My confession was rejected

[LilyM]

I don’t know why my priest told me not to receive communion. I do know that Fr. Serpa said that if we live as brother and sister, we can receive communion.

Why do you want to condemn me and others in my situation? I really feel like I am being stoned by you and others like you with your attitude. I, and others in my situation, do the best we can do. We following the teachings of the Church by going to confession and truly repenting of the things we have done. When we are told what we need to do, we follow those instructions. As soon as I got home from confession, that day I immediately contacted the Church where I was baptized to get a copy of my baptismal certificate, and then immediately made plans to have my marrige convalidated. We had our marriage convalidated the next month and were brought back into full communion with the Church.

What more do you want? Please explain why you want to condemn.

Mary

If someone tells you not to play with fire because you can get burnt that’s not being mean or critical of you, it’s just a warning against fire which is powerful and must be handled with the utmost care.

The Eucharist is the MOST powerful thing on the face of the Earth - as Paul points out unworthy reception causes spiritual damage and even physical death or illness. Everyone should, must, be cautious about receiving it.

Perhaps people who warn you against playing with fire, or receiving Communion, are being overly cautious, but it comes from love of you and respect for the power of what is powerful, not from condemnation.

 

[Brooklyn]

If someone tells you not to play with fire because you can get burnt that’s not being mean or critical of you, it’s just a warning against fire which is powerful and must be handled with the utmost care.

The Eucharist is the MOST powerful thing on the face of the Earth - as Paul points out unworthy reception causes spiritual damage and even physical death or illness. Everyone should, must, be cautious about receiving it.

Perhaps people who warn you against playing with fire, or receiving Communion, are being overly cautious, but it comes from love of you and respect for the power of what is powerful, not from condemnation.

I completely understand how powerful the Eucharist is, and that is why I refrained from receiving communion until after convalidation of my marriage and confession. I wanted to be absolutely sure. Yet, I don’t doubt for one second the validity of my confession before convalidation. I was completely repentent of my sins.

Why did Fr. Serpa say that if you live as brother and sister, you can receive communion before convalidation? Are you telling me that he is wrong, and that repentance is not enough? What more could I have done?

Mary

 

[LilyM]

I completely understand how powerful the Eucharist is, and that is why I refrained from receiving communion until after convalidation of my marriage and confession. I wanted to be absolutely sure. Yet, I don’t doubt for one second the validity of my confession before convalidation. I was completely repentent of my sins.

Why did Fr. Serpa say that if you live as brother and sister, you can receive communion before convalidation? Are you telling me that he is wrong, and that repentance is not enough? What more could I have done?

Mary

Mary, sweetheart, nobody is saying you needed to do more. Simply that you did the right thing in waiting until your convalidation.

And wise as Fr Serpa is he’s not omniscient, there are possibly things you told the priest who said to wait that you *didn’t *mention on AAA or to us - things that impact on whether or not you should receive Communion.

Perhaps your priest was simply being extra cautious, as I said. Obedience is a virtue, and if what he told you to do wasn’t sinful, then you’re gaining extra merit by obeying when you didn’t need to.

Although now that you’ve put the challenge up (and saying ‘I couldn’t do any more’ is simply begging for someone to come along and say ‘oh yes you could’ ) - I’ll pick nits and say that the ideal is to live apart rather than share a house - it can be a temptation to sin for a couple who’ve been living together.

 

[THurifer2]

Why did Fr. Serpa say that if you live as brother and sister, you can receive communion before convalidation?
Mary

Mary,

the real question is why did the Nationally renowned confessor tell you NOT to recieve the EUcharist. Fr Vinny didn’t hear you confession…the priest who told you not to recieve is the one who heard you confession.

Oh by the way again I am not condemning you…that is not my focus…of course you are not condemned…but you offered advice in this thread that was misleading to the point of detrimental information. That is when a priest i a confessional tells you to not recieve the Eucharist…it means you are not absolved. There is no other anwers…and when thousands and perhaps millions of people read your original advice on this topic they may be misled into error.

