My Child Saw a Sex Scene-need advice

  • Thread starter Thread starter amart816
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

amart816

Guest
I am just mortified!!!

Our church has a home for 3 men with disabilities. My 9 yr old daughter and I volunteered to make and eat dinner with them. The home is shared with 2 staff members that live with them.

The living room TV was on while we ate and talked.

We were in the middle of eating when the opening of Bridesmaids came on…and lo and behold it was a sex scene. No body parts were shown but it was pretty clear they were not wearing clothes and they were pretending to be in the act. My daughter definitely noticed and started to watch…I was desperately hoping the staff members would turn it off. I don’t know if they noticed too late or if they noticed and didnt think to turn it off or they noticed and felt awkward about it.

I haven’t had the sex talk yet with her but my plan is to do so this summer and through a Catholic view. I’ve already given her the message that our bodies our precious gifts from God and we must treasure it…

What would you do? Do I talk to her about it? Do I leave it alone? SIGH!!! I also can’t help but feel disappointed that this happened while on Church grounds!!
 
amart816 said:
I am just mortified!!!

Our church has a home for 3 men with disabilities. My 9 yr old daughter and I volunteered to make and eat dinner with them. The home is shared with 2 staff members that live with them.

The living room TV was on while we ate and talked.

We were in the middle of eating when the opening of Bridesmaids came on…and lo and behold it was a sex scene. No body parts were shown but it was pretty clear they were not wearing clothes and they were pretending to be in the act. My daughter definitely noticed and started to watch…I was desperately hoping the staff members would turn it off. I don’t know if they noticed too late or if they noticed and didnt think to turn it off or they noticed and felt awkward about it.

I haven’t had the sex talk yet with her but my plan is to do so this summer and through a Catholic view. I’ve already given her the message that our bodies our precious gifts from God and we must treasure it…

What would you do? Do I talk to her about it? Do I leave it alone? SIGH!!! I also can’t help but feel disappointed that this happened while on Church grounds!!
Click to expand...
  1. I think it is time for ‘The Talk’. You could start with discussing ‘monthly menstrual periods’ and moving onto the human body and sex from the Catholic viewpoint.
  2. When she is a teen, I would suggest watching the DVD’s Theology of the Body for Teens. I’m sure you can order the DVD’s off this website or purchase at your local Catholic Bookshop. Very Catholic, very thorough in plain english and hosted by young people. You can watch it together.
It was formulated by Pope JPII.
  1. It’s TV, sometimes there will be content which parents do not want their children watching pop up during ads or advertising an adult program. At home you can control it but when you go to malls or department stores you can’t control what is on their big screens. We can’t control every situation, even the Church where the TV was located. They did not know a child would be watching or that that scene would come on. If the content is very inappropriate at a time when children could be watching you can lodge a complaint with the TV Advertising Standards Board.
 
I don’t disagree about teaching the child about those things of which she cannot long remain innocent. I just wouldn’t bring that momentary exposure into the conversation, except to say (if that exposure comes up) that the show was inappropriate but not intended by the hosts. Otherwise, I’d simply cover the topic that inappropriate dramas and entertainment are out there, and to be avoided, and not bring up that particular show unless the daughter asks about it.
 
As a volunteer, I would tell the person you volunteer for that next time it happens you will be turning off the TV yourself and I would tell the head of the church you expect an apology.

This is your free time you are giving away and the least they owe you is respect

Angie
 
I felt so violated by that scene when I went to see that movie, and I’m married. It’s like an attack- really, that’s how the movie starts? No warning?? It left a bad taste in my mouth, and though I enjoyed much of the rest of the movie, I have no desire to watch it again because of that.
 
Anglewannabe said:
As a volunteer, I would tell the person you volunteer for that next time it happens you will be turning off the TV yourself and I would tell the head of the church you expect an apology.

This is your free time you are giving away and the least they owe you is respect

Angie
Click to expand...
You want the Church to apologise for TV advertisement content? Something they have no control over. :confused:

The mum could have removed her daughter from the room or turned the channel or TV off. Why not blame the mum as well.
 
You should have had some of The Talk with her by now. I’m really surprised that she hasn’t been asking questions. I know my DD asked me what a period was “and I don’t mean the one at the end if a sentence, Mom” in second grade.

The Christian bookstore used to have a really good series of books on the subject, starting before little ones could read. I used the first few to get an idea of what age-appropriate concepts to impart.
 
amart816 said:

“My daughter definitely noticed and started to watch…I was desperately hoping the staff members would turn it off.”

Next time, be more assertive. (I have no idea what advice to give about those TVs in public areas that always seem to be turned to the Murdered Kid and Mayhem Channel.)

I’d let it go now unless she has specific questions.

This is a really good starter book on puberty for girls for later, by the way:

amazon.com/Care-Keeping-American-Girl-Library/dp/1562476661
 
Xantippe said:
amart816 said:

“My daughter definitely noticed and started to watch…I was desperately hoping the staff members would turn it off.”

Next time, be more assertive. (I have no idea what advice to give about those TVs in public areas that always seem to be turned to the Murdered Kid and Mayhem Channel.)

I’d let it go now unless she has specific questions.

