sort of “epiphany” where we suddenly cease our sinful behavior. Such would be wonderful, but often God wishes us to build up our spiritual strength gradually.
In this way these truggles that we go through are not unlike dieting and excersize. Gains are not achieved over night or all at once. The wieght of our sins grow until, like Konohage says, it’s like a great weight. We can’t shed all of this weight at once. What we can do is to commit to change and also recognize that there will be failures.
Like the dieter there must be changes in our lives. New habits are needed to replace the old. In the case of picking at you skin, maybe carry a cross or a finger rosary with you that you can hold, twist, pray on or otherwise divert your attention and action away from the damaging behavior. The temptation will remain, but you’ll have a “healthier option”
Also like the dieter improvement will be incremental. Like dieter who only sees small changes in weight from week to week - all the while still craving fattening foods and struggling to complete daily excersizes, so to do we have to deal with the “cravings” for our sins while only seeing small improvements in our bodies and spirits.

Yet the struggle is worth it. In spite of the failures and the stresses and the temptations and all the other tricks teh enemy will use to weaken us, the struggle IS worth it.

Peace
James

 

[Hlafdige]

Kate,
My heart goes out to you. I had the same problem, though not as intensely as you, from childhood on and for many years. I have (still have) a compulsion too, a verbal tic, and this was not the same thing. When the need to pick rather suddenly ceased by itself, I understood that it had been fed by a toxic situation which had now ceased to be a threat.

„Something deep inside you is absolutely unacceptable, utterly to be rejected by yourself and others, not part of the common human mass of misery but something that excludes you from the human race rather than includes you in it – dig deeper, you need to get at it, God can‘t help you till you do…“ Are you being fed this lie? If so, by whom? Peers, parents, your own feelings of estrangement and inferiority, or the demons of Hell? Neither your parents nor your counselor seem to have entertained the possibility that the violence you do to yourself may be only a symptom of, an attempt to put out in the open, some violence you are suffering. Even if the behavior has a scientific name and might respond to medication, you need not just something that will stop it, but help as a whole person. Insist on seeing a therapist who understands that. And whatever you do, flee to, not from, God when you feel this need or after you have given in to it.

This is not a sin, these are war wounds. Fight back with any psychological and spiritual means you are given. „Know the enemy and know yourself, and in a hundred battles you will never be in peril.„ (Sun Tzu)

 

[Brooklyn]

I would say this is definitely a situation where you are not totally responsible for your behavior, and so this is not mortal sin. You recognize that you are doing wrong, yes, but you are not in control of your behavior. As long as you are trying to get help for this and overcome it, you are not in mortal sin. You may want to consult with a priest to truly put your mind at ease. God bless you and give you the strength you need in combating this problem.

 

[PattiDay]

If your physician has recommended medication, what is stopping you from taking it? Sometimes patients don’t want to give up their compulsive behavior, even though it is causing physical and emotional damage because the behavior is familiar and predicatable as are the consequences.

 

[baltobetsy]

Kate, a diagnosis of OCD is NOT an excuse! Your compulsion to pick is not a sin but a symptom of a disease. And at your age, “disobeying your parents” about this is not an issue, either. Many, many people believe that diseases with psychological symptoms should not be treated as physical diseases are, but that the sufferer should just gut it out, pull herself together and get better on her own. As if God did not give us physicians smart enough to diagnose disease and develop medications that treat it. God DID give us doctors and medication, out of mercy, so that we would USE them.

If your practitioner has suggested medication, please, please give serious consideration to trying it. And realize, too, that it sometimes takes more than one try to find the exact right treatment, so an early failure should not deter you from continuing.

Once you have your OCD under control, you will be able to grow into the person of faith that God intends you to be. You will be free to repent of real sins and acquire real virtues, and draw close to God out of love and not fear.

I speak from experience here. I have seen a person close to me suffer greatly with OCD, and I’ve seen that person simply blossom into goodness after the symptoms were controlled with medication. This person is now much closer to God, much more useful to God, and much happier now.

Please allow yourself to be helped.

Betsy

 

[slywakka250]

I highly recommend being open to the idea of medication, if that is what doctors recommend.

I too, have had serious OCD in the form of obsessive thoughts, and was shocked how well medication worked to smooth over those thoughts.

 

[Konohage]

Peace be to you. Again I say Peace to you my sister in Christ. You are not in mortal sin.

You suffer from a mental, emotional and spiritual disorder. You recognize your problems and are seeking treatment. Do not let the evil one delude you into thinking that God does not see and understand your struggles.

The best thing you can do to set your mind at ease is to develop a good relationship with a priest/confessor. He can perhaps help you work through some of your issues. It is obvious that you have many deep seated issues to deal with and the best way to do this is by prayer and the council of a good priest and/or spiritual advisor.

Peace be to you

James

Thank you so much for this! This really, really put my mind at ease. Praise God! Thank you for this, and God bless you!

 

[Konohage]

Hey just wanted to say I know what you are going through. I feel the same way sometimes. I have severe clinical depression and general anxiety disorder, and Ive been a cutter for around 5 years now.

