Moving to Ave Maria

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Jade12

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Help… I am so torn about what to do. We have a large family, we live in Canada in a catholic wasteland of a small town…about 100 max go to mass, my teens are the only attending, my younger ones half of the total number of kids. Partying, sex, dope the majority of kids start at 13 here… no one cares about underage drinking, quite a few folks allow it in their homes. My great husband has to work 55-65 hrs/week financially. So we might have the chance to move down to Ave, quite the catholic enviroment except my husband wouldn’t be able to come, he would work for three weeks and then fly down for 1.Should we separate ourselves for the sake of the kids welfare? it would be tough but we are used to working hard and many sacrifices…I just dont know what to do… he thinks it would be best spritually and academically for the kids… advice anyone???
 
While I have heard wonderful things about Ave Maria… why not consider having your husband look for a new job in another area. Of course, not every town is distinctly “Catholic”, but there are many parish communities that are vibrant and large! Why not compromise - find a new job in a vibrant Catholic community so that you CAN stay together as a family. Breaking the family apart would be my last choice.
 
Plus I think Ave Maria is not doing very well at all financially. . .
 
I would never move somewhere that required me to be apart from my husband three weeks out of four. :eek:😦 No way.
 
Absolutely not. No way, nuh uh. Never would I take my husband out of my kinds and my life for that much time just so that I can have Catholic people around me, in my town, schools, whatever.

You and your husband are the foundation of your children’s lives and your domestic Church. Don’t take your foundation out from under you! What you are proposing is basically becoming a single mom, and take it from someone who IS a single mom (not of my choice), it’s hard! If you think it’s hard to keep the bad influences away now, it will be harder when husband isn’t there for support. I’m quite sure even in Ave Maria there are going to be shenanigans since there are people of fallen nature there.

How about moving somewhere more suburban, not as far from where you are now? I have personally found that it is much easier to find a ‘niche’ when the population is bigger. More kinds of people, more small communities to be part of. Just my personal experience. When you live in a small town there are only so many people to choose to associate with and the parishes are small. I would think there has got to be somewhere not as far away that would be a better fit for your family.🤷

Prayers for you that you find the right solution to this:signofcross:
 
You absolutely can NOT have a strong family if there is not a strong marriage, and a strong marriage takes two people 100% of the time. Not one week out of five.

This is a horrible idea.

Find somehow for the entire family to move or don’t move at all.

~Liza
 
Good day! My parent’s worked a lot when we were kids…We grew up in a town of 5000 people eventually it has grown to over 10,000+…lol… Most were Catholics but there were still many that were not…AND with the same situation, underage drinking, drugs…I never did any drugs at all…Not even out of curiosity…BUT my friends’ and even siblings started since they were 12, everything you could imagine…Being the eldest I didn’t even know what was going on with them…Everyone is different and they all made their choices at 12, yeah I know where are the parents? I was pretty much their parent, since my folks worked 18 hours a day…I used to have to work with them, and most of the times the kids were either alone, or with grandma whenever she was able to come down from our home country to the USA…

Not fun at all…Well my parent’s thought that if my father moved to a better paying job where mother didn’t really need to work that things would get better…By then most of us were grown except for our youngest brother…He moved to another city 3-4 hours away and mom got to stay in her nice big house that they finally were able to buy when I was 21, and all their kids lived with them, included my married self so that we could keep her company…Things didn’t work out…My brother’s were doing what they wanted, even engaging in orgies, mother was not happy and tried her best to clear out the house from those terrible spirits… I felt it had been the worst idea ever, but they felt it was ok, besides everyone makes mistakes right? Father came to see the family 2 days of the week and even with that the family was falling apart… Eventually everyone got used to him not being around so now when he’s on vacation and has to stay for more than 2 days it gets him depressed…

He got used to living without kids screaming, no nagging wife, no teens running around, he’s done this for 8-9 years now…

And I have always ran away from my family, perhaps for all the wrong reasons but I was reminded a few weeks ago why… I think that even though we lived poorly if they would have dedicated a little more to speaking about GOD and the Bible and what was the right way to live maybe things would have turned out differently, even if we were living in a small place…Instead of just dedicating to working, etc… But it’s ok because we all learned our lessons. And drugs are never going to go away no matter where you live. I know tons of kids that grew up in Catholic settings, schools, etc whom do drugs and party just as much as the ones that have no religion or really know about GOD…

So I don’t think you should move anywhere unless your hubby is going with you…If he can find a similar job or go into a new career field in a new town or city then you guys will have more opportunities, together and be able to raise your children together…That’s important…Family should always be together…

God bless and good luck!
 
