G
GreyRabbit
Guest
Hullo.
Okay. A little background, be warned, it’s long:
My brother went to school to be a high school history teacher. Got his degree, got married in the church, and became a teacher. It’s been 7 years. During those last 7 years, both he and his wife became non-practicing Catholics. Within the year of his first teaching year, he and a student got to texting and emailing, and let’s just say, when the student’s mom found out, he ultimately lost his job.
So then he went into law school; his wife was already in it, and in fact, graduates next month, and later she will take the bar. Low and behold, about two months ago, his wife finds out that my brother had been keeping in contact with the student to cost him his job. His wife saw a text that he had sent, some song quote, saying “all my life and I’ve finally found you” or something. I don’t know. But words definately to that effect.
Now he has been living out of the house, for the past two months, and has told his wife that he doesn’t want to be married anymore. Whether or not he ends up with this girl who he’s been texting, I don’t know. And apparently neither does he. In any case, it looks like–according to his wife–that they are going to file for a divorce. Now, while the church will obviously consider them still married, since we don’t recognize a divorce, neither husband nor wife see it that way. I told her they would have to get an annullment if they wanted to marry again, but my sister-in-law (hearafter abbreviated SIL) says that she meant every single word, and knew exactly what she was doing. She says she still loves him, and would take him back if he asked for forgiveness and all.
But he hasn’t done that. And he doesn’t want to. My SIL says she thinks he’ll be starting counseling because, oh yea, he dropped out of school. And he had previously quit his job–working clerical in a law firm I think–so that he could attend school. So now, he’s homeless–living with a friend–jobless, and schoolless. While counseling may help, it doesn’t look like he’s going to come back to his wife, because he doesn’t want to.
My brother can be fragile, harsh words can send him into a depression, though he already is at this point. But saying anything like “be a man and keep the promise you made” won’t work, it just makes him retreat even further.
My parents are devastated. My mom in particular is angry at him for doing this, and feels like she’s failed to bring him up right. She also is devastated that she will not get grandchildren from them–they have not kids yet–and any children my brother has, will be outside his rightful marriage. But she did the best she could, being the only practicing Catholic parent. My dad feels guilty he did not warn my brother of the danger in being so close to a student like he was, at the beginning, and also feels he didn’t bring him up better. I’m mad at my brother for making my parents think that, and for thinking he can just say “oh, I don’t want to be married anymore” as if this weren’t a lifebound promise.
But I’m also mad at him for selfish reasons: He is my only sibling. My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married, and I feel I can’t talk about our plans with my parents anymore. Everytime something has to do with marriage or grandchildren, any little thing and it sets my parents thinking about my brother. And at my eventual wedding, either my brother will be there or he won’t, and if he isn’t, it’ll break hearts, and if he is, everyone will be thinking “oh what a shame that Mil’s marriage didn’t work out” or something, their attention will be divided. I know this is incredibly selfish of me, and I’m trying to get over that.
Meanwhile, I am so incredibly angry at him but obviously saying anything, even if it’s the truth, won’t do anything. He’s already been told, mostly by my parents. He’s barely speaking to any of us as it is. Of course we’ve all been praying. And I ask for your prayers too. As my SIL said, “only an act of God will bring him back” but if my brother doesn’t want to, then God won’t interfere because he allows us to do what we want, even if it’s stupid.
Which leads me to: trying not to be angry at God that He’s allowing my brother to have such a hard heart as to not admit he was wrong and want to try to fix it.
So yea, I think just talking about this helps, but I’m still dealing with anger and pain and selfishness, as aforementioned.
sigh Please pray for us.
Thank you
–Grey
Okay. A little background, be warned, it’s long:
My brother went to school to be a high school history teacher. Got his degree, got married in the church, and became a teacher. It’s been 7 years. During those last 7 years, both he and his wife became non-practicing Catholics. Within the year of his first teaching year, he and a student got to texting and emailing, and let’s just say, when the student’s mom found out, he ultimately lost his job.
So then he went into law school; his wife was already in it, and in fact, graduates next month, and later she will take the bar. Low and behold, about two months ago, his wife finds out that my brother had been keeping in contact with the student to cost him his job. His wife saw a text that he had sent, some song quote, saying “all my life and I’ve finally found you” or something. I don’t know. But words definately to that effect.
Now he has been living out of the house, for the past two months, and has told his wife that he doesn’t want to be married anymore. Whether or not he ends up with this girl who he’s been texting, I don’t know. And apparently neither does he. In any case, it looks like–according to his wife–that they are going to file for a divorce. Now, while the church will obviously consider them still married, since we don’t recognize a divorce, neither husband nor wife see it that way. I told her they would have to get an annullment if they wanted to marry again, but my sister-in-law (hearafter abbreviated SIL) says that she meant every single word, and knew exactly what she was doing. She says she still loves him, and would take him back if he asked for forgiveness and all.
But he hasn’t done that. And he doesn’t want to. My SIL says she thinks he’ll be starting counseling because, oh yea, he dropped out of school. And he had previously quit his job–working clerical in a law firm I think–so that he could attend school. So now, he’s homeless–living with a friend–jobless, and schoolless. While counseling may help, it doesn’t look like he’s going to come back to his wife, because he doesn’t want to.
My brother can be fragile, harsh words can send him into a depression, though he already is at this point. But saying anything like “be a man and keep the promise you made” won’t work, it just makes him retreat even further.
My parents are devastated. My mom in particular is angry at him for doing this, and feels like she’s failed to bring him up right. She also is devastated that she will not get grandchildren from them–they have not kids yet–and any children my brother has, will be outside his rightful marriage. But she did the best she could, being the only practicing Catholic parent. My dad feels guilty he did not warn my brother of the danger in being so close to a student like he was, at the beginning, and also feels he didn’t bring him up better. I’m mad at my brother for making my parents think that, and for thinking he can just say “oh, I don’t want to be married anymore” as if this weren’t a lifebound promise.
But I’m also mad at him for selfish reasons: He is my only sibling. My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married, and I feel I can’t talk about our plans with my parents anymore. Everytime something has to do with marriage or grandchildren, any little thing and it sets my parents thinking about my brother. And at my eventual wedding, either my brother will be there or he won’t, and if he isn’t, it’ll break hearts, and if he is, everyone will be thinking “oh what a shame that Mil’s marriage didn’t work out” or something, their attention will be divided. I know this is incredibly selfish of me, and I’m trying to get over that.
Meanwhile, I am so incredibly angry at him but obviously saying anything, even if it’s the truth, won’t do anything. He’s already been told, mostly by my parents. He’s barely speaking to any of us as it is. Of course we’ve all been praying. And I ask for your prayers too. As my SIL said, “only an act of God will bring him back” but if my brother doesn’t want to, then God won’t interfere because he allows us to do what we want, even if it’s stupid.
Which leads me to: trying not to be angry at God that He’s allowing my brother to have such a hard heart as to not admit he was wrong and want to try to fix it.
So yea, I think just talking about this helps, but I’m still dealing with anger and pain and selfishness, as aforementioned.
sigh Please pray for us.
Thank you
–Grey
