My "Affair"

[yellowbird]

If this same thing were to happen now, I would certainly handle it differently.

And there you go. We are all human… we live, we learn.

 

[TLM08]

I can see defending the “lady’s” honor but if we stop and think…
with this almost “funny charade” going on and both were married (and yes even playing into this is considered scandel)
what about the feelings of their spouses???
Even if they were aware of the game going on, they may feel the effect on their reputation and what their marriage relationship would look like to others.
**Remember, even if it was a game, that you are putting on an air that having an affair and being married is no big deal **and you may lead someone else to think the same thing and cause them to fall into sin because you may have (although maybe not intentionally)
caused them to think it is acceptable to cheat on one’s spouse.

I would have squashed the “rumor mill” immediately for the honor of my wife!!! I love my wife enough not to play these games.

Paul

Great post… These very thoughts have in recent years entered my mind… especially the acceptability of infidelity aspect. Like I said, this occurred many years ago, during my time as a lapsed catholic.

My mentality (and hers) at the time was: “Who are THEY to tell us who to hang around with”? Besides, since there was nothing sexual going on, we weren’t doing enything wrong. To this day, I would have set the record straight but continued to have lunch with whoever I wanted.

The sad truth is, had I denied their accusations, it probably wouldn’t have made any difference, and to cut off a friendship because the others “can’t handle it” is problematic as well.

These days, I do my best to avoid scandal like the plague and set a good example for the younger crowd that has come in.

 

[Allen537]

No,

They didn’t have the right to know one way or the other.

In Carmel,

Br. Allen

 

[AndyF]

Years ago, a few co-workers wrongly made the assumption that I was involved in a sexual affair with female co-worker whom they did not like because of severe past conflict with her. They made this leap of logic because her and I were working on a project together and were seen (heaven forbid) laughing together. One of them even came up to me and suggested that (his words to follow)… "f#* -ing that “wh***” was a bad idea and stay away from her. At the time, I was stunned to think that this little group was thinking this about us and who was HE to tell me whom to hang around with? I held my tongue, because I felt that I did not owe him any explaination.

So I went to her about the comment and we decided to change nothing. In fact, soon after that she “made eyes” at me a time or two when they were around just to get their goat. As time went by became very good friends. Her and I would sit together at noon lunch in the cafeteria and work together whenever the opportunity presented itself, knowing full well that the others were assuming the worst. She was not the monster or “wh***” they made her out to be. Again, I felt that it was none of this was any of their business. Unfortunately, I took delight my silence as a minor form of “revenge”.

There were a few people that were not involved in the gossip mill
that I confided in and explained the situation to them. Did I sin by not announcing to the world that her and I were not having an affair?

I know we are to avoid the occasions of slander has much has possible. But occasions such has these arise often. The social mill could not resist delving in presumption, so what we are seeing is the compounding of the collective sin they initiated.

I say good for you.

Your revenge isn’t really, but a point of view they arise at which is in error. If they weren’t presumptuous, then all of these expressions of friendship would be received the way they should and they would combine their joy with the joy of your relationship.

Sadly, the result is that their attitude exiles them through blindness to the truth.

AndyF

yours enjoy the relationship you have to each other.

 

[TLM08]

I know we are to avoid the occasions of slander has much has possible. But occasions such has these arise often. The social mill could not resist delving in presumption, so what we are seeing is the compounding of the collective sin they initiated.

I say good for you.

Your revenge isn’t really, but a point of view they arise at which is in error. If they weren’t presumptuous, then all of these expressions of friendship would be received the way they should and they would combine their joy with the joy of your relationship.

Sadly, the result is that their attitude exiles them through blindness to the truth.

AndyF

yours enjoy the relationship you have to each other.

Thank You. While I cannot really justify my actions at the time, I understand why I did it. It was “their problem” not ours.
God Bless.

 

[YipYupYep]

You were giving *scandal *in a major way. You were provoking them to further gossip-- enabling and participating in their sin.

You were also setting up a situation in which your reputation and her reputation could be severely damaged in the workplace. It is very difficult to undo such damage with later protestations of “but we were just friends.” Managers have long memories when it comes to promotion time, and these types of office affairs are trouble with a capital T. One or both of you might now be looked on unfavorably by higher ups-- based on YOUR actions feeding the appearance of an affair. And, explaining to the boss that you weren’t “really” having an affair but just provoking the gossipers has “troublemaker” and “poor judgment” written all over it… also damaging your workplace prospects.

I think you were very immature in how you chose to handle it. You had an opportunity to squash the gossipers, help rebuild relationships between these coworkers, and foster maturity and cooperation in the workplace. Instead you chose to play a game like a 5th grader.

Thats a tough approach, but yes, thats true, it was scandal. Hard core but correct. Good post.

