Mr. & Mrs. vs First Name Basis

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Originally Posted by chevalierOh dear, Mister FirstName sucks. Miss FirstName is cute for a girl, but Mrs FirstName sounds like Madame FirstName, which sounds like a brothel owner.
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*:rotfl: *
and so true at times!
My kids have always been told to use titles or “sir” and “ma’m” without exception. This is partly because my dh and I have this habit so ingrained in us that we can not break it. It’s also partly because it’s difficult for young children to decide who gets what title when - this way ensures that, at worst, my children will be overly polite and who could dislike that in a kid these days?
This is also how we introduce ourselves. It is a southern tradition to use Mr./Mrs./Miss + first name - but even then it is usually an old family friend, not anyone new who isn’t a regular part of your life or it is someone near your own age.
I know, it sounds like we were sooo stiff doesn’t it? But it wasn’t at all.
We do not like using first names with strangers because it just seems to assume a level of familiarity that isn’t really there, especially for children.
 
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chevalier:
What’s wrong with Aunt Dawn or Uncle Mike? (note: I probably live several thousand miles away)
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Nothing… the point is, all THEIR children were calling all their aunts and uncles (including me) by first name only until I made the comment, "Anyone notice that my kid’s the only one who calls everyone “Aunt” and “Uncle”?

Of course, my unmarried sister-in-law solved that problem by having all the kids call her “Tia” (Spanish for aunt… and unlike English able to stand alone as a “name”!)

BlueRose
 
When I first started reading this thread, I was going to answer with “whatever the adult prefers to be called”. Now I think I prefer “Mr.John” to the adult who says, “oh, just call me John”.

I like the idea of teaching children that all adults deserve respect. I do not have any children and am not around any on a regular basis so I have never really thought about this before.

Parents, what do you then do if “Mr.John” insists to your child to call him just “John”? Do you enforce your rule or allow exceptions?

Malia
 
This has been a problem for me for almost 24 years. My sister in law allows her oldest since he could talk call her by her first name. She does not let her kids use Aunt or Uncle or Mr. and Mrs. for that matter. My children, slightly older then hers, were “corrected” not to call her Aunt and made a mockery of our use of manners. This situation never resolved but my children call everybody but her Aunt (or whatever proper name) She still calls my kids (mostly adults now) uptight little nerds.:nope: If I say something in the past she just came up with an ignorant comeback so I just shut up and take it. My kids too learned the hard way like me, its just not worth it.
 
That’s the thing, too. I want my children to respect their elders, from family members to teachers to who ever they meet along the way. So many kids today show such little respect. I’m starting when mine are young.

Calling me by my first name is somthing that lasted for about a day, after my son heard my mom call me. I can’t believe parents would allow that of their kids on a regular basis.
 
Feanaro's Wife:
When I first started reading this thread, I was going to answer with “whatever the adult prefers to be called”. Now I think I prefer “Mr.John” to the adult who says, “oh, just call me John”.

I like the idea of teaching children that all adults deserve respect. I do not have any children and am not around any on a regular basis so I have never really thought about this before.

Parents, what do you then do if “Mr.John” insists to your child to call him just “John”? Do you enforce your rule or allow exceptions?

Malia
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Why should John Smith, after asking to be called “John”, have to endure being called “Mr.”, which he hates, so that your children can show him respect? That is a little backwards.

Our kids address people in the way that we introduce them, unless the person asks otherwise. If I had a problem with that, though, I’d step in with “Is it okay if he calls you Mr. Smith, instead? I usually have him call grown-up men “Mr.”, even our friends.” For instance, I ask priests who go by their first names to allow the kids to use the title Father.

“Mr. John” is cute, but I’d leave it to be suggested by the intended target. (Suggesting it as a compromise would be okay, though, if you threw in a Minnasota handful of "Are you sure?"s.)
 
