My 6 year old son is masterbating

[KostyaJMJ]

Don’t worry about it. What he is doing is a natural part of development. For one, he isn’t able to engage in the sin of masturbation that involves auto eroticism, he is only exploring his body like every other child that age. The two acts really shouldn’t be classified together as “masturbation”. If you spot him doing it, tell him not to touch himself but don’t make him feel guilty and blow everything out of proportion. He’ll more than likely grow out of it on his own.

 

[micahmike]

I would just tell him to stop and go wash his hand. If he asked why? I told him it’s not good to be touching, playing, with it because it can give you an UTI.

He would ask why? I would tell him because that’s where the pee comes from and there are germs on your hands, so if you play with it, touch it a lot, especially if you are not going pee, then germs on your hand can get in where the pee comes out and thus you can get an UTI.

UTI are often caused by e.coli. Yes, my kids wash their hand after bathroom use, before and after meals, etc but they are also kids and sometimes I don’t think they wash good enough. So what I’m telling my son is factual especially if he has traces of e.coli on his hand. So in general it’s better not to stimulate your genitals for “good” hygiene and health reasons. That’s all the my kids need to know at this point.

Do I catch my 9 year old still doing it? Yes occasionally, however it’s less and less and every time I spy him I remind him NOT to do it for the health reasons. I reminded him how an UTI can be really bad. His sister my 8 year-old got an UTI so bad, last year that, she ended up in the ER due to dehydration. My son knows and remembers this. So UTI are serious business and we don’t want to do something that could make us sick.

His sister ending up in the ER due to an UTI is what really nip it. We were making process before that and it was becoming less and less especially seeing I was making him wash his hands every time. However seeing his sister end up in the ER really put an end to it. He realized then that Mom was right UTI are bad things.

Of course as he gets older stimulating the genitals well not be as innocent, because there WILL be sexual pleasure attached to the action as well. When SEXUAL pleasure is attached to genital stimulation then, in my opinion, the action become masturbation and is a sin. Right now, it really is just innocent touch. A touch that should be avoid for hygiene reasons. We don’t pick our nose; We don’t play with our genitals.

Edit Add: boys can get UTI too. It’s not as common but it is possible. It’s believe that girls get them easier because the urethra in girls is shorter then in boys.

Your son is not going to get a UTI from touching his penis and unless you’re instructing him to wash his hands BEFORE going to the bathroom or scratching an itch, you’re being inconsistant and one day he’ll call you on it. In my oppinion you are lying to your son (by significantly exagerating the risk of this specific behavior causing a UTI) in order to get him to change his behavior. I don’t think that’s a good idea.

 

[SnakeMauler]

Masturbation is probably the worst thing anyone could ever get to, and very difficult to avoid. My best bet would be to tell your son he is killing his future children. Or, make up something like telling him that if he keeps doing it, Santa won’t bring him presents. Or, something far more extreme, like his private parts will fall off.

 

[Serap]

Masturbation is probably the worst thing anyone could ever get to, and very difficult to avoid. My best bet would be to tell your son he is killing his future children. Or, make up something like telling him that if he keeps doing it, Santa won’t bring him presents. Or, something far more extreme, like his private parts will fall off.

That’s just crazy. He’s only 6 years old! Doing that would create psychological damage into his adulthood. So many youth leave the church b/c we make them feel dirty. There are much kinder and softer ways to do it.

OP…please go to the Ask the Apoligist forum or ask a priest. You are getting many potentially damaging responses to the detriment of your little boy.

 

[The_Bucket]

Your son is not going to get a UTI from touching his penis and unless you’re instructing him to wash his hands BEFORE going to the bathroom or scratching an itch, you’re being inconsistant and one day he’ll call you on it. In my oppinion you are lying to your son (by significantly exagerating the risk of this specific behavior causing a UTI) in order to get him to change his behavior. I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Exaggerating the risks of a health issue is not lying. It’s a way to get him to stop by telling him something that is actually possible while not trying to explain the habit, future sin and decorum-related reasons he shouldn’t be doing it.

