My 8 yo granddaughter is always breaking things!

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seagal

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Not on purpose I know, but she is so rough and seems unaware of her strength. She’s 8 but is tall with a big build, she could easily pass for 10. I look after her after school every day and I’m constantly finding broken things around the house, from the mirror on the medicine cabinet to a slate tile on the fireplace. My computer speaker hasn’t been working lately and this morning I find the connector nearly broken off. She was probably just fiddling with unconsciously whenever she’s on the computer until it broke. She’s already ruined the headphones she usually uses with the computer. I’m at my wit’s end! My first instinct is to bar her from using the computer from now on but that sounds harsh even to me. She’s clumsy, like her motor skills aren’t quite there and I’m always reminding her to go gently. She’s full of gusto and loves to just charge through everything. I really love this about her but she can’t seem to rein it in. I’m always frustrated with her and I hate feeling this way about her all the time. I really do love her and her enthusiasm, but she has a long history of taking things (mainly her sister’s) and breaking them. Her mother (my daughter) doesn’t seem to think anything is wrong. How do I handle this? Is this kind of clumsiness normal for a kid? I’ve had 3 but I don’t remember it being this bad.
 
seagal said:
Not on purpose I know, but she is so rough and seems unaware of her strength. She’s 8 but is tall with a big build, she could easily pass for 10. I look after her after school every day and I’m constantly finding broken things around the house, from the mirror on the medicine cabinet to a slate tile on the fireplace. My computer speaker hasn’t been working lately and this morning I find the connector nearly broken off. She was probably just fiddling with unconsciously whenever she’s on the computer until it broke. She’s already ruined the headphones she usually uses with the computer. I’m at my wit’s end! My first instinct is to bar her from using the computer from now on but that sounds harsh even to me. She’s clumsy, like her motor skills aren’t quite there and I’m always reminding her to go gently. She’s full of gusto and loves to just charge through everything. I really love this about her but she can’t seem to rein it in. I’m always frustrated with her and I hate feeling this way about her all the time. I really do love her and her enthusiasm, but she has a long history of taking things (mainly her sister’s) and breaking them. Her mother (my daughter) doesn’t seem to think anything is wrong. How do I handle this? Is this kind of clumsiness normal for a kid? I’ve had 3 but I don’t remember it being this bad.
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I think you have to set limits. Why should she take more care if no one is teaching her? She has to learn to respect the property of others. Yes i would say NO to her using YOUR computer. That is not harsh. when done kindly and explaining… Has she energettic hobbies?eg skipping rope? dance classes that would teach her control of her limbs? Hoping for improvement and peace for thee…
 
I would have her burn her energy outside too. Not much to break outside.
 
Sounds like a kid who needs less screen time. Here is a list of things that are hard to break.

Balls
Trees
Fresh Air
Jump Ropes
Hills
Slides
Swings
Roller Skates
Sidewalk Chalk
Fields With Tall Grass
Garden Hoses
Sleds
Autumn Leaves
Gardening Tools
Snowmen

Turning the screen off isn’t cruel if it’s replaced with something more appropriate.
 
Allegra said:
Sounds like a kid who needs less screen time. Here is a list of things that are hard to break.

Balls
Trees
Fresh Air
Jump Ropes
Hills
Slides
Swings
Roller Skates
Sidewalk Chalk
Fields With Tall Grass
Garden Hoses
Sleds
Autumn Leaves
Gardening Tools
Snowmen

Turning the screen off isn’t cruel if it’s replaced with something more appropriate.
Click to expand...
Great minds think alike… 😉
 
Assuming you won’t banish your granddaughter to the outdoors completely, I would try a gentle reminder like a cookie. When she gets to your house have a few cookies, or something, there for her. If she gets to rough with something, tell her she’ll have one less cookie to eat the next time she comes over. Just an idea, I know you don’t want to squish her spirit.
 
1Lord1Faith said:
Assuming you won’t banish your granddaughter to the outdoors completely, I would try a gentle reminder like a cookie. When she gets to your house have a few cookies, or something, there for her. If she gets to rough with something, tell her she’ll have one less cookie to eat the next time she comes over. Just an idea, I know you don’t want to squish her spirit.
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Is this meant to be sarcastic? Your advising someone that playing outdoors will “squish their spirit” and to discipline them with cookies instead?
 
It can be an awkward age. Especially if she’s large for her age, she may just be growing and so her body is literally not where she expects it to be. It’s hard to keep up!

I agree that outside playing time is probably a good idea, and not to expect to spend much time doing things that involve sitting still. If you were her parent, and these were issues that had been occurring for a while (years) in all kinds of environments, it might be worth it to see if there’s some issues with fine motor skills that could be addressed.

One thing that strikes me as odd is that you are discovering that things are broken. Is she not aware of it when it happens? If she breaks something, she should come to you and apologize and offer to help you fix it or at least clean up. The thing with the speaker she may just not know about, but the others seem strange. It could (possibly) point to either extreme embarrassment or fear of being punished, or disrespect for you and your things. You would know better, but that’s just something that jumped out at me.
 
Sounds to me like she is really angry. Is something going on in her home life? Has a weirdo gotten to her?

