Mr. & Mrs. vs First Name Basis

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My oldest is all of three right now. I have some friends whose children call adults Mr. So-and-so and some friends whose kids call adults by their first names.

When visiting my husband’s work, which we rarely have the chance to do, I introduced one of his coworkers to my son as Mr. Smith. He says, Oh just call me John.

In other languages, it is more common to address your elders in a more formal manner. For example “Tu” is used for familiar vs. “Usted” for your elders in Spanish.

What is the opinion on kids addressing adults formally? I want to instill respect of elders without being unreasonable.
 
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Jennyanydots:
My oldest is all of three right now. I have some friends whose children call adults Mr. So-and-so and some friends whose kids call adults by their first names.

When visiting my husband’s work, which we rarely have the chance to do, I introduced one of his coworkers to my son as Mr. Smith. He says, Oh just call me John.

In other languages, it is more common to address your elders in a more formal manner. For example “Tu” is used for familiar vs. “Usted” for your elders in Spanish.

What is the opinion on kids addressing adults formally? I want to instill respect of elders without being unreasonable.
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If the adult in question is a family member (aunt/uncle of child, your cousin, child’s cousin), first name is fine. Grandparents should be called Grandma/Grandpa or cute pet names (Nana, Poppop). It depends on the family when you call them Grandma [first name] or Grandma [last name]. Great-grandparents should be “Great-grandma so-and-so” unless they tell the kid otherwise.

If you’re around a friend of the family who sees your kids a lot (godparent, for example), first names are fine.

If you’re around your boss and it’s a formal workplace, you want Mr. or Mrs. or Dr.

I hope that helps.

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
 
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Jennyanydots:
When visiting my husband’s work, which we rarely have the chance to do, I introduced one of his coworkers to my son as Mr. Smith. He says, Oh just call me John…
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In this case, to make you both feel comfortable, have your son call him Mr. John.

This is what my son does with all my friends.
 
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coralewisjr:
If the adult in question is a family member (aunt/uncle of child, your cousin, child’s cousin), first name is fine.
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I agree. I think in this case, the respect for the position comes from calling the family member Auntie Jane and Uncle Jack. We do have this set as common to address aunts and uncles as such.
 
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sarai:
In this case, to make you both feel comfortable, have your son call him Mr. John.

This is what my son does with all my friends.
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This is a good idea. Makes everyone happy.
 
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sarai:
In this case, to make you both feel comfortable, have your son call him Mr. John.

This is what my son does with all my friends.
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My oldest is only 2 and just now starting to speak clearly. Once we get to the point where talking isn’t as big a deal for him, we’ll probably have him use Mr./Miss first name for friends and casual acquaintences. 🙂
 
This is how it all the kids in my family address adults. Even my 18 yo niece.
 
i think it depends on the situation and the culture of the person being addressed. I do like a title with a first name or a title with a last name for respect. i have found that african americans tend to not use first names so i will teach my children situation specific addresses. our next door nedighbor may be Miss Jane but someone else might be Miss Smith.
 
Outside of the family we always use Mr. Mrs or Miss. If the person wants to be called by their first name, my kids will call them Mr. First name Or Miss First name. I work at a nature center. I lead kids on field trips. We are always called Mr. first name or Miss First name. That is how my children adress my collegues as well. I perfer Mr. Mrs or Miss (or Dr.) last name, and have a few friends who do as well.
The thing that is such a shame is kids don’t know what to call you. I volunteer with my oldest son’s class alot. At first they would call me Christopher’s mom. But there was always a hesitation first. You could see the look of relief when I told them they could call me Mrs. Jones. When I was a kid (and it wasn’t that long ago) I knew to call my clasemates parents Mr or Mrs (or Miss or Dr.). I know sometimes we had to ask or we already knew that the parent didn’t have the same last name, but we still knew.
 
I typically get a “sir”, but I don’t care all that much. What I hate is “you” pronounced in a disrespectful way or first name used as a comma or nonchalantly pronounced surname.

I never put a Mr before my own name – that’s ridiculous, and that’s why sometimes I could be denoted by name and surname when other people get Mr or the female equivalents. I’m not a big fan of titles and I prefer my name to stand for its own. I only get annoyed, as I said, by a disrespectfully pronounced “you” or surname or abused first name. The fact I don’t like titles doesn’t mean people are at liberty to call me be first name when I’m calling them sir/madam unless they are much older.

I don’t take first name or second person singular (“thou” equivalents in non-English languages) well but I don’t take offence if the speaker is being friendly and I haven’t already called him sir/madam or mr/mrs/miss etc.

When I have to adress someone new, with men, I prefer the official way but don’t care all so much if they are around my age and in a casual scenery, but with ladies, I prefer to wait and have them address me first, then I adjust to the form they use. If I had to choose something, I would go by “madam”. Between people my age (early twenties), introduction usually includes first names only, so you can go on and call people by names. I won’t single strangers out if everyone is roughly the same age and speaking informally. Friends of our friends are our friends, so they get the same treatment with at least a semblance of introduction or sometimes even without one.
 
