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Lampo
Guest
Must I endure the suffering of my wife’s infidelities even if she doesn’t cease the behavior?
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
No, you may separate from her. But please speak to your parish priest about your situation.
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Luvz2travel
Guest
I don’t think the church condones making ourselves a doormat. I would leave if it’s that bad. If it was me the first time would have been the last.
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Jessie5000
Guest
First you should be asking your wife this question and not asking a forum of people. I suggest having a conversation with your wife, finding a good christian marriage therapist, and deciding whether the marriage can be saved. One does not solve marriage problems in the public square.
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R_C
Guest
I read that the Church allows under such a circumstance to live separated, although you would still be married and with identical obligations to chastity and continence, lest you commit mortal sin of adultery.
In perspective, perhaps it would be better to practice forgiveness “not seven times, but seventy times seven, or as many times as you want God to forgive you” - and trying to change her behavior and save her soul in order to fulfill your freely given vow “to have and to hold (your wife), from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death”. That vow did imply the obligation to endure sufferings.
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Rete
Guest
Forgiving people seventy times seven times is great and all, but getting infected with your spouse’s STD is quite another thing. Or her getting pregnant with some other man’s baby for that matter.
If one spouse continues to cheat, then I don’t see how that gets any better. It’s not like they made a mistake and want to start over when they keep doing it. It exposes the innocent party to all sorts of health risks and psychological abuse.
Also, since he is the man, I would strongly suggest he get an edge on her. Especially if children are involved. Because if she files for divorce before him, it doesn’t matter how evil she has behaved. Chances are strong he will lose his children to her.
Furthermore, she could very well end up having another man’s baby and only then try to divorce him in order to get an income from him for the next twenty-one years. You might think all he has to do is prove this baby is not his but you had better think again.
I can tell you from experience that the American family court system is not a place for a man to play forgiveness seventy times seven times.
If one spouse continues to cheat, then I don’t see how that gets any better. It’s not like they made a mistake and want to start over when they keep doing it. It exposes the innocent party to all sorts of health risks and psychological abuse.
Also, since he is the man, I would strongly suggest he get an edge on her. Especially if children are involved. Because if she files for divorce before him, it doesn’t matter how evil she has behaved. Chances are strong he will lose his children to her.
Furthermore, she could very well end up having another man’s baby and only then try to divorce him in order to get an income from him for the next twenty-one years. You might think all he has to do is prove this baby is not his but you had better think again.
I can tell you from experience that the American family court system is not a place for a man to play forgiveness seventy times seven times.
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Ophelia23
Guest
:console:
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bitznbitez
Guest
At mass today the priest, speaking of how hard it is to be a Christian, within the context of the commemeration of todays martyrs, “…as Christians we are called to be faithful, even if our husband is unfaithful, and the other way around, we are called to be faithful even if our wife is unfaithful…”
This does not contradict other advice above.
This does not contradict other advice above.
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7armyrugrats
Guest
This is solid advice. You can forgive from a distance and still protect yourself, your children and your assets. If she has a child during your marriage, you are still legally responsible regardless of biological paternity. If she files for divorce first, you will be left with the scraps. If she contracts an STD, you will as well. The Church allows for legal separation so that assets can be separated and both parties can be protected. You may not be granted an annulment and free to remarry, but if things are that bad you need to protect yourself and your kids. The Church does allow for that
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IA_Catholic
Guest
Just a different take on this. The main job of a spouse is to help the other spouse to get to heaven. If your wife is having issues with fidelity, it’s your job not to just bear that but rather to find a way to help her to stop. Fidelity is tough because it hurts us emotionally, but what If she had a drug addiction? You would do anything to get her help, wouldn’t you?
I’ll keep you both in my prayers.
I’ll keep you both in my prayers.
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EasterJoy
Guest
Yes. This is a section of canon law that applies, but it is also a pastoral situation that requires pastoral guidance.
Art. 2.
SEPARATION WITH THE BOND REMAINING
Can. 1151 Spouses have the duty and right to preserve conjugal living unless a legitimate cause excuses them.
Can. 1152 §1. Although it is earnestly recommended that a spouse, moved by Christian charity and concerned for the good of the family, not refuse forgiveness to an adulterous partner and not disrupt conjugal life, nevertheless, if the spouse did not condone the fault of the other expressly or tacitly, the spouse has the right to sever conjugal living unless the spouse consented to the adultery, gave cause for it, or also committed adultery.
§2. Tacit condonation exists if the innocent spouse has had marital relations voluntarily with the other spouse after having become certain of the adultery. It is presumed, moreover, if the spouse observed conjugal living for six months and did not make recourse to the ecclesiastical or civil authority.
