Mother Upset I Don't Talk To Her

[Blood_Angel]

Basically, I told my mother that I will be going to RCIA classes with the intent to become Catholic.
She became upset with me saying I don’t talk to her about anything and always acted so cold and distant, she believes she failed as a mother because I couldn’t discuss something important and of the heart such as wanting to be baptised and become religious, she thinks I should have talked to her about it and I guess in her mind, she pictures some heart-to-heart conversations or something.
She is spiritual, but not religious, I didn’t talk to her about my beliefs because I don’t talk to anyone I know about them for they are personal to me, unless people ask. I like to learn, learn and learn more before talking about things. I never told her because I have spent years reading philosophy and theology, before making any final decisions.
Anyways, this is the story about how I upset my mother for not telling her I wanted to become Catholic.
I am guilty of keeping myself to myself and being private, nothing more.

 

[dshix]

Basically, I told my mother that I will be going to RCIA classes with the intent to become Catholic.
She became upset with me saying I don’t talk to her about anything and always acted so cold and distant, she believes she failed as a mother because I couldn’t discuss something important and of the heart such as wanting to be baptised and become religious, she thinks I should have talked to her about it and I guess in her mind, she pictures some heart-to-heart conversations or something.
She is spiritual, but not religious, I didn’t talk to her about my beliefs because I don’t talk to anyone I know about them for they are personal to me, unless people ask. I like to learn, learn and learn more before talking about things. I never told her because I have spent years reading philosophy and theology, before making any final decisions.
Anyways, this is the story about how I upset my mother for not telling her I wanted to become Catholic.
I am guilty of keeping myself to myself and being private, nothing more.

Seems pretty natural to me that you kept to yourself about it. Tell your mom that if she’d like to connect with you more on things that are important like this, she should come with you! Invite her in, to resume having a part in your heart, if she’ll join you in pursuing the truth.

I see an opportunity for you to evangelize to her, since she has expressed a desire to be closer to you.

 

[pianistclare]

Obviously we don’t know her, but if she’s the kind of person who critiques every move you make, I’d say it was natural not to share something so personal.
She should not feel threatened by your seeking a relationship with your Creator.
When she calms down, tell her that God is important to you, that you desire a relationship with Him, and that it doesn’t minimize her motherhood in any way. In fact, it’s a sign she did a good job in that you are open to the Holy Spirit. Whether she intended to, or not.
Be peaceful, be loving, and be patient. She will see by your actions and words, the way you live your life that Catholicism has much to offer.
God bless you on the journey.

 

[EasterJoy]

I think I would reassure her that there is no reason to berate herself or you. You are a private person by nature when it comes to your spirituality, that is all. She should not take this as a reflection on her parenting.

You are guilty of nothing, and you should (gently) reject any suggestion to the contrary. You didn’t just send her an invitation to your baptism, after all. You’re only signing on for the beginning of the process right as Advent starts. You won’t be baptized until Easter! She’s in on the ground floor, then. If she wants to be included in other decisions you make at such an early stage, the time for her to make that a welcoming proposition for you is now.

If she wants to be included earlier yet, well, that isn’t going to happen. Be gentle, but let her know she shouldn’t look for a big change in your nature. You’re in adulthood. What she sees is probably what she gets.

 

[Polycarp1]

Basically, I told my mother that I will be going to RCIA classes with the intent to become Catholic.
She became upset with me saying I don’t talk to her about anything and always acted so cold and distant, she believes she failed as a mother because I couldn’t discuss something important and of the heart such as wanting to be baptised and become religious, she thinks I should have talked to her about it and I guess in her mind, she pictures some heart-to-heart conversations or something.
She is spiritual, but not religious, I didn’t talk to her about my beliefs because I don’t talk to anyone I know about them for they are personal to me, unless people ask. I like to learn, learn and learn more before talking about things. I never told her because I have spent years reading philosophy and theology, before making any final decisions.
Anyways, this is the story about how I upset my mother for not telling her I wanted to become Catholic.
I am guilty of keeping myself to myself and being private, nothing more.

I can sort of understand your mother being upset. She loves you and wants to be a part of your life. She feels you are pushing her away. When we love someone we do the things that someone who loves someone would do for them even if it makes us feel uncomfortable or bored. Just ask a husband following his wife around shopping. or a wife sitting through a sporting event she doesn’t care about with her husband. Love means sacrificing ourselves for others, just as our Lord did for us.

 

[Blood_Angel]

Thanks everyone for the replies. My mother calmed down a bit now after repeating that I put up walls and that hurt her but she is happy I’ve found something since I was obviously looking for something. She even said that she never had be christened as a child because she wanted me to discover things for myself, maybe part of that was the reason she was upset, as it’s the fruition of a decision she made for me when I was a baby.
I told her that I’ve only just signed on to RCIA and going to classes to learn about Catholicism and won’t actually be baptised until Easter. I should invite her and show that I do can connect and be the person she wants to me to be.

 

[Polycarp1]

That’s great! Maybe she can come to RCIA with you!

 

[Crusaderbear]

Say what you said in the original post to her…its very clear, honest, and self explanatory to me! Invite her to a session maybe. Godspeed on your chosen journey.

 

[cjb_914]

I should invite her and show that I do can connect and be the person she wants to me to be.

Just a note (as always, if I recall correctly): In most places (talk to the RCIA director/priest about the situation) you can take RCIA courses to find out about Catholicism without actually wanting to become Catholic, so she doesn’t have to feel any pressure to join the Church if she just wants to spend time with you and learn about this faith you’ve found (it’s also a lovely way to evangelize her without being direct about it).

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

It’s sad when our children don’t discuss things with us Parents,
But that’s life , I have 3 Sons and I’v had that problem too,
They want to make their own life choices,
Which has upset me at times,
But that’s Life, in fact I’m Proud that they have a mind of there own,
I’m Proud that they made correct dicisions and made it right,
Sometimes they did really Dumb things like pay to much money for a lemon of a car,
Maybe these things are unrelated to spiritual decisions ,
But to me they are similar enough , your showing maturity and correct minded responability

 

[Anglewannabe]

There comes a time in everyone’s life where they have to think for themselves. Especially on important matters. I think it was the best thing for me when I started to make my own decisions regardless of what parents think. After all, she will probably die before you and you need to learn to take care of yourslef

 

[mommy_k]

It’s very nice that your mother calmed down…one thing I noticed though is that you stated that you want to show her that you are the person she wants you to be.

Sometimes temperments differ between parents and children and if this is the case, just be who God created you to be and don’t feel guilty about this …you may just be a bit more private than she is and that’s fine. It does not mean you are cold and distant…and does not mean you love her less.