My best friend has become a white supremist

[Ana]

We have been best friends for 18 yrs. She has recently come out as a white supremist. This has become a problem. She is of the opinion that we can continue to be friends, while agreeing to disagree, and respecting the others beliefs. I am not so sure and am looking for advice.

 

[hasikelee]

We have been best friends for 18 yrs. She has recently come out as a white supremist. This has become a problem. She is of the opinion that we can continue to be friends, while agreeing to disagree, and respecting the others beliefs. I am not so sure and am looking for advice.

What do you mean by white supremist?

 

[nobeerinheaven]

Wow, that’s weird. Is this a common position in your area?

 

[BeeSweet]

We have been best friends for 18 yrs. She has recently come out as a white supremist. This has become a problem. She is of the opinion that we can continue to be friends, while agreeing to disagree, and respecting the others beliefs. I am not so sure and am looking for advice.

If it were me, I would have to tell her there’s no way I could respect her beliefs, and say how sorry I am that she feels the way that she does. I would also tell her to keep her opinions on the subject to herself. You can’t give an inch, if you tell her you respect her opinion on the subject, you can expect to hear that opinion frequently. Best to not open that door unless you are not made uncomfortable hearing that kind if talk.

Does she claim to be a Christian?

 

[jc-servant]

Pray for her because she obviously feels badly about herself in some way or she would not need to put other people down in order to build herself up.

Also be careful with your decision of whether to continue to hang around with her. There are many groups of domestic terrorists who are associated with the white power movement such as Nazi skinheads, etc. While your friend may not join such a radical/dangerous group herself, she may hang around those people at rallies or other times and be drawn into the danger. Often girls get drawn into things that cause them to end up in jail because of some guy that they like who is more radical or criminal than is safe.

I would hate for you to get injured or sucked into something crazy by accident just by riding around with her. (think Tim McVeigh, OKC bombing, random beatings of minorities walking down the street, carrying weapons in vehicles)

 

[water]

She is of the opinion that we can continue to be friends, while agreeing to disagree, and respecting the others beliefs. I am not so sure and am looking for advice.

If one does not respect the human race in that we are all equal, does it matter that he is going to respect you and your belief? …I find it quite contradicting.

What do you mean by white supremist?

White supremacy is a racist ideology based on the assertion that white people are superior to other races … from wiki’s definition

 

[sanctamaria17]

There’s no way I could be friends with someone who was a white supremacist, or a supremacist of any kind. I’d love them from a distance and pray for them but I couldn’t be friends with them. My great grandfather was Jewish and many of his family was massacred in the Holocaust. Also, many of my good friends are of different ethnic backgrounds (Nigerian, Filipina, Colombian, etc.) and as the child of an immigrant, I find the idea of supremacy of any kind highly offensive.

We’re ALL children of God. Filipina, English, Italian, Colombian, Chinese, Nigerian, Kenyan, it doesn’t matter. No one is better than another for any reason. God made us all and in His eyes, we’re all equal, equally UNWORTHY!

 

[deb1]

We have been best friends for 18 yrs. She has recently come out as a white supremist. This has become a problem. She is of the opinion that we can continue to be friends, while agreeing to disagree, and respecting the others beliefs. I am not so sure and am looking for advice.

I would pray for her.

I am curious. I have come across many people who are prejudiced and I try to avoid them. Sooner or later, most prejudiced people voice their views. Is her change coming out of the blue or has she always had a problem with racism? Is she dating someone new? Sometimes people change radically if they are involved with a new person.

 

[TheDoctor]

…She is of the opinion that we can continue to be friends, while agreeing to disagree, and respecting the others beliefs. I am not so sure and am looking for advice.

Hi Ana. I have never known of a white supremist group (skinhead, klan, neo-nazi) that was NOT hatefully anti-Catholic. If she really believes that you can agreee to disagree, ask her for some literature about what she believes in, and then ask yourself if you have the strength to be thought of in the same breath as that person.

If she really believes that you can agree to disagree, ask her what happens if you fall in love with some who is black or hispanic or asian.

I apologize if this comes off as harsh but these morons just get to me. I am ashamed to share the same skin color as them.

 

[masha]

Of course you can still be friends with her,just the same way you can be friends with someone who is living with her boyfriend, that doesn’t mean that you respect her opinion on this particular issue, or that you are a racist yourself. Just because racism is a less socially acceptable sin, doesn’t mean that this person is completely unworthy of your friendship. If you honestly like her as a person, continue being her friend.