I know what you mean about being able to control it but then just giving in anyways. It’s strange for me. I know I’ll feel bad after I do it but I do it anyways. It’s almost like i can control it but i choose to give in, however, It feels like i don’t really have a choice! That doesn’t make much sense, but perhaps you understand.

I have prayed and prayed for help, and honestly my relationship with God fluctuates greatly because of it im not going to lie. But i believe He will forgive me for what I do. God loves me, and He knows I’m in pain. I just don’t understand why He lets me go on with it for so long. I mean honestly, any lesson I’m going to learn from being a cutter I learned like 4 and a half years ago haha. But, at the same time, I can’t give up hope.

I struggle with it a lot though, even my internet username is CircleS7en, referencing the 7th circle from Dante’s Hell. And I really don’t wanna go there.

I don’t think its a mortal sin though. For it to be a mortal sin the fact that it is a sin has to be known and one must do it despite that fact. And I know its a sin when I am in my standard state of mind, but when that happens, It’s not really me anymore, you know? I don’t really have control. I dunno its hard to explain, But I just trust that God will forgive.

Sorry this was a really disorganized post. I’m pretty tired. Insomnia, a gift from my anxiety disorder haha.

I will pray for you and I hope you can work through it!

I just wanted to say thank you SO MUCH for relating with me, it helps immensely! And also, I know exactly how you feel. It’s amazing that we both have struggled with similar self-induced harm for five years, and I know that God will forgive and deliver us both! In the realm of cutting, I do not even think for a moment that God is looking at you with condemnation, but rather love and mercy, wanting to help you to stop hurting yourself.

When I pick, it also doesn’t feel like I have a choice. But I do have a choice, and so do you; the next time we’re tempted to hurt ourselves, remember that giving in will cause more pain, and that you can overcome this disease!

 

[Konohage]

I highly recommend being open to the idea of medication, if that is what doctors recommend.

I too, have had serious OCD in the form of obsessive thoughts, and was shocked how well medication worked to smooth over those thoughts.

Thank you very much for this information! My OCD also manifests in extreme obsessive thoughts, so it helps to know that there are others who have overcome these things!

 

[Bookcat]

Thank you very much for this information! My OCD also manifests in extreme obsessive thoughts, so it helps to know that there are others who have overcome these things!

Here I found this for you jimmyakin.org/2005/04/a_crown_of_thor.html

It is from Jimmy Akin the chief Apologist of Catholic Answers.

I have known those with OCD…it is a tough row to hoe…but turn to Jesus of Nazareth the Good Shepherd…he is our hope and our true life.

Pray often: Lord Jesus Christ, I believe in you, I hope in you, I love you!

Mary Star of Hope pray for us

 

[alacoque]

Hi Kate -

I echo the others who have sent you the peace of Jesus and who undoubtedly are praying for you - as will I, now that I know about your struggle.

I also echo everyone else - you are NOT in sin - minor or serious. I encourage you, with those who have already responded, to seek and take advantage of and and all assistance and help you can get with this issue - therapy, medication, a good confessor - whatever those who know you and whom you seek for help might recommend for you. God works through His people and He will minister to you, physically, through those who are trained to help.

I understand your reluctance to use the term ‘OCD’, but don’t ever see it as ‘an excuse’. OCD is a legitimate condition that is shared by many people (just see the responses to your post!). OCD is NOT an excuse, so don’t let seeing it as one be, itself, an excuse for not seeking and accepting help. There is possibly complete healing - His will be done… but there is always peace, in Him and in His love.

Know you are loved - with a love that surpases all understanding…and that you are loved just as you are, right now, problems and all. He will not forsake you - and neither will we all here…you remain in my prayers; I entrust you to the most gentle, Sacred Heart of Jesus - your brother and savior in all ways!! So, you have NO SIN in this affliction - only your humanity - as we all have - and we are ALL afflicted. Peace, dear…

 

[Konohage]

If your physician has recommended medication, what is stopping you from taking it? Sometimes patients don’t want to give up their compulsive behavior, even though it is causing physical and emotional damage because the behavior is familiar and predicatable as are the consequences.

I actually was simply afraid of the side effects, and afraid of my parents finding out. They don’t know the extent of my disorder, and they also don’t know that I’ve been seeking therapy. It would break their hearts. But I have decided to get the medication anyways.

 

[alacoque]

I actually was simply afraid of the side effects, and afraid of my parents finding out. They don’t know the extent of my disorder, and they also don’t know that I’ve been seeking therapy. It would break their hearts. But I have decided to get the medication anyways.

Katie: My sympathies! How difficult it must feel to be in the situation to say you experience! Please give some thought, though, to the fact that you are now an adult and responsible for yourself. I’m a mother of adult children, and I know how difficult it is to become an adult - especially in these tricky emotional areas. Yet, we all must do it if we are to be healthy!

I can also say, as a mom, that no matter what you may think - and even no matter what difficulties may come along as you make your ‘adult way’, parents want their children to become full functioning and responsible adults. I know that sometimes we (parents) send mixed messages and even sometimes indicate that we are resisting your independence and personal responsibility :banghead: - but we are human, too, and this is a mistake on our part which we will realize in time. It cannot be allowed to stop our children from growing up!

