Mother-In-Laws

[kaymart]

Giannawannabe:

Kay,

This is, perhaps, the rudest, meanest thing I have ever heard. Especially as this awful woman was speaking about her sweet little granddaughter. I’ll add your daughter and her family to my prayer list.

JGheen,

My mother is the type of MIL that yours is. It took me awhile to see how manipulative and cruel she was. Her nonsense caused a great deal of difficulty in my marriage and in the marriages of my 3 siblings.
A wonderful book “Children of the Self Absorbed” My Nina Brown, PhD really helped me in dealing with her, and to set boundaries. Perhaps your husband could read it.
You’re in my prayers.

Thank you, Never in my 49 years have I ever met a person like her.(DD’s MIL) I will get that book too, sounds like a very good one just by the title. I will have my daughter and her husband read it. He is a good man,(son-in-law) unfortunately beaten down to many times in his young life. (I knew him since he was 15, a scared, frighten teenage boy who join the CYO where I was co-director, he’s now 29 and still in some ways that scared young boy) Thank you again for your prayers Kay

 

[Ana]

For Sunday dinners, stop somewhere on the way and buy a meal to eat. Enjoy the dinner eating food you like, and making a point to your MIL as well. Something like, “I see that it is too difficult for you to accomodate my dietary needs, so I thought I could help by just bringing my own food.” (big smile)

Buy a newspaper subscription, and let them know you won’t be needing theirs anymore, but “thank you so much for thinking of us!” (big smile and close the door)

Get an answering machine.

It’s your car.

God bless!

 

[DJgang]

JGheen:

1.) When we were engaged they sat my husband down privately and told him not to marry me. They said I would disgrace their family name, if he gave it to me.

:nope: My MIL wore BLACK to all wedding functions…I mean all of them! The showers and the wedding itself. She also gave my husband his burial policy at the wedding rehersal. Like that couldn’t wait for another day…what was she thinking?

I could go on and on about my MIL…some of the horrible things that she has done and said to me.

I just cross my house with holy water before she comes…put up all the crosses around the house and just pray for the best while she visits.

I also ignore her to the best of my ability.

The only solution…besides hoping the DH will just for once act like he has some you know whats…is to distance yourself completely from her.

She’s his mother not yours!

It works for me.

 

[LittleDeb]

My heart goes out to all those with problem in-laws.

I agree that this issue is best resolved in the marriage through counseling. It sounds like some of the spouses need to to get a grip on their own parents! I read these posts about difficult in-laws and thank God that we don’t have that problem in out marriage… and then I remember oh yeah we do! My F-I-L!

We have worked it out in our marriage. I do my best to get along with husband’s whiny, demanding, dad. My husband does his best to get along with his whiny, demanding, dad. Mostly we just ignore him when we can. He has been abusive all his life. He won’t change now. He treated my wonderful MIL badly and now treats his new wife badly. She will probably leave him too.

Three cheers for all of you here who live in the same area as your problem parent. You have more patience than I. Look on the bright side. If you are in Purgatory now, Heaven is that much closer.

 

[kaymart]

:nope: My MIL wore BLACK to all wedding functions…I mean all of them! The showers and the wedding itself. She also gave my husband his burial policy at the wedding rehersal. Like that couldn’t wait for another day…what was she thinking?

I could go on and on about my MIL…some of the horrible things that she has done and said to me.

I just cross my house with holy water before she comes…put up all the crosses around the house and just pray for the best while she visits.

I also ignore her to the best of my ability.

The only solution…besides hoping the DH will just for once act like he has some you know whats…is to distance yourself completely from her.

She’s his mother not yours!

It works for me.

God Bless you you sound like you got a real winner for a MIL. Black for all “Wedding Functions” and burial policies, she sounds like a fun loving lady You have a very healthly outlook on her behavior, just never let her see you sweat, because if these type of people know they got to you, they will feed into it. But you seem to have the right stuff, Granny’s coming. put up all the extra Crosses!

 

[Asella]

This is how I have handled my inlaws for the past few months: lock the doors, close the blinds, get caller id, and avoid them as much as humanly possible. I do this because I was tired of my FIL insulting me and trying to run my life, and since my hubby would not stand up to his father or get counseling I had to take matters into my own hands. Now my hubby visits the inlaws without me, and I’m just standing back letting FIL dig his own grave. I know FIL badmouths me to my hubby, but that’s OK because if I just stand back and not get in the way of this father/son relationship, eventually FIL will just start to look bad because of his poor attitude. People like that usually have a way of just making themselves look bad in the long run.

 

[aimee]

and I was looking forward to a DIL and grandchildren…maybe I won’t measure up

 

[SeekerJen]

and I was looking forward to a DIL and grandchildren…maybe I won’t measure up

If you treat your DIL like a human being and a beloved member of the family rather than a castoff parasite who is besmirching the family name (which is the situation of the original poster), I think you’ll measure up just fine. The simple fact that you’re looking forward to having a DIL (rather than having it out for the woman who will “trap” your son and destroy his virtue) indicates that you probably won’t have these issues at all.

This thread is about “toxic” inlaws- the ones that have the potential to destroy their children’s marriages with their behavior. Not all families are like this. My parents love my husband and he loves them, and I love my inlaws and they love me. I may not like the way my MIL treats her son and daughter, but she is always kind to me and respectful of our marriage, so I just stay out of the drama and treat her with respect.

 

[aimee]

SeekerJen:

If you treat your DIL like a human being and a beloved member of the family rather than a castoff parasite who is besmirching the family name (which is the situation of the original poster), I think you’ll measure up just fine. The simple fact that you’re looking forward to having a DIL (rather than having it out for the woman who will “trap” your son and destroy his virtue) indicates that you probably won’t have these issues at all.

This thread is about “toxic” inlaws- the ones that have the potential to destroy their children’s marriages with their behavior. Not all families are like this. My parents love my husband and he loves them, and I love my inlaws and they love me. I may not like the way my MIL treats her son and daughter, but she is always kind to me and respectful of our marriage, so I just stay out of the drama and treat her with respect.

I like my in laws but don’t think my MIL liked me all that much…but she has never interfered in our marriage. I had hoped my husbands parents would have been closer to our children but weren’t …I want to go to the grandchildren’s events at school and be included…it must not be as easy as it looks … I’ll do my best

 

[Kielbasi]

I get along excellently with my MIL.

I used to hang with my wife’s uncles, and I’ve known her for longer than my wife.

I’m just glad I never dated her as a young man, it would make things pretty uncomfortable in the present era.

 

[DJgang]

kaymart:

God Bless you you sound like you got a real winner for a MIL. Black for all “Wedding Functions” and burial policies, she sounds like a fun loving lady You have a very healthly outlook on her behavior, just never let her see you sweat, because if these type of people know they got to you, they will feed into it. But you seem to have the right stuff, Granny’s coming. put up all the extra Crosses!

Kaymart -it’s taken my 11 years to get to this “outlook”…thanks for your post!