Must Catholics always forgive each other?

[twhicke]

A few months ago, when I had slid away from the Church, I wronged another Catholic and his wife (not sure if she is Catholic or not). Making a long story short, this gentleman has a short fuse and, when his fuse went off, mine exploded and I went on a profanity tirade attacking him and his wife. I immediately felt bad and asked God for forgiveness in my heart, but didn’t feel as though I was “clean.” I also went to confess it to God in a priest, and I still felt that I should apologize directly to the gentleman. So I wrote the gentleman an apology about three weeks ago. It was short and to the point.

About a week ago I received a response, in letter form, from this Catholic gentleman. His response was that my apology was not accepted. He also told me that I would have to “atone for my sins to him” by making a bigger effort. Is there anything else I should do? Have I done “enough” for God to forgive me? Do I need to submit myself to the gentleman’s expectations? I know that, as a Catholic, he should forgive me, but since he hasn’t, is this burden still on me? This is really tearing me up. Please help.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

It would be nice if human beings were like God and could immediately and unconditionally forgive all wrongs committed against them. Unfortunately, most human beings aren’t like that, and so it’s possible to sympathize with your acquaintance who apparently feels that a short note is insufficient for a profanity-laced tantrum, directed not only to him but to his wife as well.

That said, most people these days also do not go to the trouble to formally apologize in writing for wronging others, particularly when they believe they were provoked to begin with. So, it sounds to me that the two of you are at a draw as to who is in the right here.

You were forgiven by God in sacramental confession; whether you will be forgiven by this gentleman is his concern and his responsibility. If you would like to make further atonement to this gentleman to repair the wrong you committed, that is up to you. One possible means of reparation might be to write back; never mention his own affront to you; apologize again for your actions; and say, “If you find this repeated apology insufficient, could you please explain what you would consider ‘a bigger effort’?”

If he is unresponsive, or if he continues to respond with hostility or self-righteousness, or if his ideas for reparation are unreasonable, let it go and let time and distance callous over the sore spots in this relationship.