My brother's, non-Catholic wedding

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crazydyl

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Hi Everyone

I have a question regarding non-Catholic weddings.

I am a devout Catholic and want to do what a good Catholic should do. I am going to start priest training in 2015 if I can’t find an amazing, Catholic woman - these are extremely rare. I am the best single, Catholic guy for a devout, Catholic woman, no doubt about it. Hopefully I can find someone good enough but we will see. I can always be a priest and I’d certainly love being one. This is why I am passionate about getting married in a Catholic church and I don’t want to support non-Catholic weddings. I also want to be a good Catholic and show love to everyone and have no enemies.

My brother is a ‘smart’ doctor and his fiance is a retard and I don’t like her - would never marry her myself O_o They are going to get ‘married’ in a humanist ceremony, so should I:
  • A: not attend due to me not believing that it is a proper wedding?
  • B: be a good Catholic and go?
I am very passionate, devout and pretty much an all-or-nothing person. I wouldn’t go because I don’t like my bro turning his back on the religion and it not being ‘proper’ in the eyes of God. Should I go as part of ‘loving everyone’? I don’t like my brother for not being a Catholic and having a child outside of marriage and because his wife is a retard. I don’t like his gf because she is so dumb and so are all of her family.
I would put all of that behind me if it would be something that Jesus would do. What do we all think? :-/

Thanks

Dylan aka future, amazing priest or husband 🙂
 
Dyland,

With the way you feel, I suggest that you not attend the wedding. As “amazing” as you may be, your post shows sound like it is coming from an immature brat. Are you a 10 year old?

Stay away from the wedding so that you you don’t do or say something that will ruin this day for your brother and his wife.

You may not like his future wife. That’s fine. But calling her a retard is inappropriate.

Can you imagine Jesus showing this hatred and contempt and calling someone a retard?

I pray that a genuine transformation takes place within you. Remember the Great Commandment? Try to live it. Begin by going to confession and praying.

Paul
 
Easy on the name calling…Jesus would love those people! 😉

If your brother is not Catholic, there shouldn’t be any issues from a Catholic prospective on attending. However, if he is Catholic, practicing anyway, he would have an issue marrying outside a Church.

As far as going, depends on if you want to rough up some feathers. Have you had a conversation about these women with your brother? Maybe some honest dialogue may help him look for different characteristics in deciding a suitable wife. Just a thought.
 
One does not become a priest because they can’t find a woman.

Is your brother a baptized Catholic? If he is, any seminarian would know he is bound by the Church laws on marriage and you cannot support his invalid marriage.
 
Wow…yeah…let me tell you, good women are turned off by arrogance. As a Catholic woman, I look for humility, kindness, and compassion in a man. A Catholic man who’s becoming a priest doesn’t call someone a retard :eek:.

And as Catholics, we’re called to be pro-life…Be glad they HAD the baby instead of aborting him/her!!!

Is your brother Catholic originally? Then you have your prudential judgment to follow. If not, go and support them. And be glad they’re getting married and attempting to make it right! If you go or don’t go, always pray for them!

Remember, intelligence is only worthy if used for good (Hitler, Stalin, and some others were considered to be very keen, while St. Bernadette, to whom Our Lady appeared at Lourdes, was considered to be simple. Her teacher had a time trying to teach her the catechism!). You may think this girl isn’t smart, but have you given her a chance? Is she a good person otherwise? A good mother?

You could be the way that brings your family (back) to the Church. But with your attitude as it is now, I’m surprised they’d even want you at their wedding to begin with.
 
If your brother is Catholic and has not received dispensation for a wedding outside of the Church he is sinning against the first commandment. However, he is your brother, and at one time we have all qualified for the filling the “prodigal son” role, in turning our backs on God - hopefully to return.

Attend his wedding, as he is your brother. Keep your opinions about the ceremony and his wife to yourself. Do not participate in the wedding, be an observer so as not to support the union outside of dispensation.

He is your brother. Love him and pray for his return to the faith.

You are a Christian, reflect Jesus light.
 
Woahhhhhhh, I’ve touched some nerves here!

I am very passionate and my life is based on Catholicism. I have only started being a hardcore Catholic in the last 3 months. I am a very passionate, young man. I am more passionate and loving than 99.999% of the people in the world. I want to do something magnificent with my life and I am struggling to find any woman with as much passion as me. I feel like I am suited to become a husband, but I am frustrated in my search for a woman with a pure, passionate heart. I came to the conclusion that only God would be good enough to have my heart if I couldn’t find a woman by 2015. I work my *** off trying to make a difference in the world. I am going to become a multi-millionaire and help people in poverty - I am awesome. I work all the time trying to make as much money as possible for people that can’t help themselves. I am totally non-materialstic and I just want to make a difference. I am truly awesome and loving, but someone like me finds it hard to find a match. I only want to be a husband to make a woman happy, but it’s hard for me to find anyone that I expected all Catholics would be like - maybe a lot of them are nuns. I wouldn’t feel rewarded making a non-amazing woman happy, so I would become a priest and absolutely love doing that for God, so you can shut up saying that I shouldn’t become a priest, as you don’t even know me or what my heart is like. Will you be able to stand before God and say that you gave your all to help other people? NO! So don’t criticise when you are more than likely materialistic and don’t give everything that you have to do good like I do!

