Muslim girfriend; does she need to have her marriage annulled

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Eremitic

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Please help,
I am dating a Muslim (not practicing) girlfriend whose marriage was arranged by her family when she was seventeen. Marriage was arranged when her family asked the other family if the man she was to marry was free (no wife, no girlfriend). They said yes, he was free. However, this was a lie. Once she went over to his family she found out the truth and so did her family, when she told them about it.

They got her back after 3 months of suffering. Her marriage was consummated against her will; to find out if she was a virgin. Child was conceived, …had a miscarriage that she blames on him. She said he killed it by squeezing her stomach so as not to upset his girlfriend who was pregnant with him.

They basically violated her dignity and messed up her entire life.

She and her family did desire the marriage and she loved him but didn’t know about his relationship with the other woman and the bad habits of the family; once she and her family found out about this they immediately brought her back. She is telling me that from the first day she found out about the other girl she got a strong repulsiveness and a dislike towards him and his family and became depressed. She didn’t go to any kind of marriage service, religious or secular. Once when I was talking to him he told me that he disliked my girlfriend and didn’t want to be with her; his family forced him to marry her.

Now her family changed their mind and they want to send her back, because Muslims are allowed to have more than one woman, and they don’t care about her any more. She doesn’t want to go back and she did not choose this man as her future husband.

So my question is; am I dating a married person here and do I have to get her marriage annulled?

What do I do?
 
Forgot to say, she is over eighteen now and some members of her family would like me to marry her.
 
You should discuss this with your priest.

If she married this man legally, then the Catholic Church considers her married. There are two paths for her to be declared free to marry in the Catholic Church. She could pursue a decree of nullity OR she could petition for a dissolution of the bond because both she and her husband are unbaptized.

There are many factors here that are specific to the situation, so the details need to be discussed with a knowledgeable priest.

You also need to discuss with him your desire to marry a Muslim. There are many cultural, social, and religious issues (and possibly legal issues depending on what country you are in) that make this a difficult path that should be thoroughly discussed with your priest.
 
If you love her and she loves you, try your best to marry her and stand with her. In the end it’s your choices, not your families choices, because you and her are going to spend the life time together and not the whole large family…My father is Christian and mother Muslim, they did what was on their minds and followed their heart, after 30 years they still together.
 
I’m confused. She was married to this man? Or she never went through any marriage service of any kind? You said both.

I’m not sure if she requires an annulment because you say there never was any ceremony, neither religious or secular. However, if the Chuch recognized that a marriage had taken place, then the Church can annul a forced marriage. The Catholic Church does not allow contract or arranged marriages.

Send her back to where – physically? If we are in the U.S. they cannot send her anywhere without her consent.

However, you do realize that marriage outside of your faith can come with its own difficulties that you would not encounter in if you marry within your faith. You did not ask, but I’ll chime in – you are thinking of marrying someone who has little to no experience in the world of dating and socializing. The Catholic Church also frowns up marriage when a person has little to base experience upon in choosing a mate because of living in a restricted environment.

You must also tell this to the priest, because this too is grounds for an annulment so I know the Church will caution you against marrying someone who has not had a chance to date others. And I’m not talking about sexual experiences, but social experiences with the opposite sex. She may not yet have the faculty to consent to marry anyone. Also, she cannot consent to marry you to get out of a bad situation-- that’s not true consent.

Please read the link; examples are given for grounds for annulment, and I honestly see that if she does or can marry you she may not yet be able to do so – according to the teachings of the Church and Canon Law.

See section C

Having said that, the first step is to take the annulment question to a priest. It has to begin with a parish priest, regardless. If there’s been no ceremony at all, then she was not married. When discussing this with the priest you need to be more clear on this – as to whether there was an actual marriage ceremony of some kind.

Probably not the advice you wanted to hear, but I think it’s important to point out that the cultural differences that led her to be sheltered and forced into a “marriage” of some kind makes this woman an unlikely candidate for marriage until she has more freedom to make these kinds of decisions on her own. Being “over 18” may not be enough.
 
