Mother vacation

[DonQuichote1235]

Hi all, I have a question for you. My mother doesn’t have a lot of friends and because of this she wants to spend a lot of time with her children (my brother and I). I’m a full-grown man of 26 years old. I’ve the idea that I’m not only her son, but also some sort of replacement for a friend. She likes to go with me on vacation for example. Actually, tomorrow I will go with her to Egypt as a graduation gift, but she already talked about other potential future holidays spending together. My vacation in 2010 and 2011 I also spent with her.

How do I tell her that I don’t want to go with her on holiday every year, but instead of her maybe with some friends or other people? How must I tell this to her without insulting her (she is easily offended btw, often I need diplomatic skills to make my point to her) and without any violation on the Fourth Commandment? Thanks in advance!

Gr. DonQuichote.

 

[Lorelei12]

If she brings up any future trips, tell her “Mom, I love our vacations, but I actually have been thinking about using my vacation time to go somewhere with my friends next year.” Or, even better, plan a trip with your friends, and then tell her what your plans are. There is no reason for her to be offended by this, and it has nothing to do with “honoring your mother”. You will be helping her by setting your own boundaries. It sounds like she is too dependent on you emotionally, and that’s an unfair burden on you.

 

[KCT]

You will be helping her by setting your own boundaries. It sounds like she is too dependent on you emotionally, and that’s an unfair burden on you.

I agree.

And there is probably no way to do it without her feelings being hurt. But they’re her feelings, and she needs to deal with them appropriately.

 

[sojo]

If she brings up any future trips, tell her “Mom, I love our vacations, but I actually have been thinking about using my vacation time to go somewhere with my friends next year.” Or, even better, plan a trip with your friends, and then tell her what your plans are. There is no reason for her to be offended by this, and it has nothing to do with “honoring your mother”. You will be helping her by setting your own boundaries. It sounds like she is too dependent on you emotionally, and that’s an unfair burden on you.

This. And I would recommend you plan the vacation FIRST so you don’t weenie out. And further, you might want to choose your first vacation without Mom something with the guys that’s rather sporty and that she wouldn’t enjoy so she gets the idea that a young man’s idea of a vacation is different than an older woman’s idea (though Egypt sounds FABULOUS!) She may be disappointed to not be invited but not really anxious to go on a mountain climbing vacation in the Andes!

It sounds like your Mom doesn’t like to travel alone, and few people do. So you might contact one of the tour companies that specializes in group travel for older folks. All the details are put together and they have companionship all along the way - folks to chat with on bus or plane and at dinner, folks to help with bags at the airport and bus, etc. These are usually for folks 50 and up (though no age minimum is set).

Alternatively, there are also tours for single women, older single folks, Christians, Catholics, etc. and even active people book tours for bicycling through the wine country and such. Any good travel agent can recommend a reliable tour company, and the TA can sell the package and sometimes you can book directly from the tour company.

Having worked in the hospitality industry a long time, I know that once folks get used to one tour company that features fun and knowledgeable escorts, they tend to stick to them, and of course being on the mailing list, they get oodles of brochures about upcoming trips both local and far spread. They also hook up with others who enjoy their tours and plan accordingly.

Tour companies book arrangements at a big discount compared to individual travelers so they are both economical and convenient.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

2218 The fourth commandment reminds grown children of their responsibilities toward their parents. As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress. Jesus recalls this duty of gratitude.23

For the Lord honored the father above the children, and he confirmed the right of the mother over her sons. Whoever honors his father atones for sins, and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure. Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children, and when he prays he will be heard. Whoever glorifies his father will have long life, and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother.24
O son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives; even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance; in all your strength do not despise him. . . . Whoever forsakes his father is like a blasphemer, and whoever angers his mother is cursed by the Lord.25

. scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a4.htm#2218

I’m assuming Mom is purchasing the vacations; it does not apear hat you are purchasing her vacations. Sounds a bit like your mother is buying expensive, exciting, and unique vacations to spend time with you. It can be challenging for children to turn down such opportunities. It is part of learning how to fly from the nest.

I would not worry about future holidays. You need to first learn how to provide for yourself. Get a job, get own living arrangements, get own responsibilities. Set life goals. Once you have a job/career then vacation is directed by your new master (employer). I believe you will find it challenging to take time off and PAY for expensive vacations. However, you can make a goal to save for vacation and maybe treat your mother by xx years. Men especially have the desire to become self sufficient and provide. If this is your yearning, let mom know it.

You mom is capable of life without tending to her children’s every whims. The best way to let her get there is pull back little by little.

 

[DonQuichote1235]

Thanks for all reactions!

Gr. DonQuichote!