My brother has turned his back on God and doesn’t take life seriously and his woman is nowhere near the type of woman that I would be with. We don’t have anything in common with each other and don’t really speak. He is only my brother through blood.

I am just wondering if a good Catholic would go or not. I don’t accept the non-Christian wedding and therefore I don’t see the point in me going. If it is not recognised by God then what is the point? I am an all-or-nothing type person and this is why I an unsure.

I just want to know what God/Jesus would do in the situation. I mean it is not a proper wedding so what is the point? I am very passionate and this just seems pathetic. His fiance said that Christmas is about family and not religion haha oh my days lol

I just want responses on what I should do as a Catholic. If it was my choice, I wouldn’t go, as it is not recognised by God. But o just wonder if I SHOULD go because that is what I should do?

Thanks to those with nice responses

Dylan

PS. Thanks for the last message 🙂 I am just passionate about Catholicism and it seems so pathetic and saddens me.
 
One question: How old are you?

You’re on fire, which is great, but passion needs to be tempered. You seem young and idealistic, which isn’t a bad thing (I am, as well), but to an extreme.

Part of Catholicism means discerning our words carefully. It means treating people with dignity and respect, no matter their walk in life. It means being a light to others. It doesn’t mean browbeating or head bashing, simply because they’re not on the same walk. It means gently guiding. When you love someone, do you knock them unconscious so they HAVE to depend on you? Or do you woo them and try and become a better person for them? Because that’s how you have to present the faith to people.

And good luck on the multi-millionaire part. Used to think the same thing…Problem is, we’re not to worry about treasures on earth. Sometimes you have to accept a modest income and live frugally, making sure you give to God as well. As for poverty, as someone who pretty much made that her major (a multidisciplinary mix of politics, economics, development, and other things), there’s a lot more at stake than just money. There’s a lot of politics that goes into it (read some of the USCCB statements or any Church-approved document on Catholic social teaching). There are a lot of issues at stake. I applied for an internship with the USCCB and one big thing they emphasized was that charity is good but short term, you need justice to accompany it. There needs to be a whole lot of work done: both by the people themselves and by the system. But that’s another issue. Study it.

I know all you were asking about is a wedding…but if you really are on fire for God as much as you say you are, brother, you need to learn to control it. Fire is beneficial in a controlled setting: it can be used to purify, renew, give light and heat. But when it’s not controlled, it’s destructive and defeats its very purpose.

If you really are on fire, you want your brother and his girl to come back. You would love them and accept them, simply because God placed them in your life and He placed them there for a reason. You would accept them as the people God made them to be and pray for them every day to come back to Him…that they may fully become who they were meant to be, who He made them to be. You would live your life, not just by words, but by your example, by walking your walk. St. Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the Gospel always, use words if necessary.” Think about it.

I know what it’s like to have non-practicing family. My family doesn’t. I pray for them and try to live by example, in word and deed. Because I love them, they helped make me who I am and I want us to be united with God when we pass.
 
My mother is very up-to-date on the Catholic teachings and it says that we must not accept it. I am not going and she is not either. It is not a real wedding and he will be sinning after this ‘marriage’. He is confirmed and everything - a proper Catholic. He even works in the abortion section of hospitals at the moment O_o it is very sad.

God is my whole life. I am only trying to make millions of pounds to help the needy. I don’t need anything but God. I only consume or buy what I need. I am going to apply to become a priest if an amazing woman doesn’t come into my life over these next 4 years. I will just get to know women and see if anyone of them are beautiful enough in their heart for me.

Thank you for the positive feedback that I have received, but I know the church’s teachings on the matter now. The ‘marriage’ is not a marriage so I will not take any part in it.
 
sanctamaria17 said:
One question: How old are you?

You’re on fire, which is great, but passion needs to be tempered. You seem young and idealistic, which isn’t a bad thing (I am, as well), but to an extreme.

Part of Catholicism means discerning our words carefully. It means treating people with dignity and respect, no matter their walk in life. It means being a light to others. It doesn’t mean browbeating or head bashing, simply because they’re not on the same walk. It means gently guiding. When you love someone, do you knock them unconscious so they HAVE to depend on you? Or do you woo them and try and become a better person for them? Because that’s how you have to present the faith to people.

And good luck on the multi-millionaire part. Used to think the same thing…Problem is, we’re not to worry about treasures on earth. Sometimes you have to accept a modest income and live frugally, making sure you give to God as well. As for poverty, as someone who pretty much made that her major (a multidisciplinary mix of politics, economics, development, and other things), there’s a lot more at stake than just money. There’s a lot of politics that goes into it (read some of the USCCB statements or any Church-approved document on Catholic social teaching). There are a lot of issues at stake. I applied for an internship with the USCCB and one big thing they emphasized was that charity is good but short term, you need justice to accompany it. There needs to be a whole lot of work done: both by the people themselves and by the system. But that’s another issue. Study it.