Ladies and Gentleman…Look the last thingI want to do is poo pooh someone. Mary for heavens sake I meant not to accuse you of anything…but when Catholic Doctrine is misprepresented WE (you and I) MUST correct it. Your original post on this Thread was theologically impossible and misleading. VERY MISLEADING.

Originally Posted by Brooklyn
The priest I went to is a highly respected priest known around the world, and he completely accepted my confession, but informed me that we would have to have our marriage convalidated.

Quote:
The priest did inform my husband and me that we would not be able to receive communion until our convalidation, but other than that, he completely accepted my confession.
ANTHER POSTER WROTE
Those two statements don’t go together. If he “completely accepted” your confession, he wouldn’t tell you not to receive communion.

 

[anamchara]

Well now if you want to be hypothetical…since the priest informed her to not recieve communion do you think you death bed priest would do the SAME? Do you really think a priest would tell a person dying not to recieve communion similar to what Brooklyn said her confessor told her??? hmmmm???Please inform me of a circumstance when a priest would tell a penitent to refrain from communion outside of the reason of MORTAL SIN! ? (communion meaning an able Catholic in a state of grace recieving a validy consecrated host) .

TO clear this matter up BOTH OF YOU could you please give me a reason why the priest said not to recieve communion?

Settle down there my friend. I was referring to the OP in which the priest just stopped the confession and didn’t let her finish. I still hold that he didn’t handle it well.

 

[Brooklyn]

Mary,

the real question is why did the Nationally renowned confessor tell you NOT to recieve the EUcharist. Fr Vinny didn’t hear you confession…the priest who told you not to recieve is the one who heard you confession.

Oh by the way again I am not condemning you…that is not my focus…of course you are not condemned…but you offered advice in this thread that was misleading to the point of detrimental information. That is when a priest i a confessional tells you to not recieve the Eucharist…it means you are not absolved. There is no other anwers…and when thousands and perhaps millions of people read your original advice on this topic they may be misled into error.

Ladies and Gentleman…Look the last thingI want to do is poo pooh someone. Mary for heavens sake I meant not to accuse you of anything…but when Catholic Doctrine is misprepresented WE (you and I) MUST correct it. Your original post on this Thread was theologically impossible and misleading. VERY MISLEADING.

Originally Posted by Brooklyn
The priest I went to is a highly respected priest known around the world, and he completely accepted my confession, but informed me that we would have to have our marriage convalidated.

Quote:
The priest did inform my husband and me that we would not be able to receive communion until our convalidation, but other than that, he completely accepted my confession.
ANTHER POSTER WROTE
Those two statements don’t go together. If he “completely accepted” your confession, he wouldn’t tell you not to receive communion.

I cetainly do not want to mislead anyone or cause anyone doubts or misunderstanding about Church teaching. So please tell me, and I mean this sincerely - since I’ve given you almost every detail about my confession outside of the actual sins, can you tell me what would have made my confession invalid? What would cause a priest to not give me absolution? The priest did not tell me my sins were not forgiven until the convalidation of my marriage. It was only at the time that my husband and I met with him and asked whether we could receive communion that he informed us that we could only receive spiritual communion. I don’t know why he said that and I will have to ask him.

But I still ask you, if I had died before the convalidation of my marriage, would I have gone to hell? I don’t mean that rhetorically. I am interested in what you have to say.

Mary

 

[Brooklyn]

Although now that you’ve put the challenge up (and saying ‘I couldn’t do any more’ is simply begging for someone to come along and say ‘oh yes you could’ ) - I’ll pick nits and say that the ideal is to live apart rather than share a house - it can be a temptation to sin for a couple who’ve been living together.

That is a very judgmental statement, and one that is completely off subject. I don’t know of any priest who has ever suggested that a couple live physically apart while waiting for convalidation of their marriage.

Mary

 

[AHapka]

I’d like to chime in here for a moment and suggest a possibility.

