My 16 year old daughter doesn't believe in God

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She goes to a Catholic school. She recently told my husband (an agnostic though could be atheist, I don’t know) that she hates the church, hates going to church and doesn’t believe in God anyway, so why should she go. She has not said anything to me other than she finds church “stupid.” I know that when I sent her off to church by herself (the boys and I couldn’t make it at that particular time and she had to work when we normally go), she skipped it completely. I found out when another parent told me she couldn’t find her (she had something to give to me and I told her to just give it to my daughter at church).

I’m heartbroken.

Other than pray, what can I do? For what it’s worth, I went through a phase in my late teens, early 20s about not wanting to be Catholic, but I still believed in God. I don’t know how to deal with the not believing in God part and I’m not getting any help from my husband because he doesn’t believe himself. I don’t want to make things worse and push her away.

Thanks for reading.
 
Pray for her.

Her father’s unbelief is a big influence on her, so this is not out of left field. The example at home and faith life in the home far outweighs anything she is learning in Catholic school, which is primarily academic rather than relational.

She needs a relationship with Jesus. Examine your own relationship with Jesus and see how you can make it more present in your life and hers.

What sort of Catholic faith life do you have in the home? How do you share your relationship with Jesus with her? How have you encouraged her relationship with God?
 
Love and care for her no matter what, suggest to her learning and exploring about the others ways of understanding , tell her that to be a good person requires love and compassion not dogmatic beliefs, trust in her goodness and in her ability to choose or conclude what to disbelieve.
 
1ke said:
Pray for her.

Her father’s unbelief is a big influence on her, so this is not out of left field. The example at home and faith life in the home far outweighs anything she is learning in Catholic school, which is primarily academic rather than relational.

She needs a relationship with Jesus. Examine your own relationship with Jesus and see how you can make it more present in your life and hers.

What sort of Catholic faith life do you have in the home? How do you share your relationship with Jesus with her? How have you encouraged her relationship with God?
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I am (or try to be) very devout. I love my Catholic faith and I try to pass that on in a non-overbearing way. I go to adoration weekly and invite my kids and husband to come. Nobody takes me up on it, but I invite them, without pressure. Sunday/Saturday Mass is mandatory for us, though husband never comes. I pray nightly with my youngest (older two are invited, but don’t join in). My two oldest kids are altar servers (that includes the child I am talking about in this thread).

I am trying, but the influence of my husband and my daughter’s friends are strong. She says none of her Catholic school friends believe either and her religion teacher is a joke. (That I will agree with. The religion program at our school stinks though unfortunately, I just figured that out).

I pray the Rosary almost every day. I say novenas, but I’m very private about that. I think the kids know I pray the rosary, but I never do it with them. I’m so afraid of pushing them away.
 
What sixteen year old, really likes to go to Mass, unless it is up the back talking to boys?Don’t be too hard on her, revolt is almost in the DNA at that age. Openly express your religion in your own life, be patient and pray. The Church has lost almost two generations from the sixties on and it spent many painful years trying to build relevance in guitar masses and nuns dancing in the altar. So the youth are not all to blame. Take time to explain the Mass to her as the Eternal Sacrifice of Calvary. If she shows any interest at all explain the parts of the Mass. Ignorance is often the seed of boredom. Don’t give up, it may take years.
 
As the mother of 5 and having 3 of them out on their own, in their mid 20’s and early 30’s as well as 2 still at home, ages 17 and 15 I can understand your plight.

My first marriage was awful and my husband from that marriage was like your husband, never went to mass, didn’t really believe in God, etc. My oldest 3 kids are from that marriage. Well his lax attitude wore off on them and all three ended up drifting away from their faith. The two in their mid 20’s still believe in God and want so much to be faithful but just can’t seem to find the time to fit God into their lives. My oldest says there is no God, etc., etc., like your daughter. She never goes to church, blames all her problems on God and religion. She says she asked God to help her get money and she has none so He doesn’t exist or she would be rich. My mom who is a Catholic turned atheist had alot of influence in her life. All these kids have made all their sacraments.

Now my second husband converted to the Catholic church from Southern Baptist, goes to mass often, we pray the family rosary nightly and my sons have no problems at all in going to mass, even daily mass when I can afford the gas (a 40 minute ride one way to church). They say the rosary without problem and each say their morning and evening prayers. They go to confession usually every two weeks without complaint and at the least once a month.

I think that the family rosary has been a God send in our lives. Until then my boys were not such good children and would act like my older kids. We began our family rosary about 5 years ago and the change has been outstanding. Our marriage is stronger, our kids act better. My only regret is I did not start it sooner. I pray everyday for my older kids that they will return to their faith. I do my best to try and get them to confession and mass, but it’s very hard to get them to see its importance. So I continually ask the Blessed Mother to watch over them and help them return to God. If St. Augustine’s mom could get him to repair his life, there is hope my kids will come around.

