My child won't sit for church at all

[Mmic]

Going to mass is a nightmare with my two and a half year old. I try taking her books , crayons, snacks, quite toys, even her blankie but she just wants to run around from the minute we get there. It alaWys ends with me and her outside wAiting for my husband and older daughter. She throws huge fits and screams at the top of her lungs. My older daughter was not like this at all. I don’t get it. She won’t even sit for five minutes

 

[underacloud]

Don’t worry, many of us have been through this or are going through it now too. My youngest, almost two, won’t sit still in church at the moment, and screams if I try to hold him for a while. But the others do now sit still. They all grow out of it eventually.

Just keep taking them. That’s the most important thing at this age - that church is part of the family routine.

 

[EasterJoy]

Wait on Mass for her until she can sit still other places. For instance, she ought to be able to sit down at the table at home and conduct herself in a suitable manner until everyone finishes and she is excused. If she can’t even be taken to a restaurant without upsetting everyone else in the whole place, she’s not quite ready yet. She ought to be able to sit on your lap and be quiet while you watch a show on TV and she ought to be able to allow you to have a conversation with another adult without interrupting you. Some children are simply older than others before they can do these things. In the meantime, let your older daughter have the pleasant rituals that you have for those who attend Sunday Mass.

We tried going to Mass with our children, wound up in the cry room briefly, and decided that they were just learning that church is a place to run around. We quit taking them and then re-introduced them when they were old enough to succeed. They never saw the inside of the cry room, which was a total zoo in which it was hard for even the parents to pay any attention to Mass. If they had cried, we’d have had to take them outside.

 

[pianistclare]

Wait on Mass for her until she can sit still other places. For instance, she ought to be able to sit down at the table at home and conduct herself in a suitable manner until everyone finishes and she is excused. If she can’t even be taken to a restaurant without upsetting everyone else in the whole place, she’s not quite ready yet. She ought to be able to sit on your lap and be quiet while you watch a show on TV and she ought to be able to allow you to have a conversation with another adult without interrupting you. Some children are simply older than others before they can do these things. In the meantime, let your older daughter have the pleasant rituals that you have for those who attend Sunday Mass.

We tried going to Mass with our children, wound up in the cry room briefly, and decided that they were just learning that church is a place to run around. We quit taking them and then re-introduced them when they were old enough to succeed. They never saw the inside of the cry room, which was a total zoo in which it was hard for even the parents to pay any attention to Mass. If they had cried, we’d have had to take them outside.

Excellent post. It may mean that you and your husband attend 2 different Masses until she is older. Don’t despair. She will outgrow it. Consistency is the key. And, as has been said., that she doesn’t learn that Church is where you get to run wild. That will be far harder to change.
I feel for you. I know it’s frustrating. But it will pass.
God bless you and your family.
pianist

 

[Jon_S_1]

Going to mass is a nightmare with my two and a half year old. I try taking her books , crayons, snacks, quite toys, even her blankie but she just wants to run around from the minute we get there. It alaWys ends with me and her outside wAiting for my husband and older daughter. She throws huge fits and screams at the top of her lungs. My older daughter was not like this at all. I don’t get it. She won’t even sit for five minutes

She is still young so just keep working on it! I have a 3 year old that was a handful last year but is getting better at sitting for mass. Now she even kneels with us and kneels to pray the first thing we get in the pews! (super cute)

Try the cry room for a while
Or maybe there is a mass with Childrens Sunday School or Child care.

If not at your parish, maybe a neighboring parish you could visit at least until the kids are older.

Also practice sitting still at other times and places, Eating, waiting in line, etc…

Best of luck,

Jon (Single Dad of 6,5,3 year old…mass can be interesting sometimes )

 

[marlap2]

It’s so true. It will pass. I see it all the time. First the family comes with with the quiet brand new baby. After a month or two, between teething or colic, baby is a bit more fussy. Another month later, baby quiet, but curious. Then the baby finds his/her voice and there’s lots of la la ba ba during Mass. At a year old things are probably still fine. Child relatively comfortable. And then comes that curious, itchy dancing feet walking up and down the aisles thing. They all do it at some point. I remember one little guy loved to sit in front of the altar and look at everyone and then run to his parents. Another little girl would play lector by holding a hymnal up and walking up and down the aisles. Personally, it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s all part of being a family. They will grow out of it and you can gratefully watch some one else’s child go through the same thing (and then you’ll smile too)

God bless you and your kids!

