My anxiety vs listening to a draining friend

[As_for_my_House]

I have been battling an eye problem for 6 months now and am falling into anxiety and even depression. I have a person who has a lot to psychological problems who I consider a good friend even though our relationship is not equal in supporting each other.

Right now Im at the bottom of being able to hang on. Most day Im in tears and have my husband helping me with chores , driving, doctors appts etc. I cant go out on my own and cant see out of the glasses 6 different pairs now. I do not have insurance because the premiums and deductibles are too much and it doesnt make sense to have it but it causes me alot of anxiety anyway. thats my situation.

Right now my friend is running to doctors for eye issues and reporting to me every detail of her appointments. this is part of her mental illness but right now I cant handle it.

Do you think God wants me to continue to lend her my ear even though it is giving me severe anxiety?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I have been battling an eye problem for 6 months now and am falling into anxiety and even depression. I have a person who has a lot to psychological problems who I consider a good friend even though our relationship is not equal in supporting each other.

Right now Im at the bottom of being able to hang on. Most day Im in tears and have my husband helping me with chores , driving, doctors appts etc. I cant go out on my own and cant see out of the glasses 6 different pairs now. I do not have insurance because the premiums and deductibles are too much and it doesnt make sense to have it but it causes me alot of anxiety anyway. thats my situation.

Right now my friend is running to doctors for eye issues and reporting to me every detail of her appointments. this is part of her mental illness but right now I cant handle it.

Do you think God wants me to continue to lend her my ear even though it is giving me severe anxiety?

If your mental illnesses prevent you from dealing with other people’s mental illness then there really is no dilemma. You both should seek professional help.

 

[Swisscath]

Our first duties are to our immediate family.
It sounds like the friend is quite draining. It’s ok to take a break from a person. I have done this in the past.
When you feel stronger you can return to the friendship.
You could always ask your priest next time you are in confession. What does your husband think?

 

[EasterJoy]

How about you try being honest with her? You have no energy for what she wants. Be kind, but be honest and be firm. If she needs an ear, she’ll have to find someone else. That is not unfair. Even if it were unfair in some universe, it is what is right now.

“Sarah, I hate to do this, because I value our friendship, but I am utterly overwhelmed right now. I want to always be there for you, but right now, when it comes to reviewing the nitty gritty details of what you’re up against, I simply cannot do it. I’m sorry. If you and I have time to get together and forget our troubles for an hour over coffee, that would be great. I think, though, the less I talk about my problems or yours, the better I’m going to be able to get through this. I hope you understand.”

Run this through your mind a few times and rehearse how you will kindly turn away any tries, intended or not, to get around your resolve. Write out a script, if you have to. She’s made a habit of this; she won’t break that habit in a day. I think you can keep her between the lines, though, and your friendship will be better for it. If she refuses to accept what you’re saying, accept that she may leave over it. Accept that she has that choice. Make peace with letting her make it without beating yourself up for it. Accept that a good person can also listen to a guilt trip without accepting a ticket to be sent on one. Did Our Lord feel a need to excuse himself from interfering in an inheritance battle? No, he said, “who made me your arbiter?” and he was out of it. Good people can see what is not their duty and refuse to do it, then.

And yes, if either or both of you can find a professional to give you the support you need, then get it. Professionals are trained to offer actual help, offering alternatives you may not have considered, giving real coping strategies and pointing out how to develop coping skills, rather than just sympathy for the plight you’re in.

 

[Catholic1954]

I have been battling an eye problem for 6 months now and am falling into anxiety and even depression. I have a person who has a lot to psychological problems who I consider a good friend even though our relationship is not equal in supporting each other.

Right now Im at the bottom of being able to hang on. Most day Im in tears and have my husband helping me with chores , driving, doctors appts etc. I cant go out on my own and cant see out of the glasses 6 different pairs now. I do not have insurance because the premiums and deductibles are too much and it doesnt make sense to have it but it causes me alot of anxiety anyway. thats my situation.

Right now my friend is running to doctors for eye issues and reporting to me every detail of her appointments. this is part of her mental illness but right now I cant handle it.

Do you think God wants me to continue to lend her my ear even though it is giving me severe anxiety?

You do not have to live with this anxiety; back away from your friend and put the friendship on hold until you find a solution or peace with your eye problem. St. Lucy, Pray for Us.

 

[As_for_my_House]

Thank you all. I will tell her that I can’t handle talking about problems or medical things right now. If she can’t stop Ill have to screen her calls until I get better.

Luke 12 was very consoling.

Thanks Easter.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

For the record, you aren’t wrong for putting up this distance for the sake of your own health.

 

[As_for_my_House]

For the record, you aren’t wrong for putting up this distance for the sake of your own health.

I had time to think about it and though I love my friend, she has very unhealthy habits that she clings to and maybe right now I am so weak that I am enabling her to verbally use me to express very negative and self centered talk. I usually handle her better but not when Im this anxious and bordering on depressed. So husband is going to answer the phone and tell her that im not well right now .

I will pray that my friend can find a healthy outlet for her troubles while im not able to be her chat buddy.

 

[Anglewannabe]

As much as it humiliates me to admit this, in the past, people could have called me the draining friend. There were times ‘friends’ just couldn’t take it anymore and blew up at me and the friendship ended. Looking back, the people I respect the most are the ones who firmly set the boundary. Sure it hurt, but not as much as the door matts who eventually axed me out of their life

Be her real friend and set your boundary. Also, set it clearly. Getting your husband to say you are not well, will not give her the message she needs to hear

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I actually have 2 friends in this situation, they both struggle with depression and anxiety and sometimes have to avoid each other. They have managed to maintain a long term friendship despite this.