Most mature response to giving or receiving gifts?

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angell1

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is it appropriate to tell someone whether or not you like the gift they gave you? why or why not?

or what about asking people if they ever use your gift, or if they like it?

feedback is appreciated. just trying to logically sift through some things that have recently happened
 
angell1 said:
is it appropriate to tell someone whether or not you like the gift they gave you? why or why not?
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No, you should be grateful to get anything. People usually spend money if they can. If they have, and you tell then you don’t, they feel like they wasted money.

As @luminedei said, I hope you like this Should suffice. God bless
 
Is this seriously a question? Unless something is totally inappropriate simply show good manners.
 
“Thank you so much.” “That was so thoughtful.” … and general exuberant joy at the love shown. This is not a hard question. The OP asked for a mature response, but there are times when being childlike is the most appropriate response (more often than not). On the other hand, for people with whom we are very close then a more nuanced response is totally dependent on the relationship.
 
Years ago in our extended family, there was a relative who would give gifts - sometimes the box of chocolates would be white with age, some gifts were damaged - no matter. Everyone said thank you.
 
yes, it’s seriously a question, unfortunately. it’s not really me, I would never say anything to anyone about their gifts but I had someone recently get extremely upset because they didn’t like what I gave them, actually it happens to me a lot, and the all the guilt-tripping that I should know what ot get them if I knew them well enough, even though I thought I was getting them things they normally liked, and they refuse to hear any explanation
 
angell1 said:
I had someone recently get extremely upset because they didn’t like what I gave them, actually it happens to me a lot, and the all the guilt-tripping that I should know what ot get them if I knew them well enough, even though I thought I was getting them things they normally liked, and they refuse to hear any explanation
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Well, I can assure you that this is not the most mature response to receiving gifts.
 
I have a close enough relationship with my mom and dad and siblings that if they end up giving me something I don’t need or already have, they will come out and ask me and I can be like, “Yeah :sheepish smile:” without leaving any hard feelings, or vice versa.

Generally speaking you should just say thank you, since it’s the thought that counts.
 
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It’s unfortunate that Christmas gift-giving and receiving tends to bring out the beast in people. I had a person in my life whom I dearly loved who would give me nice gifts but then use them as an opportunity to guilt-trip me the next time I did something they did not like, and accuse me of not being properly grateful for them spending a lot of money on my gift. This happened with virtually every nice gift I ever got from the person, to the point where I became nervous of getting gifts from them because I knew what would happen a few days later. I think it also affected my perspective about not relying on another person to give me nice things because as I saw it, it would just end in tears.

If someone does not like your gift to the point where they have a tantrum about it, then I would suggest you give them a gift card or money in the future so they can buy what they like. If they complain about you not getting them a personalized gift, explain to them that they did not like your gifts in the past so you thought this was the best solution.
 
One of my worst memories as a child was a Christmas where my mother gave my father a watch. It was not the one he wanted and he yelled at her. They divorced a few years later. I’ll always remember how I felt and the look on my mother’s face that day. I’ll never tell someone I don’t like a gift I’ve been given. It’s best to always be gracious when receiving a gift. Is any material item worth upsetting someone you care about?
 
If exchanging gifts with someone creates drama, I’m completely in favor of no longer exchanging gifts with that person. Who needs it? Returning to the true meaning of Christmas or limiting gifts to only the children can be good ways of ending the problem.
 
LumineDiei said:
A simple “thank you” when given a gift is appropriate. A simple “I hope you like this” when giving a gift is appropriate. Anything beyond either of those puts the giver and the receiver in a potentially awkward and hurtful position and that can quickly rob one of the joy of giving or receiving a gift.
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Agreed…a gift is given to bring joy to the receiver, not to give satisfaction to the giver (although wanting to know your gift brought pleasure is not a bad thing, just a potentially awkward one). The receiver of any gift, even an unliked one, should thank the giver for their generosity (although there’s nothing wrong with not liking or using a gift you’ve received). Also consider that re-gifting is a great way to pay it forward as well as a gift in itself 😉
Tis_Bearself said:
This happened with virtually every nice gift I ever got from the person,
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How horrible and how completely 180 degrees away from the spirit of Christmas or even just gift giving in general…
Tis_Bearself said:
If someone does not like your gift to the point where they have a tantrum about it, then I would suggest you give them a gift card or money in the future so they can buy what they like
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That is a good example of a mature response that spares your feelings and avoids the awkwardness of “Well, I just won’t get you anything then!”
Convert3 said:
my mother gave my father a watch. It was not the one he wanted and he yelled at her.
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I had a vivid visual of this when reading it and it’s just SO sad ;(
 
I was supposed to give them some money too but unfortunately forgot it at home that day. didn’t change anything, they were upset too because money apparently should be given as a last resort. this person is also upset that I didn’t visit on the day that they asked me to because I already had other plans, I offered tovisit the next day but she sais she was busy, so I ended up going on sunday, sitl not good enough. apparently, she actually wanted me to take her shopping to get something, except never once mentioned it, always said she didn’t want anything or need anything, she sufferes from chronic illnesses so typically doen’st really want ot go anywhere, so I just didn’t think of that. she never really got upset about gifts in the past, it hink her being sick has really changed her, but it’s still hard to deal with
 
A sincere “Thank you for the gift”. It is rude to ask a person “do you use my gift?” however, when someone does this a mature response is “Thank you for the gift, it means a lot that you thought of me”.
 
This is sad 😦 I am sorry that your close circle has such dynamics, it must be exhausting!
 
therese1998 said:
How horrible and how completely 180 degrees away from the spirit of Christmas or even just gift giving in general…
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People are human, they have their foibles, including putting so much effort into Christmas trying to make a picture-perfect holiday, and being tired, and being stressed, and being lonely, and being worried, etc.

It’s not “horrible”, it’s like I said, human. Some people cannot separate a gift, or Christmas, from strings or emotions or the memory of all kinds of loved ones formerly in their life who are dead or estranged.

It’s better to just try to understand, be calm, not get upset, and pray for the person.

I personally think we would all be better off making Christmas and other holidays into religious feasts like they used to be, where the eating and gift-giving were a relatively smaller part of the overall program compared to the prayer and Mass part. But we live in a commerce-driven society so the best I can do is try to practice that myself.
 
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yes, it is, I tried to send her text meesages to explaikn myself but she won’t answer. I tried calling her but she just yelled at me and hung up on me, so I have just left it alone for the last few days, I don’t really know what else to do
 
With friends like her, who needs enemies?

You don’t deserve to be guilt-tripped, or made to feel bad. You don’t deserve their rudeness, sulks and temper tantrums. Do yourself a favour and cut her loose.
 
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