And trust me, a nine year old isn’t going to piece together very minor inconsistencies on something like that. As long as she’s being consistent on the major theme here which is that he’s not supposed to touch that area unless he’s bathing or using the restroom, she’s fine.

 

[micahmike]

Exaggerating the risks of a health issue is not lying. It’s a way to get him to stop by telling him something that is actually possible while not trying to explain the habit, future sin and decorum-related reasons he shouldn’t be doing it.

Please don’t support lying. This statement “I told him it’s not good to be touching, playing, with it because it can give you an UTI.” is a lie and cannot be made out to be anything but a lie. The reason given (that it can give you a UTI) is NOT the reason that the boy should avoid the action. Before long, the boy will mention the balderdash he’s been fed to someone who knows the truth and thus finds lies abhorant, and his mother’s credibility will be lost. If she instead elected to tell the boy the truth, that the sensations that he’s feeling are tought by Christ’s Church to be reserved for husband and wife, she could discourage the behavior without lying. Lying is not excusable in this case, there is no threat of harm if she tells the truth and the matter is not something trivial and traditional ie Santa Claus.

Perhaps the nine year olds I’ve been around are smarter or more curious than the ones you’ve spent time with?

No, she isn’t “fine”. The Catholic Church does not teach that it is acceptable to lie so long as you prevent someone from sinning - especially when the truth may work just as well. We are Catholics. We have the Truth. We do not need to lie to spread the teaching of the Church.

 

[The_Bucket]

I’m considering not answering if my kids ask if Santa is real when I know he’s not. I’m obviously a terrible human being because I’m lying and deserve eternal fire.

A six year old, heck even a nine year old, doesn’t understand sexuality beyond what a boy is and what a girl is and that’s how it should be. Explaining more than that is liable to confuse the heck of out them and do nothing to stop the behavior.

 

[StratusRose]

Masturbation is probably the worst thing anyone could ever get to, and very difficult to avoid. My best bet would be to tell your son he is killing his future children. Or, make up something like telling him that if he keeps doing it, Santa won’t bring him presents. Or, something far more extreme, like his private parts will fall off.

This is a joke, right?.. Right?

 

[Serap]

This is a joke, right?.. Right?

This thread is just getting crazy! I think the moderator may close it soon!

There are some (let’s say) “unique” individuals on this CAF thread

 

[ack]

If she instead elected to tell the boy the truth, that the sensations that he’s feeling are tought by Christ’s Church to be reserved for husband and wife, she could discourage the behavior without lying.

But what you’re advising the OP to tell her son would be a lie too!

The boy is not “feeling sensations which are reserved for husband and wife” because he is far from reaching puberty, and the body is incapable of feeling sexual pleasure or having an orgasm. The minimal pleasure that the boy feels from this act is clearly non-sexual.

 

[micahmike]

But what you’re advising the OP to tell her son would be a lie too!

The boy is not “feeling sensations which are reserved for husband and wife” because he is far from reaching puberty, and the body is incapable of feeling sexual pleasure or having an orgasm. QUOTE]

Where did you get that information from? 6 and 9 year olds are unlikely to be fertile, but that doesn’t mean they are incapable of orgasm. The pleasure they feel is sexual is a sense - the sexual organs are being manipulated to cause pleasure. The sexual organs are meant to, under limited circumstances, provide pleasure when manipulated, but only by husbands and wives.

 

[chazk728]

Okay, I need help here. About two or three months ago, my wife and I discovered that my son is masterbating before bedtime or in the morning or when he has a full bladder. When I figured it out, I sat him down to discuss and make sure it wasn’t something related to abuse. I can say that by all indications, it isn’t. We have had several conversations and can now discuss it without being too embarissing, which I hope is a good thing. I also contacted his teacher to make sure she was aware and could help at school. Well, since we’ve discovered his “bad habit” and monitored him at home, he hasn’t had too much touble avoiding it at home. However, since we’ve talked to his teacher, he has increasingly been more bold about it at school. Today, he repeatedly did it even after he was corrected. I don’t know what to do. I am fearful if I draw too much attention to it, it will only get worse.