For us, all adults are “Mr. Smith” not “Mr. Dave” – to me, Mr Dave just sounds weird…lol – I grew up and still call my parents friends “Mom, did you have lunch with Mrs. Williams for your birthday?” – For me, I think it draws a clear line in the sand for my kids – that is an adult, deserving of the respect and obedience (within reason, of course) that all adults should have from a 4yr old. His teachers at school are all Mrs. Lastname, not Miss Diane or Miss Sandy…I just think it’s a subliminal reminder that they are the kid, and that is the adult…and no, my kids aren’t the vonTrapps…they are playful and fun like any other kid. I have noticed tho, in the neighborhood we moved into a year ago, there was no “Mr or Mrs Lastname” used. Since we moved in and my son calls every parent by their last name, the kids in the neighborhood have all started calling the parents “Mrs Smith” and Mr Jones instead of “Miss Tracy and Mr John” – I’ve asked the parents if they told their kids to start using last names, and they laugh and say “nope, he heard your son saying it, and just started doing it himself” –

I notice a distinct difference in his tone when he speaks to adults vs. when he talks to his friends, and that’s what I’m aiming for…seems to be working well for us (and apparently, rubbing off too – 😃
 
Oh dear, Mister FirstName sucks. Miss FirstName is cute for a girl, but Mrs FirstName sounds like Madame FirstName, which sounds like a brothel owner.
 
It used to drive me nuts that my son was the only child in the family that addressed his aunts and uncles as Aunt Dawn or Uncle Mike. Once I pointed it out, however, they started using “titles”. I guess no one ever noticed it until I mentioned it.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing (I’m Hispanic and we were always taught to treat our elders–regardless of our age–with respect, almost reverence), but when I was a kid, children NEVER addressed adults by first names… seems to me that the ones who insisted on “just call me Bob” were the ones who were the least respected.

Then there were the kids who called their parents by their first names instead of “Mom” or “Dad”. That just sounded plain weird to me. To this day (I’m 38), I still can’t bring myself to call my parents by their first names. And my friends’ parents from childhood? They’re still “Mr. and Mrs. Jones” to me!

I think that in this day and age when there is so much trouble stemming from adults who want to be children’s friends instead of authority figures, it would be a good idea to encourage children to address adults in a respectful manner… and I’m sure the nuns who taught some of us in grade school would expect them to stand when an adult entered the room, too!

BlueRose
 
I don’t mind if children address me by my first name. What I really hate is to be called “Miss” . Ugh. I’d rather be called “Auntie Carol”. 😃

I was brought up to use “Mr.” and “Mrs.”, and I still address my parents’ friends that way, even at my age. :eek:

However, I address people of that same age by their first names if they’re people I know personally (in my choir, for example).

I can’t see children addressing their aunts and uncles by first name, though. Cousins, yes, but the cousins’ parents should be “Aunt Sue” or “Uncle Bob”.
 
What’s wrong with Aunt Dawn or Uncle Mike? (note: I probably live several thousand miles away)
 
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chevalier:
Oh dear, Mister FirstName sucks. Miss FirstName is cute for a girl, but Mrs FirstName sounds like Madame FirstName, which sounds like a brothel owner.
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ROFL!!!:rotfl:
 
Here is my question. My kids have no cousins. The closest they have are my cousins kids. They don’t see them often, maybe once or twice a year. So, what should my children call my cousins? They call my aunts and uncles “Aunt Jane” or “uncle Jon”. Right now they call my cousins by their first name. Calling them “cousin Jane” sounds wierd.

Also, i don’t think Miss first name or Mr. first name is that odd. And what do you think about calling close friends of the parents Aunt or auntie or uncle first name?
 
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annemjones96:
Here is my question. My kids have no cousins. The closest they have are my cousins kids. They don’t see them often, maybe once or twice a year. So, what should my children call my cousins? They call my aunts and uncles “Aunt Jane” or “uncle Jon”. Right now they call my cousins by their first name. Calling them “cousin Jane” sounds wierd.

Also, i don’t think Miss first name or Mr. first name is that odd. And what do you think about calling close friends of the parents Aunt or auntie or uncle first name?
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When I’m around my parents’ cousins at family reunions, I usually just call them by their first names (when I remember what their names are). Then again, Dad’s family has family reunions every year so we’re a tight-knit bunch. I don’t know how other families do this.

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
 
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annemjones96:
Also, i don’t think Miss first name or Mr. first name is that odd. And what do you think about calling close friends of the parents Aunt or auntie or uncle first name?
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I wouldn’t care for that. It would be either Mrs., Mr. Smith or just the first name if it is instisted upon. Bestowing someone with the title of Aunt or Uncle when they are not is just kind of creapy to me.

It’s kind of funny because my son has started to say sir. We are a long way off of the vonTrapps too. I’m still wondering where he picked that up from. When I tell him that he can just call me Mommy, he laughs like his is embarrassed. I don’t think “To Sir, with Love” has been on in a while. Couldn’t have seen it there. . . . .
 
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Jennyanydots:
I wouldn’t care for that. It would be either Mrs., Mr. Smith or just the first name if it is instisted upon. Bestowing someone with the title of Aunt or Uncle when they are not is just kind of creapy to me.

It’s kind of funny because my son has started to say sir. We are a long way off of the vonTrapps too. I’m still wondering where he picked that up from. When I tell him that he can just call me Mommy, he laughs like his is embarrassed. I don’t think “To Sir, with Love” has been on in a while. Couldn’t have seen it there. . . . .
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Maybe he got it from the Peanuts/Charlie Brown character, the girl who calls everyone sir.

my Mother my Confidence,
Corinne
 
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