Must you do everything adults tell you to do?

[KelseyBelsey]

Ah…so. Last year I (and a bit before that year, too) I was taking classes in preparation for my First Communion/ First Reconciliation. My teacher told us to pray a decade of the Rosary every day. I was praying a decade a day last week when I remembered what our teacher had told us (I hadn’t been praying a decade every day before). Now I feel obligated to do it, but I don’t want to.
Also, I was going to Confession last Saturday and my priest said that he will do only quick Confessions that day, no counseling. If you needed counseling, make an appointment. The thing is I feel like I am now obligated to make an appointment because I think I might need counseling. But I don’t want to do that either.
Keep in mind that I am younger than both the people and as adults I am supposed to respect their wishes and not disobey. But must I do these things? I don’t want to do either. What is the difference between helpful advice and an order?

 

[fpt]

Ah…so. Last year I (and a bit before that year, too) I was taking classes in preparation for my First Communion/ First Reconciliation. My teacher told us to pray a decade of the Rosary every day. I was praying a decade a day last week when I remembered what our teacher had told us (I hadn’t been praying a decade every day before). Now I feel obligated to do it, but I don’t want to.
Also, I was going to Confession last Saturday and my priest said that he will do only quick Confessions that day, no counseling. If you needed counseling, make an appointment. The thing is I feel like I am now obligated to make an appointment because I think I might need counseling. But I don’t want to do that either.
Keep in mind that I am younger than both the people and as adults I am supposed to respect their wishes and not disobey. But must I do these things? I don’t want to do either. What is the difference between helpful advice and an order?

How old are you? If I understand well, the teacher of your class’s preparation of your first Communion and your first Reconciliation gave you a simple advice during the time of preparation.

 

[TheDoors]

That time of life is a hard one, but it does get easier. Once you get yourself sorted out (and your body quits dumping buckets of hormones into your blood stream) things tend to calm down. And don’t worry, these probably aren’t the best years of your life. Mine seems to get better and better as the years progress. Now then, for your question…

There is a streak in some of us to respond first with “no”. I’ve got it, and have for a long time. But this streak can make your life MUCH more difficult than it needs to be if we let it. There are two pieces of advice I’ve gotten that helped me when I was young. The first was “weigh your options”. Take a look at what’s being requested. Weigh the benefits and the cost. Making an appointment for confession will take you a little bit of time, but frequent confession is good for the soul. I try to get there atleast once a week anyway. So you really aren’t losing anything by making an appointment.

As for your teacher, prayer is always a blessing, but praying because you feel like you have to takes away from the point. We should pray because we love God and want to please Him, not because someone says we have to. But you may want to take a look at why you don’t want to. Is it just this contrary nature? If so, have a good hard look at the request itself. The rosary has been a great comfort to me, especially in my time in the military. Letting yourself get a sour taste in your mouth about such an amazing gift just because you don’t like being told to do is a bit of a waste.

This takes me to my second bit of advice: Pick your battles.

Any good soldier will tell you this. Pick your fights. Know when something is worth being stubborn for, and know that you won’t win all the battles you get into. If you offer resistance to every request (or even demand) made of you, that’s exactly what you’ll get in return. Instead of letting that “No” take over, talk to the people around you. When I was (what I suspect is) your age, I began asking my parents to treat me as more of an adult, to ask me to help and to ask my opinion on things that affect my life. They are still your parents, and it’s a good idea to keep a good relationship with them, so don’t get too upset when they take a while to adjust. They’re human too.

In my youth I made several large decisions about the man I would become. I decided that I would try to love people, no matter what. I decided that I would try to love God, no matter how angry at Him I became. I decided that I would give anything that was asked of me. I wasn’t always to carry through with these decisions, but they have shaped the way I grew and how I view the world even now.

So…to sum up… figure out if you don’t want to do these things because you don’t want to, or just because they told you to. This will lead to greater control of your emotions, which will lead to a better life. Hang in there. It gets better.

 

[Et_Cetera]

Do what you feel is right and act in a way that makes you feel like a good person. It sounds to me like you’re maybe dealing with some OCD/scrupulosity. I would not say that you’re obligated to do this. You’re your own person, and I think as humans that we just need to try our best to be good to ourselves and others. I don’t think you need to do the daily prayers or whatever else was asked, unless you really feel that you need to say those prayers in order to be a good person, and I highly doubt that. Like someone else said, it was probably just a suggestion. You might start to resent your faith if you feel like you’re being restricted or obligated by these little rules. Just focus on being a nice person. Faith should help you to be good; it shouldn’t make you feel restricted. And of course you’re not obligated to follow the orders of all adults. Not everyone is going to give good advice or even command you to do good things (though I assume that most priests will). Just use your judgement and common sense.

 

[Pug]

What is the difference between helpful advice and an order?

Actually, I think it is part of the duty of the one in authority to make clear when they are giving an order and when they are giving advice. The person under authority has a duty to seek clarification when it seems necessary. So, if you are uncertain of their intent right after someone has told you something, ask them to clarify promptly.

Based upon the few words you wrote, it sounds like the one suggestion about the rosary decade daily was a temporary request, only for a short period of preparation. The remark by the priest was probably a command not to ramble during confession that day, and in addition an invitation to come talk to him another time if the lack of rambling in your confession that day left you with a perceived need to talk to him for clarification. So, neither seems to be an order at this time for you. If, however, you are in confusion about your last confession, and you really need clarification about it or some grave/mortal topic, then you ought to seek that clarification, even if it is irritating to do so. But that seeking could take place at your next confession, if only a few brief words will be required and if you go to confession relatively often. We must nourish and appropriately form our conscience, even if it takes time.

 

[Non_sum_dignus]

Per St. Louis de Montfort, the Rosary is a gift to Jesus through his Blessed Mother. It should never be viewed as a rote obligation; it is a gift. Saying the Rosary is good advice, but whenever you do, give freely of your time and attention out of love, not because you feel pressured.

 

[Catholic80]

Ah…so. Last year I (and a bit before that year, too) I was taking classes in preparation for my First Communion/ First Reconciliation. My teacher told us to pray a decade of the Rosary every day. I was praying a decade a day last week when I remembered what our teacher had told us (I hadn’t been praying a decade every day before). Now I feel obligated to do it, but I don’t want to.
Also, I was going to Confession last Saturday and my priest said that he will do only quick Confessions that day, no counseling. If you needed counseling, make an appointment. The thing is I feel like I am now obligated to make an appointment because I think I might need counseling. But I don’t want to do that either.
Keep in mind that I am younger than both the people and as adults I am supposed to respect their wishes and not disobey. But must I do these things? I don’t want to do either. What is the difference between helpful advice and an order?

Were you under obedience at all?

The priest gave you a choice. You are not obligated to follow through with a suggestion.

 

[underacloud]

Keep in mind that I am younger than both the people and as adults I am supposed to respect their wishes and not disobey. But must I do these things? I don’t want to do either. What is the difference between helpful advice and an order?

It’s not necessary to obey orders given by any adult. You obey your parents, and other adults who properly have authority over you. A teacher giving advice that praying the rosary daily is good does not need to be obeyed, but a teacher setting daily rosary as a condition or completing a class might need to be obeyed. A priest telling you not to rabble in confession (which is paraphrasing) should be obeyed, whereas the offer to provide counselling at another time is for you to take up or not; it is not an order as such.

 

[KelseyBelsey]

Thanks everyone!