My boyfriends Mastrabation addiction

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Lizzygator

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My boyfriend addmited to me that he has a mastabation problem :(. He has for awhile. He was so embarassed to tell me. I knew he did some because I asked him to stop. He is struggling with it a lot. But it took a lot to admit that to me and I didn’t even ask for it. I feel so bad for him, he has so many other heavy burdens to carry on top of that. A sick family member many many things that cause him stress( I won’t go in detail because it’s personal). I can’t even imagine what he is going through! Especially with gf like me expecting so much out of him. :(. He is a amazing man capible of sooo much. I can tell when he is trying, he gets so easily irritated and sort tempered, I know that it is very hard for him so anything that would be offencive he dose or says means nothing, he dosnt mean it, it’s the stress getting to him. he needs strength he needs prayers. I’ve been praying during morning and night but I need to do more!!! If you can say a quick prayer for him, oh my word! it would mean the world to me!!! You can call him ‘A’ in your prayer I’m sure God will know who you mean :). Any advise is very apreciated aswell! Thank you thank you!!!
 
I will pray that he gets through the tough times and overcomes his masturbation struggle. It is a struggle because if he had an addiction, he would need professional help. He has a problem saying no to sin.

It is also not a good thing to make excuses up for his abusive behavior. Whether or not he means the things he says is irrelevant. The fact is that it is unacceptable to be abusive like that for any reason. If you accept this kind of behavior now, it sets a bad precedent for the future. It starts with verbal abuse and then moves on to other things. If he cant handle all the stress then something needs to budge from his life. It is destructive to have such an anger problem. What will he do when children are around? Having a short temper and being verbal abusive is damaging to a child. If he does it to you whats to say he wont do it to your kids? No excuses for his anger and verbal abuse. It needs to stop now. The kind of language you use is very common among woman that are abused by their man both physically and emotionally. Love can be a blinding thing and it can be destructive for both people when you excuse abusive behavior. If I were you I would make him get anger counseling or some form of counseling in order to proceed in the relationship. He is young now and can overcome it if he gets help. If you love him you wont let him stay abusive.

His revelation to you on masturbation which you already knew is also abusive. It is a ploy to get sympathy from you and it worked well. Men dont come clean to their girlfriends on masturbation out of nowhere. He came to you for sympathy and he got it. Give him none. Masturbation is a tough thing to overcome and requires tough love. If you want to marry him and make it work, it needs to stop now otherwise it never will. Marriage will not stop it. You arent good enough for him right now to stop what good will marriage do? He needs some tough love. If you arent willing to give it then you are an enabler for his actions and dont truly love him.
 
Ditto to what mjs 1987 just said.👍

Also, there are so many good guys out there that would not treat you in an ill manner—why not move on.
 
mjs1987 said:
I will pray that he gets through the tough times and overcomes his masturbation struggle. It is a struggle because if he had an addiction, he would need professional help. He has a problem saying no to sin.

It is also not a good thing to make excuses up for his abusive behavior. Whether or not he means the things he says is irrelevant. The fact is that it is unacceptable to be abusive like that for any reason. If you accept this kind of behavior now, it sets a bad precedent for the future. It starts with verbal abuse and then moves on to other things. If he cant handle all the stress then something needs to budge from his life. It is destructive to have such an anger problem. What will he do when children are around? Having a short temper and being verbal abusive is damaging to a child. If he does it to you whats to say he wont do it to your kids? No excuses for his anger and verbal abuse. It needs to stop now. The kind of language you use is very common among woman that are abused by their man both physically and emotionally. Love can be a blinding thing and it can be destructive for both people when you excuse abusive behavior. If I were you I would make him get anger counseling or some form of counseling in order to proceed in the relationship. He is young now and can overcome it if he gets help. If you love him you wont let him stay abusive.

His revelation to you on masturbation which you already knew is also abusive. It is a ploy to get sympathy from you and it worked well. Men dont come clean to their girlfriends on masturbation out of nowhere. He came to you for sympathy and he got it. Give him none. Masturbation is a tough thing to overcome and requires tough love. If you want to marry him and make it work, it needs to stop now otherwise it never will. Marriage will not stop it. You arent good enough for him right now to stop what good will marriage do? He needs some tough love. If you arent willing to give it then you are an enabler for his actions and dont truly love him.
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Wow , pessimistic post, but with truth in it. I find 90% of the relationship posts here are pessimistic, it’s a wonder Catholics procreate at all!

I think you do have to be extremely wary of abusive behavior - anything he does to you he will also do to the children.

Men do come clean with masterbation problems - it’s part of maturing, growing closer to God, he might have been thinking about it for awhile and finally decided he was living a lie by not telling you and feels a big relief now. Try to support him the best you can and show love for him. Everyone falls, and the wife/husband of the person who falls is there to help them back up.

But yeah, if he abuses more during this time period, maybe consider talking a priest or counselor and leaving if he doesn’t stop - you can’t stay in an abusive relationship. Many women fall for this trick; "he loves me so much, he doesn’t mean it when he hits me or cusses at me.’ This is pure bull, and women don’t deserve this. Hopefully this isn’t your situation, just something to think about.

God bless, I’m praying for you!
 
Jerok said:
Wow , pessimistic post, but with truth in it. I find 90% of the relationship posts here are pessimistic, it’s a wonder Catholics procreate at all!

I think you do have to be extremely wary of abusive behavior - anything he does to you he will also do to the children.