I would suggest you make the family rosary a priority, after dinner about 7 pm works for us the best. At first they might not like it but remember, you are their mother and in charge of helping them get to heaven. Put your foot down and tell them, we are saying the family rosary. In our house, everyone takes a decade and recites the first part and the family responds. Works out very well. You will be surprised how things will change for your family. Just stick to it. I will keep your family in our prayers. And don’t be afraid to ask Mary to help you out. She will be there for you. 😉
 
Does your church have a youth group or a spirit mass the parish I attended in the US had a spirit mass where contemporary christian praise music was played and kids assisted totally in the mass maybe that could help build faith for her?
 
I’d imagine prayer and being charitable about her current beliefs is the only thing you can do. Obviously you must refrain from forcing anything on her, especially at 16.
 
Thoughts: Prayer, she needs to know Jesus Christ (who loves her and gives us true life!), some good solid youth program, Steubenville has summer conferences, things from the media of Fr. Baron wordonfire.org, addresses of Pope Benedict XVI, Pope John Paul II and Pope Francis at World Youth day, prayer… Contact Catholic Answers directly too for more --they can have good advice…also your Diocese …prayer…
 
Is she Confirmed? Will she go to confession? If she will go to confession she should confess her non-belief. If she does she may get a revelation.
 
The best thing to do is pray for her and all children, that they may know God in their lives. This may not happen today or tomorrow or even any time soon, so don’t give up. Find others who can support you through this.

The second thing is to set a Christlike example for her: “They’ll know we are Christians by our love (charity).” Expose her to things in the world where God and His Church help make a difference in the world today: a soup kitchen, a home with mentally disabled challenged kids or orphanage, etc. A little perspective (especially for Americans and Europeans) can be something that helps her to connect goodness in the world to the Creator of goodness.

There are many other good suggestions in this thread, and surely many more to come. Know that any of them may or may not help your daughter now or in the near future. You just don’t know. Teenagers are very fickle.

Don’t give up, love her always.
 
She is confirmed. She will not go to confession. I have tried to take her and just have her sit in the pew hoping she’d go, but she refused.

Just want to make it clear that she did not come to me, she came to my husband who mentioned it briefly to me. He won’t go into further detail and says it’s up to her as to what she believes in and thinks I need to just let her be. While he is okay with the kids being baptized and going to a Catholic school, he has changed substantially in the past few years. He has never believed, but was tolerant of my beliefs but now I am seeing he is starting to resent them. He used to come to church with us on Christmas and Easter, but the last few years he won’t even do that. He’d rather stay home with the dog.

I have tried the family Rosary, but I get sighs, eye rolls and complaints. I shorted it to a decade, that was slightly better, but major resentment while we were doing it. I’m going to try again.

Thanks so much for all of the replies. I am taking them to heart. Thank you! I feel like all I do here is come for advice. I can’t wait for the day when I can help someone here rather than take. Thank you.
 
To add on to what others have said; it wouldn’t hurt to study some Thomas Aquinas.
 
Thank you all. I will gladly study St. Thomas Aquinas. I love him.
 
I know you are concerned for your daughter’s future. However, I need to suggest a different angle. Perhaps the focus is that not everything in life will go the way we want it, and your daughter leaving the faith is a cross you have to bear to live out your faith fully. IOW, from where you are sitting, this is YOUR opportunity to grow in holiness, not your daughters.

Does that make sense?

Angie
 
Anglewannabe said:
I know you are concerned for your daughter’s future. However, I need to suggest a different angle. Perhaps the focus is that not everything in life will go the way we want it, and your daughter leaving the faith is a cross you have to bear to live out your faith fully. IOW, from where you are sitting, this is YOUR opportunity to grow in holiness, not your daughters.

Does that make sense?

Angie
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Yep. It does. Thanks for the different angle. It’s good to see something from a different perspective.
 
As a parent, I appreciate your concern for your daughter - but I am confused by it as well. You are married to a man you think is an atheist. No matter how devout you are, she has a 50-50 chance of not believing. Young people who have the slightest intention of raising Catholic children have to do everything in their power (marry a strong Catholic) to get this accomplished.

Pray for her!
 
I sent my four daughters through Catholic scools, and they were NOT effective apologists for the Faith. In fact, some teachers undermined Christianity. I wish that Lee Stobels’s book “Case for a Creator” existed then, and was required reading for every student. Luckily, you have the chance now to challenge your daughter to read it. 👍 Rob
 
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