My 13 year old son feels the urge to masterbate

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Should he? He knows about impurity and lust. He doesn’t think about bad thoughts while doing it and he does it once a month to stop his “urges” please tell me what I should do?

Thanks
 
Well, on the question “should he” I think we would all agree that he shouldn’t. But will he do it depends on him.

I think it’s GREAT that he has the courage to tell you about stuff like this. Since he knows about impurity and lust, I can guess he believes in God, and that’s what I would focus on if I were in his situation (and as a man, I sometimes am!). Tell him to pray to God to stop his temptations, and to think how he would go against himself and against God by doing it.

If he does masturbate in the end, it’s not the end of the world. It’s common for kids around that age to do stuff like that (common doesn’t mean right). In the end I’m sure he’ll stop the habit. 🙂
 
Well, i’m definitely not sure he’ll stop the habit!

Its true that it is common at this age of discovery. And I would say the depth of sin is small in these experimental stages. And the fact that he is sharing things with you is evidence of much innocents involved. However, this is an innocents from below! Not a purity that comes from loving the Spirit and excersizing faith in doing what is pleasing to God.

You would do well, my friend, to remain gracious without calling masturbation “OK”. Share with him the ugliness of it…the vanity of it…the fact that it does not help our spiritual life, or our ability to give to a spouse what belongs to a spouse…and to God’s Spirit a pure temple.

This habbit will be a struggle for him as a man, make no mistake about it! It is sooo convenient to do. It is always available. It requires no act of love…just lust.

I am always struggling with this myself, so I appreciate the opportunity to share a perspective. Right now, I am thinking I need to develop a devotion to fasting to help overcome. In the end, it requires remorse for wrong doin, hope in overcoming, steadfastness in this hope, honest confession, and complete grace from Our Lord

Michael
 
It was around his age that I got into the habit, after a hearing a lot about it from my mates at boarding school, I decided to try it out. It was enjoyable, untill when I, um, ejaculated. It was a painful experience! :ouch: That was the end of me masturbating. 😊

First it’s good that he’s shared that with you. Advise him that those are just useless bodily pleasures which last for a few mins, and are, erm, kinda painful at the end. 😃 Is he an idle boy? Tell him to get preoccupied with something else when those thoughts come to his head, like read a book or get involved in sports or housework. And he shouldn’t succumb to peer pressure, all talk should go out thru the other ear. And prayer is always important.
 
You have a great son, and a great relationship when he can tell you all. I hope many more would have that.

He is just figuring out what his body can do and what happen when you do…that. It is normal, he will not get addicted to it because he has a strong faith, so, don’t worry. It is absolutely normal. I would be worried if a kid, and remember that also girls masturbate, but for some reason that is not such a big deal, wonder why, would not try to see what happen if…you know. God bless you and your family, and don’t worry. God is with you all the way.
 
I built up a strong habit at that age and I still struggle with it as a married man in my mid 30’s.

It’s dangerous because of it’s habit forming traits, and it’s ability to slowly warp the mind and the sexuality of the sinner.

Advise your son to seek regular Confession, daily prayer, and to fight against this temptation. Be aware that the CAtechism makes it very clear that the level of moral culpability can be greatly lessened by many factors… in in the case of this sin lists several, including immaturity. - but it’s important he does not develop an addictive habit in this area.
 
He definitely should not masturbate since it is a grave sin to do so.

Anyway, to help him fight these temptations you could help him stay busy or tell him to stay busy on his own. Keep his mind occupied so he doesn’t have the time to think about lustful things. Also, remind him to pray frequently and to have a strong prayer life. Advise him to pray the Holy Rosary. The Holy Rosary is a very powerful prayer and is even good for spiritual warfare. I can tell you that even in my own life when I pray the Rosary I find it much easier to fight temptation. Here’s some quotes for you to ponder:
“Never will anyone who says his Rosary every day become a formal heretic or be led astray by the devil.”
Saint Louis de Montfort
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“Even if you are on the brink of damnation, even if you have one foot in hell, even if you have sold your soul to the devil as sorcerers do who practice black magic, and even if you are a heretic as obstinate as a devil, sooner or later you will be converted and will amend your life and will save your soul, if—and mark well what I say—if you say the Holy Rosary devoutly every day until death for the purpose of knowing the truth and obtaining contrition and pardon for your sins.”
Saint Louis de Montfort
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“The Most Holy Virgin in these last times in which we live has given a new efficacy to the recitation of the Rosary to such an extent that there is no problem, no matter how difficult it is, whether temporal or above all spiritual, in the personal life of each one of us, of our families…that cannot be solved by the Rosary. There is no problem, I tell you, no matter how difficult it is, that we cannot resolve by the prayer of the Holy Rosary.”
Sister Lucia dos Santos, Fatima seer
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“When you say your Rosary, the angels rejoice, the Blessed Trinity delights in it, my Son finds joy in it too, and I myself am happier than you can possibly guess. After the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, there is nothing in the Church that I love as much as the Rosary.”
Our Lady to Blessed Alan de la Roche
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“The rosary is the book of the blind, where souls see and there enact the greatest drama of love the world has ever known; it is the book of the simple, which initiates them into mysteries and knowledge more satisfying than the education of other men; it is the book of the aged, whose eyes close upon the shadow of this world, and open on the substance of the next. The power of the rosary is beyond description.”
Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen
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“When people love and recite the Rosary they find it makes them better.”
St. Anthony Mary Claret
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“The Rosary is the most excellent form of prayer and the most efficacious means of attaining eternal life. It is the remedy for all our evils, the root of all our blessings. There is no more excellent way of praying.”
Pope Leo XIII
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“The Rosary is a powerful weapon to put the demons to flight and to keep oneself from sin…If you desire peace in your hearts, in your homes, and in your country, assemble each evening to recite the Rosary. Let not even one day pass without saying it, no matter how burdened you may be with many cares and labors.”
Pope Pius XI
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You can find the above quotes and more at this link. Please note that I edited the Archbishop Fulton Sheen one simply by putting “Venerable” before his name because he is now considered venerable from what I understand.