I know all you were asking about is a wedding…but if you really are on fire for God as much as you say you are, brother, you need to learn to control it. Fire is beneficial in a controlled setting: it can be used to purify, renew, give light and heat. But when it’s not controlled, it’s destructive and defeats its very purpose.

If you really are on fire, you want your brother and his girl to come back. You would love them and accept them, simply because God placed them in your life and He placed them there for a reason. You would accept them as the people God made them to be and pray for them every day to come back to Him…that they may fully become who they were meant to be, who He made them to be. You would live your life, not just by words, but by your example, by walking your walk. St. Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the Gospel always, use words if necessary.” Think about it.

I know what it’s like to have non-practicing family. My family doesn’t. I pray for them and try to live by example, in word and deed. Because I love them, they helped make me who I am and I want us to be united with God when we pass.
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I am 22 years-old and very devout. I hope that your family begin to start practicing again 🙂 I am a very calm person and believe that I am tempered, but I just need to learn some things on the way 🙂 I just don’t take any abuse from people that are not as passionate at me about God. How can you criticise when you are not giving your all? I am only trying to be the best Catholic that I can be, so calling me a ten year-old is not going to help. Is it my fault that I have more passion than the lot of you? I have been through a lot and that makes people stronger 🙂

God bless

Dylan 🙂
 
Wow… well, for one, it’s not real mature to refer to people as “retards”. For many points, but I don’t need to go there, as it’s off topic.

Only God is truly amazing. Everyone has their faults. Don’t let your head get too big there buddy.

It’s great that you are eager about the Catholic Church. But even with that you should be humble.

I think with your attitude (at least in the way it came across in this thread) you’re only going to push people further away (whether it be a potential girlfriend, or parishioners should you become a priest). Jesus was humble while on earth, I think we should all try to be like him.

Proverbs 11:2 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

As far as the topic of this thread. If you don’t feel comfortable going, then don’t. Or you could let your brother know your stance on the issue, and go just to support your brother as fellow human being created in the image of God. We all have our dark periods in life and all sin. But giving love will get you further with him than treating him with hatred. Perhaps if you act with charity and love for him the Holy Spirit will bring him back.
 
Take a deep breath buddy! :cool:

All of us are flawed, deeply so. You are too.

It’s amazing and wonderful you have such passion for the church-never, ever lose it. However, don’t rush to judgement-and name calling, like everyone has said, is wrong-very wrong.

Your only 22-I’m only 30, (so I remember what it’s like to be 22) and you probably haven’t been in alot of situations that cause reactions like this. So think long and hard about not going to wedding.

Be humble my friend. Walk with our Lord and never forget that your just as much a sinner as all of us.

God bless!
 
There is a rule in Catholicism which you seem to have forgotten; Charity. This woman is going to be your sister in law, whether you like it or not. You can hound your brother for not being a good Catholic until you’re blue in the face, but it won’t change the fact that he has a choice and he’s made it. Now you can do one of two things. You can shut them out of your lives and pretend they aren’t part of your family, or you can be charitable and love them, without condoning their sins, but at the same being present in their lives as a good, loving, and charitable Catholic. St. Francis has a particularly famous quote “Preach the gospel at all times, and when necessary use words.” Our duty as Catholics is to live our faith, not preach with words, but through actions. As St. James says “by my works I will show you my faith”.
 
If your brother is Catholic he should be marrying in the church or receiving a dispensation. If he is doing neither than his marriage is invalid in the eyes of the Church. With someone as close as a brother you have the option to go if not going would do irreparable harm to family unity. The goal is to have your brother eventually return to the Church. If not going would drive him further away than the best option may be to go. If on the other hand if it would give scandal by attending such as your brother and others seeing this as condoning his turn from the Church than you should refrain from going.

Some recommending reading in your walk with Christ as you discern your future vocation. leaderu.com/cyber/books/imitation/imitation.html
The above link is the Imitation of Christ by Thomas Kempis, a classic work available to read online.
 
crazydyl said:
My brother has turned his back on God and doesn’t take life seriously and his woman is nowhere near the type of woman that I would be with. We don’t have anything in common with each other and don’t really speak. He is only my brother through blood.
My advice - don’t go. I wouldn’t want you at my wedding. Besides, something tells me you won’t be missed.
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Hehe Thank you for your messages 🙂

My mother and me are not going because it says in cannon law that we must not support it or attend. This is cannon law, dudes. We are to not support/ assist in this ‘wedding’ as we would be accepting and saying that it is fine to be married like this. By not supporting this we are doing more good and it will eat at his conscience if he has one.

I am considering becoming a priest. I need a woman that is extra special to stop me from becoming one. If any of you are very devout and as passionate as me, then I would like to hear from you.I’d love someone like Maria Gorreti if that is at all possible. I am too passionate for most Catholics, imo.

I am humble, but I am extremely strict when it comes to certain matters. I cannot support this wedding and I cannot love a woman that doesn’t love God as much as me and is as pure-hearted.

Thanks for your support, but we need to follow the Church’s teachings on matters like this.

Dylan
 
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