My apologies if this is too crude of a question

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Jesus_rules

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Ummm… I don’t really know how to say this, as I’m not sure if I even know what I’m trying to ask, so tell me if I’m being unclear.

So I went to kiss my girlfriend for the first time (my first “french kiss” ever) and I started to get… aroused. I had to stop for fear of embarassment. Now, I get “agitated” at the mere thougt of kissing, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I keep wondering, are these sins of lust or even masturbation? Is that kind of thing normal? Also, could anyone think of a way for me to overcome this?
 
Jesus_rules said:
Ummm… I don’t really know how to say this, as I’m not sure if I even know what I’m trying to ask, so tell me if I’m being unclear.

So I went to kiss my girlfriend for the first time (my first “french kiss” ever) and I started to get… aroused. I had to stop for fear of embarassment. Now, I get “agitated” at the mere thougt of kissing, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I keep wondering, are these sins of lust or even masturbation? Is that kind of thing normal? Also, could anyone think of a way for me to overcome this?
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Have you heard of Jason and Crystalina Evert. They have a DVD titled Romance Without Regret. It is an entertaining and informative presentation about dating, sex, respect for others, etc. I think the answers they give are excellent. I am currently showing the DVD to my class of high school students. We are watching it 20 minutes at a time. The kids are enjoying it.

Check it out.

God bless
 
If you are a healthy male, French kissing a girl will generally result in feelings of lust. That is entirely normal.

I don’t think that lustful feelings are condemned by the Bible, rather the lustful actions. If you can control your actions, you should be fine.
 
French kissing is foreplay. It is intended to arouse the body and prepare the genitals for sexual intercourse. Your body responded as expected. It is prudent to reserve foreplay for marriage.
 
Do not put yourself in an occasion of sin, lest you fall.

The traditional advice given by moral theologians is to abstain from doing with your girlfriend, before marriage, that which you would not do with your sister.
 
Deum_quaerens said:
Do not put yourself in an occasion of sin, lest you fall.

The traditional advice given by moral theologians is to abstain from doing with your girlfriend, before marriage, that which you would not do with your sister.
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That’s surprising to me. I wouldn’t send my sister a dozen red roses, I wouldn’t hold her hand (at least not with fingers interlaced), I wouldn’t curl up with her to watch TV, I wouldn’t put my arm around her in the car, I wouldn’t kiss her on the lips (French or otherwise), and so on. That seems overly strict to me.

As for the OP’s problem, if he’s a healthy teenage male, anything can arouse him, including walking around and waking up in the morning. He can’t avoid everything in life that provokes that reaction. He shouldn’t indulge it, but can’t prevent it. He simply needs to make sure that nothing goes further than it’s supposed to go.
 
Godfollower said:
That’s surprising to me.
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It means abstinence from such physical acts as one would not engage in with one’s sister. Obviously, one would not send roses, love letters and the like to the latter.

Please see:
Godfollower said:
As for the OP’s problem, if he’s a healthy teenage male, anything can arouse him, including walking around and waking up in the morning. He can’t avoid everything in life that provokes that reaction. He shouldn’t indulge it, but can’t prevent it. He simply needs to make sure that nothing goes further than it’s supposed to go.
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There is a difference between matutinal erection, which is natural and unprovoked, and that which is induced by intimate physical contact, which is clearly preventable, provoked, lustful and therefore sinful. If he is being aroused in such contact, then he has already gone too far. “Passionate kissing, wrote Fr Herbst, just because intense or passionate, stirs up venereal pleasure and is forbidden under pain of serious sin.”
 
Deum_quaerens said:
It means abstinence from such physical acts as one would not engage in with one’s sister. Obviously, one would not send roses, love letters and the like to the latter.

Please see:
sspxasia.com/Documents/Catholic_Morality/Kissing.htm
sspxasia.com/Documents/Catholic_Morality/Keep_thyself_chaste.htm

There is a difference between matutinal erection, which is natural and unprovoked, and that which is induced by intimate physical contact, which is clearly preventable, provoked, lustful and therefore sinful. If he is being aroused in such contact, then he has already gone too far.
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I’m not sure I can agree with this. A man can get aroused just hearing the voice of his beloved on the phone; but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t talk with her.

But I think we can agree that the Church’s teaching is that he should not be indulging in the reaction, whatever its cause.
 
Godfollower said:
I’m not sure I can agree with this. A man can get aroused just hearing the voice of his beloved on the phone; but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t talk with her.

But I think we can agree that the Church’s teaching is that he should not be indulging in the reaction, whatever its cause.
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Actually, Catholic moral theology is that one should avoid all occasions of sin whatsoever.

See, eg: cathom.blogspot.com/2008/12/courtship-is-proximate-occasion-of-sin.html
 
Deum_quaerens said:
Actually, Catholic moral theology is that one should avoid all occasions of sin whatsoever.

See, eg: cathom.blogspot.com/2008/12/courtship-is-proximate-occasion-of-sin.html
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Do you really take that site seriously? It says that men should not even look at women (I assume there’s an unspoken exception for husband and wife). “Above all, in order to avoid bad thoughts, men must abstain from looking at women, and females must be careful not to look at men. . . . Turn away thy face from a woman dressed up. It is always dangerous to look at young persons elegantly dressed; and to look at them purposely, and without a just cause, is, at least, a venial sin.”

I simply cannot believe that this is God’s law. It seems totally incompatible with Scripture, Tradition, Theology of the Body, and on and on and on.

Of course we should avoid all occasions of sin. But the teaching that merely having a long conversation with your boyfriend or girlfriend is sinful even if chaperoned (to take another example from that site) is shockingly extreme!
 
