My Boyfriend is not Catholic

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I have a wonderful boyfriend. His father is sadly no longer a practising Catholic and the family now practices in a variety of Christian Churches.
My boyfriend comes to Mass with me on occasion and he has said that he feels so left out because he is not familiar with our prayers (or ‘robotic chanting’ as he thinks it sounds). I have said to him that when I am at Mass I know what I am saying and I believe every word that I’m saying and I would like to think that everyone is in the same boat. He feels left out that he cannot participate in Holy Communion and refuses to think that we should have to confess to a priest.
I hope to marry this man, we have talked about how our children would be raised and he has admitted that as he does not belong to one particular Church that I may have won that battle but there are other battles ahead. He asks many questions which is great because it challenges me and affirms my faith, but when I come back to him with an answer (sometimes it takes a day or two of research), he ‘files’ it away - he hasn’t read anything I have found. Again, he has admitted that that is his own fault. He doesn’t want me to try and convert him but I pray for him (and his family) regularly.
When I attend his Service with him I feel no substance in the teaching - sure there is a friendly and prayerful atmosphere but I don’t walk out with the same feeling as I do from Mass.
I’m not sure what I’m asking for here - encouragement? advice? similar experience?
What is it like being in a faith-mixed marriage?
Your prayers would be gratefully received.
Thanks in advance.
 
will pray for you as you contemplate marrying a man who denigrates what should be the beliefs closest to your heart and the core of who you are as a person, and who will be of no support to you in raising your children in those beliefs.
 
Before you invest any more time in this, I would ask him to attend RCIA classes with you, with no intention of converting. If he is not willing to do that, see if he is willing to read the Catachism with you, a little each night.

If he is not willing to learn why we do what we do, eventually he will fight you on all of it, including the faith of the children.

Trust me, i know of what i speak
 
sixofseven said:
I have a wonderful boyfriend. His father is sadly no longer a practising Catholic and the family now practices in a variety of Christian Churches.
My boyfriend comes to Mass with me on occasion and he has said that he feels so left out because he is not familiar with our prayers (or ‘robotic chanting’ as he thinks it sounds). I have said to him that when I am at Mass I know what I am saying and I believe every word that I’m saying and I would like to think that everyone is in the same boat. He feels left out that he cannot participate in Holy Communion and refuses to think that we should have to confess to a priest.
I hope to marry this man, we have talked about how our children would be raised and he has admitted that as he does not belong to one particular Church that I may have won that battle but there are other battles ahead. He asks many questions which is great because it challenges me and affirms my faith, but when I come back to him with an answer (sometimes it takes a day or two of research), he ‘files’ it away - he hasn’t read anything I have found. Again, he has admitted that that is his own fault. He doesn’t want me to try and convert him but I pray for him (and his family) regularly.
When I attend his Service with him I feel no substance in the teaching - sure there is a friendly and prayerful atmosphere but I don’t walk out with the same feeling as I do from Mass.
I’m not sure what I’m asking for here - encouragement? advice? similar experience?
What is it like being in a faith-mixed marriage?
Your prayers would be gratefully received.
Thanks in advance.
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I recommend that you buy the book Rome, Sweet Home for him. It is written by Scott and Kimberly Hahn and it addresses many of his concerns in a very understandable way. It is written in a very personal and interesting style.

As to confession, perhaps you can show him this passage:

John 20
21Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” 22And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”
 
puzzleannie said:
will pray for you as you contemplate marrying a man who denigrates what should be the beliefs closest to your heart and the core of who you are as a person, and who will be of no support to you in raising your children in those beliefs.
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Where in the world in her post did she say he denigrates her faith?
 
sixofseven said:
I .
My boyfriend comes to Mass with me on occasion and he has said that he feels so left out because he is not familiar with our prayers (or ‘robotic chanting’ as he thinks it sounds). I . . refuses to think that we should have to confess to a priest…
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she describes her experience attempting to join him at his church, and contrasts it to his reactions when he attends Mass with her. She goes on to say he is not genuinely interested in her researched responses to his questions, and in fact basically ignores them. that does not depict an attitude of openness, underlying a love for her whole self that is strong enough for the demands of marriage. (response to previous post)
 
reteeks21 said:
Where in the world in her post did she say he denigrates her faith?
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Not to speak for Annie, but I picked up on it, too.