I’ve read my share on the internet about it and have been bombarded with advice about “how it is normal” and “let them do it in private” etc. It may perfectly well be normal. My son has a tendency to need “outlets” for his energy, nervousness, boredom, or anxiety. For example, he likes to play act Star Wars or some other type battle, which he is not allowed to do in school. This fits all the “medical” advice but I am not comfortable with letting him do this.

Has anyone had this problem and how did you deal with it…BTW—could use your prayers.

This is normal behavior for a 6 year old, and he will outgrow it. In the meantime, it may be a blessing in the sense that you have been able to talk to your son about it already, since it may allow you to discuss it later in his life when it becomes a moral issue without it being too awkward. Please don’t worry about him!

 

[ALLGIRLS]

But what you’re advising the OP to tell her son would be a lie too!

The boy is not “feeling sensations which are reserved for husband and wife” because he is far from reaching puberty, and the body is incapable of feeling sexual pleasure or having an orgasm. The minimal pleasure that the boy feels from this act is clearly non-sexual.

That’s not true. I began masturbating at a very early age-younger than I can remember, much younger than six (I know I wasn’t in school yet), and I did have orgasms. Of course, I didn’t know iat the time it was an orgasm, but it was. It was NOTHING like the pleasure of getting back rub (which I also have always loved, btw). It didn’t start out “sexual” (accompanied by fantasies or anything) until I got older and learned what sex was, but there was a “release” (in fact, I always got mad if I got “caught” before it happened, because I knew I’d have to “start all over”). I also didn’t “outgrow it”. In fact, I didn’t stop until after I was married and came to embrace all the Church’s teachings on sexuality.

As far as what to do, I don’t know My mother was a prude (nicest way I can put it) and didn’t handle it well. I was beat with a belt and told I was nasty and dirty (that obviously was not a deterrent). I’m now having the same problem w/ my 3 young daughters. The oldest and youngest discovered it via 5 point harness car seats-straining against the straps. The middle one I think just saw her older sister doing it and figured it out (she doesn’t do it very much, occasionally when watching t.v.) The youngest does it whenever we’re in the car (she’s still in a car seat), and the oldest when were in the car or when she’s watching t.v. The only thing I’ve done is told them to stop it. I haven’t been able to explain why (I’ve actually restorted to the “because I said so” out of desperation). I don’t want to bring up sex yet, and I don’t want to overreact like my mother did. I’ve mentioned that their private parts aren’t toys, they’re for peeing only. I don’t want to say not to do it in public, b/c I don’t them doing it in private, either, because I know it can become somewhat of an addiction, especially once they reach puberty age (It became a big problem for me then, waned a bit after that, but I still did it about once a day-even when I was sexually active- until I stopped altogether).

Well, sorry for the novel . I know I was no help. I hope you figure out something, because once they hit puberty I think it’ll be impossible to stop it unless they have a serious religious conversion.

In Christ,

Ellen

 

[Adeodatus]

This thread is extremely disconcerting.

It’s your moral responsibility to correct your child’s behavior. If you just excuse the behavior then you’re morally culpable for contributing to the corruption of your child.

If the issue is pleasure then go right for the issue. Take away everything the child finds pleasurable: TV, sweets, toys, video games, visits from friends. Take down all the things in his room that he likes. Leave him with a monk’s quarters, and feed him only foods for health and nutrition. Impose this penalty for a week for every incident. If you stick to your guns, you will win. If you don’t, then this horrible behavior becomes your fault.

 

[micahmike]

This thread is extremely disconcerting.

It’s your moral responsibility to correct your child’s behavior. If you just excuse the behavior then you’re morally culpable for contributing to the corruption of your child.