Jesus_rules said:
Ummm… I don’t really know how to say this, as I’m not sure if I even know what I’m trying to ask, so tell me if I’m being unclear.

So I went to kiss my girlfriend for the first time (my first “french kiss” ever) and I started to get… aroused. I had to stop for fear of embarassment. Now, I get “agitated” at the mere thougt of kissing, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I keep wondering, are these sins of lust or even masturbation? Is that kind of thing normal? Also, could anyone think of a way for me to overcome this?
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this is completely normal. Kissing makes people horny.
 
Godfollower said:
Do you really take that site seriously? It says that men should not even look at women (I assume there’s an unspoken exception for husband and wife). “Above all, in order to avoid bad thoughts, men must abstain from looking at women, and females must be careful not to look at men. . . . Turn away thy face from a woman dressed up. It is always dangerous to look at young persons elegantly dressed; and to look at them purposely, and without a just cause, is, at least, a venial sin.”

I simply cannot believe that this is God’s law. It seems totally incompatible with Scripture, Tradition, Theology of the Body, and on and on and on.

Of course we should avoid all occasions of sin. But the teaching that merely having a long conversation with your boyfriend or girlfriend is sinful even if chaperoned (to take another example from that site) is shockingly extreme!
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I agree that that view definately sounds extreem. I go to a Catholic high school, and the views expressed in that site seem to completely dismiss the basic ideas of dances and prom and stuff like that, which is completely encouraged by my school, and probably every other school out there.

Thanks for all of your advise so far, but unless I’m wrong, being horny, even without any desire for sex, is a bad thing. Does that mean no French kissing, or even no kissing and hugging at all, or what? Or just don’t do whatever causes you to lust? But then is accidental “agitation” considered lust?
 
Jesus_rules said:
I agree that that view definately sounds extreem. I go to a Catholic high school, and the views expressed in that site seem to completely dismiss the basic ideas of dances and prom and stuff like that, which is completely encouraged by my school, and probably every other school out there.

Thanks for all of your advise so far, but unless I’m wrong, being horny, even without any desire for sex, is a bad thing. Does that mean no French kissing, or even no kissing and hugging at all, or what? Or just don’t do whatever causes you to lust? But then is accidental “agitation” considered lust?
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Oops! I forgot to include a link so as to make it easier for you to find out about Jason and Crystalina Evert. Here it is:

catholic.com/seminars/evert.asp

God bless
 
Jesus_rules said:
Does that mean no French kissing?
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Go back and read post number 4. I agree strongly with that advice, and would say yes, that means NO French kissing. You sound like a really nice guy - self-control will help you stay that way!

Betsy
 
Ok, when I think back and remember a time that there were many kissers before marriage in my aquaintance , and how the world looked to me, and I recall the sense of my experience with people who kissed before marriage. I can’t think of them as a people who avoided having sex before marriage.

Does anyone really, who makes that a habit , not eventually have sex? I mean isn’t it really a foretaste of whats to come and stimulus begginning a process with an end in mind? Can anyone really engage in passionate kissing and not intend that end on some level? Do passionate kissers really detach from the reality of what they are doing if what they are doing has an intended end, even if they don’t intend that end?

When I envision a young couple who waited I really don’t see their commitment to chastity being threatened too many times with passionate foretastes of what they were waiting for.

I look back and I don’t see anyone who waited. Well, there is one couple I’ve not ever heard of a premarital sex incident. My parents . Even though, even they are suspect. :eek:
 
Jesus_rules said:
So I went to kiss my girlfriend for the first time (my first “french kiss” ever) and I started to get… aroused. I had to stop for fear of embarassment. Now, I get “agitated” at the mere thougt of kissing, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I keep wondering, are these sins of lust or even masturbation? Is that kind of thing normal? Also, could anyone think of a way for me to overcome this?
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Mere arousal is not lust and is not mortal sin. Unmarried couples should strive to be chaste, but small failings in this area are not moral sins. Kissing to the extent of arousal is not lust or masturbation or mortal sin.

Our Lord explained what lust is when he said:
[Matthew 5]
{5:28} But I say to you, that anyone who will have looked at a woman, so as to lust after her, has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

So lust is an interior act of the mind and heart in which the person is willing to commit a gravely immoral (mortal sin) sexual act (of any kind). But this would not apply to lesser sins that are related to sexuality, such as kissing to the point of arousal, as long as the persons are not willing to commit gravely immoral sexual sin.
 
kage_ar said:
French kissing is foreplay. It is intended to arouse the body and prepare the genitals for sexual intercourse. Your body responded as expected. It is prudent to reserve foreplay for marriage.
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This is the best answer.
 
Jesus_rules said:
Ummm… I don’t really know how to say this, as I’m not sure if I even know what I’m trying to ask, so tell me if I’m being unclear.

So I went to kiss my girlfriend for the first time (my first “french kiss” ever) and I started to get… aroused. I had to stop for fear of embarassment. Now, I get “agitated” at the mere thougt of kissing, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I keep wondering, are these sins of lust or even masturbation? Is that kind of thing normal? Also, could anyone think of a way for me to overcome this?
Click to expand...
When You french kiss, your going to get aroused, there is no doubt. It is normal. any heavy petting & necking is going to get You aroused, If You really want to remain Chaste, You have to avoid those thingsBut another thing I found out about myself, as a younger man, just holding hands would get me terribly aroused, I think this is something God gave us, we have all these things that affect us & the Church wants us to suppress them. My Catholic Church means a great deal to me, but some of the teachings are hard to swallow, even some of the Priests dont believe some of it
 
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