Mother's Day Mass - Scattered Thoughts

[blackforest]

I’m not one to nitpick priests’ choices because I know they’re doing their best. And just like we parents were the best parents before we became parents . . . well, let’s just say that I’m a downright brilliant “priest.” (Sarcasm) :crazy_face:

It just seems like priests can’t win with the Mother’s Day Mass, and I’m just wondering if there’s a “best”(ish) way to go about it.

I know of one woman who won’t go because many years ago, when she was a teenager, she gave a baby up for adoption. It’s too painful for her to see all of the mothers come to the front for a blessing. I’ve wondered about that when I go to the front for a blessing and see the women who remain seated. How many have faced infertility? Multiple miscarriages? Elective abortions? How many have outlived their children?

The prayer we said mentioned that all of us had grown life in the womb. But aren’t adoptive moms just as much mothers as the rest of us?

My husband wisely and rightly told me not to overthink it; a lot of women probably remain seated simply because they may be mothers who do not wish to draw attention to themselves.

And a priest who doesn’t do anything for Mother’s Day will face criticism for that. As I said, priests just can’t win with their critics. Besides, it truly was touching to receive a blessing from the parish.

So I’m not going to fault a priest either way. At the same time, what do you think would be a good way to approach Mass on Mother’s Day? What did your parish do this year?

My mom had a good idea of making Mother Mary the focus, as May is her month, too. Perhaps that could be the time to lay flowers at Mother Mary’s feet, or something of that nature (??)

 

[Trishie]

If a woman has conceived a child, she is mother of a person,
even if her unique beautiful child is an unborn person who awaits her in God’s merciful love.
An adoptive mother is also a mother.
Each of these women has the right to stand as a mother.

The only thing that might stop her may perhaps be the puzzlement of others.
But it shouldn’t.

 

[CRV]

My mom had a good idea of making Mother Mary the focus, as May is her month, too. Perhaps that could be the time to lay flowers at Mother Mary’s feet, or something of that nature (??)

Great idea! I did wish our Mother a Happy Mothers Day

At a parish I used to attend, the priest asked all the mothers to stand up and someone else at the front walked down the isle and gave each mother a prayer card. Touching thought. One year I didn’t feel comfortable in being singled out in that way (self conscious) and so I did not stand up.

Perhaps the priest could just wish all mothers a happy day in general just before the dismissal, that way no-one is “singled out” or “left out”. Also an idea is maybe have everyone pray a Hail Mary just before the closing hymn in honour of Our Lady - Our Mother?

I agree with what Trishie said above.

 

[Clementine14]

I really like the way our parish does it- the priest gives a general blessing for all mothers, and then after Mass he is available for mothers (and their families, and also invited anyone else who felt they’d like to) to come up for an individual blessing.

I never liked the idea of having all of the mothers stand up. I wanted to be a mother for a few years before I became one, and I think it makes things a bit uncomfortable for anyone who has struggled with infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, adoption, abortion, or even those who struggle to find a spouse and yearn to be a mother. A general blessing, followed by an opportunity for an individual blessing after Mass, seems to be a nice way to approach it.

 

[Phemie]

At Mass yesterday members of the Knights of Columbus handed women a “Rose for Life”, as they have every Mother’s Day since I’ve been here, and Father wished all mothers a Happy Mother’s Day. That was the extent of it.

As usual for our parish on Mother’s Day, First Communion was the focus. We had 9 children receive Jesus’ Body and Blood for the first time.

 

[TomH1]

This is one of those situations where whatever you do somebody will find it wrong. You cannot ignore the fact some women are mothers just because others are not. Likewise you should not ignore men who are fathers because some men are not fathers.

No matter what group, section, community, etc. of people you choose for anything there will be people who do not fit into that group, section, community, etc.

I think one of the problems with society today is that people far too easily take offence at things. I don’t think we should walk on eggshells around those people.

