Muslim girfriend; does she need to have her marriage annulled

[Eremitic]

Have you been equally clear on this with the priest – and yes, Muslims have a ceremony. So, if she had no ceremony at all that may whey the priest said the “marriage” was a lie. But I’m not concerned about her ability to free herself from this prior “marriage” (I suspect none existed). A Catholic priest does not recognize just giving some woman over to some man and putting her on a plane to her own destiny and call that “marriage.” I suspect rather than traditional Islam, his family practiced tribalism, over traditional Islam. That may be why the marriage is a lie. Tribe trumps Islam depending on how removed they are or ensconsed in the tribe.

The priest said marriage was a lie because the other family was lying to her about him being chaste.
They did not care about religious ceremony; they are not strictly following Muslim laws.

I am concerned that she is not of full capacity yet to make decisions that can consent to a real marriage – yet. Remember, a sheltered existance is not a reason to marry in the Catholic Church – nor is the inability to have social relations with the opposite sex and to date them so as to know and understand how a choice of spouse is really made. Marriage is not a reson to free oneself from an oppresive background. Would you be concerned, as well, that she does not fully yet have the capacity to consent to any marriage?

I recommend that you take your time and allow her time to go through RCIA before making that decision to take that final step. I suggest proceeding slowly, even if the process of dissolving this other (possibly “faux marrige”) is not very involved. There are other considerations here.

She is not in a sheltered existence. She is very chaste and avoids sinful friendships. She is so to speak prudent around men. She didn’t find any of them personally attractive and morally acceptable to her that is why she felt an attraction towards me. I am like her, avoiding sin and serving God. I think she has the capacity to make a choice on her own. She has the most important reason that the marriage is for; she wants to have a baby (children) and secondary reasons as well: mutual, spiritual, physical and moral support.

 

[markomalley]

That kind of dispensation is a routine process that is only done once she has her first marriage annulled (if it exists) and they are actually planning on being married. You don’t apply for it “just in case.”
The priest will take care of the dispensation during the prenuptial process.

And, of course, if she wished to become a Catholic then the Pauline Privilege process would then be the route they’d be on…

Unfortunately, you are right. This is a very routine kind of dispensation. I was stationed in Turkey with a few guys who found out it was a bit “too” routine after their marriages (not all of them, but a few of them who found that their wives decided to “get religion” after they had kids)

 

[kbf1970060]

As a Catholic – you do have a right to have her marriage investigated – you may assume, that she is married, and have it proven to be true. Of course, you may not have a commitment with a woman, whom you must assume to be married, but you are listening to her opinion on the matter: it is you whom must regard her to be married. Should she happen to become Catholic, then she may request an investigation – as her right – that will determine the validity of the marriage. You sound like you have a good friend.

 

[Eremitic]

You sound like you have a good friend.

She is very good. I think she will become a saint once she receives the sacraments.

 

[Eremitic]

I told her that we can’t desire, talk, see each other until the Church declares her marriage invalid. It is a sin to desire someone you are not sure is married or not. I felt really sick yesterday after confession. Few hours after confession I sinned with the desire that she be my wife and I felt like I lost the Sanctifying grace. I felt sad, depressed and angry. I can easily feel absence and presence of God. It was horrible. But today I did a simple prayer from the heart to forgive me and I felt His peace as soon as I said it even though I am in the state of mortal sin. God supports me and I think He has forgiven me outside the sacrament of reconciliation, to support me and bring me back.
I am going to confession tomorrow.

 

[Eremitic]

Her mom wants us to get married; she thinks that our personalities are perfect for each other. I think I am a little old but she doesn’t care.

Our social life is the same. The problem is our different racial communities. I can’t take it when people start judging us. How they perceive us. All the gossip, I think I would not be able to take it. It is overburdening for me just thinking about it. I am very sensitive, gentle and shy. I get hurt very easy and to be around her community and mine is not comfortable to me.
I just want to see what you people say about this. Hahaha

I think I need to be humble and not care about what others think or say. I was hurt in the past so maybe there is something wrong with me. Spiritual wounds… and spiritual healing?

Hahaha I think I am going crazy…I have mood swings, temptations of all kinds; past sins, imagination hard to keep under control; even my body is torturing me with lust. God is testing me, checking the purity of my intentions, strengthening me, teaching me so that I can deserve more graces and His support, I think.
I don’t know

 

[kbf1970060]

I told her that we can’t desire, talk, see each other until the Church declares her marriage invalid. It is a sin to desire someone you are not sure is married or not. … .

You sound – a little too extreme – she is a friend. Talk with her, see her, that’s what I say. I would regard her marriage only as an assumption. Desire for a woman, either married, or single, may be a healthy desire – we are sexual creatures – the church would need to investigate her “marriage” to determine, that it is a valid marriage. Since the church has not investigated the matter, but assumes the marriage to be binding, then what offense against truth exists? Confession is healthy. Mortification of the senses is good. I hope, that you have healthy means to tame your passion. I am encouraged, that you go to confession. There is no sense losing a good friend. You may become confident, that her “marriage” will be annulled – prior to an actual investigation – she will be there as a friend. Neither seeing her, nor talking with her, will ruin friendship. As to discomfort between your culture, and hers, Catholics and Muslims share significant elements of faith, Jesus’ mother to start.

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

She is very good. I think she will become a saint once she receives the sacraments.

If she wants to become a Catholic then the course of action for her would be the Pauline Privilege. This would be the simplest route for her to be free from her presumed marriage.

I told her that we can’t desire, talk, see each other until the Church declares her marriage invalid.

That’s not necessary. You can’t move forward to a marriage until the a declaration of nullity but you can still see each other and be close friends.

It is a sin to desire someone you are not sure is married or not.

Its not a sin to desire anything. Certain actions are sins but attractions are not sinful.

 

[Perseveranze]

Peace,

If she was forced to marry the man, then she can go to a Shariah court who would annul the marraige. However, it seems like she did consent to the marraige, but that’s because she was lied to. She can still go to a Shariah court and give her case.

Also, having “girlfriends” is a major sin in Islam, so if this man is having an affair, then this is the same as adultery, which carries a hefty punishment, and the marraige according to the Shariah would be annulled.

She can also go to Shariah courts and report the abuse, in which case the marraige would be annulled and she would have the option of hitting her husband the same way he hit her. He could then be jailed/fined etc.

Regarding the child, if it was the husbands fault, then he’d have to pay a hefty sum of blood money for the loss.

It depends on which country you’re in, as civil courts take presedence over Shariah in western countries. So, not sure what precedures you would have to go through.

As for the girl, she’s considered an apostate if she marries you, so if she doesn’t convert to Catholism when she marries you, then you could consider her an Atheist, but certainly not a Muslim.

 

[Student09]

Few hours after confession I sinned with the desire that she be my wife and I felt like I lost the Sanctifying grace. I felt sad, depressed and angry. I can easily feel absence and presence of God. It was horrible. But today I did a simple prayer from the heart to forgive me and I felt His peace as soon as I said it even though I am in the state of mortal sin.

Be careful about judging your spiritual state by your feelings or emotions. Just because we feel God’s absence does not mean we are not in a state of grace. And feeling peace does not necessarily mean we are. Mother Teresa felt for years that God had abandoned her but that does not mean she was in a state of mortal sin the whole time.

Of course, if you know you sinned, go to Confession.

 

[dochawk]

the Roman Catholic dices of Las Vegas will not allow marriage before 19. This policy is in reaction to arranged marriages from out of country which just swamped the tribunal.

And pregnancy is not a reason for exemption from the policy–quite the opposite, it takes away the ability to freely consent.

hawk