 

[judynurse]

It’s not just 2 year olds either! I taught 8 - 10 year olds Catechism classes, and I could sure tell which ones were regularly taken to Church with their parents and which ones seldom saw a Mass with adult supervision. With the Priest’s encouragement, I took the 8 year old class, (some were 7, some already 8) who were preparing for First Communion into the Church at a time when it was empty, and began teaching them (by seeing, instead of in their books) where things were and their names: Altar, Ambo, Credence table, Tablernacle, etc… I had two 8 year olds (one boy, one girl) disappear on me while I was talking to the class in front of the Ambo. Went looking for them, found them beneath a long altar cloth, UNDER the Altar, playing hide and seek! They ran around the pews, giggling and yelling. I had to cancel the trip inside the Church and return them down the halls to the classroom, and gave the whole class quite a lecture on being quiet and respectful in the Church itself.

They did all make their First Holy Communion that spring, but that boy and girl, after receiving the Holy Eucharist, broke out of the line of children all dressed in whites, and started running down the aisle toward their parents, who sat in the back pew. Parents were quite embarrassed. They were yelling and carrying on. Evidently the parents seldom came to Mass or brought their children. When I had the same two kids two years later, they were well-behaved, knew to genuflect when we visited the Chapel, and wanted the whole class to recite the Rosary together. Apparently their behavior had quite an impact on the parents, who began bringing them every Sunday, and enforced some behavior rules on them. Should have started when they were 4 or 5. Had a good ending, but not all kids are controllable at such a young age as two, and are easily bored in a large room where they don’t understand what’s going on.

Usually by age 3 or 4, they are more willing to accept direction and sit quietly with the parents. They don’t call it the “terrible two’s” for no reason!! LOL Just don’t wait until the year they prepare for First Holy Communion to teach them reverence for Mass! That was the most stressful class I ever had – 8 well-behaved and two total terrors, even in the classroom. Good result was: the parents were so embarrassed they started bringing the kids to Mass every week and enforced good behavior. Bad result: I was a nervous wreck until the First Communion was over. Worth it, but what a year!

 

[pianistclare]

It’s not just 2 year olds either! I taught 8 - 10 year olds Catechism classes, and I could sure tell which ones were regularly taken to Church with their parents and which ones seldom saw a Mass with adult supervision. With the Priest’s encouragement, I took the 8 year old class, (some were 7, some already 8) who were preparing for First Communion into the Church at a time when it was empty, and began teaching them (by seeing, instead of in their books) where things were and their names: Altar, Ambo, Credence table, Tablernacle, etc… I had two 8 year olds (one boy, one girl) disappear on me while I was talking to the class in front of the Ambo. Went looking for them, found them beneath a long altar cloth, UNDER the Altar, playing hide and seek! They ran around the pews, giggling and yelling. I had to cancel the trip inside the Church and return them down the halls to the classroom, and gave the whole class quite a lecture on being quiet and respectful in the Church itself.

They did all make their First Holy Communion that spring, but that boy and girl, after receiving the Holy Eucharist, broke out of the line of children all dressed in whites, and started running down the aisle toward their parents, who sat in the back pew. Parents were quite embarrassed. They were yelling and carrying on. Evidently the parents seldom came to Mass or brought their children. When I had the same two kids two years later, they were well-behaved, knew to genuflect when we visited the Chapel, and wanted the whole class to recite the Rosary together. Apparently their behavior had quite an impact on the parents, who began bringing them every Sunday, and enforced some behavior rules on them. Should have started when they were 4 or 5. Had a good ending, but not all kids are controllable at such a young age as two, and are easily bored in a large room where they don’t understand what’s going on.

