Multiple wives? International

[Hairbrushgirl55]

I’m an American non-Muslim woman. My husband is an Indian Muslim.
Way before we met, he lived in England and married there. He was with his English (Muslim) wife for three years, and they never had children. They separated with intent to divorce and he left England for a year or two and didn’t go back.
He came to the United States May of 2015. I met him and he told me he was married before and I assumed he was divorced. We married June of 2015 in the United States. He then told me he never actually got divorced. I got an annulment November of 2015. His divorce in England was finalized in January of this year (2016).
He went back home, and thinking I didn’t want to be with him, got married in India in an arranged marriage to a Muslim girl he didn’t know. He was still Skyping/messaging me. They married early February 2016. He told me at the end of February that he had married again. I didn’t talk to him again. He came back to the United States in March. I talked to him again in May, and I married him again that month. He was dishonest with me again about some things, and I filed for divorce in August. I feel bad for talking to him again and marrying him, but he and I love each other and want to be together. Our divorce can be left alone and it won’t finalize. He told the other girl that he can’t have kids (which is true. If it happens it will be a rare chance. He and I already tried for a year. The doctor recommended IVF after analyzing his sperm).
After filing for divorce, I bought him a ticket to the middle east, where his dad lives part of the year. He hasn’t gone back to his Indian wife and doesn’t want or intend to.

Is it wrong for me to be with him and for him to live here in the states with me considering that poor girl, his other wife? Am I a monster of a person? He wants to keep abandoning her so that she’ll move on.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m an American non-Muslim woman. My husband is an Indian Muslim.
Way before we met, he lived in England and married there. He was with his English (Muslim) wife for three years, and they never had children. They separated with intent to divorce and he left England for a year or two and didn’t go back.
He came to the United States May of 2015. I met him and he told me he was married before and I assumed he was divorced. We married June of 2015 in the United States. He then told me he never actually got divorced. I got an annulment November of 2015. His divorce in England was finalized in January of this year (2016).
He went back home, and thinking I didn’t want to be with him, got married in India in an arranged marriage to a Muslim girl he didn’t know. He was still Skyping/messaging me. They married early February 2016. He told me at the end of February that he had married again. I didn’t talk to him again. He came back to the United States in March. I talked to him again in May, and I married him again that month. He was dishonest with me again about some things, and I filed for divorce in August. I feel bad for talking to him again and marrying him, but he and I love each other and want to be together. Our divorce can be left alone and it won’t finalize. He told the other girl that he can’t have kids (which is true. If it happens it will be a rare chance. He and I already tried for a year. The doctor recommended IVF after analyzing his sperm).
After filing for divorce, I bought him a ticket to the middle east, where his dad lives part of the year. He hasn’t gone back to his Indian wife and doesn’t want or intend to.

Is it wrong for me to be with him and for him to live here in the states with me considering that poor girl, his other wife? Am I a monster of a person? He wants to keep abandoning her so that she’ll move on.

Why do you want to do this to yourself?

Run, run, run the other way, and don’t stop until you’ve gotten over him, made a better life for yourself, and filled it with so much friendship and love that you don’t have any room for this big lying weasel of an ex-husband of yours.

 

[Lou2U]

Why do you want to do this to yourself?

Run, run, run the other way, and don’t stop until you’ve gotten over him, made a better life for yourself, and filled it with so much friendship and love that you don’t have any room for this big lying weasel of an ex-husband of yours.

Yes, yes, yes. You deserve more than a pack of lies. You deserve more.

Lou

 

[Monica4316]

Well I’m not sure if you’re aware of this but since he was married and it didn’t get annulled, the two of you were actually never married validly… And it would not be valid unless he gets an annulment, which I guess could only be if he becomes Catholic, and if there are grounds for an annulment.

Marriage of any sort, Sacramental or natural, can only be valid if the person has never been married, been annulled, or widowed. Also Catholics are bound to marry in the Church, and if they don’t marry a Catholic, they need a dispensation from the Bishop for validity. This is because marriage is not a social institution only but a union of two people that only death can break, and for Christians its a Sacrament.

