My brother and his new girlfriend

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OK so apparently my brother, who is 20, finally has a girlfriend and he is sooo happy. My mom told me this last Friday. She said that she has come over everyday since he told them. I think a couple days before.

This Monday my mom told me that on Sunday night, my brother apparently ran off and came back later in her car. She spent the night in his room. I told my mom to tell dad to talk to him about it. Or even for her to, but she doesn’t.

Yesterday my mom told me again that she is worried about him getting her pregnant etc. As they were out with friends and came back in the early morning, to sleep in his room together once again.

I don’t know why my dad hasn’t told him yet to not do this. I haven’t had a chance to talk with my dad about this yet. It has been icy over here in Texas and so I leave my parents’ house before dark to see the ice on the roads better.

I guess I just want some advice on how to talk to my brother about this. To tell him that mom is worried about what they are doing in his room alone as she spends the night etc…
but I’m not sure if I can talk since I had struggled with sleeping alone, away at my college rental, with my now husband before we were married. I struggled with premarital sex in turn also for years.

I get the impression from my mom that she is worried about this but doesn’t want to confront my brother or tell him he can’t do that there. It is like she is just accepting that it is happening and she can’t do anything or something. I really don’t know why they spoil my brother and let him do whatever he wants really… Even though I was in sin, I never had my hubby ,then bf, spend the night in my room at home or me at his mother’s apt…

Thank you all in advance for your help.
 
Do NOT try to parent your sibling. I can’t think of a faster way to irreperably harm your relationship with your brother than by trying to act in loco parentis. I say this as a younger sibling who has had a very difficult relationship with my older brother because of the countless years he spent trying to influence and pressure my mom in the way she was raising me.

Do NOT try to tell your parents how to handle their son. I would say this if your brother was 2 or 20. You have no place giving your parents parenting advice or trying to get them to do what you would do in that situation.

What you can do is talk to your brother about what your beliefs and values are, if he’s open to discussion and listening. But if he rebuffs you, don’t push it. You guys are both adults now and you’re going to have to respect his autonomy.
 
thanks BlueEyedLady, I guess it is just frustrating.

He just wrecked their car when he went out in the icy night. Then took out my dad’s truck , in the middle of the night also, to get his friend the other night. Without my dad knowing of course and my mom texting him to hurry back before dad notices.

It’s always the same stuff anyway so I am just going to keep doing what I do I guess. I have to try and stop worrying myself.
 
I hear ya. I worry about mine too.

My brother is about two decades older than I am, and sometimes I have to resist the urge to explain to my mom everything he’s doing wrong and what she should say to him to fix it.

Brothers are just a pain.
 
I’ll say a prayer for you guys.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.:angel1:
 
bunnykisses88 said:
thanks BlueEyedLady, I guess it is just frustrating.

He just wrecked their car when he went out in the icy night. Then took out my dad’s truck , in the middle of the night also, to get his friend the other night. Without my dad knowing of course and my mom texting him to hurry back before dad notices.

It’s always the same stuff anyway so I am just going to keep doing what I do I guess. I have to try and stop worrying myself.
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I agree with BlueEyedLady wholeheartedly! Your mom is aware of what is going on and let her take care of it. Don’t worry yourself with issues that are not yours to deal with.
It’s great you care so much about your brother.
Mary.
 
MaryT777 said:
I agree with BlueEyedLady wholeheartedly! Your mom is aware of what is going on and let her take care of it. Don’t worry yourself with issues that are not yours to deal with.
It’s great you care so much about your brother.
Mary.
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thanks. yeah it may be easier for me not to worry if my mom would stop tell me all of her worries and everything that he does. yeah lol.
 
ClearWater said:
I’ll say a prayer for you guys.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.:angel1:
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thanks so much 🙂

I will also keep praying my rosary and praying for all of my family
 
bunnykisses88 said:
thanks. yeah it may be easier for me not to worry if my mom would stop tell me all of her worries and everything that he does. yeah lol.
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Your mom is using you as a sounding board. It is easier to talk about family issues with family.

She is not inviting you to parent your brother.
 
maryjk said:
Your mom is using you as a sounding board. It is easier to talk about family issues with family.

She is not inviting you to parent your brother.
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oh ok, so I should just listen? that’s what I did yesterday. I didn’t tell her anything of what to do. Since I don’t even know lol. I share her concern too so I guess that makes me want to do something idk. It is just frustrating. There have been many other family issues too this year it is just ugh.
 
Bless her heart, your mom needs to find someone else to vent to. It’s not appropriate. Easy trap to fall into as a mom.
 
Seeing as you had the same problem, there’s no way you can say anything. But it couldn’t hurt to ask your dad why he hasn’t done anything. Just keep the meddling to a minimum, because no one is doing anything and this girl might get pregnant. Yes meddling is bad, but getting pregnant outside of marriage is far worse because no one did anything…
 
I like Steve Ray’s first rule of evangelizing friends and family, “do no harm.” Trying to help our loved ones make the right decisions is hard. If you have the kind of relationship where you can say something to him, I would just tell him that you are worried about him. Tell him your regrets for your sin and how it hurt your relationship with God. But, I would make sure to look for the right time.
 
yeah, well my dad has talked to him but apparently they can’t do anything about it. So idk she stays there when they want and stay in his room all day. whatever I just visit once in a while, glad I don’t live there anymore. my hubby says to tell him to use a condom…and well I don’t want to so I will just keep out of this mess. I know it is my brother’s life and decisions so I’m ok with that thanks everyone:)
 
about just not being pregnant, well they should seek a way to calm him down, they need to sit down with him and talk about it, I think its pretty important that they speak, both your parents and him. if your mother does not know what to say or to do, go to a good Catholic therapist so she can get advice on how to handle the situation, i suggest a Catholic one because i hope they dont come out with a “use a condom answer” or at least one that understands and respects the Catholic ways and can give a propper answer for catholics.

well, from the Catholic view, i think your mother should tell him about the sinfulness of the extramarital sex. and the abortion excomunication, just in case.
 
bunnykisses88 said:
thanks BlueEyedLady, I guess it is just frustrating.

**He just wrecked their car **when he went out in the icy night. Then took out my dad’s truck , in the middle of the night also, to get his friend the other night. Without my dad knowing of course and my mom texting him to hurry back before dad notices.

It’s always the same stuff anyway so I am just going to keep doing what I do I guess. I have to try and stop worrying myself.
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This is the sort of behavior that will lead to them telling him to cut it out, or move out and pay his own bills.

I do agree that you can’t tell your parents how to treat your brother. You can though tell your mom to stop giving you every detail. When she starts in with the latest update, tell her that you’ll hear his news from him and then chnage the subject. It’s one thing for her to tell you when he first started dating her, but at some point it does become gossip.
 
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