D
DonQuichote1235
Guest
Hi all,
I’m a man 31 years old and living on my own. I’m struggling with my mother for many years. Three periods in our lifes we didn’t see or speak to each other anymore.
She is a very dominant mother and doesn’t take me very seriously as a person. She constantly emotionally blackmails me if she doesn’t get her way. When I go to her house or see her or have to talk to her on the phone I always feel this fear and stress, because she get upset very fast or judges me negatively. Obviously she has good parts, but I feel she has a negative influence on me as a person.
When she does something for me, I will receive that back at some time in the future. For example, if she helps me moving to another place she sort of demands that I’ll do something back for her. Even if she cooks something for me she’ll put that in my face when I don’t want to something (that she wants me to do for example coming over to her place).
I can go on and on…but you get the point I think.
I’ve spoken to a psychologist and to my priest. My priest says that my obligation as a catholic adult man is to help my mother out when she’s is in trouble. Not necessarily more. My psychologist is fully on my hand. She thinks my mother is sort of evil or has a psycholical disorder. Personally, this is the third period in my life that I don’t speak to her anymore (haven’t spoken to her since april 2016). I don’t feel like talking to her again. It’s not that I hate her, but I’m just super disappointed and I don’t feel like I can be the man I should become since I still have these psychological dependency on her although I’m 31.
The problem is that I’m confused. My feelings are clear: I like not talk to her right now. I don’t feel like starting the relationship again. But then again there is the Fourth Commandment that tells you to honor your parents. I also have this guilt that doesn’t go away. I feel guilty because it has been so long that I don’t speak to her (I told that if the relationship would start I again, I was the one to initiate).
What do you think about this? What should I do? Thanks in advance!
Gr. DonQuichote
I’m a man 31 years old and living on my own. I’m struggling with my mother for many years. Three periods in our lifes we didn’t see or speak to each other anymore.
She is a very dominant mother and doesn’t take me very seriously as a person. She constantly emotionally blackmails me if she doesn’t get her way. When I go to her house or see her or have to talk to her on the phone I always feel this fear and stress, because she get upset very fast or judges me negatively. Obviously she has good parts, but I feel she has a negative influence on me as a person.
When she does something for me, I will receive that back at some time in the future. For example, if she helps me moving to another place she sort of demands that I’ll do something back for her. Even if she cooks something for me she’ll put that in my face when I don’t want to something (that she wants me to do for example coming over to her place).
I can go on and on…but you get the point I think.
I’ve spoken to a psychologist and to my priest. My priest says that my obligation as a catholic adult man is to help my mother out when she’s is in trouble. Not necessarily more. My psychologist is fully on my hand. She thinks my mother is sort of evil or has a psycholical disorder. Personally, this is the third period in my life that I don’t speak to her anymore (haven’t spoken to her since april 2016). I don’t feel like talking to her again. It’s not that I hate her, but I’m just super disappointed and I don’t feel like I can be the man I should become since I still have these psychological dependency on her although I’m 31.
The problem is that I’m confused. My feelings are clear: I like not talk to her right now. I don’t feel like starting the relationship again. But then again there is the Fourth Commandment that tells you to honor your parents. I also have this guilt that doesn’t go away. I feel guilty because it has been so long that I don’t speak to her (I told that if the relationship would start I again, I was the one to initiate).
What do you think about this? What should I do? Thanks in advance!
Gr. DonQuichote