Men do come clean with masterbation problems - it’s part of maturing, growing closer to God, he might have been thinking about it for awhile and finally decided he was living a lie by not telling you and feels a big relief now. Try to support him the best you can and show love for him. Everyone falls, and the wife/husband of the person who falls is there to help them back up.

But yeah, if he abuses more during this time period, maybe consider talking a priest or counselor and leaving if he doesn’t stop - you can’t stay in an abusive relationship. Many women fall for this trick; "he loves me so much, he doesn’t mean it when he hits me or cusses at me.’ This is pure bull, and women don’t deserve this. Hopefully this isn’t your situation, just something to think about.

God bless, I’m praying for you!
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Wow, I thought I was being optimistic. I could have told her to leave the abusive man but I didnt. I think there is still hope for the relationship which is why I think he needs more help than she can give. The relationship can survive like I said but she needs to be tough on him and he needs help. Her nice personality is allowing for him to abuse her. Unless she firms up he will walk all over her. That isnt an equal marriage. If he cant handle the stresses of college life, how will he handle a career and children at the same time?

To tell you the truth this woman is more patient than many out there. If she was my sister or daughter you can bet I wouldnt let a man treat her that way. She deserves more respect than that.
 
oh goodness no he isn’t abusive! He wouldn’t hurt a flu he is the most gentle person I’ve ever meet! It’s just more irritated and short tempered for him! Haha

thank you thank you!! God bless you and your generosity I means so very much to me!!!
 
Just some advice from my own experience - it took me about 8 months of bitter struggle after joining the Church and facing up to my problem with masturbation to overcome it. And the solution was the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Every single time I fell I had to go to confession (with the same priest) - and I wouldn’t go to communion unless I had been. Although not every act of masturbation is a mortal sin for an addict, my advice is to treat every one as though it were.

God rewards anyone who is patient and endures, but I believe that the power of the sacraments is probably necessary to cure it.
 
Lizzygator said:
oh goodness no he isn’t abusive! He wouldn’t hurt a flu he is the most gentle person I’ve ever meet! It’s just more irritated and short tempered for him! Haha

thank you thank you!! God bless you and your generosity I means so very much to me!!!
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Im sorry but when he says things that are offensive with a short temper that is what most people call abuse. It isnt physical abuse but emotional. He is abusive emotionally. Just read your OP. He has you upset over all the stresses in his life and his sexual struggles and all you can say is you are wrong (by expecting too much from him) and he is so great. You are changing your story and contradicting yourself. He is not so gentle if he is short tempered and offensive. You wouldnt have to make excuses for him and defend him if he wasnt abusive.

He is not addicted to masturbation. There is no such thing. If he cannot control his urges then he needs professional help. His problem is not that. His problem is he wont give up a bad habit. Masturbation doesnt go away easily. It does take tough love to get it to stop. If you are not tough with him on it then chances are very high it will stay with you through your marriage. The lack of toughness is why so many people struggle with masturbation. Men arent forced to make decisions between masturbation and something they love. If more women asked men to choose between them and masturbation/porn (if hes masturbating then hes definitely into porn) then more often than not they would give up masturbation and porn if the woman was serious in leaving him. Women choose the emotional hardship of a man that fantasizes and gets release from other women so they can have the security of a relationship. If they were strong enough they could have the security and fidelity. If he truly loves you then he would choose you over masturbation.
 
you are a smart man mjs1987. i wish more young adult men were like you!
 
Dear Lizzygator,

Best wishes to you and your boyfriend!

This is a difficult habit to control in today’s culture, but for me and many other men, stopping was very worthwhile. (Benefits for me included increased peace of mind, not having to hide this activity from my wife, decreased temptations in other areas, and peace with God.) Bringing it up for discussion in the relationship can be a very important indication that he might be ready to do something about the problem.

If he wants advice from a group of men who have walked this challenging road already, please have him check the link in my sig.

Praying for us all,
  • curl
 
Lizzygator,

What you must realize is that masturbation is driven by disordered desires and a focus on the self. If that is the case, then your BF will have other issues in any relationship with you. If you were to get married, unless he stopped on his own, his behavior would not stop because he was getting real sex. In fact, it would get worse.

MJS is sensing this self-centeredness and his expressing concern that your BF’s actions are abusive. In a sense, he is right, because your BF is thinking of himself and is not focusing on a true relationship with you.

However, we are all sinners - and that does not mean that you must abandon him. In fact, in love, you might help him overcome the problem.

That being said, you must understand that tough love might be required. Do not accept any of his excuses, but point out to him in love that what he is doing is self-oriented and, objectively, a mortal sin which could result in him going to Hell. Explain that he must end this behavior not only for you, but also for himself.

If that sounds a little overbearing to you, then think of it this way. If he were bungee jumping over the Grand Canyon using a frayed rope, would you tell him and stop him? Out of love, you would get him off and get him a new rope; or better yet, convince him to end the risky behavior. But Hell is much worse than a long fall, so why would you not tell him his risky behavior now?

Thus, if you are to stay with him, then out of love for him you must really help him get over the problem and not accept excuses of whatever stresses he has in life.

There are many of us here who struggle with this problem and have found ways to effectively end the behavior - or at least mitigate it tremendously. I am one, and I know Curl and WHM are two others. Direct your BF to any of us, and we can also help.

God Bless,
 
whm said:
Yes, he will be a more caring loving and grace filled person, if and when this happens.
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Plus, his eyesight will get better and the hair growing on his palms will fall out.
 
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