Mother Makes Me Crazy query!

[filiaecclesia]

Good morning:

I feel ridiculous even posting this, but it’s such a long-standing problem that I’m sure your wisdom will help me.

My mother is coming from the west coast for a visit of two weeks. She is very opinionated, critical, demanding with me. She’s 80, I’m 45, so this is an ancient situation!

I’m anticipating her visit, and I feel my stress levels soar. She is a dynamo, restless, trying to change and judge - her expectations of me are tremendous.

Does anyone else have difficult moms and any suggestions how to effectively manage their visits?

Thanks, and God bless!

 

[Xantippe]

Good morning:

I feel ridiculous even posting this, but it’s such a long-standing problem that I’m sure your wisdom will help me.

My mother is coming from the west coast for a visit of two weeks. She is very opinionated, critical, demanding with me. She’s 80, I’m 45, so this is an ancient situation!

I’m anticipating her visit, and I feel my stress levels soar. She is a dynamo, restless, trying to change and judge - her expectations of me are tremendous.

Does anyone else have difficult moms and any suggestions how to effectively manage their visits?

Thanks, and God bless!

I hope she’s staying at a hotel, but suspect not. Two weeks is an awful long time to have somebody not totally congenial in your home. Next time, try to hold it to one week.

Make up a schedule with her, blocking out time for housework, errands (WITHOUT MOM) for you, and solo outings for her. Plus joint outings, of course.

Put her to work if you can. I know it feels weird doing that with your 80-year-old mom, but it sounds like she needs to be kept busy.

Good luck!

 

[pensmama87]

I agree with putting her to work. Having a project will keep her busy and make her feel helpful.

I think having a schedule is a great idea. Plan some time together, but also some time apart. Find a couple outings that she will enjoy.

 

[Xantippe]

I once shared a hotel room with a fidgety 80-something great aunt who hauled her grand daughter’s college laundry back to the hotel room and then worked through the evening and into the wee hours washing, drying and ironing everything, whether it needed to be ironed or not.

I know the type.

 

[Kay_Cee]

Good morning:

I feel ridiculous even posting this, but it’s such a long-standing problem that I’m sure your wisdom will help me.

My mother is coming from the west coast for a visit of two weeks. She is very opinionated, critical, demanding with me. She’s 80, I’m 45, so this is an ancient situation!

I’m anticipating her visit, and I feel my stress levels soar. She is a dynamo, restless, trying to change and judge - her expectations of me are tremendous.

Does anyone else have difficult moms and any suggestions how to effectively manage their visits?

Thanks, and God bless!

You could try a little trick I used on my kids when they misbehaved. When she starts criticizing you, just say, “Oh, mom. You’re far too good of a person to be one of those people who are always finding fault with others.”

By doing that, you’ve actually complimented her. What is she going to say to that? “No, I’m not too good of a person”?

I’ve used this on all kinds of people in all kinds of situations, and not once has it failed to work.

 

[sassypeach05]

That is a tough one to answer. My best suggestion is to pray for the grace to deal with her and to be patient. It will certainly be a test for you. Hopefully, it won’t be as bad as you think it will be.

 

[CB_Catholic]

I would go out and buy a bottle or 2 of good wine–it ought to mellow out somebody.

Seriously, I feel for you. But I highly doubt she will change at the age of 80, so maybe you could do a Novena and a lot of praying beforehand. That and the wine ought to help.

 

[savedbygrace71]

My mother is extremely difficult. She is borderline narcissistic and unbearable after a few days of close contact. The best I can do is constantly pray, “Lord, thank you for this opportunity to work on my patience.” And maybe walk out of the room over and over. I like the idea of giving her a project.

 

[Emily2014]

My Mother died in March 2012.
Feel that I must share with you the fact that when your Mother dies every unkind thought, word or action you have ever shown towards her will haunt you. I would give anything to be able to relive so many occasions when I was unkind, impatient, verbally cruel etc etc. so that I could behave differently. All I can do now is to pray that she knew how much I loved her and has forgiven me.
Please don’t risk this happening to you. We only have one Mum and death is forever.
God bless you.