Eremitic said:
Forgot to say, she is over eighteen now and some members of her family would like me to marry her.
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She and her family also want you to convert to Islam. Your children will be Muslim.

Talk to your priest.
 
Eremitic said:
Please help,
I am dating a Muslim (not practicing) girlfriend whose marriage was arranged by her family when she was seventeen. Marriage was arranged when her family asked the other family if the man she was to marry was free (no wife, no girlfriend). They said yes, he was free. However, this was a lie. Once she went over to his family she found out the truth and so did her family, when she told them about it.

They got her back after 3 months of suffering. Her marriage was consummated against her will; to find out if she was a virgin. Child was conceived, …had a miscarriage that she blames on him. She said he killed it by squeezing her stomach so as not to upset his girlfriend who was pregnant with him.

They basically violated her dignity and messed up her entire life.

She and her family did desire the marriage and she loved him but didn’t know about his relationship with the other woman and the bad habits of the family; once she and her family found out about this they immediately brought her back. She is telling me that from the first day she found out about the other girl she got a strong repulsiveness and a dislike towards him and his family and became depressed. She didn’t go to any kind of marriage service, religious or secular. Once when I was talking to him he told me that he disliked my girlfriend and didn’t want to be with her; his family forced him to marry her.

Now her family changed their mind and they want to send her back, because Muslims are allowed to have more than one woman, and they don’t care about her any more. She doesn’t want to go back and she did not choose this man as her future husband.

So my question is; am I dating a married person here and do I have to get her marriage annulled?

What do I do?
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To be brutally frank, forget her. Even if she was unmarried the fact she is Muslim will entail multiple problems for you.
 
1ke said:
You should discuss this with your priest.
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I did, he said she is not married because there was a lie. I wanted to ask this question here to clear all doubts and fears I have. I thought there might be a good moral theologian on this forum. I don’t want to live in the state of mortal sin.
1ke said:
If she married this man legally, then the Catholic Church considers her married. There are two paths for her to be declared free to marry in the Catholic Church. She could pursue a decree of nullity OR she could petition for a dissolution of the bond because both she and her husband are unbaptized.

There are many factors here that are specific to the situation, so the details need to be discussed with a knowledgeable priest.

You also need to discuss with him your desire to marry a Muslim. There are many cultural, social, and religious issues (and possibly legal issues depending on what country you are in) that make this a difficult path that should be thoroughly discussed with your priest.
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This is not a problem I am getting dispensation from my bishop. Culture and social issues are not a problem. She is learning about the Catholic Faith, and wants to convert but she is just not ready now. We want to get married first.
 
Eremitic said:
So my question is; am I dating a married person here and do I have to get her marriage annulled?

What do I do?
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you are dating a married person unless and until a Catholic canon law tribunal examines her marriage and determines it is invalid. yes if the story is accurate there are probably very good grounds for annulment, but it is not automatic, it must be applied for.

There is absolutely nothing you can do to make this happen, it is an action she has to initiate and which she must do before she becomes romantically involved with a Catholic.
 
Eremitic said:
I did, he said she is not married because there was a lie. I wanted to ask this question here to clear all doubts and fears I have. I thought there might be a good moral theologian on this forum. I don’t want to live in the state of mortal sin.
Click to expand...
Great. Just great.

Well, either your priest was just talking in general terms or is completely unaware of canon law, tribunal procedure, and Church teaching on the matter.

Yes, her prior marriage will need to be declared null or she will have to receive a dissolution of the bond. Your priest should contact the diocese for assistance.
 
Leegal said:
I’m confused. She was married to this man? Or she never went through any marriage service of any kind? You said both…
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There was no marriage service of any kind. She just took the plane with her brother, had a meeting and a talk with the other family and then he left her. They put them to live together. They consider this to be a marriage. I think. I am not sure if Muslims need some kind of religious service. I think this is what happend, I will have to ask her to confirm.

I am thinking that she is married to him only according to the natural law where marriage is based on a free choice. Were you choose someone with your heart and mind as your future spouse. Her marriage was arranged. She did talk to him on the phone and messenger but didn’t know about his bad habits and his girlfriend. If she knew this before she went over there she said that she would have never chosen him.
 
