My Bro Hurt Me

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NeedsMercy

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I didn’t really know where to post this. On Easter, my brother, who lives a few states away, and I exchanged greetings via phone. Usually, our conversations are him telling me how great his life is, and me listening. He has actually told me that he doesn’t care to listen to details of my life because they’re too negative. But I’m trying to make peace with that. In his latest conversation with me, he told me that one of his “friends” is “very Catholic” and he was trying to block his friend’s Facebook posts. Let me just say that my brother split from the Church years ago and went Sola Scriptura. I think he’s changed denominations a few times, not sure how many. Presently, he goes to a Baptist church. Why he thinks I’m not a Catholic anymore is beyond me. I’m not the best Catholic in the world, but I love my faith without question. Now, I rarely put religious content on my FB page but recently I did post a novena for 9 days. I’m sure the “friend” he was talking about was me. This hurt me very, very much. I have never, ever put down his beliefs or tried to convert him, so why he did this to me is baffling. I have not brought this issue up with him directly yet, and I don’t know if I should. What in the world is he thinking and what should I do about his anti-Catholicism? Frankly, I’m fed up with all of the anti-Catholic crud out there anymore, I just didn’t expect it from my family…😦
 
Hi there,

Sorry you’re feeling hurt. Could I ask why you think that you are the Catholic “friend” mentioned in his conversation? I know you talked about a religious Facebook post, but that seems like an awfully passive-aggressive way to refer to your own posts; is this typical from your brother? If relations between you two are generally decent, you might want to clarify this with him. And it is totally reasonable to stick up for your own beliefs, though this is best done in a loving manner.

If you two are barely on speaking terms and you KNOW that he was trying to make a hit at you (and I would be really hesitant to believe this unless I had excellent reason to do so), it is probably best to limit conversations and try your best to forgive him.

PS “Sola Scriptura” nowhere entails being a stinker to your relations! 🙂
 
I think he’s talking about me because he only has a handful of FB friends. The only other Catholic “friend” is a cousin, who hadn’t posted for a while. 🤷
 
Hmm. In your place, I think I would bring this up with my brother, and ask him directly, “Did you mean me when you talked about a ‘too-Catholic’ Facebook poster?” If he goes off into an antiCatholic diatribe, try to be firm and respectful in response–this is what I believe, this is my faith, I’m not trying to convert you back, but I do love my faith.

However, I’m assuming that you two can have a conversation about serious matters without it turning ugly. You know best as to whether this is the case. Good luck, and whatever you do turn to God and ask for His direction!
 
I didn’t really know where to post this. On Easter, my brother, who lives a few states away, and I exchanged greetings via phone. Usually, our conversations are him telling me how great his life is, and me listening. He has actually told me that he doesn’t care to listen to details of my life because they’re too negative. But I’m trying to make peace with that. In his latest conversation with me, he told me that one of his “friends” is “very Catholic” and he was trying to block his friend’s Facebook posts. Let me just say that my brother split from the Church years ago and went Sola Scriptura. I think he’s changed denominations a few times, not sure how many. Presently, he goes to a Baptist church. Why he thinks I’m not a Catholic anymore is beyond me. I’m not the best Catholic in the world, but I love my faith without question. Now, I rarely put religious content on my FB page but recently I did post a novena for 9 days. I’m sure the “friend” he was talking about was me. This hurt me very, very much. I have never, ever put down his beliefs or tried to convert him, so why he did this to me is baffling. I have not brought this issue up with him directly yet, and I don’t know if I should. What in the world is he thinking and what should I do about his anti-Catholicism? Frankly, I’m fed up with all of the anti-Catholic crud out there anymore, I just didn’t expect it from my family…😦
I have a family member who once went to the seminary to 3 years, left and now joined the Baptist Church. Now, he is one of the most openly anti-Catholic people I know.

The anti-Catholicism basically helped put the “nail in the coffin” on having any contact with each other. I got tired of defending the Church all the time, found it easier to stop e-mailing.

I don’t know what to do in a case like yours. If you, otherwise, have a good relationship, I suppose you could approach him about this if you think there’d be a possibility it could help. If not, just to leave it.

If you did approach him, you could say how hurt you felt and that you’d like to continue to have a nice relationship with him, and would hope that’s possible, as a fellow Christian.

I guess you know where you stand now, though.
 
NeedsMercy,

I think your brother may not even remember or have noticed that it was you.

From your description, he’s kind of overbearing, selfish and not a great listener, so he could easily have made that mistake, as ridiculous as that sounds. I don’t think his personality matches the profile of somebody who would passive-aggressively talk about his “friend” he blocked–he just doesn’t have that level of social know-how.

Occasional brief phone calls sounds the right level of contact. And if he’s blocked you, great! Then you don’t have to worry about offending him with too-Catholic postings.

Best wishes!
 