Here is one line
our prayers (or ‘robotic chanting’ as he thinks it sounds).
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Most of the time, in my experience, this is the begginning of an anti-Catholic rant.

Here is another
but when I come back to him with an answer (sometimes it takes a day or two of research), he ‘files’ it away
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He treats something that is important to her as trivial. This is both an insult to her and to her faith.
he has admitted that as he does not belong to one particular Church that I may have won that battle but there are other battles ahead
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In other words, do not expect me to let my kids be Catholic, or you to stay one either
 
ralphinal said:
Not to speak for Annie, but I picked up on it, too.

Here is one line

Most of the time, in my experience, this is the begginning of an anti-Catholic rant.

Here is another

He treats something that is important to her as trivial. This is both an insult to her and to her faith.

In other words, do not expect me to let my kids be Catholic, or you to stay one either
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I can see what your saying, but we prove on here all the time that while we disagree with the practices we each have that doesn’t mean we are denigrating one another. It looks as if his reponses are made out of apathy, like he gives disinterested answers because he only has talking points. To me, people like that are worth trying to help, but after that just ignore them.
 
reteeks21 said:
I can see what your saying, but we prove on here all the time that while we disagree with the practices we each have that doesn’t mean we are denigrating one another. It looks as if his reponses are made out of apathy, like he gives disinterested answers because he only has talking points. To me, people like that are worth trying to help, but after that just ignore them.
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Agreed
 
Muslim_Woman said:
Salaam/peace

is it allowed for a Christian lady to have a boyfriend ? I am not interested to know about the western culture but the religious law about it. Thanks.
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Christian morality, not laws, teaches that sex outside of marriage is wrong.
 
Muslim_Woman said:
Salaam/peace

is it allowed for a Christian lady to have a boyfriend ? I am not interested to know about the western culture but the religious law about it. Thanks.
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There are no religious laws about dating, save no sex with anyone that you are not validly married to.
 
Muslim_Woman said:
Salaam/peace

Is it allowed for a Christian lady to have a boyfriend ? I am not interested to know about the western culture but the religious law about it. Thanks.
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May the peace of God be also with you;

Welcome to our little corner of the Internet. 🙂

We don’t have any specific laws about dating, as such, although general laws against pre-marital sex and “teasing” or leading-on apply especially to those who are in dating relationships.

We teach that men and women, if they choose to date, should date within their own religion and culture, and shouldn’t “steady” date anyone that they wouldn’t be willing to fall in love with and eventually marry, should the relationship go that far. (In other words, dating is generally considered to be a precursor to becoming engaged and then married.)
 
sixofseven said:
What is it like being in a faith-mixed marriage?
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I wouldn’t recommend it. You may give him some time to learn/understand the faith. I’d recommend to study your faith so that you can answer his questions on-the-spot.

I’m married to a protestant and I tell you it’s no small feat. The one good thing that’s come from it is how much I’ve learned my faith and her own faith. The main reason why I did is so that, just like you, I could answer questions in sincerity and clarity. I think it’s important for us Catholic Christians to arm ourselves with the knowledge of God, so that we may fight the good fight and defend truth.

I think God may have put you on this spot for a reason, it’s up to you to step up to the plate. For your sake, and for the sake of his soul. 👍
 
sixofseven said:
What is it like being in a faith-mixed marriage?
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My case is a little different because I am a convert - we were both Protestant when we were married, so the issues around getting a dispensation, etc. which you will have to go through never arose for us.

However, being the only Catholic in the family means, I have to be circumspect about celebrating Catholic seasons and holidays: Advent, Lent, Christmas, Easter, Pentecost, Corpus Christi, my Baptismal day, or my name day; I can’t do any of that “out loud,” for fear of giving offense (never the person who’s telling me to pipe down, of course; nobody is ever offended on their own behalf, but just on everyone else’s behalf) - anyway, that’s the first struggle.