stpeterslist.com/979/rejoice-ye-angels-19-more-rosary-quotes/

Finally, please consider the 15 promises of Our Lady to those who pray the Holy Rosary. Here are a couple of them:
  1. Code: 
    Whosoever shall faithfully serve me by the recitation of the Rosary shall     receive signal graces.       Signal Graces are those special and unique Graces to       help sanctify us in our state in life. See the remaining promises for an       explanation for which these will consist. St. Louis de Montfort states       emphatically that the best and fastest way to union with Our Lord is via       Our Lady [True Devotion to Mary,       chapter four].
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  1. Code: 
    The Rosary shall be a powerful armor against hell, it will destroy vice,     decrease sin and defeat heresies.       This promise, along with the next, is simply the       reminder on how fervent prayer will help us all grow in holiness by       avoiding sin, especially a prayer with the excellence of the Rosary. An       increase in holiness necessarily requires a reduction in sin, [vice](http://www.ourladyswarriors.org/faith/vice.htm),       and doctrinal errors (heresies). If only the Modernists could be convinced       to pray the Rosary! (see [Lumen       Gentium chapter V - The Call to Holiness #42](http://www.ourladyswarriors.org/teach/lumegent.htm#CHAPTER%20V%20-%20THE%20CALL%20TO%20HOLINESS)) St. Louis de Montfort       states "Since Mary alone crushed all heresies, as we are told by the       Church under the guidance of the Holy Spirit (Office of the Blessed Virgin       Mary)..." [True Devotion to Mary #167]
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Here are the rest:

ourladyswarriors.org/prayer/15promise.htm

God bless!
 
Lasting_faith said:
You have a great son, and a great relationship when he can tell you all. I hope many more would have that.

He is just figuring out what his body can do and what happen when you do…that. It is normal, he will not get addicted to it because he has a strong faith, so, don’t worry. It is absolutely normal. I would be worried if a kid, and remember that also girls masturbate, but for some reason that is not such a big deal, wonder why, would not try to see what happen if…you know. God bless you and your family, and don’t worry. God is with you all the way.
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don’t come here and advise a parent to ignore their child’s spiritual wellbeing .
Luke 17:2
It would be better for him if a millstone were hung round his neck and he were cast into the sea, than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin.
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dssdd253 said:
I want to know what the bible says about this.
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If you go that route, the Bible talks about Onan “spilling the seed” which God strikes him dead for. Stimulating the genitals is misusing the function for which it was made and is similarly “spilling the seed.”

God also commanded to be fruitful and multiply, not to be selfish and contracepting. Masturbation does not fulfill Gods command.
 
To the OP, thanks for sharing this difficult topic. It’s actually a great chance to evangelize your son and to teach about the beauty of our Faith and the God-given gift of sexuality we have. No, your son shouldn’t do this. A good confessor might also be helpful in guiding him through this and it could provide a great opportunity for significant spiritual growth.

There are some great resources available: Christopher West’s dissection of Pope Bl. JP II’s Theology of the Body and Jason Evert’s work with teens regarding chastity (see www.chastity.org) are really great routes to helping teenagers learn the real truths about sexuality and to dismiss the lies that media and social pressure constantly disseminate. They help give a Catholic answer to the timely and sometimes difficult questions we face as Catholics regarding sexuality, especially during adolescence.

Hoping this helps. God bless you!
 
dssdd253 said:
Should he? He knows about impurity and lust. He doesn’t think about bad thoughts while doing it and he does it once a month to stop his “urges” please tell me what I should do?