Usually, our conversations are him telling me how great his life is, and me listening. He has actually told me that he doesn’t care to listen to details of my life because they’re too negative. But I’m trying to make peace with that.
My brother is similar to yours. The only way to make peace with my brother was to axe him out of my life. IMO the first step is to have an equal relationship and if all he does is talk about how great his life is and won’t listen to the reality or yours, there is a dynamic of how good he is and unimportant you are. The rest of the relationship like face book and religion and etc can never been good if that is what he wants
 
Let it go. Sometimes ignoring folks can work wonders. Maybe all he is trying to do is “get your goat.”

I am a convert, and I put up with a lot of family rejection of my faith. Yes some of it really hurts, but I learned over time that the less reactive I was the less power they seemed to have. You could always do a little “reverse psychology” now and then.

For example: My grandmother loved to bring up my faults and suggest that I had to belong to the Church so I could live with something I must have done that was really bad. She called the Church my “crutch.” One day I simply said that the Church was “in fact my wheel chair.” I told her that I went to confession because I was a sinner just like her. This was the last time I ever heard about he Church being my crutch.

You know your brother the best so only you can come up with a possible response or know when ignoring his remarks might be best. Only you can really give them the power he thinks they have on you. Keep that in mind when you talk to him again.
 
I didn’t really know where to post this. On Easter, my brother, who lives a few states away, and I exchanged greetings via phone. Usually, our conversations are him telling me how great his life is, and me listening. He has actually told me that he doesn’t care to listen to details of my life because they’re too negative. But I’m trying to make peace with that. In his latest conversation with me, he told me that one of his “friends” is “very Catholic” and he was trying to block his friend’s Facebook posts. Let me just say that my brother split from the Church years ago and went Sola Scriptura. I think he’s changed denominations a few times, not sure how many. Presently, he goes to a Baptist church. Why he thinks I’m not a Catholic anymore is beyond me. I’m not the best Catholic in the world, but I love my faith without question. Now, I rarely put religious content on my FB page but recently I did post a novena for 9 days. I’m sure the “friend” he was talking about was me. This hurt me very, very much. I have never, ever put down his beliefs or tried to convert him, so why he did this to me is baffling. I have not brought this issue up with him directly yet, and I don’t know if I should. What in the world is he thinking and what should I do about his anti-Catholicism? Frankly, I’m fed up with all of the anti-Catholic crud out there anymore, I just didn’t expect it from my family…😦
Pray to the Holy Spirit to give them guidance & direction back to the Church.
 
I think he’s talking about me because he only has a handful of FB friends. The only other Catholic “friend” is a cousin, who hadn’t posted for a while. 🤷
You cannot know for certain who all of his friends are, nor what he means by saying “very Catholic” as if it were offensive. He may be referring to a Catholic friend that doesn’t post bluntly Catholic things on FB, but has done things to alienate his affections in face-to-face meetings by “acting as if he is more Catholic than the Pope.” (Yes, people on FB do still have private face-to-face meetings from time to time! :rolleyes:)

At any rate, if you were tempted to take offense or assume he meant you, you ought to have asked at the time. The thing to do now is to assume the best–that he did not mean you and that he was talking about someone who is offensive in the sense of acting as if he or she is “more Catholic than the Pope”–and let it go, acting as you feel inclined to act yourself. IOW, you neither need to take offense nor change your own actions when someone seems to be passively dropping unwelcome hints to sway you.

If he never does anything similar, either a) he has repented or thought better of this tactic or b) you mistook his meaning. You let it pass, and all is good. If he does something similar again, then you can ask him about it when that time comes, which is a good time to do so. In that case, you will not have to guess at his meaning. You’ll know, because you’ll ask and he’ll have to be blunt or else drop the ploy. If he refuses to be blunt, then you don’t have to pay any attention to him.

If the day comes when he expresses intolerance of your Catholic faith directly, you can tell him that if you can tolerate him, an apostate from your common childhood faith, then the least he can do is to tolerate you. Whether you decide to engage in apologetics is up to you. It will depend on whether an opportunity to bring him back from his error seems to exist…

Above all, let your love for one another be intense, because love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Pet 4:8

My brothers, if anyone among you should stray from the truth and someone bring him back, he should know that whoever brings back a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins. James 5:19-20

Do keep your eye on the ball. Pray intensely that he will turn from his errors and return to the faith. Give thanks that he has not lost his desire to fulfill the duty of religion nor his love of the Lord. Ask for grace and the light of truth for him. You may also express this hope to him when you have the opportunity, but do not beat him over the head with it in a way that is more likely to increase his obstinate stance. (Fasting, almsgiving, or doing other penance on his behalf would also be praiseworthy.)

You do not have to rehearse what to say to him, but you ought to ask the Holy Spirit often to give you the words when the time comes, so you will not find yourself turning to your own wit at the very moment you need true spiritual power and protection on your side.
 
Thank you all so much for your good advice. I believe that I will let this go and not mention anything to my brother. I should have said something when he made his comments but I guess I was too shocked. Should the issue come up again, I will be prepared to defend my faith with the help of the Holy Spirit. God bless you all. ❤️
 
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