If you can get past that and actually make it to Mass and Confession, then you have nobody to sit with or really talk to about things. Nobody at home cares that Father said this or did that, and most of the people at Church think you’re a little peculiar; they don’t really know what to make of you, so they don’t really talk to you all that much, other than just being polite.
 
sixofseven said:
He doesn’t want me to try and convert him but I pray for him (and his family) regularly.
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I first of all assume that you have quietly discussed with your boyfriend your position that you have a certain inward expectation that your future husband should belong to the Catholic religion.

If your boyfriend is, based on such discussions, wondering about the Catholic Church and attempting to work out for himself whether or not he can bend his life to her demands, then I would humbly advise you to simply allow him time to make his conclusions.

But let us be fair: not everyone is going to be convinced to become Catholic, just as others will not be convinced to cease being Catholic. Religion is something which is so deeply engraved in the heart, spirit, and mind, it is so personal, that we cannot consider it to be something which can be demonstrated to someone with an equation; and thus we cannot feel that if we simply give enough arguments, and provide enough reading lists, that whomever we are trying to convert will simply hold up their hands, converted in full.

No, your boyfriend needs time to analyse your information, to try it on in the fabric of his heart; and the path of attempting to force his spirit will only end in his frustration and later, anger.

But what if conversion should take a full decade? What would your steps be then? What if he should never feel Catholicism is something which can be his?

If such thoughts cause you anxiety, consider the following;
  • The firmness of your opinion that your future husband must be just as Catholic as you are. You must decide how negotiable this is for you.
  • That deep love and a symmetrical meshing of personalities between two people is the most precious gift we might enjoy, and that this jewel should not be thrown out into the gutter, but rather, it should adorn your life as the stars the night.
  • That when religion is the focal point of a personality, and when two such personalities are blended in love, one of three things occurs; (1) the position of one shifts to that of the other, (2) they both meet in a middle ground, (3) religion becomes more personal, and the two do not share the same intense religious sentiment in their married lives.
  • If event (3) occurs, you may still have a wonderful and happy married life; and that the destination of your boyfriend’s soul is still just as much God’s judgment as is the destination of yours.
 
Many thanks to you all for your responses.

In his defence, I have never felt insulted or denigrated by anything he says about Mass because I know it is simply that he has not been exposed to it before, he calls it as he sees it.

To also defend him, my previous boyfriend was Catholic yet he refused to attend Mass with me, didn’t understand my desire not to have pre-marital relations and overall gave me a heavy heart. I am well shot of him.

My current boyfriend and I have the most wonderful relationship with open and honest communication, we both love Jesus and we know that if we do get married and have children that the differences we have will make the journey at times tough. But we both feel so blessed to have found one another.

I am determined to learn more so that I can give him on-the-spot answers and I am familiar with Scott Hahn’s books so will look into them as well.

Is it wrong to tell him that I won’t try to convert him, but pray for his conversion?
 
sixofseven said:
Is it wrong to tell him that I won’t try to convert him, but pray for his conversion?
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If he asks, I’d say that you should tell him. I tell my wife that I pray for her everyday. Sorry to hear about your previous boyfriend, it’s interesting he did not want to go to mass albeit a Catholic. Sometimes I feel the same way if I had married a Catholic, she (an imaginary she) might have even pulled me away from God since most Catholics don’t practice their faith nor care. God works in mysterious ways.
 
sixofseven said:
Many thanks to you all for your responses.

In his defence, I have never felt insulted or denigrated by anything he says about Mass because I know it is simply that he has not been exposed to it before, he calls it as he sees it.

To also defend him, my previous boyfriend was Catholic yet he refused to attend Mass with me, didn’t understand my desire not to have pre-marital relations and overall gave me a heavy heart. I am well shot of him.

My current boyfriend and I have the most wonderful relationship with open and honest communication, we both love Jesus and we know that if we do get married and have children that the differences we have will make the journey at times tough. But we both feel so blessed to have found one another.

I am determined to learn more so that I can give him on-the-spot answers and I am familiar with Scott Hahn’s books so will look into them as well.

Is it wrong to tell him that I won’t try to convert him, but pray for his conversion?
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My wife, who is a cradle Catholic, told me before we were married that I had to convert when she got pregnant with our first child. Her reason was that we should attend church together as a family. I reluctantly agreed.

I converted because of a promise, and only gradually did I come to realize that the truth is contained within the Catholic Church.
 
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