My annulment journey

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Hi all,

I wanted to post an update to my annulment journey. A lot has transpired since I posted this message here

Within minutes of clicking submit on that message, the Deacon telephoned me. 👍 He confirmed that in order to be accepted into the church I’ll need to have an annulment. I’ve thought about this, prayed about this and discussed all this with my wife. I’m prepared to move forward and will document my journey best I can and share this with anyone wanting to read about it.

The level of confusion and stress has been reduced significantly and I can only account that to my prayers being answered. I’m now waiting a phone call from the Parish Priest who will be handling my annulment case. I’m looking forward to this phone call and the eventual meeting.

I’ve spent the past 18 years healing and hiding. Not hiding in the sense of being scared of my safety…but hiding in the sense of not ever wanting to have to confront my ex. Until late yesterday evening, I had no clue where my ex lived or even if she was even still alive. With the help of Google I have a fairly good idea of her current address and will pass that along in my annulment process.

I honestly do not know what to expect next. I’m assuming my meeting with the Parish Priest will be a lot of Q&A. But regardless, I feel much, much stronger and a lot more confident in knowing this is what I want to do. I will do this…

Thank you to all who have contacted me with your words of encouragement.

Jerry
 
JTaylor801 said:
Hi all,

I wanted to post an update to my annulment journey. A lot has transpired since I posted this message here

Within minutes of clicking submit on that message, the Deacon telephoned me. 👍 He confirmed that in order to be accepted into the church I’ll need to have an annulment. I’ve thought about this, prayed about this and discussed all this with my wife. I’m prepared to move forward and will document my journey best I can and share this with anyone wanting to read about it.

The level of confusion and stress has been reduced significantly and I can only account that to my prayers being answered. I’m now waiting a phone call from the Parish Priest who will be handling my annulment case. I’m looking forward to this phone call and the eventual meeting.

I’ve spent the past 18 years healing and hiding. Not hiding in the sense of being scared of my safety…but hiding in the sense of not ever wanting to have to confront my ex. Until late yesterday evening, I had no clue where my ex lived or even if she was even still alive. With the help of Google I have a fairly good idea of her current address and will pass that along in my annulment process.

I honestly do not know what to expect next. I’m assuming my meeting with the Parish Priest will be a lot of Q&A. But regardless, I feel much, much stronger and a lot more confident in knowing this is what I want to do. I will do this…

Thank you to all who have contacted me with your words of encouragement.

Jerry
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First, I want to say welcome, I hope your journey into the Church is fullfilling without too many bumps.

Also, as far as the annulment (or your previous marriage being determined to lack canonical form), don’t worry too much. It isn’t really as hard as it sounds. I’ve had 2 and they are included in the “best things I’ve ever done”. I’m not sure about your not being able to enter the Church before having this attended to but, your Priest knows best and if that’s what he says…

I was born and raise Catholic, was happy and proud to be Catholic until I was stupid enough to listen to others instead of relying on what I already knew in my heart. I married twice, neither time in the Church and had 2 children (who I wouldn’t give up for anything). After 25 years, I came back into the Church, and proceeded to look into having my slate wiped clean. I have to say, I have never felt better and more at peace than I have in a very long time.

It will be well worth the time, etc… and my prayers will be with you. If you have any questions, feel free to ask, we would all be more than happy to help.
 
Update: The Parish Priest called me today and we spoke for about 10 minutes. The good feelings continue. We setup an appt. for 8 Oct. to discuss all this together and in person.

Oh…and one point I did fail to mention in my first message. The annulment process is likely to cost me $450. While this is expensive, I do understand all that is involved.

I’ll provide my next update after the 8 Oct. meeting.

Jerry
 
As you walk this journey, try to keep it in perspective - using the correct language will help.

You are having the Church investigate the validity of your marriage. Remember, no one can annul a valid marriage.

Replace the phrase “getting an annulment” with “having a validity investigation”.

Prayers, God will give you the peace and strength to walk this road.
 
The other thing a lot of people don’t know is that the process can go much faster if you are a) proactive and b) pay attention to detail when putting the paperwork together. Make certain that nothing that was asked for is left out. When you decide who to ask to be witnesses (if that is necessary), try to choose those who know how to follow dirctions and who will return the paperwork promptly, and not sit on it.

Also, at each step ask plenty of questions concerning what the tribunal wants. For instance, the tribunal wants witnesses to answer questions by giving concrete facts and straightforward details that they personally know. They don’t want interpretations. They do that part. But at any rate, be sure to ask what is wanted before you choose witnesses and explain what is wanted when you ask the witnesses to write their answers. It will really grease the wheels, and it will lower the anxiety of those helping you out.

I hope that your contact with your ex results in the finding that a lot of forgiveness has taken place in the years since you last had contact. I don’t mean making excuses, denying what happened, or even reconciliation into something like a new friendship. I mean that you accept each other as human beings, let the hurt and any shame go, and wish each other well in your future lives. After all, the hope is that we’ll all enjoy Heaven together one day.
 
kage_ar said:
As you walk this journey, try to keep it in perspective - using the correct language will help.

