Mother-Daughter Dynamics

[Xantippe]

What do you want to study and what do you envision for your eventual career? Do you know anybody from that field who could have lunch or dinner with you and your mom and discuss your prospects? It would be good information for you, too. Also, can you do internships in your area of interest?

Speaking as a patient, if you don’t want to be a doctor, I don’t want you to be my doctor, either. I have a friend who recently fired an obstetrician when it finally occurred to her, this guy is bored with obstetrics and with his practice.

 

[Xantippe]

“I’d add a caveat here that one has to consider costs and benefits other than just monetary. I took a course that is almost certainly not, economically, “worth” the money I paid into my education. Social work, for many people, is one of those disciplines - you get the degree because you want to do that sort of work, not necessarily because it’s profitable.”

That’s OK if you are able to pay in cash for your education, but if there is any borrowing involved, I think that is a very dangerous position to take. To be carrying $80k in student loans while earning a social worker’s wages and attempting to feed, clothe and house oneself (let alone a spouse and children), is very unpleasant. It also makes one a less attractive future spouse, as well as limiting future opportunities. For instance, with huge student loans, it may not be feasible to stay home with babies or to go back to school again, if you change your mind.

(That $80k debt for social worker earning $40k is a real example that I once heard on the radio.)

 

[Kelfa28]

Thank you for your response. What happens though if I choose something my mom doesn’t want? She’s threatened to cut off all contact with me if I don’t adhere to her demands

That is unfortunate for her…especially if she has a daughter who is successful…in however way you may be.
Whether it be college and a career or a marriage with/without children or a combination of the two.

I believe it’s selfish on her part to make such a threat.

Pray and work out a plan of how you see your life going in 10-20 years. Modify as you see fit.
Continue to pray…for both you and your mother.

 

[Rivii]

Be prepared to go on your own. Lots of people do it. If you want to be an adult, you may have adult consequences.

In time, most parents who issue such crazy ultimatums come to their senses when they see that their child will not be cowed by it. I am sure there are those parents so prideful (or crazy) that they keep the rift in place permanently, but most come around and mend the fences.

Thanks for your response. I see. How far do adult consequences go though?

 

[Rivii]

What do you want to study and what do you envision for your eventual career? Do you know anybody from that field who could have lunch or dinner with you and your mom and discuss your prospects? It would be good information for you, too. Also, can you do internships in your area of interest?

Speaking as a patient, if you don’t want to be a doctor, I don’t want you to be my doctor, either. I have a friend who recently fired an obstetrician when it finally occurred to her, this guy is bored with obstetrics and with his practice.

“I’d add a caveat here that one has to consider costs and benefits other than just monetary. I took a course that is almost certainly not, economically, “worth” the money I paid into my education. Social work, for many people, is one of those disciplines - you get the degree because you want to do that sort of work, not necessarily because it’s profitable.”

That’s OK if you are able to pay in cash for your education, but if there is any borrowing involved, I think that is a very dangerous position to take. To be carrying $80k in student loans while earning a social worker’s wages and attempting to feed, clothe and house oneself (let alone a spouse and children), is very unpleasant. It also makes one a less attractive future spouse, as well as limiting future opportunities. For instance, with huge student loans, it may not be feasible to stay home with babies or to go back to school again, if you change your mind.

(That $80k debt for social worker earning $40k is a real example that I once heard on the radio.)

Thank you for your response. The field I intend to enter mainly involves Computer Science in the aspects of Systems or Artificial Intelligence; it would be difficult to come across professionals of this field where I am because most of them are in Information Technology, Programming or Engineering. I’ve gotten internships but my mom discourages me from doing them

I see what you mean. Lack of interest in a practice can cause lack of skill. It can jeopardize lives in this case. Luckily, I’m not borrowing anything for my education in my university. However, my mom is actually putting me in a dangerous position by having me transfer to a school where I don’t have my scholarship and grants to pay for schooling. Especially making me major in something I’m not interested in and that’s very expensive in the long run.

Thanks nonetheless for your words. God bless.

 

[Rivii]

That is unfortunate for her…especially if she has a daughter who is successful…in however way you may be.
Whether it be college and a career or a marriage with/without children or a combination of the two.

I believe it’s selfish on her part to make such a threat.

Pray and work out a plan of how you see your life going in 10-20 years. Modify as you see fit.
Continue to pray…for both you and your mother.

Thank you for your response. Maybe so. On my part, is it selfish of me to want something outside the parameters my mom set for me? Prayer, yes, would be fantastic. I will pray for my mom and myself. Such tumultuous times. I hope she finds peace. Thanks for your kind words.