I am thinking that you are referring to the link you posted a few post ago and not some new link?
I didn’t see any search feature on the site. Where is it? Granted, I might be overlooking it.
When people come to this site and ask questions I try very hard to answer in my own words. I don’t see why you can’t answer the question in your own words also.
I don’t think that I am being impolite with the question.
Really I was hoping to get a Muslim insight into this term, a gentle tap.
Deb, here is an accurate Muslim insight. I appologize for copy/paste but I think it clearly and sufficiently describes the issue:
Men are the protectors and maintains of women because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, great (above you all). (Qur’an 4:34)
Even here, that maximum measure is limited by the following:
a) It must be seen as a rare exception to the repeated exhortation of mutual respect, kindness and good treatment discussed earlier. Based on the Qur’an and Hadeeth, this measure may be used in the case of lewdness on the part of the wife or extreme refraction and rejection of the husband’s reasonable requests on a consistent basis (nushuz). Even then other measures such as exhortation should be tried first.
b) As defined by the Hadeeth, it is not permissible to strike anyone’s face, cause any bodily harm or even be harsh. What the Hadeeth qualified as dharban ghayra mubarrih or light beating was interpreted by early jurists as a (symbolical) use of the miswak (a small natural toothbrush).
They further qualified permissible “beating” as beating that leaves no mark on the body. It is interesting that this latter fourteen centuries old qualifier is the criterion used in contemporary American law to separate a light and harmless tap or strike from “abuse” in the legal sense. This makes it clear that even this extreme, last resort and “lesser of the two evils” measure that may save the marriage does not meet the definitions of “physical abuse,” “family violence,” of “wife battering” in the twentieth century laws in liberal democracies, where such extremes are commonplace that they are seen as national concerns.
c) Permissibility of such symbolical expression of the seriousness of continued refraction does not imply its desirability. In several Ahadeeth, Prophet Muhammad discouraged this measure. Among his sayings: “Do not beat the female servants of Allah,” “Some (women visited my family complaining about their husbands (beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you,” “[Is it not a shame that], one of you beats his wife like [an unscrupulous person] beats a slave and maybe he sleeps with her at the end of the day.” See Riyad Al Saliheen, op cit., pp. 130 140. In another Hadeeth, the Prophet said:
“How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?” Shaheeh Al Bukhari, op. cit., vol. 8, Hadeeth no. 68, pp. 42 43.
d) True following of the Sunnah is to follow the example of the Prophet Muhammad, who never resorted to that measure regardless of the circumstances.
e) Islamic teachings are universal in nature. They respond to the needs and circumstances of diverse times, cultures, and circumstances but unnecessary in others. Some measures may work in some cases, cultures, or with certain persons but may not be effective in others. By definition a “permissible” it is neither required encouraged, or forbidden. In fact, it may be better to spell out the extent of permissibility such as in the issue at hand, than leaving it unrestricted and unqualified or ignoring it all together. In the absence of strict qualifiers, persons may interpret the matter in their own way lending to excesses and real abuse.
f) Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by any “Muslim” can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text (Qur’an and Hadeeth). Such excesses and violations are to be blamed on the person(s) himself as it shows that he is paying lip service to Islamic teachings and injunctions and is failing to follow the true sunnah of the Prophet.
