Mother In Law told us the name we chose for our unborn child is the name of her abusive mother

[ExGratia]

The problem is that people actually use Delilah, unknowingly. Adolph and Judas - not so much.

Jezebel is a bad idea too!

 

[GraceSofia]

Herodias does seem unusual, but I like the uniqueness of Salome; to me, it seems like a beautiful, unused name — in fact, when I hear of the name (along with a number of others, such as “Mary” and variations of it) I think of “beauty.” To each his own, I suppose.

Salome is popular amongst African Muslims, and I’ve known a few women with this name. I would be afraid that it would be considered a Muslim name. I believe it is some variant of peace, but sometime I’ll have to ask whether it’s also known as the name of the girl who got John the Baptist beheaded.

 

[7armyrugrats]

Salome is popular amongst African Muslims, and I’ve known a few women with this name. I would be afraid that it would be considered a Muslim name. I believe it is some variant of peace, but sometime I’ll have to ask whether it’s also known as the name of the girl who got John the Baptist beheaded.

Salome is also used in Mexico. There are three in my husband’s hometown (a very tiny village). Yes, one of the Salome’s is believed to have had John the Baptist beheaded, but another woman named Salome is believed to have been a relative of Jesus. One of the Marys is referred to as the mother of Salome. And yes, Salome does mean Peace. Guess it is an example of how a name can have both negative AND positive connotations attached to it.

I’m also a fan of Delilah, but no, I won’t use ut for a daughter. I find it beautiful, unique, old fashioned. I realize she is the one responsible for Samson’s downfall and I still like it. Jezebel will never be an OK name to use although I did baby sit for a girl named Jezebel. I couldn’t call her by her name, it was too uncomfortable, so at my house we called her “Sweet Pea.”

 

[joanofarc2008]

Since you have said if your child is a boy he will be Joseph, why not Josephine - it is a two for the price of one name.

 

[Immacolata]

Salome is popular amongst African Muslims, and I’ve known a few women with this name. I would be afraid that it would be considered a Muslim name. I believe it is some variant of peace, but sometime I’ll have to ask whether it’s also known as the name of the girl who got John the Baptist beheaded.

Indeed, Salome means peace; it is related to the word ‘shalom’. Salome is the name of the woman who had John the Baptist beheaded, but Salome is also considered one of the women (along with the two Marys) to visit Jesus’ tomb and find it empty; as well, a woman name Salome is considered the mother of Zebedee.

It may be confused as a Muslim name, but, to be honest, I had never heard of the Muslim association until now - I had considered it a Christian name, based upon the ancient Jewish name.

 

[PaulGH]

I prefer traditional saints’ names, so my suggestions are in that category:

Catherine
Mary
Lucy
Ann (or Anne)
Monica
Theresa
Cecilia
Margaret
Joan
Agatha

I especially like Catherine and Cecilia.

 

[aicirt]

Always liked the name Elizabeth but not the name Elsie. I do think it was very wonderful of you to rethink your child’s name for your MIL’s benefit.

Lizette, Elle, Marissa, and the name Pilar which is a form of the name Mary believe it or not…Maria del Pilar referring to the Blessed Mother.

 

[Allegra]

My mother really detests all the names I’ve expresssed interest in for a girl and is vocal about saying so. She keeps insisting that I should name a girl Margaret. I have no idea why. (Not that Margaret is a bad name, I just don’t get why she thinks it is so important.) In fact, I don’t understand why relatives think they get a say in what a person names their child in the first place. If someone doesn’t like a baby’s name, they should learn to keep it to themself. I don’t care how mean a person was to you, you can’t go around hating everyone who has the same name as they did, especially if they are a little child! Honestly, that is extremely unhealthy. One should not expect other people to change their baby’s name because of their own emotional problems. That’s entirely unreasonable.

 

[Phemie]

Perhaps if you chose to name your baby Elsie, this name could one day have a happy, beautiful meaning to your Mother in Law. Perhaps it could bring healing to her? Perhaps there is a reason you were both so attracted to this name. Pray about it. Ask Mil if it is possible her feelings towards this name might change over time. Perhaps she could one day rejoice in her heart that Elsie is such a blessing in her life!