 

[vz71]

The sad truth is, had I denied their accusations, it probably wouldn’t have made any difference, and to cut off a friendship because the others “can’t handle it” is problematic as well.

Well…
If you had denied the affair at the time it may well have made no difference in the rumor mill going about its daily grind.
But you would have nothing to apologize for, the scandal would be completely upon the other party’s gossip…not you as well.

 

[Paul2274]

Great post… These very thoughts have in recent years entered my mind… especially the acceptability of infidelity aspect. Like I said, this occurred many years ago, during my time as a lapsed catholic.

My mentality (and hers) at the time was: “Who are THEY to tell us who to hang around with”? Besides, since there was nothing sexual going on, we weren’t doing enything wrong. To this day, I would have set the record straight but continued to have lunch with whoever I wanted.

The sad truth is, had I denied their accusations, it probably wouldn’t have made any difference, and to cut off a friendship because the others “can’t handle it” is problematic as well.

These days, I do my best to avoid scandal like the plague and set a good example for the younger crowd that has come in.

I’m sorry. I reread my post and I think I sounded a little harsh.
You are right that even if you did say something it may appear that you had something to hide or that you may have been covering something up. Probably would have been easier to squelch it as it started but then, as with any “rumor”, it starts to take on a life of it’s own and nothing you say can make a differece for the better and may actually make matters worse and give birth to worse rumors that may have been impossible to explain to your spouse
Again, I’m sorry if I sounded harsh, it took alot to bring up a subject like that here on CAF knowing the reaction that you knew you would get.

Welcome Home and may God Bless you and your family.

Peace Be With You Brother,

Paul

 

[LeroyCRHP]

I guess I don’t see the problem in your situation other than the idiots that were spreading rumors.

As we have more we have equality in the work place and more women and men working side by side you will have friendships with boundaries like you said you had.

Some of the rumors I have heard around my church are appalling and don’t deserve repeating or an answer. You know in your heart what is going on, act on that.

 

[YipYupYep]

Here is a quote from Dr. Dale A. Robbins, a Christian Paster.

Quote: The Appearance of Sin – Not only does the Bible teach that believers are not to live a life-style of sin, but they are even to avoid the “appearance” of sin (1 Thess. 5:22).

We all have an obligation to our brethren, not to provide a stumbling block to their faith. But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak… when you thus sin against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ” (1 Cor. 8:9, 12). Un Quote

"Quench not the Spirit.  Despise not prophesyings. Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. Abstain from all appearance of evil".  (1 Thess. 5:19-22)

In the text the Apostle Paul is telling them to allow prophetic revelations of the Spirit, test the utterances, keep what is good and abstain from those that appear bad. It is that simple. Paul is not telling them to avoid actions that might look bad to someone else as many say today".

 

[1ke]

I thought I’d share what the Church has to say regarding the situation in respect to the eighth commandment:

2480 **Every word or attitude is forbidden which **by flattery, adulation, or complaisance encourages and confirms another in malicious acts and perverse conduct.

 

[LeroyCRHP]

I appreciate the rules, but still do not see working on a project with someone of the opposite sex, laughing together or having lunch as appearance of sin.

However that could just be me.

 

[vz71]

I appreciate the rules, but still do not see working on a project with someone of the opposite sex, laughing together or having lunch as appearance of sin.

However that could just be me.

Correct, but knowing the perception is there and not challenging it can well be considered fostering the appearence of sin.

 

[LeroyCRHP]

I agree with that since you worded it this way! This verse really is good:
1 Thessalonians 5:22 (New American Standard Bible)
22 abstain from every form of evil.

Correct, but knowing the perception is there and not challenging it can well be considered fostering the appearence of sin.

 

[TLM08]

I’m sorry. I reread my post and I think I sounded a little harsh.
You are right that even if you did say something it may appear that you had something to hide or that you may have been covering something up. Probably would have been easier to squelch it as it started but then, as with any “rumor”, it starts to take on a life of it’s own and nothing you say can make a differece for the better and may actually make matters worse and give birth to worse rumors that may have been impossible to explain to your spouse
Again, I’m sorry if I sounded harsh, it took alot to bring up a subject like that here on CAF knowing the reaction that you knew you would get.

Welcome Home and may God Bless you and your family.

Peace Be With You Brother,

Paul

No problem! he sad truth is that these people didn’t like her and were not happy that she found a friend in me. Honestly, the fact that she was a good looking woman with a strong independent personality only added fuel to their yapping. Our attitude was “PROVE IT!” Looking back, we were very prideful and arrogant about it.

We both went home to our spouses every night. The behavior deserved sharp rebuke, (and your sharp criticism) but to this day, I would have a hard time sitting these people down and “explaining” myself. It was simply none of THEIR business. Had management inquired as to the situation, we would have set the record straight.

Peace to you and yours as well!