Moving in together

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A friend of mine is moving in with her boyfriend in a few days. My family has recently been asking about her since they got rumors that she was moving. Knowing that she is younger than me they asked where she will be living since it’s several hours away from her family. Once I answered “I don’t know” because I didn’t want to say “she’s moving in with her boyfriend” because me and my family and many of my friends believe that’s immoral. Should you just be honest when you’re backed into a corner with basic questions?
 
Stylus said:
A friend of mine is moving in with her boyfriend in a few days. My family has recently been asking about her since they got rumors that she was moving. Knowing that she is younger than me they asked where she will be living since it’s several hours away from her family. Once I answered “I don’t know” because I didn’t want to say “she’s moving in with her boyfriend” because me and my family and many of my friends believe that’s immoral. Should you just be honest when you’re backed into a corner with basic questions?
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You did the right thing (if perhaps for the wrong reason). You are not obligated to confirm rumors about anyone’s behavior, upcoming or current, even if you know. That is spreading gossip, which you certainly don’t want to do. Once it becomes apparent that the two are living together it will become common knowledge but even in that case it isn’t right to comment on it to others. And, of course, pray that your friend sees how wrong it would be to live with her boyfriend and decides not to do it. If you know her well enough, you could talk to her about her decision and ask her to reconsider because it is not a Christian thing to do, but if you do, do it with love and for her good. God bless!
 
Stylus said:
A friend of mine is moving in with her boyfriend in a few days. My family has recently been asking about her since they got rumors that she was moving. Knowing that she is younger than me they asked where she will be living since it’s several hours away from her family. Once I answered ?
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you can say “she will be living in Podunk Iowa” or “she will be living on campus”. No reason to give any details of who she is with or why she is moving. None of their business. No reason for anyone other than her parents to speculate.
 
Not all people that live together mean they’ll have sex out of marriage. And not all people that live together do that. Some people that live together do so on a platonic basis. What we’re up against is a stereotype that must be rubbed out.
 
It may be a steriotype, but that doesn’t prevent it from giving scandal which is also sinful.
 
rwoehmke said:
It may be a steriotype, but that doesn’t prevent it from giving scandal which is also sinful.
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If a person were to say, “I’m getting an apartment with a roomate,” that’s pretty neutral. But if she says “I’m moving in with my boyfriend,” people automatically assume the worst, stereotype or not.
 
The scandal is secondary to the approximation to sinful actions they would be placing themselves under even if they said they were going to remain chaste. Such living together presents times and moments that can easily lead to sinful situations because you share things and living space. When my girlfriend hangs out at my apartment we do not hangout in my bedroom at all. It is simply a situation that can place one in the moment of temptation and since they would persist in that even with the knowledge that it is wrong, it is then a mortal sin (speaking in general about people esp Catholics who live together).
It is also scandalous because such open living arrangements lead others to believe that this is okay when it is not because they place themselves in temptation for grave sin and act as if its good (thus misleading others). One does not have to jump to the conclusion that they are being intimate for it to still be scandalous.
Finally, it is true one should never judge that two people are being intimate just because they live together, but let us be realistic. Most people who do live together who are dating probably aren’t models of chastity. Jesus commanded us to be as Perfect as our Heavenly Father is and in this day and age, we need strong models of chastity who inspire people to be pure of heart through their actions they show to others, not people living together and trying to convince us that they are still remaining chaste. When you want a person to bang up the middle on a fourth in one, you don’t send your third string tailback instead of your allstar. Let’s all try to be allstars because there are too many third stringers on the field and God needs a touchdown!
 
JimG said:
If a person were to say, “I’m getting an apartment with a roomate,” that’s pretty neutral. But if she says “I’m moving in with my boyfriend,” people automatically assume the worst, stereotype or not.
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Not if they stayed celibate till they were married.
 
“it’s time all stereotypes were stopped much.”

I agree. ALL stereotypes must be stopped. They are ALL bad. (Hmmm…does that include the stereo-type that all stereo-types are bad?)

Sorry.

But to be serious, I don’t see that the problem is negative stereotypes about people who live together.
 
Neo_Canaan said:
Not all people that live together mean they’ll have sex out of marriage. And not all people that live together do that. Some people that live together do so on a platonic basis. What we’re up against is a stereotype that must be rubbed out.
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Not most but all the folks I know who “Moved in together” eventually wound up in a conjucal relationship prior to either being married or broke up because one of the other “didnt understand” the other partner. This is turning out to be a “Try Before You Buy” society. What will this do to the established family that all want to aspire to sometime in their lives? Its the same thing as going to Sears and purchasing a product and after some time is not really satisfied with it and returns for a refund. This is the society we are living in today folks. We need to wake up.
 
Stylus said:
A friend of mine is moving in with her boyfriend in a few days. My family has recently been asking about her since they got rumors that she was moving. Knowing that she is younger than me they asked where she will be living since it’s several hours away from her family. Once I answered “I don’t know” because I didn’t want to say “she’s moving in with her boyfriend” because me and my family and many of my friends believe that’s immoral. Should you just be honest when you’re backed into a corner with basic questions?
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You are not “being backed into a corner with basic questions”. You are being asked a simple question by your parents. You are not being asked for a judgment, just a simple statement of fact. You are not spreading rumors to answer such a question. So I think you should not avoid a direct question from your parents. Indeed, you should answer it honestly. Now if you were going around freely spreading such information to spread scandal and gossip, that would be another story.
 
whatevergirl said:
that is true, but we are to avoid near occasions of sin…so…more than a scandal, it can lead one into tempation and worse…mortal sin.:o
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Not every couple that lives to gether does sex. That is the world we live in. We need to grop up much. So stop the stereotypes. I’ve seen couples live together on a platonic basis believe u me.
 
Neo_Canaan said:
Not every couple that lives to gether does sex. That is the world we live in. We need to grop up much. So stop the stereotypes. I’ve seen couples live together on a platonic basis believe u me.
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Aw, c’mon. We weren’t born yesterday. But it doesn’t matter if 1 in 100 couples living together are not having sex. The bottom line is that living together causes scandal and that is reason enough for it not to be good.
 
Neo_Canaan said:
Not all people that live together mean they’ll have sex out of marriage. And not all people that live together do that. Some people that live together do so on a platonic basis. What we’re up against is a stereotype that must be rubbed out.
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Even living together celebately can be sinful if it creates scandal or if either of the two parties are placing themselves in the proximal occasion of sin.
 
StMarkEofE said:
Not most but all the folks I know who “Moved in together” eventually wound up in a conjucal relationship prior to either being married or broke up because one of the other “didnt understand” the other partner.
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Most of the folks I know of who dated had a sexual relationship prior to being married, and none of these people lived together before marriage.
 
JimO said:
Even living together celebately can be sinful if it creates scandal or if either of the two parties are placing themselves in the proximal occasion of sin.
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How can it if they got seperate rooms and take saltpeter?
 
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