We love our children so much, we don’t EVER want anything to hurt them or be wrong with them so that they won’t be happy…but when we as parents think that way we are denying the reality that life is what it is.

Remind yourself to not feel responsible for your parents’ feelings or hurts. Just like your own feelings and hurts (for which you alone are responsible and that you must work with to overcome, if they are negative), so it is with your parents. Have faith in them - and in God. Your parents will find their way in time…and maybe largely because you can be an example to them of personal ownership of your life.

Your parents are children of God - just as you are a child of God. He will care for them in His compassionate providence, as He cares for you. Entrust and commend them, in all their feelings, anxiety and needs, to Him who is their Father as He is your Father. He will see to their needs.

For your part, take care of yourself and, in His love and confidently counting on His grace, proceed as you need to grow into your own life. Medication side affects are one thing - a qualified professional can help you overcome that issue, if it’s possible to do so (it is always your choice to take or not take medication, as you see fit) - but regarding your parents - leave them to God…He knows, better than you ever will, what they need and how to care for them…in all the right ways. Do your best, Katie, and then leave the rest - to God! With Him, ALL things are possible!

You are in my prayers…watch for the signs and indications of God’s love and care around all these issues. You WILL see it!!

…Father, into Your hands…

 

[Jenny_M]

Dear Kate,

My brother takes medication for depression and OCD. He no longer has symptoms of either.

 

[Konohage]

Hi Kate -

I echo the others who have sent you the peace of Jesus and who undoubtedly are praying for you - as will I, now that I know about your struggle.

I also echo everyone else - you are NOT in sin - minor or serious. I encourage you, with those who have already responded, to seek and take advantage of and and all assistance and help you can get with this issue - therapy, medication, a good confessor - whatever those who know you and whom you seek for help might recommend for you. God works through His people and He will minister to you, physically, through those who are trained to help.

I understand your reluctance to use the term ‘OCD’, but don’t ever see it as ‘an excuse’. OCD is a legitimate condition that is shared by many people (just see the responses to your post!). OCD is NOT an excuse, so don’t let seeing it as one be, itself, an excuse for not seeking and accepting help. There is possibly complete healing - His will be done… but there is always peace, in Him and in His love.

Know you are loved - with a love that surpases all understanding…and that you are loved just as you are, right now, problems and all. He will not forsake you - and neither will we all here…you remain in my prayers; I entrust you to the most gentle, Sacred Heart of Jesus - your brother and savior in all ways!! So, you have NO SIN in this affliction - only your humanity - as we all have - and we are ALL afflicted. Peace, dear…

Thank you SO MUCH. All I can really say is thank you, and God bless you! This helped me immensely I feel so much better after reading everyone’s wonderful replies.

God bless you all in Christ!!!

 

[Konohage]

Katie: My sympathies! How difficult it must feel to be in the situation to say you experience! Please give some thought, though, to the fact that you are now an adult and responsible for yourself. I’m a mother of adult children, and I know how difficult it is to become an adult - especially in these tricky emotional areas. Yet, we all must do it if we are to be healthy!

I can also say, as a mom, that no matter what you may think - and even no matter what difficulties may come along as you make your ‘adult way’, parents want their children to become full functioning and responsible adults. I know that sometimes we (parents) send mixed messages and even sometimes indicate that we are resisting your independence and personal responsibility :banghead: - but we are human, too, and this is a mistake on our part which we will realize in time. It cannot be allowed to stop our children from growing up!

We love our children so much, we don’t EVER want anything to hurt them or be wrong with them so that they won’t be happy…but when we as parents think that way we are denying the reality that life is what it is.

Remind yourself to not feel responsible for your parents’ feelings or hurts. Just like your own feelings and hurts (for which you alone are responsible and that you must work with to overcome, if they are negative), so it is with your parents. Have faith in them - and in God. Your parents will find their way in time…and maybe largely because you can be an example to them of personal ownership of your life.

Your parents are children of God - just as you are a child of God. He will care for them in His compassionate providence, as He cares for you. Entrust and commend them, in all their feelings, anxiety and needs, to Him who is their Father as He is your Father. He will see to their needs.

For your part, take care of yourself and, in His love and confidently counting on His grace, proceed as you need to grow into your own life. Medication side affects are one thing - a qualified professional can help you overcome that issue, if it’s possible to do so (it is always your choice to take or not take medication, as you see fit) - but regarding your parents - leave them to God…He knows, better than you ever will, what they need and how to care for them…in all the right ways. Do your best, Katie, and then leave the rest - to God! With Him, ALL things are possible!

You are in my prayers…watch for the signs and indications of God’s love and care around all these issues. You WILL see it!!

…Father, into Your hands…

Thank you so much for this!!! This helped in ways I cannot begin to describe, especially what you said about adulthood. You are very right, and I thank you for your prayers and advice! I pray God would bless you, and everyone here, richly as you all deserve it for your kindness to me! Thank you