My best friend has become a white supremist

[lovesMary]

I thought that the OP said that her friend was in her thirties. My own guess is that this woman’s husband is influencing her in a negative manner.

Maybe the OP’s friend had some dramatic negative experience with some non-white persons that tainted her view of them and was a catalyst for this new philosophy.

An example would be, when I was a teenager I got harassed on buses by young black guys alot. I’m talking sexual type harassment. It always seemed to be black guys, and it was very uncomfortable.

Repeated experiences like that can affect ones outlook on life. Not everyone is able to move beyond it a resist the tendency to stereotype.

 

[sanctamaria17]

It’s one thing to have bad experiences with people of a different race and have that affect your views. It’s quite another to maintain an ideology that suggests that the land should be purged of these races. Also, it helps to remember that many of these crimes can be committed by anyone, regardless of race.

I’ve had severe sexual harassment in my past as well, a couple incidents, now that I look back, that could have turned into more. All by men and I’ll admit that for a long time, I was very mistrustful of men. It’s only because of God’s grace and men like my father, my uncle, and my best guy friends that I’m learning to trust men and read my own intuition.

This isn’t just racism or feeling uncomfortable. Supremacy is racism to the extreme. And that’s what’s scary.

 

[lovesMary]

You don’t have to tell me that, I was just suggesting that there may have been reasons for the change in the OPs friend’s view. Maybe something specific happened as a catalyst for the change.

 

[Ana]

Okay, I’m thinking as I type, so bear with me. White supremists, as oppossed to folks who hold some sort of racist beliefs (often ones they aren’t even conscious of) are not only conscious of their beliefts, they tend to act on them. And even if that activity is verbal and not physical, it is still violent behavior in that it is intended to cause pain/hurt to another. The rhetoric seems to purposfully condone violence of any nature against races that are inferior. Hate is it’s actual basis. Compared to atheism or pro-choice beliefs, I would say that white supremacy is by far the most harmful of the three. I do anti-racist work and while I can work with whites (I am white, btw) who have some racial bias in an educational “we’re not all at the same place on the path” kind of way, I don’t know if I could do that with an avowed WS.

I truly understand your feelings about not wanting to cut her off because of her beliefs. I think of Jesus telling us to love our enemies but he didn’t tell us we had to spend a lot of time with them. I am not being sarcastic here, btw. You can pray for her and that’s a good idea. I also think of Jesus embracing those on the fringes of society, which WS certainly are. But I wonder about this applying in this case because it is, after all, the WS who seek to marginalize others (non-whites), not the other way around. Does this make sense? And your hurt and anger are understandable. I mean, you think you know someone… And the comment that you aren’t like the others is as much an insult to you as it is to the “others”. The fact that she makes you an exception also shows what a bunch of bull WS is - the base idea is that there are NO expections!

Having said all of that, and having the feeling that you are sincerely trying to do the right thing, I think you should go with your heart. Tell her how you feel, share your anger, disappointment, confusion. And tell her, if this is how you feel, that you’re just not comfortable being around her right now, or as much, or whatever is true for you. Continue to pray about it but don’t feel guilty if you can’t stomach this woman - WS is ugly and decent people are sickened by it. Peace be with you.

Thank you. This post was very helpful. Now just to figure out what my heart is telling me.

 

[Ana]

One thing you will have to be concerned about is the protection of an innocent. Is she ever around your family? Can she be trusted to not make offensive statements detrimental to children?

No not very often, and yes.

 

[Ana]

Maybe God is calling you into being an influence on her.

That’s what I am worried about, that I am doing something wrong by ending the friendship.

 

[Ana]

This is a big toughie. Honestly, I have a lot of experience in this area. My sister used to be a “white supremicist.” I put it in quotes because I really doubt she thought that way. Now, she’s married to a Cuban, has a half-Cuban daughter, and hates racists. I wouldn’t say just up and leave because of the fact that she needs love from people. However, it gets sticky here. Pay attention to who she hangs out with. My sister hung out with the most dangerous skinhead gang in the world pretty much. It led to cops having to follow us places so that those people didn’t kill us because of something that happened. If she’s spending time with people like that stay as far away as possible. Those people still want to kill my sister. So, it’s really hard to say what to do right now.

That’s wondeful for your sister. Praise God, she was able to see through the lies of SW.

 

[Ana]

I HAVE actually noticed that White Supremists appear to generally be inferior members of the Caucasian race. They usually are people who would be colloquially refered to as “Losers”.

Yes, or not nice.

To answer your question as to whether this is a phase or not. I really, really hope so. From what I understand she has always been racist. It seems I have been very naive or blind. When speaking to my husband about it, he seemed surprised I didn’t know this about her. (He spends time with the husband.) He said that in his opinion, she is worse than the husband. I must be blind.

So, I guess it’s not a phase, just a logical conclusion to the path she was already on.

 

[Ana]

Her beliefs are against you, whether she admits it or not. That’s why you can’t be friends with her. You can’t respect gibberish and lies. You can love her and wait for her to get over this – from a safe distance. That’s all. Let her know why you won’t be her friend. Then cut her off.

I think this is what I am going to do. I will write her a letter and let her how much I love her, and how much the whole situation saddens me, and that because of her beliefs I will be keeping my distance from her.