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BLB_Oregon:
Why should John Smith, after asking to be called “John”, have to endure being called “Mr.”, which he hates, so that your children can show him respect? That is a little backwards.
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Because you’re the parent, not him. What if he said “ohhhh, little Jimmy, you can just call me “Fat Bastard” – everyone does!!” – the point is, you’ve decided as his parent this is how you want it done. It’s not Fat Bastard’s job to undo your rules, if he doesn’t like it (few people even realize the potential ramifications of letting kids think they’re one of the adult gang, and most are pleasantly surprised when they hear my son say “Oh, hello Mr Mitchell, nice to meet you”) he can find someone else to “play” his little buddy
 
My kids are still young…9, 6 and 4, but we teach them to use formal names. Mr. Soandso, Mrs. Soandso or Coach Soandso. As many have mentioned here already I like that sense of respect that goes along with using formal names. I also prefer to be addressed by Mrs… when my kids’ friends talk to me, and they pretty much all do - however, some don’t - and some parents don’t introduce me as such…How do you go about correcting that politely? Especially when the parent in front of you introduces you to their child by your first name. I feel like I’d be correcting the parent…and those are toes I don’t like to step on.
 
well im 22 years old and i still call people mr or mrs. if not i just know my mama is hidin somewhere near by to swat me with something if i dont! its also a cultural thing. when people tell me not to call them mr or mrs and i do anyway i just tell them its my southern upbringing.
 
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bluerose:
Nothing… the point is, all THEIR children were calling all their aunts and uncles (including me) by first name only until I made the comment, "Anyone notice that my kid’s the only one who calls everyone “Aunt” and “Uncle”?
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Ah, OK. I thought more like “Aunt Smith” or some such. It used to be done in Poland, but that was long ago and weird. Usually done by people showing off their family relations.

@annemjones96: Yeah, “cousin Jane” sounds weird. We don’t say “sister Jane” even if she’s a nun, so… No, that’s weird. Maybe if that were a very distant cousin and practically unknown. But this sounds like “Madame et chere cousine”, simply overdone.

As for Mister FirstName (again)… I remember the old Master FirstName, especially to young people whom you wouldn’t call Mister, but not only. By the way, in Polish we do call people like that, but our word for Mister is the same as for Sir and Lord - it’s all one word. And we’ve only recently got over Lady Mother. 😉 I could maintain this tradition but I don’t want any Sirs from my own children and I don’t want Lords from anyone.
 
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leaner:
Because you’re the parent, not him. What if he said “ohhhh, little Jimmy, you can just call me “Fat Bastard” – everyone does!!” – the point is, you’ve decided as his parent this is how you want it done. It’s not Fat Bastard’s job to undo your rules, if he doesn’t like it (few people even realize the potential ramifications of letting kids think they’re one of the adult gang, and most are pleasantly surprised when they hear my son say “Oh, hello Mr Mitchell, nice to meet you”) he can find someone else to “play” his little buddy
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Of course you aren’t going to let your kids use a form of address that is forbidden them for anyone under any circumstances.

As I said… you ought to ask him if it is okay that your children refuse his preferred form of address in favor of something more formal. There are few adults who won’t allow themselves to be called Mister, when asked, but children ought to know that if you are going to refuse someone’s wishes in how they wish to be addressed, an explanation is in order.

I have taught in situations where everyone addressed college instructors by their first names. I was willing to go along with whatever the students were comfortable with, but let my students know that if they would rather call me “Doctor” or even “Mrs.”, that was fine with me, too. I have colleagues, however, who would be irked to be addressed “Doctor” by students who had been expressly directed not to do that.

Whether or not that is their prerogative may be up for debate, but that is a debate that the wise student stays clear of.
 
In this country, we use titles for uni teachers from Master’s degree up. Once at one university, a student addressed a professor like a Master’s holder. She replied, “Boy, just call me Meg perhaps.” They don’t even take “sir”, everyone wants the title and the right one. Doctors with habilitation are only called professor instead of doctor, as if they were regular professors.
 
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