Eremitic said:
There was no marriage service of any kind. She just took the plane with her brother, had a meeting and a talk with the other family and then he left her. They put them to live together. They consider this to be a marriage. I think. I am not sure if Muslims need some kind of religious service.
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If she did not legally marry him, then she is free to marry.

Honestly, this is way to convoluted for posters here to help you. Seek help from your diocese.
 
1ke said:
If she did not legally marry him, then she is free to marry.

Honestly, this is way to convoluted for posters here to help you. Seek help from your diocese.
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I think petition for dissolution would be appropriate. As I said, I think she is married only according to the natural law but I am not even sure about this. Getting a dissolution would be good for my conscience. hahaha
 
1ke said:
Great. Just great.

Yes, her prior marriage will need to be declared null or she will have to receive a dissolution of the bond. Your priest should contact the diocese for assistance.
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How long does it take?
 
Even if her prior marriage is not recognized, YOU need to have a dispensation:

can. 1086 § 1 A marriage between two persons, one of whom was baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it, and the other of whom is not baptized, is invalid.

Without being dispensed from the above, it really doesn’t matter if she was married before or not.

Get thee to thy pastor and quickly…
 
OK, lot’s of stuff here but first things first:

You need to find out if she was ever legally married or made some kind of marriage vows. Being engaged is not the same as being married. If she was legitimately married then there needs to be an annulment process. Based on the info you’ve given it doesn’t sound like it would be a very difficult case to make, but it still needs to be done. That process can take quite a while, but it can be done.

Another possible avenue would be if she wanted to become a Catholic…
 
markomalley said:
Even if her prior marriage is not recognized, YOU need to have a dispensation:

can. 1086 § 1 A marriage between two persons, one of whom was baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it, and the other of whom is not baptized, is invalid.

Without being dispensed from the above, it really doesn’t matter if she was married before or not.

Get thee to thy pastor and quickly…
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That kind of dispensation is a routine process that is only done once she has her first marriage annulled (if it exists) and they are actually planning on being married. You don’t apply for it “just in case.”
The priest will take care of the dispensation during the prenuptial process.

And, of course, if she wished to become a Catholic then the Pauline Privilege process would then be the route they’d be on…
 
Eremitic said:
There was no marriage service of any kind. She just took the plane with her brother, had a meeting and a talk with the other family and then he left her. They put them to live together. They consider this to be a marriage. I think. I am not sure if Muslims need some kind of religious service. I think this is what happend, I will have to ask her to confirm.

I am thinking that she is married to him only according to the natural law where marriage is based on a free choice. Were you choose someone with your heart and mind as your future spouse. Her marriage was arranged. She did talk to him on the phone and messenger but didn’t know about his bad habits and his girlfriend. If she knew this before she went over there she said that she would have never chosen him.
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Have you been equally clear on this with the priest – and yes, Muslims have a ceremony. So, if she had no ceremony at all that may whey the priest said the “marriage” was a lie. But I’m not concerned about her ability to free herself from this prior “marriage” (I suspect none existed). A Catholic priest does not recognize just giving some woman over to some man and putting her on a plane to her own destiny and call that “marriage.” I suspect rather than traditional Islam, his family practiced tribalism, over traditional Islam. That may be why the marriage is a lie. Tribe trumps Islam depending on how removed they are or ensconsed in the tribe.

I am concerned that she is not of full capacity yet to make decisions that can consent to a real marriage – yet. Remember, a sheltered existance is not a reason to marry in the Catholic Church – nor is the inability to have social relations with the opposite sex and to date them so as to know and understand how a choice of spouse is really made. Marriage is not a reson to free oneself from an oppresive background. Would you be concerned, as well, that she does not fully yet have the capacity to consent to any marriage?

I recommend that you take your time and allow her time to go through RCIA before making that decision to take that final step. I suggest proceeding slowly, even if the process of dissolving this other (possibly “faux marrige”) is not very involved. There are other considerations here.
 
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