Moving in With Fornicating Couple?

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the_johnwitherell

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Hello everyone,

Recently my sister kicked out her old roommate. She was hinting the other day that she would like me to rent from her instead of another friend (she wants someone who is family and she trusts me with her animals). The only potential issue I can see is that she lives in her apartment with her “fiance” (been engaged for a year yet no marital plans, you can see where I’m going here). However, she’d charge me really decent rent and I’d finally get to move out of my house.

The way I initially thought of it was this: if I moved in, I would not be committing sin because I wouldn’t be aiding in it (they’ll still live together whether I live there or not). Is this logic correct? Or would I be committing sin in another way with this? Thanks
 
I don’t think there is anything really wrong here. Though it might be better if you just found a better living arrangement for yourself.
 
Great opportunity for you to preach chastity without speaking!

The couple may get first hand experience of how a good Catholic lives. Be a light to them!
 
I am probably going to be dumped on for my view here, but here goes.

Sex without a love commitment certainly is wrong.

Marriage is in fact the only sacrament performed not by the priest but by the couple themselves. The priest makes it official.

A couple who are engaged certainly have made a love commitment to each other. It could be argued that they are already married by their engagement, but are just waiting for it to become official.

I know that is not the Church view, but it makes sense to me.
 
No, you’re not sinning.

Move in, be good example, and pray for them. Hopefully they’ll get married soon.
 
I don’t think it’s a good idea to move in, and not because of the issue sinning (which I don’t believe there is one) but because of the potential risk to the relationship.

Why did she kick out the old roommate? What if she sees a reason to kick you out? I would avoid a financial agreement of this magnitude with a family member. Paying rent is a pretty big responsibility.
 
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the_johnwitherell said:
The way I initially thought of it was this: if I moved in, I would not be committing sin because I wouldn’t be aiding in it (they’ll still live together whether I live there or not). Is this logic correct?
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Correct only as far as that goes. You would not be contributing to their evil, unless perhaps they see your living with them as a sign of your approval of their living arrangements.

That is not to say there is no moral difficulty and risk to you. There most certainly is another moral risk to you.

At the moment, you are only distantly aware of their unchastity. You have heard about it, and you may have made some assumptions about it, but you do not live with frequent reminders of it, and there are details you may not be aware of. When you live under the same roof as them, you will see signs, and you will hear things, and you will be more aware of it.

I can envision two kinds of risk to you personally. At the very least, living in such an environment will tend to accustom you to their behavior and thereby desensitize your conscience. What you live with and witness on a regular basis can easily become the new normal for you.

Additionally, it may be a near occasion of sin for you. Your greater exposure to and awareness of their unchastity may lead you to unchaste thoughts and actions.

So I urge you to be wary of this opportunity to move in with your sister and her boyfriend. I suggest that you stay where you are or find other housing that is more suitable.
 
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These are good points. Living with this type of behavior has a lot of problems and its awkward too.
 
Your sister and her partner are fornicating only in the minds of those who think sex should be confined to marriage. While you are entitled to that view it is charitable to those of us who fall into the category you are considering to use a less pejorative term.
 
I would like to follow your suggestion but I am not sure what you would consider charitable. What term would you use?

Seriously. I am not being rhetorical. I just don’t know.

On further thought, how about unmarried couple? Any other ideas?
 
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The category of couples being discussed is ‘people having sex who are not married in the eyes of the Catholic Church’. This includes a huge number of people who are committed to life-long exclusive relationships. When I have sex with the person you do not consider my wife we are not ‘fornicating’.
 
We need to see the situation with the eyes of God and if you can find a place away from a close family member then I’d recommend it not because of how they live but as experience tells me… Good friends and family don’t live well together… Almost as bad as living with those you work with.
 
I like RandomAlias’ answer.
I think that, by you paying rent every month, you are helping them to continue living together. I would be uncomfortable with that.

If you make the decision to honor God with how you live your life each day, you would be spending a lot of time and money with family who are not concerned about honoring God with how they live. That will wear down your resolve.

Ask God that he guide you every day, including the day that you move out. May that situation be one that He would be happy with. Here you are, old enough to make decisions for God, and here is a temptation to go sideways. It seems as though you could benefit from this situation, but I would steer clear, and hope for a more suitable situation.

I was at the mall and met someone from school that I hadn’t seen in a while. We both had a bit of time and we chatted and walked around together a bit. There was a place that had bins of bulk food that you could put in a bag, which they would weigh and charge you. Here I was, walking with her, and she opens a bin and puts some food items in her pocket. Shoplifting. You know, I said it was nice to see you, and moved along. Sometimes it’s a smart thing to steer clear and keep some distance.
 
FiveLinden said:
While you are entitled to that view it is charitable to those of us who fall into the category you are considering to use a less pejorative term.
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It’s a Catholic forum. “Fornication” is the correct Catholic term.

I fornicated before marriage (have since confessed it and not done it again) and I don’t get all upset when I hear the word. So I reckon other people can deal with it also.
 
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