 

[deb1]

Of course you can still be friends with her,just the same way you can be friends with someone who is living with her boyfriend, that doesn’t mean that you respect her opinion on this particular issue, or that you are a racist yourself. Just because racism is a less socially acceptable sin, doesn’t mean that this person is completely unworthy of your friendship. If you honestly like her as a person, continue being her friend.

The poster was talking about her friend being a white supremist. THat is a very dangrous organization. When I lived in WA state there was a very frightening group(Aryan Nation) that lived just over the border in Iowa. One time they dragged a woman and her son out of their car because the car backfired and someone in the group thought it was gunfire! This particular group’s goal was to take over the pacific northwest. They are very, very dangerous.

My husband is Jewish so this group frightened me very much.

Besides I don’t see how living with your boyfriend compares to hating someone for merely being a different race or religion. They are both sins but from a practical standpoint, living with the boyfriend is not as likely to get you shot for expressing a different viewpoint.

 

[Island_Oak]

We have been best friends for 18 yrs. She has recently come out as a white supremist. This has become a problem. She is of the opinion that we can continue to be friends, while agreeing to disagree, and respecting the others beliefs. I am not so sure and am looking for advice.

Good grief…I just read your profile which lists you as a 35 y.o. mother of three. At your age do you really have to ask anyone’s opinion to figure this out? What stuns me more is the claim that this is coming as a surprise to you. I’m hard pressed to imagine that over 18 years you haven’t observed, heard, witnessed intolerant/racist comments, opinions, beliefs coming from this “best friend.” If you’ve known it all along, tolerated it, accepted it, agreed with it…shame on you. If she’s really managed to hide her true colors and has now decided to show them, shame one her. I would have no problem being just as blunt in my disapproval or in telling her there was not room in my life for someone with her views nor would I risk her influencing my kids with her ignorance.

 

[Island_Oak]

When I lived in WA state there was a very frightening group(Aryan Nation) that lived just over the border in Iowa…

I know I haven’t lived in WA long, but I didn’t realize Iowa was just across the border…

 

[hasikelee]

Good grief…I just read your profile which lists you as a 35 y.o. mother of three. At your age do you really have to ask anyone’s opinion to figure this out? What stuns me more is the claim that this is coming as a surprise to you. I’m hard pressed to imagine that over 18 years you haven’t observed, heard, witnessed intolerant/racist comments, opinions, beliefs coming from this “best friend.” If you’ve known it all along, tolerated it, accepted it, agreed with it…shame on you. If she’s really managed to hide her true colors and has now decided to show them, shame one her. I would have no problem being just as blunt in my disapproval or in telling her there was not room in my life for someone with her views nor would I risk her influencing my kids with her ignorance.

Island Oak, I don’t think we have enough information from the OP. For example, if her friend has come into a manipulative relationship, has developed a mental illness, or even a substance abuse problem, her friend could be displaying erratic/new behavior.

Also, it seems common for people to be rigid and outspoken about a certain topic before caving into it. Perhaps her friend very vehemently rejected this ideaology because she was grappling with personal issues, and then overnight gave in. I have seen this with people who shout “I will not divorce him” for years, then they do it one morning.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Of course you can still be friends with her,just the same way you can be friends with someone who is living with her boyfriend, that doesn’t mean that you respect her opinion on this particular issue, or that you are a racist yourself. Just because racism is a less socially acceptable sin, doesn’t mean that this person is completely unworthy of your friendship. If you honestly like her as a person, continue being her friend.

I second deb1’s opinion. This isn’t merely racism (which is bad enough) that we’re talking about. We’re talking about white supremacy. You know what people think of when they think white supremacy? Lynchings! Burning crosses in someone’s yard! Holocaust denial!

As bad as having sex/cohabiting (in the context of a sexual relationship) outside of marriage is, at least people, misguided though they may be, believe they’re doing it out of love. White supremacy is outright HATE! That’s why it’s not socially acceptable!

I’m Catholic, of Southern European/Jewish ancestry (which wasn’t considered “white” in many circles for a long time), and I have a lot of friends who are black, Hispanic/Latino, Asian, or Jewish. There is no way I could reconcile being friends with a white supremacist for any of those reasons. But, as I’ve said before, we’re all GOD’S children and before Him, we’re all unworthy. What did Jesus say? To love each other! Not, “love each other as long as they’re your skin color,” but to love each other REGARDLESS! (by the way, Jesus was Jewish, so I don’t see how a Christian of ANY denomination can reconcile that with white supremacy)

White supremacy is the ideology that kept segregation and slavery for so long in this country, that got immigrants treated like dirt, that caused the Holocaust, that keeps abortion going (Margaret Sanger was a white supremacist), and that perpetuates terrible stereotypes about others.