You said that you were absolved of your sins and then told not to receive Holy Communion.

Is it possible that while you were validly absolved of your sins that your priest either told you (or I would hope suggested instead of told) that you refrain from Holy Communion to avoid giving scandal?

You said that the two of your were married outside the church and have lived together for quite some time. I lived together with my wife before marriage, so I know full well the sin involved (and consequences thereof). With you living together until until you are sacramentally married (especially if you are well known in the parish) some people MIGHT think that you are still living as husband and wife in an illicit relationship.

This is why during pre-marriage counseling, the priest suggested that me and my fiance live apart for some time…to avoid scandal. If we didn’t do that, he at least wanted us to live as brother and sister.

I’m trying to find a middle ground here that would explain how you could be given absolution but then told to refrain from Holy Communion. I’m not saying I agree with the scandal scenario or not, but I have heard about it before. In the end, however, this is a matter between you and God and the priest. I would suggest asking for clarification in this matter.

Andy

 

[THurifer2]

But I still ask you, if I had died before the convalidation of my marriage, would I have gone to hell? I don’t mean that rhetorically. I am interested in what you have to say.

Mary

OK without being to crass…you don’t get it. Conavlidation is NOT THE ISSUE.

I cannot tell where your final destiantion is.

But to appease your interest…If a person is going to have their marriage convalidated…and they die in a state of Mortal sin…they they go to hell forever…if a person who is going to have thier marriage convalidated dies in a state of grace then they will not go to hell…it is a simple as that.

…BUt I can tell you that the only time a capable catholic should not recieve a validly consecrated EUCHARIST is when they are in a state of Mortal sin. Also the catholic church calls sexual relations among non-married persons fornication which almost always is a mortal sin. If you confessed this sin and repented of it along with making an earnest effort of not comitting it agian and lived your life as if you were not married then I SEE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHY THE PRIEST WOULD TELL YOU NOT TO RECIEVE COMMUNION unless you didn’t hear hims say he cannot absolve you or forgot to do it our you are not telling the whole story. EITHER WAY YOUR ORIGINAL STATEMENT is in ERROR of misinforming the scores of people who come here for answers.

Your hypothetical question regarding your salvation was a snide jab at what you think my opinion is…which in fact my opinion has nothing to do with the matter…Catholic TRUTH is the issue here.

On a lighter note Certainly you have gone to confession many times since? And certainly NOW you are living in a valid marriage which is healthy (IE no artificial birth control etc.)? then what is your worry…??? My only objection is to you original statement not your current lifestyle…your statement was misleading infromation.

 

[anamchara]

… I SEE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHY THE PRIEST WOULD TELL YOU NOT TO RECIEVE COMMUNION unless you didn’t hear hims say he cannot absolve you or forgot to do it our you are not telling the whole story. EITHER WAY YOUR ORIGINAL STATEMENT is in ERROR of misinforming the scores of people who come here for answers.

Your hypothetical question regarding your salvation was a snide jab at what you think my opinion is…which in fact my opinion has nothing to do with the matter…Catholic TRUTH is the issue here.

On a lighter note Certainly you have gone to confession many times since?

You seriously need to calm down and stop drilling this poster about her confession. Frankly, I don’t think it’s any of your business what was actually said or if she has gone to confession since.

From what I understand she was absolved of her sin but was told she had to wait until after her marriage was convalidated before taking communion. This sounds right to me.

 

[anamchara]

I cetainly do not want to mislead anyone or cause anyone doubts or misunderstanding about Church teaching.

Of course you don’t. And I never read that in any of your posts. There is nothing wrong with giving an opinion by sharing your story.

What would cause a priest to not give me absolution? The priest did not tell me my sins were not forgiven until the convalidation of my marriage. It was only at the time that my husband and I met with him and asked whether we could receive communion that he informed us that we could only receive spiritual communion.