The theological issues aside… As others said, you deserve more than being lied to. he seems to have some issues with commitment that are quite serious. Its also really terrible that he kept lying to you. The fact that he also doesn’t care about the girl in India, is a red flag - again issues with commitment. I would run the other way.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

You need to be honest with yourself, this man clearly feels no commitment to you whatsoever.

 

[eatpraylove11]

Don’t do it, stay away…speaking from experience

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Yes it’s wrong for you to be with him. It’s bigamy on his part. You would not be able to sponsor him for a green card because he’s a bigamist, and it would be fraudulent.

You’ve only known this person a year and 3 months, yet you married him twice in that period of time while he was married to two other women.

He’s a bigamist.

You need to end it, and be happy he’s out of the country. Your “marriage” isn’t valid because he’s married to someone else.

 

[Monte_RCMS]

Visit your local parish Catholic Church and pray a LOT.

Just say the word “help”.

Many Catholic parishes have various adult education classes and one day mini-retreats.

Use these as opportunities to pray.

 

[Liturgy_Geek_1]

I was in a relationship with a serial liar like this. No good will come of it. You deserve someone who will love you honestly and fully.

God bless you. Go to Him in prayer for strength.

 

[Mintaka]

In the eyes of God and the law of the United States, you have never been married to him, and he has never been married to you.

He is a polygamist. He has one wife in God’s eyes, and other wives in his religion’s eyes. In God’s eyes, he is continually committing adultery.

Jesus said, “Have you not read that He Who made man, from the beginning, made them male and female?” And he said: “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”

You have never been one flesh with a husband. Instead, you have been someone on the side, helping this man cheat on that English Muslim woman who is his real wife according to God, and making him feel better about abandoning his other “wife.”

Obviously this man is persuasive, and your own loneliness is persuasive. But this man and his lies are keeping you from finding real happiness and love with someone better. On the other hand, your gullibility is enabling him in his wheel of non-commitment. You are hurting his soul and helping him become a worse person. Worse, you are even funding his sinful lifestyle.

You are not a monster. You are just foolish and easily led. Learn from experience and don’t kick yourself too hard. Just don’t do this silly stuff again. Love someone worthwhile, not just somebody with a convincing line of talk or sexy ways, or someone who makes you feel sorry for him.

So stop preventing his happiness and yours. Break it off.

Don’t listen to him. Change your phone number, your email – and your address if necessary. He has no business being around you, and you have no business being around him. He is an occasion of sin for you, and you are one for him. Make a new life and forget about this creepy loser.

 

[1ke]

This sounds like a made up story to me. If not, then go talk to your pastor because you have no business marrying ANYONE right now.

 

[1ke]

unless he gets an annulment, which I guess could only be if he becomes Catholic

Non-Catholics can petition for a decree of nullity. A person does not have to become a Catholic to do so.

Marriage of any sort, Sacramental or natural, can only be valid if the person has never been married, been annulled, or widowed.

The unbaptized also have dissolution of the bond through the Pauline or Petrine privilege as an option.

if they don’t marry a Catholic, they need a dispensation from the Bishop for validity.

Not exactly. If they want to marry a baptized non-Catholic they only need permission for a mixed marriage. If they want to marry an unbaptized person they need a dispensation from disparity of cult.

They can also receive a dispensation from form to marry in a non-Catholic setting.

 

[Monica4316]

Non-Catholics can petition for a decree of nullity. A person does not have to become a Catholic to do so.

I didn’t know that!

The unbaptized also have dissolution of the bond through the Pauline or Petrine privilege as an option.

Yes, though as I understand this is rare…

Not exactly. If they want to marry a baptized non-Catholic they only need permission for a mixed marriage. If they want to marry an unbaptized person they need a dispensation from disparity of cult.

They can also receive a dispensation from form to marry in a non-Catholic setting.

that is more precise, yes