To the OP: it’s your decision but these are things you should think about before you decide. Do you want your kids influenced by this ideology in anyway? Can you reconcile this with your faith? Your whole life?

 

[dulcissima]

Ana, if I remember correctly, you are a Latina, aren’t you? Has your friend shared her views with you on this? It seems strange to me to think that she would have been friends with you for all of these years if race was a big issue to you.

It sounds like she may have suddenly changed. I used to live not too far from you, in Frederick (aka “Fredneck” county). Yes, there were some racist/white supremacist elements there, but people with those views typically grew up with them. I think I would be concerned that if your friend is suddenly changing in such a fundamental way that she has fallen in with some sort of a cult-like group that is in the process of brain washing her. If she is still talking to you, great, try to be the voice of reason for her. Try to remind her who she really is. However, if she stays involved with them, chances are whether or not to be friends won’t be your decision to make because these groups will systematically isolate people from their family and friends so they lose that outside support and perspective.

I don’t know what else to suggest, but I do know from reading your posts over the years that you are a strong and smart woman. Trust yourself on this.

 

[masha]

I didn’t get the impression from the original post that her friend had joined a white supremecy group, just that she had come out as being a person who considers whites superior to other races. If she has joined an actual organization, then it definately would be safer for the original poster to distance herself from her friend.

However, if her friend is not a part of a dangerous organization, I do not see why they can’t remain friends, just as it isn’t wrong to remain friends with someone who actively supports abortion, or someone whose lifestyle and ideology are very much in opposition to the Church.

I’m not arguing that white supremecy, or any ethno-centric world view that goes so far as to reduce/negate the personhood of another ethnicity, is anything but horrible. It is decidedly not Christian, but it is no reason to shut out a friend of 18 years who must still have some redeaming qualities.

You don’t need to reconcile your friends ideology with your faith or your life, but you do need to reconcile your treatment of that friend with what you honestly believe God would like it to be. Which may mean ending the friendship, but it doesn’t have to mean that. Either way it does mean praying for and loving this woman, who is obviously going through some difficult issues.

 

[dulcissima]

I’m too late to edit, but I mean it is strange that she wouldn’t have shared this for all of these years if it was something important to her, if it was one of her core beliefs.

 

[Ana]

Hasikelee, I think they use the term white pride or white nationalist because of the negative connotations associated with white supremacy.

Nobeerinheaven, Dulcissima described it pretty well in post 17.

If it were me, I would have to tell her there’s no way I could respect her beliefs, and say how sorry I am that she feels the way that she does. I would also tell her to keep her opinions on the subject to herself. You can’t give an inch, if you tell her you respect her opinion on the subject, you can expect to hear that opinion frequently. Best to not open that door unless you are not made uncomfortable hearing that kind if talk.

Does she claim to be a Christian?

Keeping our opinions to ourselves is basically where we are at right now. We had our first falling out ever about a month ago and didn’t talk for two weeks. Things were not exactly settled, but due to some other circumstances, it has been put on the back burner for the time being. I am grateful for the extra time to think and pray, and she is just probably hoping I won’t bring it up, and that things will go on as usual.

She did claim to be a Christian, she defends herself by saying shes not racist. But she hasn’t mentioned Jesus in a long time.
I think she just fell for the lie. I looked around on some White Nationalist websites, and I can se the allure of it for her. She’s had a very difficult life, and her self esteem is not the greatest.

 

[Ana]

Pray for her because she obviously feels badly about herself in some way or she would not need to put other people down in order to build herself up.

Also be careful with your decision of whether to continue to hang around with her. There are many groups of domestic terrorists who are associated with the white power movement such as Nazi skinheads, etc. While your friend may not join such a radical/dangerous group herself, she may hang around those people at rallies or other times and be drawn into the danger. Often girls get drawn into things that cause them to end up in jail because of some guy that they like who is more radical or criminal than is safe.

I would hate for you to get injured or sucked into something crazy by accident just by riding around with her. (think Tim McVeigh, OKC bombing, random beatings of minorities walking down the street, carrying weapons in vehicles)

Thank you for your concern, jc-servant. I don’t think she’s involved to that extent. More that she has embraced the ideology and lives out the principles of what she and her husband refer to as " …not racism, but White Pride," on a daily basis.