Your story is inspiring but I don’t think that is something you can impose on someone else. It took you years to come to terms with the name Amber. Imagine how the MIL would react if, in spite of her feelings, the OP and her husband still name the child Elsie. It would be a slap in the face to her. Imagine having a grandchild who brings back horrible memories every time you say her name.

No, I think the OP has made a wise choice. I also fall in the ‘wait to meet the child before you choose a name’ camp. I’ve known many who meet their child and then say, “I had picked “X” as a name but he/she was soooo not an “X”! We decided on “Y” instead.”

 

[LightBound]

Your story is inspiring but I don’t think that is something you can impose on someone else. It took you years to come to terms with the name Amber. Imagine how the MIL would react if, in spite of her feelings, the OP and her husband still name the child Elsie. It would be a slap in the face to her. Imagine having a grandchild who brings back horrible memories every time you say her name. "

^This^

 

[Lucky7]

Not sure if anyone mentioned it yet, but what about a form of Mary? Definitely not unique but beautiful just the same.

 

[GraceSofia]

Salome is also used in Mexico. There are three in my husband’s hometown (a very tiny village). Yes, one of the Salome’s is believed to have had John the Baptist beheaded, but another woman named Salome is believed to have been a relative of Jesus. One of the Marys is referred to as the mother of Salome. And yes, Salome does mean Peace. Guess it is an example of how a name can have both negative AND positive connotations attached to it.

I didn’t know it was used in Mexico. Interesting. I find it hard not to think of the John the Baptist connection.

I’m also a fan of Delilah, but no, I won’t use it for a daughter. I find it beautiful, unique, old fashioned. I realize she is the one responsible for Samson’s downfall and I still like it. Jezebel will never be an OK name to use although I did baby sit for a girl named Jezebel. I couldn’t call her by her name, it was too uncomfortable, so at my house we called her “Sweet Pea.”

I wouldn’t name a baby Jezebel, either. I wonder if some people think it has a feminist connotation of strength or independence or something like that.

 

[Sesame]

Our ratio of sons to daughters was 2:1, so I offer you as a suggestion, some of the names we didn’t get to use . We really enjoyed picking our children’s names!

Josie, Marianne, Suzanne, Mary Noelle, Julie, Julianne, Lucie, Leonie, Tess.

God bless!

 

[Carina20]

My mother really detests all the names I’ve expresssed interest in for a girl and is vocal about saying so. She keeps insisting that I should name a girl Margaret. I have no idea why. (Not that Margaret is a bad name, I just don’t get why she thinks it is so important.) In fact, I don’t understand why relatives think they get a say in what a person names their child in the first place. If someone doesn’t like a baby’s name, they should learn to keep it to themself. I don’t care how mean a person was to you, you can’t go around hating everyone who has the same name as they did, especially if they are a little child! Honestly, that is extremely unhealthy. One should not expect other people to change their baby’s name because of their own emotional problems. That’s entirely unreasonable.

I agree with this. The only person’s opinion of your child’s name that should matter is your husband. Personally, after my husband and I come to an agreement on a name we would probably keep it to ourselves till the baby is born. You already get enough unsolicited advice from people in pregnancy. You don’t need them dismissing your baby names, especially if its the name you are dead set on.

 

[gh4]

When I was pregnant with my first, I really liked the name Jason, but my dh had a nephew with that name already, so we needed to choose another name. My Mom wanted use to use James, and we did, and it worked, my Father was James and one of my BIL’s was James, so both sides of the family were happy!

I was named Judith Simone when I was born. I was born on October 28th and that’s the feast day of St. Jude and St. Simon, so I was named after those great saints. Unfortunately when I was adopted at age 2, my adoptive parents chose to re-name me Carolyn Anne and later changed it legally to Anne Carolyn because my last name began with a T and they didn’t want my initials to be CAT. Go figure. I was quite mixed up about my name when I was little. I honestly wish that it had been left alone at Judith Simone.

So yeah, I think possibly looking at the feast days the day your child is born is a great way to name a child!