You are having the Church investigate the validity of your marriage. Remember, no one can annul a valid marriage.

Replace the phrase “getting an annulment” with “having a validity investigation”.

Prayers, God will give you the peace and strength to walk this road.
Click to expand...
My apologies for not using the correct vocubulary. I am only working from exactly what I’ve been told. Both the deacon and priest told me I would need to “get an annulment”.

But thanks for your thoughts and for your message. I do hope my “validity invesigation” goes as smoothly as possible.

Jerry
 
EasterJoy said:
The other thing a lot of people don’t know is that the process can go much faster if you are a) proactive and b) pay attention to detail when putting the paperwork together. Make certain that nothing that was asked for is left out. When you decide who to ask to be witnesses (if that is necessary), try to choose those who know how to follow dirctions and who will return the paperwork promptly, and not sit on it.

Also, at each step ask plenty of questions concerning what the tribunal wants. For instance, the tribunal wants witnesses to answer questions by giving concrete facts and straightforward details that they personally know. They don’t want interpretations. They do that part. But at any rate, be sure to ask what is wanted before you choose witnesses and explain what is wanted when you ask the witnesses to write their answers. It will really grease the wheels, and it will lower the anxiety of those helping you out.

I hope that your contact with your ex results in the finding that a lot of forgiveness has taken place in the years since you last had contact. I don’t mean making excuses, denying what happened, or even reconciliation into something like a new friendship. I mean that you accept each other as human beings, let the hurt and any shame go, and wish each other well in your future lives. After all, the hope is that we’ll all enjoy Heaven together one day.
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Thank you, EasterJoy. I do plan to be as detailed as possible. I’m sure a lot more will become clear when I meet with the Priest on 10/8.

Jerry
 
Good luck Jerry.I wish you lots of happiness.and joining the church is marvelous news.The road of annulment may be tough but hope all goes well for you.God bless
 
I have been a spectator for an annulment journey for a bit now (21 months - my understanding is that is considerably longer than average). First advice is this - even though this procedure will take some time - use the time to deepen your faith. Prayer, devotions, daily mass, adoration. etc… If only cradle Catholics were put into the same situation… It is often easier to see the value in what you want than what you already have.

I suspect there are details that necessitate an annulment. Normally (iirc) they are only necessary if an other marriage is involved (wanting to get married a second time, or wanting a subsequent marriage blessed). I also seem to recall that 2 other procedures can be used for converts if an annulment is not possible.

Good luck with your Journey. My friend received her’s last week (about 9 months after she completed and filed her paperwork), but her process of joining the full communion is not yet completed (will be seeing the priest again in a couple weeks to discuss the next steps).
 
Having been on a similar journey some years ago, you’ll be in my thoughts. As posted by others, keep up with the paperwork. For now, if you haven’t already, get the required official or otherwise, copies of your previous marriage papers, divorce decree, and baptismal certificates, whatever (if you’re not Catolic, I’m not sure what you need for the baptismal certificate). For my marriage validation, I needed a copy of my husband’s Methodist baptismal certificate–so perhaps you may need one for you if baptized in another religion. I had to mail away for a copy of my baptismal and marriage record–different cities, out of state. More recently, I called for a copy of my baptismal record and received it in a few days (they need to be recent and official).

See if you can verify your ex’s address. Official papers will need to get to your ex and be returned. I had searched also for my ex–he was not originally from the US. Couldn’t find him, but as a nice surprise found his brother. Wringing my hands, I called the brother. He was quite nice and receptive to contacting his brother for me. I really didn’t want to call the ex-in-laws, out of the country, in another language.

As far as payment, $450 was my cost 8 years ago. If money is an issue, I was told that they will work with you on month to month payments, or something. I paid in full on the first notice–didn’t want something as simple as that to delay the proceedings.

A good friend and a sister were witnesses for me. They had been supportive through all, so it was one last task. I did explain what was needed. Have your witnesses call you when they’ve sent the papers back. And then the wait…

You seem to be drawn to the Church. That is good.
 
Wow! My heart goes out to you and all who are on the annulment journey. I am a 60-year-old woman craving to become a Catholic. I knew from the first that the Church would have to pass on my prior marriage. Frankly, I’m glad the Church takes marriage seriously! They must also pass on my husband’s prior marriage, though he is not interested in becoming a Catholic (at this time…? prayers gratefully accepted.) His will be a matter of a defect in form. Though his ex-wife is cooperating, it has become rather difficult to get proof of her baptism, but the priest is working on it. Mine, the priest has decided will be a petition under the Pauline Privilege due to the circumstances. This whole process was easier since I was meeting with Father weekly already for instruction in the Catholic Faith. He is a delightful priest and completely trustworthy. I can hardly wait to confess to him.

I had not had any contact with my ex-husband for 40 years. I had always insisted that the divorce was entirely my fault. This was something I carried with a sort of perverse pride. Father said it’s never all one person’s fault, and kept gently probing. This is not a matter of recovered memories but of memories I always had but refused to acknowledge. Suffice it to say that some of the basic requirements of the Church were not fulfilled in this marriage.