It would be wrong to not celebrate motherhood because some women are not and never will be mothers. We can understand and empathise with the pain of those who would be mothers but are not. However, I think it unfair that those who are mothers should not celebrate their motherhood.

 

[Shasta-Rose]

Just about every woman in our church my age (older) is a mother. It’s almost as if, if you aren’t a mother, you are almost a non-person. You can hardly find a woman there who isn’t a mother. Just not used to being so out-numbered!

 

[Peonies]

My parish does this, except with carnations instead of roses.

 

[Lifeisbeautiful3]

It’s almost as if, if you aren’t a mother, you are almost a non-person. You can hardly find a woman there who isn’t a mother. Just not used to being so out-numbered!

Or, you could go to church like my children and I did, and be horrified that the priest did a whole tribute to moms. Had them stand up briefly as part of the sermon and said moms help the world go around. They are the glue that holds the family together. “every time they kiss you good night. Every boo-boo they put a Band-Aid on, etc. etc.”

Except my kids’ mom developed psychosis and walked out to prepare her womb for the next coming of Jesus and hasn’t called or written in years.

That just sucks for the kids. We pray for her every day. But the prayers are difficult as the years pass

 

[Phemie]

My parish does this, except with carnations instead of roses.

This is not a real flower, though. It’s a tiny fabric sticker.

 

[gracepoole]

It’s a secular holiday so I don’t believe it should be mentioned in Mass at all. But I’ll add this: in recent years, the entire day has been marred for me by those who struggle with it. It’s no longer just a happy day to celebrate moms — now it’s a day to explain that someone is infertile, someone’s mom died recently, someone had an awful childhood with an abusive mom, etc. This DOESN’T happen on Father’s Day, which seems a bizarre contrast. I no longer read anything (articles, social media) on Mother’s Day because while I’m celebrating my own mum and my children and husband are celebrating me, I find it difficult to read stories of tragedy related to mothers. I’m not sure why people make such a big deal of this. My own father was abusive and he’s no longer alive, but I’d never tell others about this on Father’s Day as it detracts from their celebrations. We’ve become so focused on our own identity stories that they now take priority over everyone else’s experiences. That’s just not healthy.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I know of one woman who won’t go because many years ago, when she was a teenager, she gave a baby up for adoption. It’s too painful for her to see all of the mothers come to the front for a blessing.

I went to two Masses for Mothers’ Day this year (one on Saturday and one on Sunday). I am not a mother myself and my own mother has been dead a few years. Mother’s Day is a bit emotional for me, not because I regret not becoming a mother (it was primarily due to health reasons beyond my personal control and I’m okay with that, in fact I thought “better it happen to me and my husband than some other couple because we can handle it better”) but because I miss my own mom a lot.

At both places they gave out the rose/ prayer card/ gift at the end to “all women of the parish over 18”. The first church specifically mentioned all the women who were mothers, godmothers, grandmothers, any other woman in a caregiving situation. The first church also did a special blessing just for mothers.

I opted to not go up and get the flower and prayer card because I was in a sad mood, not because I am not a mother but because I was missing my own mother and husband who died and was upset for other reasons of stressful day. I was also thinking I have more than enough prayer cards. But I could have gone up and gotten one if I wanted.

The second church also was giving out little pins to all the women; the priest said you could even take one for someone else like your own mother. At that church I did go get the pin because I was visiting from out of town and wanted to meet and greet the priest, and had arrived late to the Mass so I hadn’t had a chance to do that beforehand. I did notice that the card with the little pin was about mothers specifically but took one anyway.

I think the best a parish can do is to just give out the token or whatever to “all women over 18” although that does kind of take away from the “mother” angle. I’m sure I was not the only woman who kind of shied away from the whole business.

Many of the parishes do something for Mother Mary on another day of the month, like a special day for May Crowning. A lot of those celebrations happened last Sunday or last week in my parishes. Several of the churches were trying to include the First Communion children in the May Crownings and another church has their patronal feast day early in May so they had a large school Mass with the May Crowning on the patronal feast day.