Like the others I do not think that moving away from your husband is a good idea–especially not SO far away. It is best if you stay together as a family. Can he transfer within the company? Or look for another job in another place? I know the economy is not wonderful right now in many places, so if he has a stable good paying job, this may not be the best time to rock the boat on the job front. Continue to pray with and for your children. Talk to your priest and see what the youth group can do to draw in more kids–possibly ‘rescue’ them from the bad direction they are going.

I will be praying for you.
 
Thanks so much for all of your (name removed by moderator)ut.
I guess there is a few things I would need to clarify. Due to my dh’s profession, he can not move right now, maybe in a year or two. Our life in many ways has been quite extraordinary, we have had huge challenges, loss of kids, financial loss etc…but NEVER loss of faith. We have been blessed with a phenomenal marital life. Our children are well behaved and faithful…however they are IT, from a catholic view point in this town… There is no youth group for the teens, there are no children for the younger ones to play with. They are incrediably close to each other, they are ostracized by the other kids in town because they do not indulge in the sex, drinking, dope etc etc. We know that this enviroment is a deathtrap for them… that is why when we found Ave, we were so thrilled. We are not thrilled to be apart from each other 3 wks out of 4 but with our laptops and technology we can see and speak to each other each evening and when the dh would come, he would be completely ours for 1 week. With his job we barely see him right now, ie he leaves at 6:30am works all day, comes home occassionally for dinner, and then goes back to work until usually 11:30. He is in service to others, continually during the day, and then does the paperwork pertaining to that in the evenings. I guess it all sounds mind-boggling to all of you, but to us it feels like an answer… I’m sorry, I hope I havent offended anyone… its just that we are so used to following a different drummer, homeschooling etc, taking action to solve our problems that accept for the separation, it seems like an answer… groan…I seem to be rambling on…
however, thanks again, keep praying for us.
 
At the end of the day, it all comes down to what YOU think is right for YOUR family. Not what a bunch of strangers tell you to do on an internet forum.

You do sound desperate, and sometimes desperate times require desperate measures. I would do everything possible FIRST to try to move the entire family together. If that means your husband has to quit his job and find something else, then that needs to be on the table.

In the end all that matters is the salvation of souls. If you think that you can protect their souls by doing this, then that’s what you need to do. Just make sure you are not so blinded by the situation that you can’t see the implications of your decision.

God bless - I will surely keep you in my prayers.

~Liza
 
Thank you Liza,

We do see it as a desparate situation… and my beloved husband is only concerned about their souls. He feels they were entrusted to us to get them as well-equiped as we can so they can go to heaven… so we continually try to stack the deck in that regard, he feels that God is so good and their souls are so precious that we must do all we can for them. He wants us to try it for a year, and if it is the right place then he will study and pass whatever he needs to do to be able to work there… but it is just not possible for this year. He is an absolute saint and we love each other so much that though difficult, we feel we can do this… despite the hardship… and God always has the last word… if He shuts it down ie: regarding visas etc, then we take that as a direct “no”, but thanks to all for listening, writing down my worries actually has clarified my thoughts. 👍 God bless you all.
~jade
 
I’m sympathetic. My husband is a reservist, so he does have to spend time away from the family. I don’t think anyone here would say that a military man is an unfit father. In my part of the world, many other dads are gone for six months in the year in order to do work offshore or overseas. Again, can we say that they should never have a family?

I have a feeling that you’ll know the answer when it’s the right time. And even if you only spend a year or two in Ave Maria, this time can have a huge impact on your children. I went to a very Catholic university and came away just four years later a changed person.

If Ave Maria is as good as people say it is, I’d be half tempted to take the deal too, and I already have a decent Catholic community here at home! Prayers for your decision! 🙂
 
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