 

[RoseMary131]

That’s my thinking too… as much as I’d love to be able to heal my MILs heart I don’t want to attempt to do it through my child. Also, when our daughter is older and asks about her great grandparents I don’t want to have to feel that we are keeping secrets from her to protect her from thinking she was named after a women who was awful. Just not a bridge I want to cross.

Some of the names suggested are beautiful but too unique for my husband. We were reading genesis and chronicles last night, and the importance but on names is huge. I hope we get this right!!

Congratulations! You will get this right!!!

Our last two children we did not name right away. We had an idea, but didn’t make it official for a few days. For one child, we even called the hospital after we were discharged and asked them to hold his birth certificate because we wanted to make a change in his name.

Pray about the name. It may be that Elsie is the right name. You did not choose the name because of her great-grandmother but because you both fell in love with the name.

You can enjoy that name without any connection to the great-grandmother. It seems your husband was not even aware that this was his grandmother’s name. Maybe she did not have much effect on his own life.

You two are kind to be concerned about your MIL’s thoughts on the name. I’m sure she is a kind and loving mother/grandmother. Maybe if you told her you two were “in love with the name, Elsie”, she could look past her own hurt and accept that you two fell in love with this name for her granddaughter for a worthy reason - a reason that had nothing to do with your husband’s grandmother.

Your message really touched me as I have heard people say to another family member, “You can’t use that name because we want to use it”. Every family is open to use any name they feel called to name their child. Maybe there is a special reason the two of you have fallen in love with this name.

I would be open with my child about the great-grandmother being considered awful no matter what name you choose.

If you do name your child Elsie, she’ll always know she was not named after her great-grandmother, but because mom and dad fell in love with the name and with her.

Pray.

 

[Oh_Charlotte]

I’m 8 months pregnant and my husband and I fell in love with the name Elsie if our little one is a girl. However, his mother just told us that this name is the name of her abusive mother in law. I was/am heartbroken, but I understand we now cannot use it.

I have no idea what to name our child if it’s a girl now. We chose Elsie, as a form of St. Elizabeth and if we have a boy we will name him Joseph.

Any suggestions would be hugely appreciated. Thank you!

Maybe when you and your husband pick a name this time, you can keep it a secret and announce it after you have named him/her at birth. Its hard enough to pick a name Mom and Dad agree on and both cherish without running it by everyone’s personal tastes and previous connections. There is no end to the number of “I had a Joe who mocked me” etc. type statements you could get. You might end up with just an “okay” name that doesn’t speak to you but happened not to remind anyone of a person they had not yet resolved past issues with.

And *should you even avoid everyone’s bad connections? *And, is it their best interest to continue to help them bear the grudge down the generations? A new lovable Elsie could have made up for the “bad” one.

You were begin kind to want to help her avoid the pain of remembering the MIL, but we aren’t supposed to forget people God puts in our lives, we are supposed to pray for them.

My ex was verbally abusive and unkind particularly to me and for many years. And his family was backstabbing to me as they were to all who were not in their immediate family (marrying in meant you were not “real” family - you were an outsider and there was a mistrust and hostility to outsiders). Yet my son - and I - bear this name. Yes, its a reminder. Yet I decided to keep the name since I have used it professionally so long, and primarily because its my son’s name.

And when I regret it being attached to me I have to remind myself to be grateful, without my ex there woudl not be my son, and that family name is in fact a part of who my son truly is. I remind myself to that the alcoholism of the father of that family, and who knows what went on in previous generations, was a cross they all had to bear, one I never had to bear growing up, and perhaps I woudl have turned out the same had I had that cross - who can know? There is a reason for their dysfunction, I know. But that man I married and all his family - Jesus would have died for any single one of them even if they were the only one on earth.

So, I ask, what is so awful about having the name of someone who Jesus loves SO MUCH??

Though I will be glad to shed this surname if I remarry, my son will always bear it, and it serves and will serve to remind me that God allowed this man, and the family of origin attached to him, to be a big part of my life, and that I am a praying Catholic, so, I have a sacred responsibility to pray for him all my life, and all his family, in case it happens I am the only one God put in their life who would pray for them. I will have to account to God someday for all of the people he put in my life…

So, I don’t know you MIL’s story but I do know we are called to forgive 70x7, and if your daughter’s name continually reminded her of that sacred responsibility, that’s not such a bad thing.