 

[blackforest]

At Mass yesterday members of the Knights of Columbus handed women a “Rose for Life”, as they have every Mother’s Day since I’ve been here, and Father wished all mothers a Happy Mother’s Day.

I like this idea!

I think one of the problems with society today is that people far too easily take offence at things. I don’t think we should walk on eggshells around those people.

When it comes to partisan politics, I agree with you. But when it comes to such deeply intimate matters as motherhood and everything it may entail - miscarriage, abortion, adoption, death of children, death of mothers, abuse, neglect, etc. - I do favor a compassionate approach. Again, however, I don’t fault a well-meaning priest for how he structures the liturgy.

 

[Phemie]

I remember back when I was a kid, a service club, at home I think it was the Richelieu Club, raised funds on Mother’s Day by selling little lapel flowers. You’d buy and wear a red one if your mom was living, a white one if she had passed away.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

I think it makes things a bit uncomfortable for anyone who has struggled with infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, adoption, abortion, or even those who struggle to find a spouse and yearn to be a mother

Agree and it is also hard for those who have recently lost their mother.

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

I sort of got into it with a mommy blogger over this. I woke up on Mothers’ Day and read an article she posted the night before what not to do at mass on Mother’s Day. I suggested that the article and post dumped buckets of mom shame without offering any actionable steps such as how to politely suggest changes at the parish level some changes and posting it with enough time for people to actually take those steps.

She answered snarkily that writers have little say in when their piece is posted. SHE wrote it. She posted it on Facebook on Mother’s Day eve. Then bragged about the controversy she was stirring up elsewhere.

The virtue signaling is out of control. Telling a personal story or what you personally do is one approach but deciding the be the champion for a group of people who didn’t ask you to and being happy that you made people unhappy is not a great approach.

 

[EnglishTeacher]

I think one of the problems with society today is that people far too easily take offence at things. I don’t think we should walk on eggshells around those people.

It’s not a matter of taking offense; it is that Mother’s Day is often painful for people for different reasons. For example, some have lost their mother; others had to give a child up for adoption; others long to be mothers but have not been able to have children.

I fall into the last category, and I do find it painful when they have all the mothers stand for a blessing, but I also don’t fault priests however they want to handle it because it is a tricky situation. I am very thankful to have my mother and both of my grandmothers still living; so I try to focus on that. But people’s pain is real, and we should try to be compassionate about that.

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

But people’s pain is real, and we should try to be compassionate about that.

Absolutely!

 

[EnglishTeacher]

So I’m not going to fault a priest either way. At the same time, what do you think would be a good way to approach Mass on Mother’s Day? What did your parish do this year?

I was at two different parishes this week due to a couple of different commitments. One priest had all the mothers stand for a blessing, but he made sure to mention mothers of all kinds, including adoptive and foster and those who had lost children, and also those women who had been a spiritual mother in someone’s life. I thought that was good of him and showed he had put some thought into trying to include mothers of all kinds. The other priest did the blessing for mothers after the whole congregation was already standing for a final blessing. I preferred that practice, because it eliminates the awkward situation for some women in trying to decide whether to stand or not.

 

[Clementine14]

I think one of the problems with society today is that people far too easily take offence at things. I don’t think we should walk on eggshells around those people.

It would be wrong to not celebrate motherhood because some women are not and never will be mothers. We can understand and empathise with the pain of those who would be mothers but are not. However, I think it unfair that those who are mothers should not celebrate their motherhood.

There is a difference between walking on eggshells and being kind and considerate. Mothers (and fathers) can be honored in a way that is sensitive to the struggles many people face. A group blessing is nice and doesn’t single anyone out. My motherhood can be celebrated by my kids- I’m their mother. I don’t need a bunch of attention at church. That’s not why I’m there.