If the issue is pleasure then go right for the issue. Take away everything the child finds pleasurable: TV, sweets, toys, video games, visits from friends. Take down all the things in his room that he likes. Leave him with a monk’s quarters, and feed him only foods for health and nutrition. Impose this penalty for a week for every incident. If you stick to your guns, you will win. If you don’t, then this horrible behavior becomes your fault.

Be serious please, the OP is hurting and looking for help, save the jokes for lighter subject matter.

 

[Serap]

The responses on this thread are really freaking me out!!! This is just too wierd for me. I’m unsubscribing from this thread.

The boy is 6!!! He’s not even the age of reason. He’s innocent and he could be severely damaged if the OP followed the crazy advice of some of you. This is just too crazy for me!

bye

 

[shannyk]

The responses on this thread are really freaking me out!!! This is just too wierd for me. I’m unsubscribing from this thread.

The boy is 6!!! He’s not even the age of reason. He’s innocent and he could be severely damaged if the OP followed the crazy advice of some of you. This is just too crazy for me!

bye

I agree Serap!

This poor little boy is only SIX!! He has innocently discovered his body, he’s done nothing wrong.

OP have you checked to see if your son could have a UTI? You mention he is touching himself when he has a full bladder, and now he’s doing it a lot at school. if he has a UTI he might be feeling the urge to go to the bathroom nearly constantly, and at school of course he cant just get up and go when he needs to. It’s something to check into.

I have to say I’m at a complete loss as to why you told his teacher? To me that seems…odd honestly, unless there is something I’m missing? It’s really a private matter for you and your wife to deal with.

All boys do this. Some at much earlier ages than your son. Babies even! It’s completely innocent, they have just discovered that when they touch themselves there it feels good. They don’t know why, or anything about the sexual aspect of it.

i think he just needs to be told that it’s not good manners to touch himself and he’s not to do it. I don’t think it needs to be made into a big deal at all. Make sure he’s redirected to another activity where he can use his hands to do something and get a physical outlet. When my son does this (he’s 10.5 and autistic) I direct him to clay, playdough, the trampoline or riding his bike. It usually does the trick. I see him doing it, I do NOT freak out, I just say hey buddy, hands off ok? it really doesn’t take more than that.

There is a great book called Beyond the Birds and the Bees by Gregory Popcak, a Catholic therapist and father. he talks about this very subject in there, I highly recommend it.

 

[Adeodatus]

Be serious please, the OP is hurting and looking for help, save the jokes for lighter subject matter.

I don’t know what you’re on about. I’m perfectly serious. It’s the OP’s moral responsibility to nip this in the bud now. That means taking measures that will actually work.

 

[shannyk]

This thread is extremely disconcerting.

It’s your moral responsibility to correct your child’s behavior. If you just excuse the behavior then you’re morally culpable for contributing to the corruption of your child.

If the issue is pleasure then go right for the issue. Take away everything the child finds pleasurable: TV, sweets, toys, video games, visits from friends. Take down all the things in his room that he likes. Leave him with a monk’s quarters, and feed him only foods for health and nutrition. Impose this penalty for a week for every incident. If you stick to your guns, you will win. If you don’t, then this horrible behavior becomes your fault.

This is NOT how a Catholic parent treats their 6 year old child. Do you have children? I kind of hope not.

 

[GaryTaylor]

This is normal behavior for a 6 year old, and he will outgrow it. In the meantime, it may be a blessing in the sense that you have been able to talk to your son about it already, since it may allow you to discuss it later in his life when it becomes a moral issue without it being too awkward. Please don’t worry about him!

I agree, and its such a delicate age that you could easily damage him emotionally with to much emphasis on behavior.

WE took a bit of a different approach with my son. Really more of a hand “off” approach with a lot of space. He’ll be a sophmore in HS next year. And I really couldn’t be happier with him. Less is more without a doubt. Be a friend not just a parent. And you’ll be his friend for life.

Not to say that there’s only one correct way to raise children, but just a thought for ya.