§3. If the innocent spouse has severed conjugal living voluntarily, the spouse is to introduce a cause for separation within six months to the competent ecclesiastical authority which, after having investigated all the circumstances, is to consider carefully whether the innocent spouse can be moved to forgive the fault and not to prolong the separation permanently.
Can. 1153 §1. If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too diYcult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay.
§2. In all cases, when the cause for the separation ceases, conjugal living must be restored unless ecclesiastical authority has established otherwise.
Can. 1154 After the separation of the spouses has taken place, the adequate support and education of the children must always be suitably provided.
Can. 1155 The innocent spouse laudably can readmit the other spouse to conjugal life; in this case the innocent spouse renounces the right to separate.
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holyrood
Guest
I’ve been through a similar situation, of infidelities, repeated questionable behavior with other women, lie upon lie upon lie, a 9 month separation when he left me while I was pregnant, verbal abuse…
Over 22 years, three priests told me this was not a marriage and hinted or outright said they would petition for annulment if I filed for divorce.
Forgiveness does not require taking risks and staying in abusive situations.
At a certain point, my XH was told to leave the bedroom. There was no way I was exposing myself to any diseases he might bring home. I have moral obligations to my children, too. In the end, I found there was also severe financial infidelity, and divorce protected my children from ending up homeless.
Among other things I took into consideration was: what is it teaching my children about marriage to watch this sort of marriage?
My understanding is that divorce is not against Catholic teaching, or a sin. Remarriage without an annulment is the issue.
Over 22 years, three priests told me this was not a marriage and hinted or outright said they would petition for annulment if I filed for divorce.
Forgiveness does not require taking risks and staying in abusive situations.
At a certain point, my XH was told to leave the bedroom. There was no way I was exposing myself to any diseases he might bring home. I have moral obligations to my children, too. In the end, I found there was also severe financial infidelity, and divorce protected my children from ending up homeless.
Among other things I took into consideration was: what is it teaching my children about marriage to watch this sort of marriage?
My understanding is that divorce is not against Catholic teaching, or a sin. Remarriage without an annulment is the issue.
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Samson01
Guest
Actually WV has a law concerning adultery and resulting children based on DNA testing…other than that dynamics of a broken marriage aren’t as important any more. Just what is and isn’t marital property and mediation with custody except in cases of child abuse where the judge decides.
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bsroufek
Guest
Since it’s not common for a woman to have multiple infidelities, I now wonder if you are certain of this or just suspect it?
Sorry to doubt you, but there is the thought that she may not be actually unfaithful.
Are you sure? Have you discussed this with her, as a sanity check?
Sorry to doubt you, but there is the thought that she may not be actually unfaithful.
Are you sure? Have you discussed this with her, as a sanity check?
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hurting
Guest
I must ask - are you a licensed practicing attorney in the state in which the OP resides? Do you know other particulars of the OP’s situation not shared in the forum?
I proffer these questions because while I agree with your general premise of the OP’s self-protection, he needs to understand that there is a very good likelihood that his filing first would provide no meaningfully greater protection to him and may poison the well for any future reconciliation. It very much does depend on the state, but fault, including infidelity, may very well be ignored in the deliberations of the courts. Because he is a man, he is at a terrible disadvantage in any proceeding and should probably assume that he would not get custody of his own children even if he could prove gross infidelity on his wife’s part. The courts are there to see that the divorce goes though - period - not necessarily effect justice by any standard recognizable by any reasonable adult.
The Church’s understanding of the machinations of family courts in the U.S. is woefully and willfully ignorant. Canon law seems to expect that the civil courts will render a just verdict that incorporates fault into the equation. This simply does not happen in many cases, and the OP needs to hear that.
In the end, the OP might still find that it’s worth pursuing, but he needs to assume the worst.
Samson answered my question about paternity and support of an illegitimate child, at least for his state.
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7armyrugrats
Guest
Ok, that’s good to know. Maybe other states follow that as well. In KY and TN, the law states the husband at the time of conception and birth is the legal father. men are advised that they can not sign a Paternity Affidavit if the woman is married or was married 12 months prior to the baby’s birth. It must be decided in court in those cases
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april32010
Guest
is this national inquirer .com ?
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R_C
Guest
That is a valid point. Even the Church knows that - which is why we need to be close to our confessor especially during such hard times.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Where did you get this idea? Many women do this, it’s not all that uncommon. Once a cheater, it’s easier the 2nd time.
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