Mother's Day Blessing Rant

[pianistclare]

Interesting post here:
*There are two main types of blessings. The first, sometimes called “constitutive” blessings, confer a sacred character on the person, place or thing, dedicating it to the service of God.

The other type, sometimes called “invocative”, ask for God’s blessing on such things as houses, cars, meals, trips, etc., without making them sacred.

Who can give blessings? The short answer is that anyone, even lay people, can give blessings on certain occasions, but the Church restricts some blessings to bishops, others to priests and deacons, and others can be given by lay people.

The general principle regarding blessings is that “the more a blessing concerns ecclesial and sacramental life, the more is its administration reserved to the ordained ministry (bishops, priests, or deacons)” (CCC 1669).

As for blessings reserved to bishops, the Code of Canon Law says that “Consecrations and dedications can be validly carried out by those who are invested with the episcopal character, and by priests who are permitted to do so by law or by legitimate grant” (Can. 1169, §1).

There are certain ordinary blessings that all the lay faithful, including children, can carry out. These include blessing oneself with holy water upon entering or leaving a church, blessing a meal and blessing oneself at the beginning of a trip.

Some other more formal blessings in De Benedictionibus can also be imparted by lay people, including the blessing of a family and of sons and daughters. Thirteen such blessings are listed.

In general, when a priest or deacon imparts a blessing he extends his hands over the person or thing, whereas a lay person keeps the hands folded.*

** The blessings given by lay people do not confer a sacred character on the person or thing, but merely invoke God’s protection and blessing.**

catholicweekly.com.au/article.php?classID=3&subclassID=59&articleID=7763&class=Features&subclass=Question%20Time

Fr John Flader, adult education director and Opus Dei priest

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m always amazed when people are upset that they are encouraged or feel encouraged to respond in a way that makes it clear they are angry. Especially in the context of Mass.

People mean well. Nobody is out to hurt anyone.
It’s not worth the bite back.

As Neofight said…how was the rest of Mass? I’ll bet it was beautiful.

It is possible to tell someone they are trying to “help” in ways that are not welcome without getting angry or “biting” them.

Let’s be blunt, too: Some people use their claim that they mean well to bully other people into doing what they want. That does not belong in the context of the Mass, either. If someone genuinely meant no harm, they need to know they crossed a line, all the same. If they defend their right to bully other people into doing what they want, it is OK to call them off from that, too. This can all be communicated without crossing the line into uncharitable communication.

 

[pianistclare]

It is possible to tell someone they are trying to “help” in ways that are not welcome without getting angry or “biting” them.

Let’s be blunt, too: Some people use their claim that they mean well to bully other people into doing what they want. That does not belong in the context of the Mass, either. If someone genuinely meant no harm, they need to know they crossed a line, all the same. If they defend their right to bully other people into doing what they want, it is OK to call them off from that, too. This can all be communicated without crossing the line into uncharitable communication.

How exactly, in Mass?

 

[EasterJoy]

How exactly, in Mass?

Generally speaking, I have found it isn’t that hard after Mass to track down those few souls who will not take “no” for an answer during Mass.

If someone is going around the church encouraging every female who looks as if she’s over the age of 22 to stand up but this person allows the women she’s encouraging to “wave her off,” I’d let it go. The implication that my listening skills don’t meet her expectations would be a little more patronizing than I’d like, but her effort would be tolerable. If she is truly “insisting” after the point that I clearly saw her and declined to stand up, however, I would let her know afterwards that she was barking up the wrong tree and would be thanked for not doing it again. It is not uncharitable to let her know that she can trust me in the future to know whether or not I want to accept the invitation to stand for a blessing or not.

 

[pianistclare]

Generally speaking, I have found it isn’t that hard after Mass to track down those few souls who will not take “no” for an answer during Mass.

If someone is going around the church encouraging every female who looks as if she’s over the age of 22 to stand up but this person allows the women she’s encouraging to “wave her off,” I’d let it go. The implication that my listening skills don’t meet her expectations would be a little more patronizing than I’d like, but her effort would be tolerable. If she is truly “insisting” after the point that I clearly saw her and declined to stand up, however, I would let her know afterwards that she was barking up the wrong tree and would be thanked for not doing it again. It is not uncharitable to let her know that she can trust me in the future to know whether or not I want to accept the invitation to stand for a blessing or not.

Oh goodness. Tracking people down?
no. I think not. Evening the score makes one just as bad as the “perceived” offender.
It is uncharitable. Very.
Thank goodness my parish has no people who feel like they have to make a point every time they disagree with something.
We’re not talking anything of substance here. We’re not talking abuse. Every year on CAF someone takes offense to the Mother’s blessing. So unfortunate.

 

[InNomineDomini]

It is uncharitable. Very.

Letting someone know that they were unnecessarily pushy is not uncharitable.

In fact, on the contrary, it could be a very good thing.

What if someone is consistently pushing women to go forward in these situations, and she happens across one who has had several miscarriages? Or someone who can’t find a husband? Or a young widow? Or someone who simply can’t have children? Or who just simply suffers from anxiety, and is terrified of going in front of others during Mass?

Being pushy to people can do more than just annoy them, it could generally push a bunch of buttons they don’t want pushed. And people need to respect that.

 

[G_S]

We had a pastor who used to ask all the mothers, grandmothers, godmothers, expectant mothers, and “all you of a motherly persuasion” to stand for a blessing.