 

[THurifer2]

In terms of Church teaching on this matter, I am questioning what’s been posted in here and will also ask my own priest about it. I don’t always trust what some posters on CAF call truth.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

AND HERE IS THE MAIN REASON WHY I QUESTION THE SITUATION.

Someone earlier mentioned that the priest may have been afraid of scandal and asked Mary and her husband not to receive communion. That sounds reasonable to me.

At this point what DOESN’T seem reasonable to me is to keep raking her over the coals. Charity says let it go.

 

[Brooklyn]

Someone earlier mentioned that the priest may have been afraid of scandal and asked Mary and her husband not to receive communion. That sounds reasonable to me.

At this point what DOESN’T seem reasonable to me is to keep raking her over the coals. Charity says let it go.

Thank you very much for that. I was beginning to feel like the woman being taken out and stoned! My husband and I did everything we could to be right with the Church and God, and it didn’t seem right to be told that it was wrong and I was still in a state of sin.

Mary

 

[rms1959]

My wife and I are having our marriage convalidated at the end of December. I had planned to go to confession that morning so I would be able to take communion the next day (Sunday). Now i’m apprehensive. Will my confession be stopped also? Any thoughts on the subject would be appreciated

• Bob S -

 

[LilyM]

My wife and I are having our marriage convalidated at the end of December. I had planned to go to confession that morning so I would be able to take communion the next day (Sunday). Now i’m apprehensive. Will my confession be stopped also? Any thoughts on the subject would be appreciated

• Bob S -

If you’re already going through the convalidation process and are living as brother and sister until the convalidation is finalised, you should be able to receive absolution now, let alone the day of the convalidation.

Talk to your priest about it soon to ease your mind. For starters, if you can be absolved now and begin receiving Communion now why wait?

 

[Brooklyn]

My wife and I are having our marriage convalidated at the end of December. I had planned to go to confession that morning so I would be able to take communion the next day (Sunday). Now i’m apprehensive. Will my confession be stopped also? Any thoughts on the subject would be appreciated

• Bob S -

I seem to be the whipping boy here, so I don’t know how much advice you want to take from me. But here is a link to a question answered by Fr. Serpa saying you can take communion before convalidation if you agree to live as brother and sister. This would indicate that your confession will be valid.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=14820

Mary

 

[THurifer2]

I seem to be the whipping boy here, so I don’t know how much advice you want to take from me. But here is a link to a question answered by Fr. Serpa saying you can take communion before convalidation if you agree to live as brother and sister. This would indicate that your confession will be valid.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=14820

Mary

Hey, I am fairly certain you made a good confession based on what you posted here. I agree with Fr. Serpas comments…(why wouldn’t I he is an expert ). But as you can see Fr. serpa said you CAN recieve communion as long as you lived as brother and sister…That is all fine and danday…based on you comments that is exactly what you did…My question came when you stated that the confessor told you NOT to recieve communion ( which is the opposite of what Fr. Vincent says). Many have posted here that it could be potentially scandalous to others ( I don’t buy that at all…especially since 99.99999% of the people in your parish wouldn’t know your personal business like invalid marriage anyway)

Finally I apologise fromt he bottom of my heart for appearing to have raked you over the coals…My focus was not on your personal status and state of grace it was on the the refraining from communion statement you made…to me the ends just don’t line up. But water under the bridge…I am meeting with my priest and a few deacons tonight…the priest is a canon lawyer so I will present the question to him…if you would like I can report back?

 

[Brooklyn]

I am meeting with my priest and a few deacons tonight…the priest is a canon lawyer so I will present the question to him…if you would like I can report back?

I would appreciate that. Thanks. For the record, the priest did not tell me in the confessional that I could not take communion. He told us when my husband and I met with him a couple of weeks later to discuss the convalidation.

Mary

 

[THurifer2]

when one makes a good confession and recieves absolution then they can recieve communion.

Also priests get busy and do not know the situations of all people all the time perhaps the priest forgot or was busy when he informed you not to take communion.