How to find my ex-husband? After 40 years there is the fear that perhaps this person has died! I got up the nerve to “google” him. There he was, with a business site which included a picture. I couldn’t be sure of the face but when I looked at his hands I knew. I had watched him play guitar many times. With fear and trembling, I emailed him in a section of his business site, starting with “this is not about a business request.” I stated as simply as possible why I was contacting him, and asked him to respond if he is this person, or if he is not, because then I would know I had to go on searching. In one of life’s little ironies, my HUSBAND stood over me making me do this! He has been very kind and supportive of my becoming a Catholic, and kept saying, “if you don’t try, you won’t know.”

The next morning, I had an email that said “yes, it’s me.”

Turned out my ex-husband had remarried in 1988 (I had in 1984) and has an adopted son. He therefore had a copy of the divorce decree which he sent me as a PDF. He has been kind and cooperative, but from our short email exchange, it is obvious to me that he still has no religion in his life, and thus couldn’t even understand the apology I made. I had hoped otherwise, but things are what they are.

That’s my story, pretty much up to date. I am now in an RCIA class and hoping very much to “graduate with my class” at the Easter Vigil.

Sometimes I have bad feelings, as if to be divorced and remarried is the unpardonable sin, but I know it isn’t, nor do I wish to live by my feelings. Above all I know that God forgives sin, and if I ever waver, all I need to do is contemplate a crucifix for a few minutes, or a few hours. My entire reason for seeking out the Catholic Church is to get closer to my Lord, who died such an awful death so my sins–and yours–could be forgiven.

Rejoicing in hope,

Luminous Hope (this name expresses how I feel about becoming a Catholic)
 
I wanted to provide an update to my journey.

Last Thursday, 8 October my wife and I met with the parish priest to discuss the annulment process for our previous marriages. He provided very good and sound advice. I came away from that meeting feeling really good about all the work that is head. He provided the initial paperwork that needed to be submitted to the tribunal.

I mailed that paperwork to the tribunal along with our $25 filing fee. Now I’m in waiting mode to hear back from the tribunal. I should be receiving a packet containing a detailed questionaire. Once I receive this packet my next step is to schedule another meeting with the priest who will help us through that step.

Thank you to all who have contacted me with your thoughts and prayers. Please keep me in your prayers as the journey will be long.

J
 
God bless you both on this journey & I hope it is not too long for you.It is such a nice useful idea to update this forum as others who may find themselves in a similar situation could learn a lot from you.You are in my thoughts and prayers.God bless.

Lord
please guide Jerry on this journey of faith and may he open his heart and mind to Your will.Bless him as he strives to do Your will.Grant him strength and courage to face hurdles ahead and may his faith ever deepen.In Jesus name Amen
 
You are in my prayers. My sister just received her annulment yesterday, and her name is Jerry.

God Bless You and keep us informed.
 
JTaylor801 said:
I wanted to provide an update to my journey.

Last Thursday, 8 October my wife and I met with the parish priest to discuss the annulment process for our previous marriages. He provided very good and sound advice. I came away from that meeting feeling really good about all the work that is head. He provided the initial paperwork that needed to be submitted to the tribunal.

I mailed that paperwork to the tribunal along with our $25 filing fee. Now I’m in waiting mode to hear back from the tribunal. I should be receiving a packet containing a detailed questionaire. Once I receive this packet my next step is to schedule another meeting with the priest who will help us through that step.

Thank you to all who have contacted me with your thoughts and prayers. Please keep me in your prayers as the journey will be long.

J
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I will be praying for you.
 
Thank you again to all who have been following this thread and praying for me.

I have a new update. The Tribunal acted quickly on getting my packet sent out. I had sent my first paperwork in on Tuesday (13 Oct) and had the LARGE packet containing the questionnaire on Friday afternoon. I wasted no time in getting started.

The entire packet is approx. 20 pages or so. Several of these pages are informational and contain detailed explanation into the tribunal process. There are 10-12 pages of detailed questions about my life before, during and after my first marriage. There are a few pages toward the end where it asks for witness contact information etc.

If you’ve followed my journey, you know I was scared in the beginning. I spent time praying and also met with our parish priest and then I’ve spent more time praying about this. Had I seen these questions prior to praying and certainly before meeting with the priest, I’m not sure if I could have or would have answered the questions. I’m sure I would have…but it probably would have been a lot more stressful and scary.

Anyway, I’m now taking just a little time to review my answers and provide additional filler as needed. I’m also researching to find some witnesses who knew me 20 years ago. I haven’t been the best at maintaining relationships. Once I have one or two more lined up…I will submit my paperwork to my parish priest. He will review and help me.

I assume the tribunal questionnaire is the same for cases like mine. I know I had searched online to try to find examples and was unsuccessful. I’m glad I was unsuccessful. I believe anyone who is following in my footsteps should first speak to your priest and then pray. Don’t worry about the process or the questions until you’ve done those things. Trust me…it will make it much, much easier.

Jerry
 
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