My boyfriend has been to mass before but never a catholic mass?

[Springchick]

Trust me. I want that.

 

[JoeShlabotnik]

If he is a wise young man, he will agree to your wishes.
Who knows, eventually he may want to become a Catholic.

 

[Springchick]

I don’t wanna become a bridezilla. I hate getting angry in the first place

 

[JoeShlabotnik]

You need not get angry.
Just explain to him that you would like to be married in the Catholic Church.
If he is not particularly religious, he probably won’t care.
I think weddings are important to all brides. Wanting to be married in the Church is a good thing. It does not make you a Bridezilla.

 

[JoeShlabotnik]

I am Catholic, but my wife is not.
When we were married, the priest offered to allow a Methodist minister (from her church) participate in the ceremony. He blessed us and read some readings. But we were married in the Church with a wedding Mass.

 

[Angel_Bradford]

That is also an option.

 

[PennyinCanada]

how do I get him used to the idea of possibility having a full wedding mass when and if we get married.

If he cannot have communion, why would you want a full wedding mass?

 

[Irishmom2]

If he cannot have communion, why would you want a full wedding mass?

Why would that matter though? If he agrees to marry in a Catholic Church, he most likely wouldn’t have a problem with not receiving communion.

 

[PennyinCanada]

I guess my question is how do I get him used to the idea of possibility having a full wedding mass when and if we get married.

My question is, how are you going to feel if the pastor says you can’t have a full wedding mass out of respect for the groom who cannot receive?

 

[CoffeeFanatic]

So, I’ve been to plenty of Catholic weddings, all of which have had a mass. There are always plenty of non-Catholics at these weddings. Non-Catholics know they can’t commune. Even plenty of Catholics don’t commune at these weddings. It’s not the problem people try to make it out to be.

 

[Irishmom2]

Are you saying it’s not allowed? Or that the priest might recommend not having a mass?

 

[PennyinCanada]

Are you saying it’s not allowed? Or that the priest might recommend not having a mass?

I don’t know. Just putting it out there so you are aware.

 

[CoffeeCatholic]

… happy wife, happy life is a very, very well known saying. In jest. Has nothing to do with ‘getting angry’ or being a Bridezilla.

But it sounds like you are long distance dating right now and you said marriage hasn’t even came up so perhaps it’s too soon to worry about it. Just have him start going to mass with you when you are together so he’s used to it and if and when you get engaged you can discuss it then.

 

[Phemie]

So, I’ve been to plenty of Catholic weddings, all of which have had a mass. There are always plenty of non-Catholics at these weddings. Non-Catholics know they can’t commune. Even plenty of Catholics don’t commune at these weddings. It’s not the problem people try to make it out to be.

It’s a problem when it’s the bride or the groom who can’t receive. It emphasizes, immediately after the marriage ceremony, what you don’t share. That’s why the Church recommends that a mixed-marriage take place within a Liturgy of the Word and not within Mass.
Even more so if it’s a disparity of cult marriage.

 

[Phemie]

The Pastoral notes in the Rite of Marriage strongly discourage a Nuptial Mass for a mixed-marriage.

 

[Irishmom2]

Interesting…

 

[Jen95]

You seem pretty concerned about the nuptial ceremony, which is one hour of your life, but what about all the hours after that? What about the entire rest of your life, when you’re married to a non-catholic? What about raising kids, etc?

 

[TC3033]

Hi @Springchick , I’m a non-Catholic in a mixed-marriage…here we go.

I guess my question is how do I get him used to the idea of possibility having a full wedding mass when and if we get married.

I guess I’d start by finding out if you even can. I know some parishes/priests have a rule where they won’t have communion in the case of a mixed marriage as it highlights the division between families.

I guess I’m wondering why they didn’t?

See above, especially if you know it was the case where it was a Catholic/non-Catholic wedding.

I kinda felt offended

I guess I felt kinda offended

No need to be. It is completely licit, and in my case since we were both baptized, out wedding is still a sacrament.

A family friend of ours married a Protestant and they still had a full wedding mass and the grooms family didn’t say anything

You know for sure they didn’t say anything…? I know in our situation the priest asked my wife if she wanted it, I didn’t even get a vote. But, we were on the same page. We didn’t want something in our wedding (which isn’t required) that her family would participate and mine would just sit there, theoretically driving a stake down the middle of the church.

Trust me. I want that.

Even if it means your fiance and his side of the church just sitting there. I mean, it’s up to you guys, but it was something neither of us wanted.

Just explain to him that you would like to be married in the Catholic Church.

You can get married in the Catholic church, and it be a sacrament, without having communion. Reading further, I see you’re in a mixed-marriage as well so I think you knew that.

Why would that matter though? If he agrees to marry in a Catholic Church, he most likely wouldn’t have a problem with not receiving communion.

Not necessarily. I became much more open to being married in the Catholic Church when I found out that communion was optional and my wife didn’t want it.

So, I’ve been to plenty of Catholic weddings, all of which have had a mass. There are always plenty of non-Catholics at these weddings. Non-Catholics know they can’t commune. Even plenty of Catholics don’t commune at these weddings. It’s not the problem people try to make it out to be.

How many of them included a non-Catholic bride or groom?

What about the entire rest of your life, when you’re married to a non-catholic? What about raising kids, etc?

OP, if you got questions there…I’d be more than happy to answer from our experience.

 

[TomH1]

I would focus on a conversation around the options and what he feels comfortable with and what your pastor might allow rather than trying to “convince” him to go along with what you want.

I concur.

I know a woman who speaks Welsh and insisted on her wedding in Welsh even though the man she marries is not a Welsh speaker. She said she would not marry him if the service was not in Welsh. I’m afraid all too often we see at marriages demands of brides being met.

Isn’t a marriage supposed to be a union between two people, a man and a woman? I don’t get this idea it’s the bride’s big day.

@ the OP: It would not be a very good external sign of the union between you and your future husband for you to receive communion and him not at your marriage. So a marriage outside Mass may be the best option.

P.S. Does this guy know you’re planning on walking him up the aisle? How long has this relationship being going on?

 

[1ke]

She said she would not marry him if the service was not in Welsh.

My reply would be, well I don’t speak Welsh but I do speak Japonese: Sayonara.

P.S. Does this guy know you’re planning on walking him up the aisle?

Right.