Moving in with

[confusedgirl]

Greetings,
I’ve really been giving this some thought but I don’t think staying at home is good for furthering in my catholic faith. I posted in another forum back in July or August about my university situation being in jeopardy. So as I suspected it all fell apart and now I’m at a college for a year closer to home. Naturally because of this my mom refuses to have me go to mass. Quite frankly I’ve had enough and I’ve decided I will not be staying past June. My options are to rent with some friends or to move to live with my moms friend who is like an aunt to me. Shes a devout catholic and probably would have no problem being my sponsor. The problem is, my program is offered in another city 8 hours away so it’ll be a bit hard to go back and forth like that. Either way I’d be happy since my mom and I have never really been too close since we have very different beliefs. But do you think that by just leaving I’d be killing any chance of a relationship with my mom? She promised a lot of things would change but I haven’t seen any such changes. I am 18 btw but here I’m not considered a legal adult till I am 19 which will be in about 5 months.

 

[Xantippe]

“But do you think that by just leaving I’d be killing any chance of a relationship with my mom?”

No. Living separately may be your best shot at having a good relationship with your mom. It’s hard to live with people.

 

[KrazyKat]

I would wait the 5 months until you are of legal age as I feel your Mom would not feel offended then.

Will keep you in my prayers.

 

[peace2u2]

Greetings,
I’ve really been giving this some thought but I don’t think staying at home is good for furthering in my catholic faith. I posted in another forum back in July or August about my university situation being in jeopardy. So as I suspected it all fell apart and now I’m at a college for a year closer to home. Naturally because of this my mom refuses to have me go to mass. Quite frankly I’ve had enough and I’ve decided I will not be staying past June. My options are to rent with some friends or to move to live with my moms friend who is like an aunt to me. Shes a devout catholic and probably would have no problem being my sponsor. The problem is, my program is offered in another city 8 hours away so it’ll be a bit hard to go back and forth like that. Either way I’d be happy since my mom and I have never really been too close since we have very different beliefs. But do you think that by just leaving I’d be killing any chance of a relationship with my mom? She promised a lot of things would change but I haven’t seen any such changes. I am 18 btw but here I’m not considered a legal adult till I am 19 which will be in about 5 months.

Confusedgirl, Blessings to you and your family. Just try to remember 3 things:

1. Pray for God to direct the best choice in your decision - may it be His will and not your own.
2. Your mother will always be your mother…no matter what. Regardless of your differences, just try to remember that God chose your mother to be your earthly mother and in difficult moments remember that the Blessed Virgin Mary is your Heavenly Mother and maybe offer up some Hail Mary’s for her intercession in helping to heal the relationship between you and your mother.
3. God never said it would be easy, but He did say that He is always with you. So cast your cares upon our Lord:

Matthew 11:28-30
The Gentle Mastery of Christ.
“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”

God Is With Us by Casting Crowns:
youtube.com/watch?v=huASULyhU0s

 

[ventura2323]

Greetings,
I’ve really been giving this some thought but I don’t think staying at home is good for furthering in my catholic faith. I posted in another forum back in July or August about my university situation being in jeopardy. So as I suspected it all fell apart and now I’m at a college for a year closer to home. Naturally because of this my mom refuses to have me go to mass. Quite frankly I’ve had enough and I’ve decided I will not be staying past June. My options are to rent with some friends or to move to live with my moms friend who is like an aunt to me. Shes a devout catholic and probably would have no problem being my sponsor. The problem is, my program is offered in another city 8 hours away so it’ll be a bit hard to go back and forth like that. Either way I’d be happy since my mom and I have never really been too close since we have very different beliefs. But do you think that by just leaving I’d be killing any chance of a relationship with my mom? She promised a lot of things would change but I haven’t seen any such changes. I am 18 btw but here I’m not considered a legal adult till I am 19 which will be in about 5 months.

Not a good idea to leave your home. There is too much temptation out in this world. Perhaps you have forced your mother to make those promises and she does not feel it is the right thing to do.
If you are practicing your religion properly, you might have some ;compassion on your mother who has kept you safe all these years.
Don’t let your emotions keep you from having the patience of Job.
Louise

 

[confusedgirl]

“But do you think that by just leaving I’d be killing any chance of a relationship with my mom?”

No. Living separately may be your best shot at having a good relationship with your mom. It’s hard to live with people.

I’ve given that some thought and I think that what you said is very true.

 

[confusedgirl]

I would wait the 5 months until you are of legal age as I feel your Mom would not feel offended then.

Will keep you in my prayers.