 

[MSSheBear]

Every year it is some different woman. This year one choir member tried to get me to go up and one of the altos had another alto try to get her to go up. I think our priest is awesome and it had nothing to do with him or the actual blessing. I posted here to convince anyone of a similar mindset not to do it.

The choir member who tried to get me to go up brought a few of the bookmarks to us two who stayed behind. Neither of us took it. I guess we had a failure to communicate.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

I feel your frustration. My wife and I had a similar experience during our marriage preparation retreat, compliments of the parish we had to go for Mass.

Frankly, so many cultural aspects of American Catholicism stink.

But at least it’s not 1975!

Oh how well I remember 1975, in the college folk group then believe it or not. . . .Where were you? I spent the happiest liturgical years of my life in Charlottesville. . . Holy Comforter, but more often at St Thomas. Oh how I miss St Thomas Aquinas!!!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Where do y’all live that “no thank you, I am not a mother” is not respected?

 

[MSSheBear]

Where do y’all live that “no thank you, I am not a mother” is not respected?

How about where I live? I think I would know whether I should go up or not.

 

[EasterJoy]

Oh goodness. Tracking people down?
no. I think not. Evening the score makes one just as bad as the “perceived” offender.
It is uncharitable. Very.
Thank goodness my parish has no people who feel like they have to make a point every time they disagree with something.
We’re not talking anything of substance here. We’re not talking abuse. Every year on CAF someone takes offense to the Mother’s blessing. So unfortunate.

I’m not talking about abuse, either. I’m talking about talking. Communication. What, we are in communion, but we should avoid all real communication? Would it be that hard to hear from someone who has a point to make with you? How can giving feedback to someone who went out of her way to communicate with you get to be some kind of an affront? Really? Are we so allergic to honest feedback as that?

Why would it make you feel good to know that you could give offense to someone at your parish and they’d never tell you? Honestly, that would give me the creeps, because passive-aggression creeps me out. If I offend someone, I want them to tell me. Directly. Just say it. I make mistakes; I won’t die if you tell me my good intentions were mistaken! I’m not going to take the news as some big devastating surprise. The alternative is to know that if something I mean well is actually offensive, I will unknowingly offend someone I want to help over and over and over. Frankly, that is not the kind of relationship I want with the people I love.

Do you even know the people in your parish, or are they perhaps people you regard as strangers? If they aren’t strangers, how can you not be able to tell a fellow parishioner that you would appreciate it if they would not repeat something they presumably did in order to help you out? “Thanks for getting my attention, but I’m not a mother and I would really rather you not do that again. Is that OK? Thank you, I appreciate it.” How is that “uncharitable…Very”? You would not want to know that? Why on earth would you* not* want to know that?

 

[Phemie]

I’m all for real community, I’ll all for lay people doing what they should do, but honestly, I get so tired of this ‘push’ for the community to ‘act along with the priest’. Why, during the Eucharistic Prayer II, where it asks for God’s blessing on the clergy, the priests always always ALWAYS go on to tack on, ‘and all your people’, (please, don’t flame me as some of the OTHER Eucharistic prayers DO say, ’ the clergy and your people. I know that. I also know that the people per se get blessed in the Eucharistic Prayer II, so it’s not like they got ‘shafted’ in this prayer and not in others) as though if ONLY the CLERGY were mentioned it would somehow DEPRIVE the LAY PEOPLE of some blessing.

OK rant over.

A previous pastor used to avoid saying “clergy” and always said “all your people.” One day I asked him why he did that, saying, "when you don’t say “clergy” you’re actually changing the meaning of the prayer. His response was to never do it again in our parish but he couldn’t resist saying, “I’m glad I can celebrate Mass in X parish where there’s nobody who knows rubrics and I can do what I want.”

 

[Sunbreak]

I think it would be better to just bless everyone in honor of Mother’s Day. Imagine how a woman feels if she lost her child or is unable to have children or similar things.

 

[EasterJoy]

… he couldn’t resist saying, “I’m glad I can celebrate Mass in X parish where there’s nobody who knows rubrics and I can do what I want.”

“Oh yes, Father, and I’m sure the bishop feel the same way as you do.”

Or “…there’s nobody who knows rubrics and I can do what I want…that quote sounds familiar–Aquinas? St. Augustine?”

 

[Phemie]

“Oh yes, Father, and I’m sure the bishop feel the same way as you do.”

Or “…there’s nobody who knows rubrics and I can do what I want…that quote sounds familiar–Aquinas? St. Augustine?”

Oh this was the pastor who was an old seminary buddy of the bishop’s. I was there when the bishop told him our altar looked like it was covered in an old woman’s kerchief (he had this horrible patterned covering on it). His response was, “I know you don’t like it but I do so it’s not going to change.”

That’s when I jokingly asked the bishop if my medical plan covered pain killers.
“I don’t know, why?”
“Because I have a permanent headache from banging my head against the wall…”

 

[EasterJoy]

Oh this was the pastor who was an old seminary buddy of the bishop’s. I was there when the bishop told him our altar looked like it was covered in an old woman’s kerchief (he had this horrible patterned covering on it). His response was, “I know you don’t like it but I do so it’s not going to change.”

That’s when I jokingly asked the bishop if my medical plan covered pain killers.
“I don’t know, why?”
“Because I have a permanent headache from banging my head against the wall…”

Taken in the right spirit, it undoubtedly means a little less Purgatory. I hope your stubborn old pastor becomes a bit less stiff-necked before all is said and done, but I’m convinced that a great many of the lessons of Purgatory that await me will be of that nature!