My confession issue LONG

  • Thread starter Thread starter BrownEyes123
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
B

BrownEyes123

Guest
I came back to the church a couple years ago and now attend Mass weekly. My children are active participants as well. One is an altar server and another is in the youth choir. So on the outside we look normal. I’ve been participating in communion though maybe shouldn’t be. I pray at home and in church extensively and am trying my best to better myself and my family.

I have not been able to give a valid confession. At least I don’t believe I have. I struggle with anxiety, depression, and social interactions bring on anxiety so that is a lot of the issue. I really don’t have any friends, etc. I was determined to go during lent this year. I was not comfortable going in my parish. I contacted our previous parochial vicar (email…I’ve sent a couple friendly update emails in the past updating him on the kids as he said to keep him up to date) who is now a pastor about 100 miles away. A week before “the light is on for you” he told me what time he was scheduled for. I said thank you and I will plan to come at this time. I drove down at this time and unfortunately he was not there (I’m sure he had a schedule change and it never crossed his mind I was coming and he should let me know as he is busy), instead there was a priest there whose native language was not English. I was upset, but was going forward. I felt very awkward in the small box with screen (had never done a confession in one), and asked this priest for help as I really didn’t know what to say and let him know it had been 20 years and the last time it was when I was a kid before confirmation. He wasn’t helpful and anxiety took over. I did do the examination of conscious, but I totally froze. I need to prepare for things and I was expecting the other priest I knew and felt somewhat comfortable with. I only said a couple minor things and said ummm a lot. This priest seemed to just want to get me out of there and said something like glad you came, one our father, and one Hail Mary!!! Ahhhhh…that is not what I should get for 20 years and I didn’t say most of my sins.

I’m not sure what to even do now. I feel even worse than before. I still don’t want to go to my parish priests as just the thought of that makes me very uncomfortable. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to say now either as I did go to confession last month, but it wasn’t very productive. I had to sit in my car for over a half hour before I could drive home as I was crying so much. I was upset at myself, and at what had happened with the priest switch. I did send an email to the priest I went to see, saying sorry I missed you, I went ahead and tried to do a confession, but it didn’t go well, and I’m not sure what to do now? It’s been over a month and he never even replied so I’m not going to beat a dead horse there. I’m hurt he didn’t even reply, but assume he has his reasons. I’ve decided that I’ll leave him alone and try to do a confession elsewhere. There is another parish 30 minutes from me…the priest speaks English. Should I just go there, well make an appointment and explain what happened? I think I need to confess those sins from years ago don’t I?
 
First of all, congratulations on the effort. Your job is to confess as much as you can remember. I actually prefer to confess to my pastor because I’m more comfortable talking with people I know. But… to each their own. Generally, the best idea in your case would be to try to make an appointment. That way, the priest has more time to be patient with you (which is important regarding your anxiety - it’ll give you the time that you need to talk). Also, if you’re afraid of forgetting something, use a sheet of paper, bring it to confession with you, then destroy it after confession. And then, don’t worry. All your sins will have been forgiven. And no, your experience isn’t uncommon - confession is scary the first time (or if it’s the first time in a long time, or if you’re in a state of habitual mortal sin). But once you go the first time, it’ll get easier. Have faith, and allow yourself to be transformed by Christ’s infinite Mercy.
 
You should make an appointment for Confession with an experienced priest. Tell him that you have anxiety and possible scrupulosity issues. Then follow his advice! Make a general confession of every mortal sin you remember without unnecessary detail. If he needs more detail, he will ask. God knows your contrition and desire to make a good confession. Trust in the Sacraments He created for us.
 
BrownEyes123 said:
I came back to the church a couple years ago and now attend Mass weekly. My children are active participants as well. One is an altar server and another is in the youth choir. So on the outside we look normal. I’ve been participating in communion though maybe shouldn’t be. I pray at home and in church extensively and am trying my best to better myself and my family.