Thank you for your prayers. I plan to transfer to an out of town university so I hope it goes well for me this time

 

[confusedgirl]

Confusedgirl, Blessings to you and your family. Just try to remember 3 things:

1. Pray for God to direct the best choice in your decision - may it be His will and not your own.
2. Your mother will always be your mother…no matter what. Regardless of your differences, just try to remember that God chose your mother to be your earthly mother and in difficult moments remember that the Blessed Virgin Mary is your Heavenly Mother and maybe offer up some Hail Mary’s for her intercession in helping to heal the relationship between you and your mother.
3. God never said it would be easy, but He did say that He is always with you. So cast your cares upon our Lord:

Matthew 11:28-30
The Gentle Mastery of Christ.
“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”

God Is With Us by Casting Crowns:
youtube.com/watch?v=huASULyhU0s

Thank you this was very helpful advice. I will keep this in mind

 

[confusedgirl]

Not a good idea to leave your home. There is too much temptation out in this world. Perhaps you have forced your mother to make those promises and she does not feel it is the right thing to do.
If you are practicing your religion properly, you might have some ;compassion on your mother who has kept you safe all these years.
Don’t let your emotions keep you from having the patience of Job.
Louise

My home was back in my home parish with the people who were ready to support me in whatever I did. My mother is very ignorant and very anti catholic. She believes her way is the only way and is very blinded by her pride. I can’t practice my faith properly because she tries to force hers on me. I will try not to let my emotions get in the way but I am at an age now where I’m not okay hiding my true faith just to please my mom.

 

[Xantippe]

“My mother is very ignorant and very anti catholic. She believes her way is the only way and is very blinded by her pride. I can’t practice my faith properly because she tries to force hers on me.”

I think that moving out may be what saves your relationship with your mother. It sounds like you need space, and as soon as practically possible.

 

[ventura2323]

I’ve given that some thought and I think that what you said is very true.

She did not give you Christian advice.
If you could realize your mother loves and wants the best for you you would think differently. She knows the temptations in the bleak dark sick world and wants to protect you. Put yourself in your mothers shoes, if you had a child what would you do?

Stop resenting your mother, she is doing the best she can. No one is perfect, stop judging her and look at your own faults.
Louise

 

[confusedgirl]

She did not give you Christian advice.
If you could realize your mother loves and wants the best for you you would think differently. She knows the temptations in the bleak dark sick world and wants to protect you. Put yourself in your mothers shoes, if you had a child what would you do?

Stop resenting your mother, she is doing the best she can. No one is perfect, stop judging her and look at your own faults.
Louise

No what she said is very right. My mom can’t accept my faith and only wants me to follow hers and I can’t do that. In return my mom has gone out of her way to make my life miserable. The only way anyone will have any peace of mind is to go our seperate ways. Its just something that needs to be done.

 

[confusedgirl]

UPDATE

So my mom made everyone go to church. I asked to go to mass she naturally said no and soon enough I was at her church. I sat quietly in the back not making a scene and my mom didn’t think that behaviour was appropriate. So she told me to pack my things and live in a shelter. When we got home she said she expects me to dance and sing like everyone and I told her that my faith is important to me and I don’t want to give it up just to please you. She said as long as I live in her house I have no religion except hers. If I want any kind of faith of my own I need to move out. She packed a suitcase and put my stuff out. I told her she couldn’t force me out or she could get in serious legal problems. My mom and I had this problem in the past twice before and she thought I had given up my faith which I would never do. So now I’m working on moving out by the end of the school term because my mom has an obsession with being right all the time and she can’t stand the thought of me not wanting to be apart of her religion. My mom detests my faith and doesn’t want me to take any part in anything catholic. I can’t stay at her home if there is a no catholic standard. I don’t believe what she is doing is very christian and as long as this keeps up I dont think there will be a relationship between us.

 

[ventura2323]

UPDATE

So my mom made everyone go to church. I asked to go to mass she naturally said no and soon enough I was at her church. I sat quietly in the back not making a scene and my mom didn’t think that behaviour was appropriate. So she told me to pack my things and live in a shelter. When we got home she said she expects me to dance and sing like everyone and I told her that my faith is important to me and I don’t want to give it up just to please you. She said as long as I live in her house I have no religion except hers. If I want any kind of faith of my own I need to move out. She packed a suitcase and put my stuff out. I told her she couldn’t force me out or she could get in serious legal problems. My mom and I had this problem in the past twice before and she thought I had given up my faith which I would never do. So now I’m working on moving out by the end of the school term because my mom has an obsession with being right all the time and she can’t stand the thought of me not wanting to be apart of her religion. My mom detests my faith and doesn’t want me to take any part in anything catholic. I can’t stay at her home if there is a no catholic standard. I don’t believe what she is doing is very christian and as long as this keeps up I dont think there will be a relationship between us.

No one can force anothers faith. , It shouldn’t bother you if you had faith.

“Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do”.

 

[Julian_Bashir]

No one can force anothers faith. , It shouldn’t bother you if you had faith.

“Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do”.

Forgiving someone does mean allowing them to coerce you into abadoning your faith, which is what is going on. CG is basically being told to choose between her catholic faith and her mother. And yet you chide her for being unChristian?