Thanks
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Teach him to find something productive and mentally engaging to do whenever the “urge” comes on him to do this. Prayer is an excellent outlet for this kind of thing, as is physical work of any kind.
 
april32010 said:
don’t come here and advise a parent to ignore their child’s spiritual wellbeing .
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The OP did ask advice, and I gave my view. It maybe wrong, but hey, what would I know, I have only two own kids (a girl and a boy) and a stepdaughter and a granddaughter so I guess I don’t know anything about raising kids. But what make me happy is to see that there is at least one person living who have never masturbate or done anything wrong or sinful, must be easy to live when you don’t need to confess anything. If you have kids, can you be sure they don’t masturbate?
 
TheHolyGhost said:
If you go that route, the Bible talks about Onan “spilling the seed” which God strikes him dead for. Stimulating the genitals is misusing the function for which it was made and is similarly “spilling the seed.”

God also commanded to be fruitful and multiply, not to be selfish and contracepting. Masturbation does not fulfill Gods command.
Click to expand...
Actually, The Bible say nothing about masturbating. The story about Onan is completely against contraseption, in this case using interrupted act of sex, in a way. Onan did use it to make sure he would not father a child.

I agree that masturbation is a sin. But I can not dismiss the fact that it is a very natural part of growing up, and that only few get addicted to it. I think it is best to not do anything and let the time do the work for us, with a few prayers said. It is bit like you have a place that itches and you are told not to scratch, it harder no to not when someone tell you that should not.

I understand that you think I am a “hardened sinner” with no respect for God’s word, but I am only practical, and I don’t see sins in every corner. I know what is right and I know what is wrong, But back to masturbation, it is sinful because it involves lust. You need something to arouse you, and looking at paint dry or a meadow won’t do the trick, so the sin is the lust, not what you do. (My opinion and I am known to be wrong.)
 
april32010 said:
don’t come here and advise a parent to ignore their child’s spiritual wellbeing .

Luke 17:2
It would be better for him if a millstone were hung round his neck and he were cast into the sea, than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin.
Click to expand...
April,

Whatever you say about lastingfaith’s comment, it is far from appropriate to accuse lastingfaith of “causing these little one’s to sin” or encouraging others to do so. The person who causes little ones to sin is the person who corrupts a child, not a person who attempts to assuage a child’s guilt. However we deal with children’s guilt – and I’m not sure how we should – we are not at risk of millstones for something we say in this situation.
 
dssdd253,

The temptation to masturbate is a the place where your son is right now fighting his battle with sexual sin. He needs to know that resisting this sin is VICTORY. He needs to know that manly character is formed through self-control.

The last thing he needs is more guilt to be put upon him. He already knows how serious this is – the body’s feelings teach us that better than any Catechism could. He needs to know that he is loved whether he succeeds or fails. And he needs to know that victory is possible, and you are proud of him for fighting this battle!
 
Your son is not unique in that he masterbates. But he is exceptionally honest. Must have a great deal of trust in you as a parent.
 
Michaelshamurph said:
Your son is not unique in that he masterbates. But he is exceptionally honest. Must have a great deal of trust in you as a parent.
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I think he has the best parents in the world, with no disrespect to other parents, I know most of us do our best, and I am sure he will not only win the “battle”, he will be in the minds of many parents on this forum giving aid by his own example. Without knowing, you son has made a great mark that hopefully help other parents to seek a better relationship to their children and make the “hard years” easier. God bless him.
 
Lasting_faith said:
Actually, The Bible say nothing about masturbating. The story about Onan is completely against contraseption, in this case using interrupted act of sex, in a way. Onan did use it to make sure he would not father a child.

I agree that masturbation is a sin. But I can not dismiss the fact that it is a very natural part of growing up, and that only few get addicted to it. I think it is best to not do anything and let the time do the work for us, with a few prayers said. It is bit like you have a place that itches and you are told not to scratch, it harder no to not when someone tell you that should not.

I understand that you think I am a “hardened sinner” with no respect for God’s word, but I am only practical, and I don’t see sins in every corner. I know what is right and I know what is wrong, But back to masturbation, it is sinful because it involves lust. You need something to arouse you, and looking at paint dry or a meadow won’t do the trick, so the sin is the lust, not what you do. (My opinion and I am known to be wrong.)
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Hi, I think you are mistaken as to what makes masturbation sinful. It isnt lust that makes it sinful, it is the misuse of our genitals that makes it so, and it also changes how we view sex. We start to view sex as a means to achieve pleasure and pleasure that is only for us, closing the act off from life and unification (it also makes us very selfish in the process). Lust compounds the sin, so lust and masturbation are separate sins, but go together, as you have recognized, but masturbation even without lust is still sinful.

Ask your pastor about it.
 
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