Move On From Material Belongings?

[Mary67]

What should one do when their wedding gifts have been kept without consent by their parents and the parents refuse to return the gifts to them? Should they just cut their losses and move on? Does the fourth commandment have any bearing on the actions one should take? Because we live far away, we asked them only gathering our things for us and any costs for sending them would be reimbursed or prepaid according to what is more convenient for them.

I don’t want to get into too many details (because it is wearisome to write) but, both my parents have mental illness and have committed a laundry list of offenses against me and my husband since our marriage. They have wanted to control me and get in between my marriage (even stating in several communications that my husband is the reason I’ve “changed” and am an “ungrateful” “spoiled” “a**”). So, I think this is one way they are attempting to control me. Considering the situation I have described above, what is the proper response to their behavior. We have been estranged for several years with the exception of several written communications attempting to reason with them and asking for our belongings. Is it petty to continue asking? Should we just move on? I feel terrible thinking our wedding guest cumulatively spent hundreds of dollars on us and we never were able to use their gifts. I want to be a good Christian here, but I have been undecided as to how to handle this situation.

 

[Elizabeth3]

Instead of trying to convince them to pack them up and send them to you, is it possible to make a trip to pick them up yourself? Maybe taking another family member who might have some influence in getting them to allow you to take your items?

If not, you might just have to let this go or file a civil suit to see if a judgement could be rendered in which they would be told to hand over your gifts.

 

[Mary67]

I was thinking of that but we have no way of transporting our stuff back with us. I think you may be right that we will have to let this one go. Also, Im not sure if their state has a statute of limitations on this sort of thing. So, I would have to look into that further. But, I really don’t like the idea of suing my parents. I wish we could just work it out.

 

[Elizabeth3]

I was thinking of that but we have no way of transporting our stuff back with us.

Could you have it shipped if they let you have it like you were going to have them do anyway? I know it would seem a pain to have to not only pay for a trip to their home but to also have to pack it and ship it from there but if you can swing the expense, it may be worth it to have the issue resolved.

I also don’t think a civil suit would really be like suing them and reducing their quality of life by taking their assets. Getting your own things back isn’t going to hurt them in any way. Even though we have to honor our mother and father, it doesn’t give them a right to treat their child badly or “provoke them to anger.”

 

[Mary67]

Your suggestion is a very good idea, but to be honest my parents scare me. I honestly don’t feel comfortable or safe around them. They are highly manipulative and potentially dangerous. I have been physically assaulted by them before as an adult. So, I’m not willing to put myself in that position again over material items.

I suppose I will just have to let this one go. On one forum a poster faced a similar situation and received replies suggesting the sender of the gifts be notified that they were not able to receive their gifts. Then the giver of those gifts can deal with the “theft” as they see fit. But, I feel like that is too divisive. I just want my wedding gift and gown, but I’m not willing to wage war over it.

 

[Elizabeth3]

It sounds like you came to the best conclusion you can under the circumstances. It is sad but if you can let go of the material things and seek to forgive them, you will finally have some peace about the situation. God bless.