Most mature response to giving or receiving gifts?

[Dan_Defender]

It is better to give than to receive.
I always give to the people in my family who I know cannot give me any gift back. It has more merit.

 

[Bluebright]

I don’t think anything you are doing is the problem here. It sounds like you know that but the person, persons are being unreasonable possibly due to illness/ possibly not. It may be best in future to ask them what they want and be armed with a lot of patience and be prepared to practice all the virtues God has the kindness to send you. Possibly best to say a rosary or three first and go to mass. You may also need to constantly mutter little prayers to get you through that one! but it will be amassing treasures in heaven. I’d ask God for the often forgotten virtue of forbearance if I were you. God bless.

 

[po18guy]

If you love them, you will love everything good about them, including their generosity. Their mind was on you before, during and after they bought it. If it is not your taste, keep it as a memento of their love of you. A simple “Thank you, you are very kind” will work, and a prayer for them.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Sounds as if you are being kind and rational. Some folks cannot be happy, you seem to have at least one of those in your life

 

[1ke]

is it appropriate to tell someone whether or not you like the gift they gave you?

If you do not like the gift, thank them for it and be gracious. Later, you can do as you please with it including giving it to someone else, goodwill, etc.

or what about asking people if they ever use your gift, or if they like it?

In general, no. You may put them in an awkward position. A gift is freely given, what the recipient does with it is not the concern of the giver. It is up to the recipient to lead in this case, telling you how they enjoy your gift— or not mentioning it.

just trying to logically sift through some things that have recently happened

Well, given your posting history if it involves your parents— remember their expectations and responses are usually pretty far outside of “normal”.

 

[1ke]

I had someone recently get extremely upset because they didn’t like what I gave them, actually it happens to me a lot, and the all the guilt-tripping that I should know what ot get them if I knew them well enough, even though I thought I was getting them things they normally liked, and they refuse to hear any explanation

A person who behaves like this is immediately off my gift list for future gift giving.

Remember you are NEVER obligated to give a gift. EVER.

 

[1ke]

yes, it is, I tried to send her text meesages to explaikn myself but she won’t answer. I tried calling her but she just yelled at me and hung up on me, so I have just left it alone for the last few days, I don’t really know what else to do

Angel, drop it. It’s not about you. You have to learn that you have no obligation to rude people and nothing to apologize for.

And some people thrive on making other people feel bad and apologize over and over. Don’t be sucked into that.

Personally, I’d make myself unavailable to this person in the future and stop catering to them.

 

[pnewton]

And some people thrive on making other people feel bad and apologize over and over. Don’t be sucked into that.

This. Some relationships have a toxicity that can only be neutralized by proper boundaries, especially parental relationships. Moreover, backing off helps to starve the beast as it were, where as falling over yourself reinforces the bad behavior.

I made some really bad gift choices at home, including one auto repair related gift that was particular bad for Valentines, or anniversary or some such occasion. It was so bad, that even my guy friends said I was stupid. So I know a thing or two about bad gifts, and being hurt when they are rejected. Yet, because the relationship was healthy, we moved past it without all the games. Over the years, it has simply become acceptable that there are some areas I cannot buy gifts in, any more than my wife can buy electronics.

If this was my mother, for example, I would probably take her out to eat and shopping, and buy her something she found for her Christmas.

There is always fruitcake.

 

[angell1]

it’s actually not them this time, though they have done the same thing in the past as well. this one, I was completely not expecting.

I wish people would just tell you what they want instead of saying they don’t want anything, but secretly wanting you to figure it out and then getting mad at you when you don’t.

as far as I know, God has not given anyone the ability to read minds so I have a really ahrd time understanding why people act like this

 

[Tis_Bearself]

If this is a parent, especially a mom, you need to just write it off as “sometimes moms act crazy” and move on. This stuff happens sometimes even with good moms, and if you have a toxic mom it will just happen 10 times more often.

 

[QwertyGirl]

yes, it’s seriously a question, unfortunately. it’s not really me, I would never say anything to anyone about their gifts but I had someone recently get extremely upset because they didn’t like what I gave them, actually it happens to me a lot, and the all the guilt-tripping that I should know what ot get them if I knew them well enough, even though I thought I was getting them things they normally liked, and they refuse to hear any explanation

Either don’t give them a gift again or give a gift card to someplace they like.

 

[Elf01]

I wish people would just tell you what they want instead of saying they don’t want anything, but secretly wanting you to figure it out and then getting mad at you when you don’t.

I don’t want anything is always my fathers response. He is told you are getting something. These days I’ve got it wrong too often so usually sweets/consumables that he likes.

 

[Convert3]

My wife and I have agreed to not exchange gifts anymore. Instead, we are giving gifts we know family members need, or giving a gift of an experience, like setting up a family vacation.