Honestly, I am assuming she has no developmental issues, this post just wreaks of a very hurt 8 year old who is crying out for help. And to do nothing about her breaking things is just hurting her because of way of getting attention is not working
 
seagal said:
Not on purpose I know, but she is so rough and seems unaware of her strength. She’s 8 but is tall with a big build, she could easily pass for 10. I look after her after school every day and I’m constantly finding broken things around the house, from the mirror on the medicine cabinet to a slate tile on the fireplace. My computer speaker hasn’t been working lately and this morning I find the connector nearly broken off. She was probably just fiddling with unconsciously whenever she’s on the computer until it broke. She’s already ruined the headphones she usually uses with the computer. I’m at my wit’s end! My first instinct is to bar her from using the computer from now on but that sounds harsh even to me. She’s clumsy, like her motor skills aren’t quite there and I’m always reminding her to go gently. She’s full of gusto and loves to just charge through everything. I really love this about her but she can’t seem to rein it in. I’m always frustrated with her and I hate feeling this way about her all the time. I really do love her and her enthusiasm, but she has a long history of taking things (mainly her sister’s) and breaking them. Her mother (my daughter) doesn’t seem to think anything is wrong. How do I handle this? Is this kind of clumsiness normal for a kid? I’ve had 3 but I don’t remember it being this bad.
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I was very tall,still am and out of proportion while growing,it takes time to adjust to growth. Adults forget this and was constantly told how clumsy I was.Confidence eroded,please don’t repeat this. Eventually,I became clumsy enough to be a vet nurse.It will probably pass
 
seagal said:
Not on purpose I know, but she is so rough and seems unaware of her strength. She’s 8 but is tall with a big build, she could easily pass for 10. I look after her after school every day and I’m constantly finding broken things around the house, from the mirror on the medicine cabinet to a slate tile on the fireplace. My computer speaker hasn’t been working lately and this morning I find the connector nearly broken off. She was probably just fiddling with unconsciously whenever she’s on the computer until it broke. She’s already ruined the headphones she usually uses with the computer. I’m at my wit’s end! My first instinct is to bar her from using the computer from now on but that sounds harsh even to me. She’s clumsy, like her motor skills aren’t quite there and I’m always reminding her to go gently. She’s full of gusto and loves to just charge through everything. I really love this about her but she can’t seem to rein it in. I’m always frustrated with her and I hate feeling this way about her all the time. I really do love her and her enthusiasm, but she has a long history of taking things (mainly her sister’s) and breaking them. Her mother (my daughter) doesn’t seem to think anything is wrong. How do I handle this? Is this kind of clumsiness normal for a kid? I’ve had 3 but I don’t remember it being this bad.
Click to expand...
Personally supervise her time at the computer and sign her up for ballet. You also might suggest that she has her eyes check; there could be a minor depth perception issue.
 
If this is a sudden change, definitely seek the help of your pediatrician.
Kids who have had someone act inappropriately with them lash out like this.
I’d be VERY concerned. This could be a cry for help.
Praying for you and your family.
 
****Mirrors on medicine cabinets and fireplace tiles aren’t that easy to break. These are not accidents.
she has a long history of taking things (mainly her sister’s) and breaking them. Her mother (my daughter) doesn’t seem to think anything is wrong.
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Don’t you see that there are serious issues here? I would talk to a professional family counselor.
 
PaulfromIowa said:
****Mirrors on medicine cabinets and fireplace tiles aren’t that easy to break. These are not accidents.

Don’t you see that there are serious issues here? I would talk to a professional family counselor.
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Yes they are not easy to break, but it would depend on how they broke…if someone slams a medicine cabinet, or drops a heavy object by accident because they rush through things, is different then someone deliberately breaking things…

I would see if she rushes things too, and if her own things break…If it’s innocent then her stuff would break too…i also think as someone else posted, not to label her clumsy as it will add to it.

I think a visit to the pediatrician would be good, as they would know.
 
This does sound pretty far outside normal. How does she manage in school? How does she manage at home? Its possible that she is the same at home but her Mom is minimizing it. However, if she is like this at school, no teacher and no classmates will minimize it - it will be an issue.
 
When I was little, I always accidentally broke stuff. My aunt once had this beautiful snow globe she was showing off that played a tune when a button on the bottom was pressed. Later that day, I picked it up myself and tried pressing the button. Nothing. So I tried a little harder. Nothing. So I tried a little harder and . . . OOPS. 😊

To be honest, I always felt so terrible about myself whenever it happened. And people would get so upset.

I’m not saying every child feels that way. I am a self-conscious person in general. But I did grow out of breaking things like that eventually and learned how to treat things more gingerly and be more conscious about my own actions.
 
  1. Keep in mind that things break. In fact I phones now come with a glass screen that is SUPPOSED to break. I have 5 kids and probably 100 earbuds. Most of them I’ve broken.
  2. If she is having motor trouble a visit to a PT could be warrented. I have 1 child who had no body awareness. She was in PT for a while and it sort of helped. Putting her in gymnastics helped A TON. She is still a walking disaster sometimes. I don’t mind though because I supervise her play.
  3. If she is doing this out of carelessness, maliciously, or on purpose, you may need to see if some counseling for help.
  4. Sometimes grandparents watch thier grand kids for an extended time as a form of childcare. This does have obvious benifits but the drawbacks can also be there, one of which is a less active or supervised situation for the kids. My mom could not watch my 5 kids for any length of time and she bikes, skis, swims etc all the time.
  5. Today there is an unbelievable temptation to hand a child a device and enjoy the quiet. My mom had a device for each kid and when we would go over for dinner I had to finally tell her, nope. I don’t like my kids in a trance so she can have quiet. I’d honestly rather drug them. (Or her). Does this mean my kids have never seen YouTube, or played candy crush. No. But it is EXTREMELY limited. We homeschool and this year my sixth grader is really taking to the Internet to help study some of her subjects.
  6. If you are active, get a soccer ball or shoot some hoops or do things that encourage body awareness. At least as much time as they spend using fine motor skills on a screen. And TV should be almost eliminated especially for an eight year old girl.
  7. And this is the most important. It may be she is just a clumsy kid. Don’t send her the message that the things she breaks mean more to you than being around her. Put the expensive porcelain dolls away and enjoy a person a child in all thier glory. Shards and all.
 
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