This is a really good starter book on puberty for girls for later, by the way:

amazon.com/Care-Keeping-American-Girl-Library/dp/1562476661
Click to expand...
Agreed. Making a huge deal out of it will make it worse, and cause her to be overly curious.
Peace.
 
I wouldn’t have the talk just based on that incident. But only you would know the best time to talk to your daughter.

And I echo some of the comments here. You should feel free to turn off the TV whenever you want for your daughter’s sake. Your daughter’s innocence comes first.
 
Xantippe said:
amart816 said:

“My daughter definitely noticed and started to watch…I was desperately hoping the staff members would turn it off.”

Next time, be more assertive. (I have no idea what advice to give about those TVs in public areas that always seem to be turned to the Murdered Kid and Mayhem Channel.)

I’d let it go now unless she has specific questions.

This is a really good starter book on puberty for girls for later, by the way:

amazon.com/Care-Keeping-American-Girl-Library/dp/1562476661
Click to expand...
I agree with you/ Also, I think the mother is about two years late in thinking about The Talk. :cool: 🙂
 
Monicad,

I think I would avoid the word “disgusting” in this context. I like “inappropriate” and maybe “immodest” would work, too? “It’s immodest for people to be practically naked on TV. That’s silly. We wouldn’t walk around naked in public, would we?”

I suspect that there’s a good chance that the main thing that registered on this 9-year-old was “Naked people! A naked man! Ewww!”

tabycat,

I think 9 is actually OK (unless there are signs of physical development). I pulled out the American Girls book for my daughter when she was 10 and just heading into 6th grade, as I got my period as a 6th grader. My oldest is not super precocious, though.

I’ve seen a lot of advice discouraging the use of “The Talk,” and encouraging adding to the child’s knowledge a bit at a time, as appropriate. I was expecting a baby about two years ago, and the big kids and I talked a lot about the mechanics of pregnancy at the time (I ducked the how-does-the-baby-get-there question with promises of more information later–they did hear a lot about the life cycle of salmon, though!). I went pretty far with the pregnancy stuff. We were reading the What to Expect weekly bulletins together (at least the ones relating to fetal development) and at one point, I found myself describing cervical function to my 7-year-old boy. (He’d wanted to know why labor hurts.) I remember thinking at the time that my 7-year-old would make a great OB someday.

I have the long delayed how-does-the-baby-get-there talk scheduled for this summer for my oldest. Lucky me!
 
By the way, does anybody have any suggestions for good Catholic or other books or other materials for kids for the next stage beyond descriptions of puberty?

I’ve got a Popcak book for parents (Beyond the Birds and the Bees) that I’ve read a couple of times, but I have to say that I don’t really see myself talking about “special hugs” to small children. I think it would squick them out and confuse them.

I know I have to do a major educational push this summer, as my oldest is heading into 7th grade, and as I recall, 7th grade is a real den of iniquity.
 
Xantippe said:
By the way, does anybody have any suggestions for good Catholic or other books or other materials for kids for the next stage beyond descriptions of puberty?

I’ve got a Popcak book for parents (Beyond the Birds and the Bees) that I’ve read a couple of times, but I have to say that I don’t really see myself talking about “special hugs” to small children. I think it would squick them out and confuse them.

I know I have to do a major educational push this summer, as my oldest is heading into 7th grade, and as I recall, 7th grade is a real den of iniquity.
Click to expand...
I haven’t read the Popcak book (or have I? If I have it’s been a while) to know if this would be the next stage, but I can’t say enough good things about The Joyful Mysteries of Life. amazon.com/Joyful-Mysteries-Life-Catherine-Scherrer/dp/0898706300/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398446081&sr=1-1&keywords=the+joyful+mysteries+of+lifehttp:// It is a short book, with short chapters, that covers the basics of puberty and the mechanics of the marital act from a gentle, Catholic perspective. The mechanics aren’t discussed in much detail, so it is a great introduction for prepubescent kids. But it gives them enough information so that they “know about the birds and the bees.” And it talks about the wonder of God’s gift of fertility, and the respect that is due each other because of this gift. This is a book that you would read with your child, which is great, because it makes a good starting point for conversation. But it doesn’t leave you to find the words to say. We read it to our kids when they are 10 (I read to the girls, dh read it to our ds), but I’m sure you could use it for slightly older or slightly younger. Even if you haven’t discussed the actual mechanics stuff with your 7th grader, it may be that they already know it. My pretty innocent homeschooled son told me that he “pretty much figured that’s how it happened” when he read the book with his dad at 10, and that is without a peer group introducing it to him.
 
MonicaD said:

“I noticed you are getting ready for the talk about sex, I will pray for you.”

Thanks!
 
FrenzyJen said:
I felt so violated by that scene when I went to see that movie, and I’m married. It’s like an attack- really, that’s how the movie starts? No warning?? It left a bad taste in my mouth, and though I enjoyed much of the rest of the movie, I have no desire to watch it again because of that.
Click to expand...
I feel the same! I actually don’t have a problem with sex scenes in movies if they are tasteful, but that was not tasteful at all. I’ve watched it many times since, but yep, hate that scene.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top