I have not been able to give a valid confession. At least I don’t believe I have. I struggle with anxiety, depression, and social interactions bring on anxiety so that is a lot of the issue. I really don’t have any friends, etc. I was determined to go during lent this year. I was not comfortable going in my parish. I contacted our previous parochial vicar (email…I’ve sent a couple friendly update emails in the past updating him on the kids as he said to keep him up to date) who is now a pastor about 100 miles away. A week before “the light is on for you” he told me what time he was scheduled for. I said thank you and I will plan to come at this time. I drove down at this time and unfortunately he was not there (I’m sure he had a schedule change and it never crossed his mind I was coming and he should let me know as he is busy), instead there was a priest there whose native language was not English. I was upset, but was going forward. I felt very awkward in the small box with screen (had never done a confession in one), and asked this priest for help as I really didn’t know what to say and let him know it had been 20 years and the last time it was when I was a kid before confirmation. He wasn’t helpful and anxiety took over. I did do the examination of conscious, but I totally froze. I need to prepare for things and I was expecting the other priest I knew and felt somewhat comfortable with. I only said a couple minor things and said ummm a lot. This priest seemed to just want to get me out of there and said something like glad you came, one our father, and one Hail Mary!!! Ahhhhh…that is not what I should get for 20 years and I didn’t say most of my sins.

I’m not sure what to even do now. I feel even worse than before. I still don’t want to go to my parish priests as just the thought of that makes me very uncomfortable. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to say now either as I did go to confession last month, but it wasn’t very productive. I had to sit in my car for over a half hour before I could drive home as I was crying so much. I was upset at myself, and at what had happened with the priest switch. I did send an email to the priest I went to see, saying sorry I missed you, I went ahead and tried to do a confession, but it didn’t go well, and I’m not sure what to do now? It’s been over a month and he never even replied so I’m not going to beat a dead horse there. I’m hurt he didn’t even reply, but assume he has his reasons. I’ve decided that I’ll leave him alone and try to do a confession elsewhere. There is another parish 30 minutes from me…the priest speaks English. Should I just go there, well make an appointment and explain what happened? I think I need to confess those sins from years ago don’t I?
Click to expand...
I would think that it would be a good idea to set up an appointment with the english speaking priest. Just call the parish office and set up an appointment, and Father will guide you. I commend you for making the effort to go to confession.
 
Hello there,

You can try to list the 10 commandments, 7 deadly sins and 2 greatest commandments and examine your conscience from there.

Also read the book, Memorial if Christian Life, by Venerable Louis of Granada. He wrote about how to make a good confession in a specific chapter. It’s a very good book.

Can be found here: saintsbooks.net/
 
I agree with the other posters. I think it would be best if you scheduled an appointment with a priest and explain your difficulty. Then make a list of your sins with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and bring that list with you to confession. God is so pleased with your effort…just keep working at it! I’ll be praying for you!
 
Here are the important things to remember:
  1. You went to Confession.
  2. You did the best you could and did not lie.
  3. The priest absolved you.
Good news! You made a valid Confession!!!

Second issue - why did the priest give you such a lenient penance?

BECAUSE GOD WAS HAPPY YOU CONFESSED!

God is generous to us, and the penance was supposed to show you that.

(And yeah, I know sometimes it’s hard to accept a gift like that, because I’m prone to beating myself up long afterward and feeling unworthy. But we have to accept it when God is nice to us!)

So don’t beat yourself up. You’re the prodigal son, and God isn’t going to give you a lecture while He’s busy hugging you and giving you a banquet. He doesn’t want you to wait another 20 years before confessing again!

Next time, the priest may give you a doozy penance now that he knows you better; but honestly, penance isn’t supposed to be some kind of punishing payback program. It’s a sign of reparation, unless you’ve done something that actually requires physical reparations (like stealing money).

The real act of reparation for more general sins is trying to learn and do better next time, and trying not to sin. That keeps most of us pretty busy!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top