Usually by age 3 or 4, they are more willing to accept direction and sit quietly with the parents. They don’t call it the “terrible two’s” for no reason!! LOL Just don’t wait until the year they prepare for First Holy Communion to teach them reverence for Mass! That was the most stressful class I ever had – 8 well-behaved and two total terrors, even in the classroom. Good result was: the parents were so embarrassed they started bringing the kids to Mass every week and enforced good behavior. Bad result: I was a nervous wreck until the First Communion was over. Worth it, but what a year!

WOW! What a story! And I thought it was bad when I had a parent want to videotape her child’s First Confession!
Bless you!

 

[judynurse]

WOW! What a story! And I thought it was bad when I had a parent want to videotape her child’s First Confession!
Bless you!

Now that’s REALLY a hard story! Video tape a Confession??? I hope the Priest had quite a talk with that Mother!!!

I never ran into that one, thank God!!

 

[Jennifoo]

Going to mass is a nightmare with my two and a half year old. I try taking her books , crayons, snacks, quite toys, even her blankie but she just wants to run around from the minute we get there. It alaWys ends with me and her outside wAiting for my husband and older daughter. She throws huge fits and screams at the top of her lungs. My older daughter was not like this at all. I don’t get it. She won’t even sit for five minutes

Aren’t two year olds fun? I work at a day care center and I’ve occasionally helped out in the two year old room where they’re licensed for a maximum of 16 I think. It never gets boring in there, that’s for sure, and it sure improved my prayer life. It also improved my humility a few weeks ago when one of the kids innocently mentioned the large size of my nose.

As for Mass, you may want to delay that for awhile. We as adults don’t always realize how hard it is for such a young child to be quiet for 45- 60 minutes. I once read an article in a good Catholic magazine that advised parents of young children to take them to church every week, usually after Mass, for about 5 minutes to introduce them to it and pray for a little bit. At each visit the parent can show the child something new- it’s a lot to take in all at once- and as the child matures, the parent can lengthen the time from 5 to 7 minutes, then 10 and upward until they seem ready to attend Mass. It sounded like great advice to me. Hope it helps.

 

[judynurse]

How about a NICE story of a 2 1/2 year old in my Parish? We have a family who brings their infant and a two and a half year old boy. He’s a handsome boy, and sometimes active, but not a screamer at this point (lucky parents!) They have to bring him with them while one of them carries the infant to Communion. He refuses to be carried, wants to walk with them.

Each time the Priest gives the Host to Mom and Dad, he stops dead in front of our Priest and says “Cookie, please”, “Me too, please”, very politely. Then they come to where I’m serving the Chalice and both parents receive the Precious Blood. This cute boy looked up at me about a month ago, held up both hands, smiled very winningly at me and said “Kool Aid, please?”. I nearly laughed out loud! Heard quite a few chuckles in the congregation too! He has stopped asking for the “Kool-Aid” but still holds up a hand to our Priest and says “cookie” every week. The Priest just smiles and blesses him on the forehead, and the little boy immediately runs his hands across his hair to make sure it’s nice and combed and frowns at the Priest!

 

[pianistclare]

How about a NICE story of a 2 1/2 year old in my Parish? We have a family who brings their infant and a two and a half year old boy. He’s a handsome boy, and sometimes active, but not a screamer at this point (lucky parents!) They have to bring him with them while one of them carries the infant to Communion. He refuses to be carried, wants to walk with them.

Each time the Priest gives the Host to Mom and Dad, he stops dead in front of our Priest and says “Cookie, please”, “Me too, please”, very politely. Then they come to where I’m serving the Chalice and both parents receive the Precious Blood. This cute boy looked up at me about a month ago, held up both hands, smiled very winningly at me and said “Kool Aid, please?”. I nearly laughed out loud! Heard quite a few chuckles in the congregation too! He has stopped asking for the “Kool-Aid” but still holds up a hand to our Priest and says “cookie” every week. The Priest just smiles and blesses him on the forehead, and the little boy immediately runs his hands across his hair to make sure it’s nice and combed and frowns at the Priest!