And maybe, just maybe, there is a reason God inspired you to want that name Elsie, and be so attached to it.

 

[Oh_Charlotte]

I am happy you are sensitive to your mother in law. I have had an experience, I’d like to share with you. I was a Foster Mom for 5 years. We had a baby placed with us that we were told we could adopt. Finally after 3 and a half long years, of no contact with birth parents, the State filed to terminate parental rights. The Birth mom, whom “no one could find” suddenly calls, and wants her “kid” back. This woman was a stranger to “our little girl”. It broke our hearts! Right before Christmas, she was almost 4 years old. We were forced to give her to Amber. Amber was a stripper, and struggled with drugs, selfishness, and partying. We have not seen our little girl since that day.

We were so deeply hurt, there are not words… This was not the loving future we had planned for our little girl! I was so angry at Amber! I couldn’t stand the sound of her name. We had a drinking glass that was Amber colored, and I would NEVER use it!

Of course over time, I learned to pray for them both! I decided to forgive Amber for abandoning our baby, and then taking her back. I forgave her for leaving a deep wound in our entire family. It was time to heal, and move on. After about 2 years I picked up that Amber colored glass, and looked at it. It was a beautiful, rich, almost golden hue. It had sparkles in it. I admitted to myself that it was quite beautiful, and I drank out of it. I asked God to heal us. We have come a long ways.

Amber is no longer that person who came into my family, and mortally wounded us. She is a woman, with a sad past, who is raising our little Angel. She is a beautiful young woman I pray for, and wish the best for. Amber is no longer a dirty word.

Perhaps if you chose to name your baby Elsie, this name could one day have a happy, beautiful meaning to your Mother in Law. Perhaps it could bring healing to her? Perhaps there is a reason you were both so attracted to this name. Pray about it. Ask Mil if it is possible her feelings towards this name might change over time. Perhaps she could one day rejoice in her heart that Elsie is such a blessing in her life!

Wow, what a beautiful, beautiful story, Regina Love. It is such a truth, there is such power when we make up our minds to forgive, particularly in cases where our heart is torn and it would be easy to chose to hold onto our resentment instead. There is such blessing in forgiving!

We are called to do just what you did here. We do what we can and Jesus does the rest, if we so desire to do His Will and want His help. It is only by the grace of God that I began to be able to pray nightly for my ex and his family and new circle of persons (I was hurting too much and felt incapable of doing what I knew was God’s will: to forgive, so, I prayed anyway with no heart in it, but asking Our Blessed Mother to put her perfect heart in it for me, since my was so incapable, and over time, true heavenly healing came, and I could mean my prayers.

I do think that there is a codependency sort of issue involved here with wanting to placate the other-in-law’s resentment of her MIL. Codependents try to be nice all the time, and they like to help people avoid the natural consequences of their actions. And that’s generally not what is best for that person. In the MILs case, she is not able to like the name Elsie, like you can now like the name Amber, because she did not follow through on what God expects her to do, and forgive her MIL 70x7. Had she done that, she wold not still be terrorized by that name. So many years later! Instead, the name would reminds her of God’s grace in her live, the grace that helped her to forgive.

Obviously the OP did not pick the name Elsie to make her MIL heal, but maybe that’s why God put the name on her heart.

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Why not pray to Our Lady Mary Mother of Jesus through The Holy Rosary asking for Her Love, Wisdom and Guidance with Saint Mary Mackillop’s assistance.

Perhaps your Mother-in-law has some inner Healing to do in relation to her deceased M.I.L (a suggestion and not judging), however after my Healing 18 months, many things from my past Healed and dealt with, particularly in relation to Family members.

May be it was God, The Holy Spirit and Jesus who gave you Their Divine Holy Inspiration to name your Baby Elsie? It appears far too co-incidental a situation!

Praying and asking God, Jesus and in particular Our Lady Mother Mary, has been the solution to each and every one of my dilemmas throughout my Soul journey.

Love, Joy and Best Wishes for the Birth of your precious Child in Christ.