 

[Xantippe]

“So my mom made everyone go to church. I asked to go to mass she naturally said no and soon enough I was at her church. I sat quietly in the back not making a scene and my mom didn’t think that behaviour was appropriate. So she told me to pack my things and live in a shelter. When we got home she said she expects me to dance and sing like everyone and I told her that my faith is important to me and I don’t want to give it up just to please you. She said as long as I live in her house I have no religion except hers. If I want any kind of faith of my own I need to move out. She packed a suitcase and put my stuff out. I told her she couldn’t force me out or she could get in serious legal problems. My mom and I had this problem in the past twice before and she thought I had given up my faith which I would never do. So now I’m working on moving out by the end of the school term because my mom has an obsession with being right all the time and she can’t stand the thought of me not wanting to be apart of her religion. My mom detests my faith and doesn’t want me to take any part in anything catholic. I can’t stay at her home if there is a no catholic standard. I don’t believe what she is doing is very christian and as long as this keeps up I dont think there will be a relationship between us.”

I think you should move out eventually (but not before you find a safe place to live). In the meantime, how about setting up a meeting for you and your mom to see your mom’s pastor? Unless he’s totally nuts, he will probably be a friendlier listener (he’ll be used to mediating between warring family members and doing marriage counseling–it’s part of his job). Ask him, given the fact that you want to be Catholic, how should you and your mom live together? Worst case scenario, he’ll back up your mom and you’ll be no worse off than you were before. Best case scenario, he’ll try to cool her down and talk her out of her more extreme ideas (forcing you to participate at her church, kicking you out to live in a shelter, etc.). You really have nothing to lose by bringing your mom’s pastor into the loop. She may be much better behaved in front of her pastor. as she’ll want to keep up a good front.

 

[ventura2323]

Forgiving someone does mean allowing them to coerce you into abadoning your faith, which is what is going on. CG is basically being told to choose between her catholic faith and her mother. And yet you chide her for being unChristian?

If you have faith is cannot be abandoned. You don’t have it otherwise. Faith is a gift from god and never taken away or abandoned. Whether catholic or not.

Someone gave her unchristian advice and I corrected her.

 

[Julian_Bashir]

If you have faith is cannot be abandoned. You don’t have it otherwise. Faith is a gift from god and never taken away or abandoned. Whether catholic or not.

Someone gave her unchristian advice and I corrected her.

You didn’t give her any concrete advice other than to be forgiving. Well, duh. We know that. But in forgiving her, does she stay with her mother, and constantly be at odds because she wants to practice her faith? Being Catholic is not an internal attitude only where you creep about in secrecy. Not only is that wrong, but it is deceitful, and the mother has no right to ask that of her.

If your mother asked you to stop praying to God period, I assume you would then?

 

[maryjk]

Greetings,
I’ve really been giving this some thought but I don’t think staying at home is good for furthering in my catholic faith. I posted in another forum back in July or August about my university situation being in jeopardy. So as I suspected it all fell apart and now I’m at a college for a year closer to home. Naturally because of this my mom refuses to have me go to mass. Quite frankly I’ve had enough and I’ve decided I will not be staying past June. My options are to rent with some friends or to move to live with my moms friend who is like an aunt to me. Shes a devout catholic and probably would have no problem being my sponsor. The problem is, my program is offered in another city 8 hours away so it’ll be a bit hard to go back and forth like that. Either way I’d be happy since my mom and I have never really been too close since we have very different beliefs. But do you think that by just leaving I’d be killing any chance of a relationship with my mom? She promised a lot of things would change but I haven’t seen any such changes. I am 18 btw but here I’m not considered a legal adult till I am 19 which will be in about 5 months.

I am guessing you live in Alabama. If so, you can apply for emancipation, if you mom isn’t supporting you. But you have to be supporting yourself.

I don’t know that I could live with anyone that wanted me to leave Catholicism.

 

[ventura2323]

You didn’t give her any concrete advice other than to be forgiving. Well, duh. We know that. But in forgiving her, does she stay with her mother, and constantly be at odds because she wants to practice her faith? Being Catholic is not an internal attitude only where you creep about in secrecy. Not only is that wrong, but it is deceitful, and the mother has no right to ask that of her.

If your mother asked you to stop praying to God period, I assume you would then?

Forgiving her mother is pleasing to God.
I don’t think either one, her or her mother has a real relationship with God’

The problem here is she hates her mother … Her mother cannot force her faith on anyone, because it is not possible. If one has faith in God nothing can take that away.
I know the hell out there for a young girl, men can be very deceiving and she could fall into being used by them, or the drugs in the world. Evil is rampant and a girl her age can easily be tempted, because she is an emotional person and will fall for the first one that arouses her.

I would never advice a young girl to go out into the world until her emotions are healthy.