Yeah, my oldest daughter once asked very loudly in the communion line:
“Mama, how come Fr. John doesn’t give ME one of those cheese?”
All the church ladies in the first pew cracked up.
She turned 23 today.

 

[judynurse]

I’m worn out and it’s close to 2 am here and mix of sleet/snow and cold. Think I’d better quit having so much fun on here and get some sleep. See you all tomorrow! God bless all of you!

 

[Mr_Clean]

My daughter is almost 5 and still wont sit still at mass. At least she keeps quiet most of the time. We quit going to church for almost 2 yrs with our 2nd oldest. He actually has part blame for my conversion to Catholicism. We used to go to a Protestant church and he was so fussy I had to take him out every time. After awhile we quit going because it was so frustrating. When my daughter was born we had been going to my mother-in-laws church (Catholic) occasionally because it was close by and I think the stand-kneel-stand, ringing bells and smoke was easier for my kids to sit thru. When it was time to get the youngest baptised I suggested we join the Catholic Church. My cradle-catholic wife thought I was nuts (she didn’t want to go back to being catholic at the time). We are still there and I joined 2 easters ago.

 

[ServusHumilis]

Try the EF mass. My restless young sister surprised me how well she behavaed at the EF.

 

[Petaro]

Half a Xanax in a small Sherry… Not for you silly. Am I in the wrong thread? Terrible twos? Yep the right one.
Anyway, in this cold snap you have a very good excuse to rug them up warm and tight so they can’t scream, move, or hardly breathe and few will notice.
All things pass. Just enjoy them whilst you have them, they grow up too soon. Let the little children come to Him and ignore the old biddies. Oh the old biddies! I could start a new thread! … I know! The Rules!..Grumble…

 

[tawny]

Don’t worry, many of us have been through this or are going through it now too. My youngest, almost two, won’t sit still in church at the moment, and screams if I try to hold him for a while. But the others do now sit still. They all grow out of it eventually.

Just keep taking them. That’s the most important thing at this age - that church is part of the family routine.

Agree.

 

[Anc350]

Let him sit outside the church.

 

[Jon_S_1]

Aren’t two year olds fun? I work at a day care center and I’ve occasionally helped out in the two year old room where they’re licensed for a maximum of 16 I think. It never gets boring in there, that’s for sure, and it sure improved my prayer life. It also improved my humility a few weeks ago when one of the kids innocently mentioned the large size of my nose.

As for Mass, you may want to delay that for awhile. We as adults don’t always realize how hard it is for such a young child to be quiet for 45- 60 minutes. I once read an article in a good Catholic magazine that advised parents of young children to take them to church every week, usually after Mass, for about 5 minutes to introduce them to it and pray for a little bit. At each visit the parent can show the child something new- it’s a lot to take in all at once- and as the child matures, the parent can lengthen the time from 5 to 7 minutes, then 10 and upward until they seem ready to attend Mass. It sounded like great advice to me. Hope it helps.

I think it’s important for ALL families to go to mass. There is no requirement for the kids to be quiet at mass. We seem overly concerned about this issue and it’s really stressful if the kid even makes a peep. We need to teach them to behave and be quiet and respectful but if they make a little noise it’s not the end of the world.

I also try to sit in the front row with my kids and that helps a ton! They can see everything instead of the backsides of people.

 

[Joe_5859]

I think it’s important for ALL families to go to mass. There is no requirement for the kids to be quiet at mass. We seem overly concerned about this issue and it’s really stressful if the kid even makes a peep. We need to teach them to behave and be quiet and respectful but if they make a little noise it’s not the end of the world.

I also try to sit in the front row with my kids and that helps a ton! They can see everything instead of the backsides of people.

I’m a big fan of the front pew, too. My son is autistic and won’t sit still for very long, but being in the front means we don’t have to worry about him messing with people’s hair in the pew in front of us. If we take him to the cry room, all he wants to do is run around. He behaves much better in the front.

It never got so bad for us with our kids that we didn’t want to bring them every week. Each kid is different, though. I know my brother and his wife did the alternating-Mass-leave-the-kids-at-home thing when their twins were in the throes of the “terrible twos”. You do what you have to do.